Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Republicans in disarray!

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

Come on, man.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Everybody saw this coming.

Fani Willis claps back at Trump chihuahua, Jim Jordan.

This fight is for everything.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

“That’s what the insurrection act is for!”

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

… among the most cringeworthy communications in the history of the alphabet!

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Joe Lieberman disappointingly reemerged to remind us that he’s still alive.

I was confident that someone would point it out and thought why not me.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

You are here: Home / “They could not penetrate lettuce”

“They could not penetrate lettuce”

by | 95 Comments

This post is in: 

You can make up your own jokes about this one.

Under the tutelage of Representative Nancy Pelosi during the years when Democrats ran the House, her party moved to “green” the Capitol with several initiatives, including obligating the food vendor for the three main House cafeterias to provide compostable cups and utensils. But the newly empowered House Republicans have ended the program, and plastic forks and foam cups have returned.

[….]

Further, Ms. Wood added, the spoons would often dissolve in hot liquids, and forks and knives bent and snapped. “They could not penetrate lettuce,” she said, adding, “There were a substantial number of complaints.”

Reader Interactions

95Comments

  2. 2.

    Zam

    You think they would want something that could properly dismantle that socialist Arugula that the Dems likely also forced down their throats.

  7. 7.

    beltane

    I happen to think foam cups are nasty. Good coffee is never served in them and I’m not a fan of ingesting whatever horrible chemicals they seep into beverages. It is somewhat of a surprise that the Republicans are worried about utensils as I assumed they just ate with their fingers like on the frontier or in a cave.

  9. 9.

    gnomedad

    See, the libtards tell you all that shit about not having your kids living in Max Mad world, but they don’t tell you about the horror of lettuce non-penetration.

  10. 10.

    beltane

    @Zam: Iceberg lettuce is more likely what they are referring to. It is tough to penetrate and is the only thing somewhat resembling a green that these people will consume.

  11. 11.

    slag

    Has anyone ever been able to eat a salad with any plastic fork without looking like an asshole? If so, I’ve never met that person. Plastic utensils and salad don’t mix.

  12. 12.

    The Political Nihilist Formerly Known As Kryptik

    @beltane:

    Which is sad, since Iceberg Lettuce is probably the shittiest of all lettuce. It doesn’t help that it seems to be the only kind of lettuce most places will ever bother with.

    Give me some damn Romaine or leaf lettuce or don’t bother.

  14. 14.

    LindaH

    Well, John Boehner COULD stand to lose a little weight. So filling the cafeteria with forks you can’t eat with makes some sense.

  15. 15.

    bago

    The 2nd Gen compostible flatware do melt at a low temperature. That’s why Microsoft provides “Special Use” wooden spoons. But we get by.

  17. 17.

    beltane

    @slag: True. It’s much easier to use chopsticks for salad than plastic forks but that would really send them over the edge.

  20. 20.

    Random User Name

    Compostable “silverware” really does suck.

    I bought a box of spoons to keep at work for my morning oatmeal, and the first time I used one the spoon had melted into the hot cereal by the time I walked from the microwave back to my desk.

    Yum!
    .

  21. 21.

    geg6

    Proud to be belligerantly ignorant. It’s like dealing with a privileged 6 year old. WTF kind of country is this anyway? I seriously give up.

    But hey DougJ! What are the chances of Fake David Koch winning up there in the wilds of Western NY? Been wondering about your take on that.

  23. 23.

    MobiusKlein

    @Random User Name: yup, that’s my experience with compostable cutlery.
    The rest of the stuff is great though. Plates, napkins, cups, bowls.
    Seems stupid to trash the whole program when they could just go back to plastic (or metal!) silverware.

  24. 24.

    slag

    @beltane: Could you imagine the plethora of racist jokes that would come from that situation? It would have to produce the mother of all macaca moments.

  28. 28.

    trollhattan

    Ms Wood could not penetrate lettuce. This was clearly a job for Mr Wood, namsayn?

    Also, too, arugula kick some Republican spork a**.

  29. 29.

    Martin

    They could not penetrate lettuce,

    There’s a wetsuit and dildo joke in there somewhere, but I’m too sick to figure it out.

  33. 33.

    Delia

    This whole thing seems like utter bullshit to me. I live in Eugene, Oregon, the epicenter of composting and recycling. And no eating establishments I know of even use compostable cutlery. They’re either fast food places that still use plastic or they’ve gone back to metal. I would think the Congressional Cafeteria could manage to buy some decent stainless cutlery and just wash the stuff. That’s what you really do if you’re into recycling.

  34. 34.

    dr. bloor

    @beltane:

    Iceberg lettuce is more likely what they are referring to. It is tough to penetrate and is the only thing somewhat resembling a green that these people will consume.

    Served with heaping gobs of Miracle Whip.

  37. 37.

    Chris Wolf

    Still, bringing back styrofoam cups is a thumb in the eye. Maybe it’s because Scotch on the rocks stays colder longer in a styrofoam cup.

  38. 38.

    I have issues with Baltimore

    @bago: It’s funny you should mention that: I was visiting Microsoft just this past Monday, and I was explicitly told not to use the forks or spoons with the hot soup for the exact same reason. Also, apparently Microsoft also recycles something like 10^(20) tons of used coffee cups every year. And when you’re on the sky bridge between the terminals and parking in Seatac, the head of the local Port Authority comes on the intercom to welcome you to Seattle and brag about the 10^(49) tons of used coffee grounds they recycle every year. Recycled into what? More coffee? Tires?

  39. 39.

    TenguPhule

    What kind of acidic alien soup do the House Republicans eat that biodegradable spoons disolve in it?

    Perhaps we should require mandatory dissection of a few of them to prove they’re not freedom hating illegal aliens from another galaxy.

  40. 40.

    I have issues with Baltimore

    Sci^entific not^ation ma^k^e^s Ballo^o^n Ju^ice^ that much more ^f^u^n!

  43. 43.

    cat48

    Speaking of lettuce, I read this a.m. that one of the candidates running for the House in NY 26th has a great idea to replace migrant workers. Will you vote for him Comrade DougJ in the Special Election??

    Congressional candidate Jack Davis shocked local Republican leaders in a recent interview when he suggested that Latino farmworkers be deported — and that African-Americans from the inner city be bused to farm country to pick the crops.
    Several sources who were in the Feb. 20 endorsement interview with Davis confirmed his comments, which echo those he made to the Tonawanda News in 2008, when he said: “We have a huge unemployment problem with black youth in our cities. Put them on buses, take them out there [to the farms] and pay them a decent wage; they will work.”
    When Davis repeated those sentiments in the recent interview, the Republican leaders — who later delivered the party endorsement for the vacant seat in the 26th Congressional District to Assemblywoman Jane L. Corwin of Clarence — said they couldn’t believe what they were hearing.
    “I was thunderstruck,” said Amherst GOP Chairman Marshall Wood. “Maybe in 1860 that might have been seen by some as an appropriate comment, but not now.”

    Even in Liberal NY!

  45. 45.

    burnspbesq

    @Zam:

    This is a restriction on my Free Speech.

    Where in “Congress shall make no law” does it say anything about John Cole?

    The scary thing is that your knowledge of the First Amendment may surpass at least a third of the sitting judges on the United States District Court.

  46. 46.

    sfinny

    Most days I have a salad for lunch at my desk. I have one regular fork that is washed quickly after lunch. Then it goes back into the drawer. This is not difficult to do.

    I hate the amount of waste in general, but it is very easy to not play into the routine. Everyone in my lunch place knows that I don’t want a bag or plastic utensils. It just doesn’t seem that this should be such an issue.

    Oh and for soups I have a spoon in the drawer, too.

  47. 47.

    Mark B

    What’s the problem with having real steel silverware and eating off real plates like a civilized human? Don’t they have a dishwasher in the capitol cafeteria. Does everything have to be served of wasteful disposable containers?

  48. 48.

    JGabriel

    @gnomedad:

    See, the libtards … don’t tell you about the horror of lettuce non-penetration.

    Because we never have that problem. Seems confined to the GOP for some reason. Must be one of them, watchmacallit, metaphor thingies.

    .

  50. 50.

    Mark B

    Used coffee grounds are excellent for use in compost. Starbucks gives away tons of it, if you want some for your garden.

  54. 54.

    DonBoy

    Hmm. I am torn between two possibilities. One is that nobody in Congress, their staff, or their vistors was able to eat lunch properly for years. The other is that this is bullshit. Decisions, decisions.

  56. 56.

    GregB

    Seeing that the GOP assholes went around and threw away all of the recycling bins that Speaker Pelosi had installed in all of the Congressional offices, I am inclined to believe that this story is along the line of Michael Steele getting pelted by Oreo cookies. A big effing lie.

  57. 57.

    freelancer

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Well, John Boehner COULD stand to lose a little weight.

    @LindaH: He drinks his calories.

    Who doesn’t? I mean aside from Huntsman and Romney, obviously. Can’t exactly fault him for that.

  60. 60.

    Anne Laurie

    @Mark B:

    What’s the problem with having real steel silverware and eating off real plates like a civilized human? Don’t they have a dishwasher in the capitol cafeteria. Does everything have to be served of wasteful disposable containers?

    Maybe anything that’s touched GOP mucus membranes is considered a biohazard.

    Or else they’re just afraid that if they use dangerous metal utensils, some of the new Teabagger Coalition will (a) poke an eye out, or (b) take down the grid by sticking them in electrical outlets.

  61. 61.

    JGabriel

    @trollhattan:

    I can’t shake the feeling they’re fighting this thing with one arm tied behind their collective backs.

    Because collective fighting is socia1ist.

    .

  62. 62.

    Mnemosyne

    We get these potato forks in the cafeterias at work. Heat doesn’t make them melt, so you can eat your soup with them.

    ETA: Yes, I eat my soup with a fork. What?

  63. 63.

    Lysana

    They were getting the wrong compostables. I’ve had no problems with the potato plastic utensils I’ve seen in use in San Francisco. Perhaps a little blunter, but salads were no problem and neither were hot foods.

    ETA: And Mnemosyne barely beats me to it.

  65. 65.

    Elizabelle

    Count your blessings.

    I ended up with a date to a high school dance because someone thought I looked cute trying to eat fried chicken with a spork.

  67. 67.

    trollhattan

    But first:

    BBC

    0455: Japanese government to release salt stockpiles – Kyodo, quoting finance ministry.

    All fxd!

  68. 68.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    “They could not penetrate lettuce”

    They stab it with their measly knives but they just can’t drill the feast.

  70. 70.

    Delia

    @Mark B:

    And even if you don’t make a full compost plants love used coffee grounds. It’s a win all around. You get a nice caffeine buzz; the plants are happy with what’s left over. Apparently only the goopers love the styrofoam. I’m afraid to imagine what they want with it.

  71. 71.

    piratedan

    well whocouldanode that mebbe we’ve stumbled onto a new homeopathic remedy for contraception. Simply place the leaf of iceberg lettuce… oh never mind….

  82. 82.

    opie_jeanne

    Ah, so you are a neighbor. We now split our time between a “real” house in Woodinville, WA and a tiny cabin near Lake Arrowhead, CA. Right now we’re in Phoenix to watch some Spring Training baseball.

    The potato-based utensils will eventually reach Seattle.

  84. 84.

    wes

    i dont get it. some of the best utensils ARE the easily biodegradable ones made out of corn. have you ever tried using those crappy plastic white forks that you get with chinese food? the ones that bend easily? or that tiny tiny spoon that comes with soup?

    going back to styrofoam is idiotic and is basically a spiteful move rather than a more practical one.

  85. 85.

    b-psycho

    If republibubilublicaminins are so concerned about penetration ability, then they might as well just do what they really want: eschew all utensil in favor of huge viargra-enhancededed cock. They secretly wanna eat dicks anyway, why not eat off of them to work up to it?

    +4…happy st patrick day.

  86. 86.

    Ash Can

    I could swear that when I was an intern on Capitol Hill about eleventy bazillion years ago, the Congressional cafeteria where I ate lunch had the regular stainless-steel-and-china stuff that went in the dishwasher. (And yes, navy bean soup was on the menu every day, and it was yummy.) Maybe they eventually ditched the real utensils because the pols were stealing them blind.

  87. 87.

    PurpleGirl

    @sfinny: At several jobs I did this too; kept a set of flatware at my desk and washed them right after eating. It made lunch seem more civilized. (I don’t take plastic bags when shopping either. I bring back a bag I already have or use a canvas tote.)

  88. 88.

    WereBear

    I believe the Republicans prefer to wrestle with the small and stupid problems. Perhaps we should leave them to it, to keep them away from the big and serious ones.

  89. 89.

    Aaron Fown

    How about a compromise? Compostable dishes, and metal silverware. Good for the environment, and no, erm, penetration problems.

    That seems like an easy compromise to mak. . . oh yeah, we are talking about Republicans. Never mind. Continue eating with chips of flint.

  91. 91.

    El Cid

    Not that I have the slightest idea about any of the utensils accused, but I have seen this sort of thing done by well-intentioned folk.

    You can’t necessarily say “liberals” because some of them were more “good government” or civic types.

    But a well-intentioned decision on matters like this which weren’t really checked out, and ended up pissing everybody — or nearly everybody — off.

  92. 92.

    dww44

    @Mark B:

    We’ve been recycling coffee grounds for 3 decades. Learned it from the in-laws who were great in the garden and yard. A good use is around the root beds of all sorts of ever-green shrubs. Whenever an azalea’s leaves or those of a creeping gardenia start yellowing we use coffee grounds to replenish lost nutrients.

  93. 93.

    dww44

    @Mark B:

    I think there are a couple of answers to that. Some company got a no-bid contract to supply those plastic plates, cups, and utensils and that was a double win cause some poor workers lost a job. Our economy is all about figuring out how to make humans disposable, not the stuff we eat with.

  94. 94.

    Waratah

    For the Republicans to use real utensils and plates they would have to create jobs. Someone has to clean them.

  95. 95.

    Meg

    I don’t know. Why can’t they use some normal dishes and wares and wash them afterward, like at home, in restaurants or other student cafeteria?

Comments are closed.