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A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

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Every decision we make has lots of baggage with it, known or unknown.

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

Radicalized white males who support Trump are pitching a tent in the abyss.

How any woman could possibly vote for this smug smarmy piece of misogynistic crap is beyond understanding.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

75% of people clapping liked the show!

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

the 10% who apparently lack object permanence

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

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Fight them, without becoming them!

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Baby steps, because the Republican Party is full of angry babies.

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You are here: Home / Open Threads / And She Ran

And She Ran

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My sister is running in the Pittsburgh marathon for the organization Girls on the Run of Magee-Womens Hospital, which is a life-changing, non-profit prevention program for girls in the 3rd through 8th grades. Their mission is “to educate and prepare girls for a lifetime of self-respect and healthy living.” If you have some spare scratch and would care to sponsor her, you can click here.

Additionally, she is doing the Bike MS Escape to the Lake- 150 mile Bike Ride to raise awareness for MS. If you would like to sponsor her for that, you can click here.

And for those of you wondering what I look like, I look like her, except I am male, you need to add a SHITLOAD of weight, and a scowl. Also, there are no pictures of me running in existence. Oh yeah, I wear glasses, too. I gave up on the contacts a couple years back thinking what’s another torpedo in a sinking ship.

Thanks for all of you who supported her last year and will again this year. These are good causes.

Reader Interactions

91Comments

  2. 2.

    General Stuck

    Their mission is “to educate and prepare girls for a lifetime of self-respect and healthy living

    Sounds a little soshulist to me. Good cause. am broke.

    And fairly low to put up a pic of your beautiful in shape sis, and claim a look alike, even with the qualifiers.

  5. 5.

    Comrade Mary

    And for those of you wondering what I look like, I look like her, except I am male, you need to add a SHITLOAD of weight, and a scowl.

    And a shitload of pet hair, too, I would guess.

    I donated to her MS bike ride. She’s 3% there, folks!

  7. 7.

    licensed to kill time

    Ha! The first thing I thought when I saw your sister’s picture was ‘Now we have a clue what JC looks like’! And that was before reading the post.

    But you should quit running yourself down, as it were, about your appearance. (See, I worked in running there).

  9. 9.

    Warren Terra

    My mind, it is blown. No way John Cole is that pretty, even after correcting for the weight, the scowl, and the coating of pet hair.

  11. 11.

    The Dangerman

    Saturday Deep Thought: Which is more, a SHITLOAD or a FUCKTON? Pardon me while I ponder…

  16. 16.

    Comrade Mary

    I think that’s the finish line, based on the exultant pose taken by the woman at the right. So yeah, I’d be pretty happy, too, but a lot redder and sweatier.

  17. 17.

    eemom

    wow. Pretty face, lovely smile, great figure.

    So, I guess that means John Cole got the, um, brains in the family?

  18. 18.

    Violet

    Your sister is cute and looks very fit. She also looks very happy to be running a marathon. Gotta be early or late.

    Those are excellent causes. I’ll be supporting the MS150 in my location, so will be sending money that direction. I hope she does well with her fundraising. Good for you for supporting her in her endeavors.

  20. 20.

    Kristine

    Heh. Funny photo label.

    I will donate.

    I wish I could run marathons. Half marathons. More than a few miles, and my knees, they complain. Blasted things.

  22. 22.

    eemom

    speaking of brains, John Cole, why in the name of sweet baby Jeezus, Mother Mary and Joseph did you let Toko-loko back in?? She’s over there doing the same old shit in last night’s open thread.

    I don’t care if ED Kain is the anti-Christ at this point — this is some fucking CREEPY ass stalking going on here. Freakin Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction had nothing on this lunatic.

  25. 25.

    Mnemosyne

    @stuckinred:

    Not necessarily — most of the new wicking fabrics work really well, so it’s entirely conceivable that her shirt wouldn’t be dripping wet at the finish line the way it would be if she was wearing a cotton t-shirt.

  29. 29.

    Redshirt

    No one should kid themselves: Long distance running/biking is a masochistic endeavour. And not so much the race itself, which is fun, but the training. But then, perhaps life itself is masochistic.

  30. 30.

    debbie

    A good friend of mine founded the Columbus OH chapter of Girls on the Run a couple of years ago. It’s been incredibly successful and they’re having trouble keeping up with the demand for more classes.

  31. 31.

    aimai

    Your sister is a knockout. Her smile simply lights up the page. You must be so proud.

    aimai

  32. 32.

    Damien

    Anyone who supports MS gets my support, my mother and both her sister’s have been diagnosed for the better part of a decade. Not sure if they have mud runs down your way, but they’re a hell of a blast. Think an army obstacle course but without the psycho instructors and for a good cause :)

  34. 34.

    Villago Delenda Est

    OK, this is obviously fake. The woman in question is quite attractive. She can’t be related to Cole…

  35. 35.

    Villago Delenda Est

    OK, this is obviously fake. The woman in question is quite attractive. She can’t be related to Cole…

  36. 36.

    J.W. Hamner

    Since everyone has already said it, I should probably not… but people tend to like compliments, and your sister is lovely. Hope she does well in her race.

    The beauty skipped the boys, eh?

  37. 37.

    PIGL

    people have used “attractive”, “lovely”, “knockout”, “cute” and “beautiful” to describe your sister. True, these. Allow me to trademark “radiant”.

    I’m sure it’s your love for your sister and cute furry animals and probably many other things that saved you from Republicanism.

    I’ve concluded that one of the problems with Rethugs, as a group, is that they lack any deep fund of natural affections to go with all the Churchianity.

  45. 45.

    Sharl

    Some background for David Koch’s “compliment” @4:
    _

    Walker: Oh yeah, but who watches that? I went on “Morning Joe” this morning. I like it because I just like being combative with those guys, but, uh. You know they’re off the deep end.
    __
    Koch: Joe—Joe’s a good guy. He’s one of us.
    __
    Walker: Yeah, he’s all right. He was fair to me…[bashes NY Senator Chuck Schumer, who was also on the program.]
    __
    Koch: Beautiful; beautiful. You gotta love that Mika Brzezinski; she’s a real piece of ass.
    __
    Walker: Oh yeah.

  46. 46.

    Lesley

    And for those of you wondering what I look like, I look like her, except I am male, you need to add a SHITLOAD of weight, and a scowl.

    I knew it. John Cole IS TUNCH.

  48. 48.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Chyron HR:

    But does she have a dainty lady version of Tunch?

    That question makes no sense. Dainty version of Tunch? Seriously. Think before you type.

  49. 49.

    PIGL

    @Cliff: apparently, you have no monopoly on crassitude, neither.

    Only a heart of stone could look at that picture without cracking a smile. .

  51. 51.

    Church Lady

    @licensed to kill time: Thanks. I just spit a mouthful of Dr. Pepper all over my kitchen table.

    You win the M-C put down, hands down. Who will you thank when you accept your award?

    :)

  52. 52.

    Ash Can

    She’s fabulous. I’ll have to see what I can do about kicking in a little scratch.

    @David Koch: Cole’s gonna get your punk ass for that, bytch.

  54. 54.

    RosiesDad

    @Redshirt: I’ve done the MS City to Shore (Cherry Hill, NJ to Ocean City) six times; this year will be #7. Along the way, I’ve made some great friends with whom I ride regularly. The camaraderie and the feeling that we are making a difference trump the aches and pains of training.

  55. 55.

    Jim, Once

    She’s a beautiful young woman … and whoever used the word ‘radiant’? Yes. I’ve had to quit running until I grow some news knees, but loved it back in the day. Also love the causes she’s chosen to support – I’ll try to send some support of my own their way.

  56. 56.

    Warren Terra

    Has anyone else had a problem with their comments disappearing into the ether?

  59. 59.

    Jim, Once

    @eemom:

    Aww. You guys are starting to make me feel kinda sorry for little toko-chan. Remember: It’s the ones who are hardest to love who need it the most. (Says the former teacher/foster parent, who had to chant that mantra multiple times a day.)

  60. 60.

    srv

    She’s got a ring on, so no, I don’t think anyone is eligible for the family reunion.

  61. 61.

    licensed to kill time

    @eemom: If I had photoshop skills I would put the buggy wild eyes of the 2nd pic onto the 1st pic and stick a bone (w/EDK’s initials) in her mouth.

    But I don’t, so y’all are just gonna have to imagine it.

    Grr,grr!

    P.S. Just a regular bone, stop those dirty thoughts.

  62. 62.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    And for those of you wondering what I look like, I look like her

    You must be really fucking hot, because she is.

  65. 65.

    gnomedad

    Well, it would take quite a few torpedoes to ruin her, so you may be in better shape than you think.

  66. 66.

    Svensker

    Yes, she’s lovely, fit, radiant, etc., etc. But she also looks like a really nice person. An appropriate sibling for our cactus-on-the-outside-sugar-puff-on-the-inside host.

  68. 68.

    cckids

    Hey, John,as said above, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your line about the contacts makes me worry about you a bit. I’m in somewhat the same condition, physically–too much weight, too little exercise, plus bad teeth I can’t afford to fix. I can only vow to work on what I can, each day. The AA folks have the “one day at a time” wisdom–works as well for attempting to get healthy/fit. Do what you can, each time you can. And quit beating yourself up!!

    PS, your sister seems to be a lovely person, inside & out. I’m currently leading a troop of teenage Girl Scouts, they are looking for a project related to helping tween-age girls stay/get physically fit. The run gives me some ideas.

  69. 69.

    Batocchio

    Good causes and a great pic. I’ll probably contribute to the MS biking thing shortly – I’m thinking of doing the MS walk in April out here in Pasadena, or donating to it, or both.

  72. 72.

    Devon

    I have receive several contributions already and I REALLY appreciate it!!!! Especially because I am responsible for the amount I pledged regardless if I am able to solicit it through contributions or not. And thanks also for the compliments. I am totally embarassed and currently my face is even redder than when I run. I am glad that my gross, sweaty armpits have been shared with the entire Balloon-Juice Universe. Mon dieu. Oh well. It is for a good cause. Thanks again for the support.

  73. 73.

    WaterGirl

    @aimai: May I ask what you do for a living? You often put words to exactly what I am thinking, but don’t quite know how to express. It’s more than your skill with words, it’s what you are trying to express as well.

  80. 80.

    Legalize

    I ran today too. Not a marathon, but a preparatory 10k sponsored by a local non-profit organization that advances child health through nutrition education. Total soshalism. Moreover, I plan on having wings later, which makes me worse than Michelle Obama, and way worse than Cole’s sister.

  82. 82.

    patrick II

    Your sister is a very lovely young lady — reminds me of the actress Maria Bello.

  85. 85.

    M--pop

    Donated a little bit because any program that empowers young women has my support. Got a thank you note from Devon – it was unexpected but very nice! Thank you, John, for bringing this to everyone’s attention!

  86. 86.

    RedKitten

    Damn, Devon. You DO look a bit like Maria Bello. My potato-chip eating post-baby-weight ass just looked at you, put away the bag of potato chips, and is doing some serious thinking about the fact that I’m only 36 and have no excuse to have let myself go like this.

  88. 88.

    EnfantTerrible

    Physical beauty is dime-a-dozen, John. What grabbed me was your sister’s inner beauty shining through, as it sometimes does with you.

  89. 89.

    General Stuck

    @EnfantTerrible:

    You know, I have to agree with you. I usually get stuck on the outer beauty thing, but each time I scroll past this post, that smile is simply stunning, and filled with inner beauty.

    Her blogging brother may have that too, but there is more shoveling to do to find that particular pony.

  90. 90.

    Ronzoni

    “I gave up on the contacts a couple years back thinking what’s another torpedo in a sinking ship.”

    Great Line, Cole. LMAO

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