Tryin’ ta catch me breedin’ dirty
Damn, y’all. I don’t know what to do. White people keep giving me mixed signals. First they’re all, “Hey! Stop having so many abortions! Abortion is black genocide! Your snatch is the deadliest snatch in all the land! Quit aborting all the future Obamas!”
So I’m like, okay! I’ll start breeding! And I did. I had five little spite babies (I was supposed to have six, but I aborted one because it got a little too familiar in utero, if you know what I mean and you probably don’t).
I’m thinking, “Sweet! I hit the black lady sweepstakes! Finally the GOP cares about me and my snatch!”
But then Newt’s little pet organization, the American Family Association1, decided to open its mouth, and now I’m all confused again:
“Welfare has destroyed the African-American family by telling young black women that husbands and fathers are unnecessary and obsolete. Welfare has subsidized illegitimacy by offering financial rewards to women who have more children out of wedlock. We have incentivized fornication rather than marriage, and it’s no wonder we are now awash in the disastrous social consequences of people who rut like rabbits.” – American Family Association spokesbigot Bryan Fischer, earning his hate group stripes every day. And all of the GOP presidential candidates continue to appear on his radio show.
Look, I don’t know what you people want us to do. You’re sending us mixed signals. But, it’s like I done told ya: We will outbreed you. We have the technology. We have the woman-power. Just give us a signal and it’s go-time.
1 Newt Gingrich donated $125K to the American Family Association and claims — nay! insists! — that it is a Christian organization even though the Southern Poverty Law Center has labeled it a “hate group.”
Oh, also, too:
(no reason.)
[via Joe.My.God; via Think Progress]
[cross-posted in my uterus]
Spaghetti Lee
cross-posted in my uterus.
Ouch. Watch out for infections.
General Stuck
Teehee. You do have a way with words ABL. Almost always makes me laugh.
Ronc99
ABL,
You ROCK!!! Wanda Sykes has nothing on you. This site is only bearable because of you! Thanks.
soonergrunt
For whatever it’s worth, I don’t care about your snatch. What goes (on) in there is really none of my business.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
apparently, i am not supposed to have an opinion on what gingrich or the american family sweepstakes thinks.
so some ratm instead
Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk the corner to the rubble that used to be a library
Line up to the mind cemetery now
What we don’t know keeps the contracts alive and movin’
They don’t gotta burn the books they just remove ’em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells
Rally round tha family
Pockets full of shells
Rally round the family
With a pocket full of shells
They rally round the family
With a pocket full of shells
They rally round the family
With a pocket full of shells
They rally round the family
With a pocket full of shells
Bulls on parade
Gian
It’s a good thing that Bristol Palin was raised to be a role model on how white women can breed out of wedlock too.
I have to stop here, because the next thought in my mind is about a certain country in Europe and it’s breeding projects for white women some 60-70 years ago. Somehow talk of genocides and racial breeding just makes my mind go that direction.
Korea Beat
Rabbits don’t rut…
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@Korea Beat: True, but pigs don’t sweat either.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@Korea Beat:
rut rabbit rut, its an unpublished john updike attempt at erotic fiction.
Roger Moore
@Korea Beat:
Fine, get technical about it. But breed like rabbits doesn’t alliterate as nicely.
Anyway, ABL, white Americans have always had mixed feelings about our black counterparts’ reproductive habits. Read what old time Southern slaveholders said about it. They were happy when their slaves bred because they could treat you like livestock. At the same time, they were worried about slave revolts if the black population grew too much faster than the white population. Somehow the “treat blacks like human beings so they don’t want to put your heads on pikes” option was not given serious consideration.
junebug
More white girls get abortions and more white girls are teen mothers — there is a a whole teevee show about it if I am to believe the rags at the supermarket.
Perhaps Newt and all of the other concern trolls should look to their own race and fix that. Then we can talk about non-white colored people.
I’m still waiting for a wingnut to care about all of the white people on well-fare, having abortions or getting knocked up.
Thanks for this post ABL.
General Stuck
Jackalopes rut. scary sight. you wouldn’t be able to watch it.
AxelFoley
@Ronc99:
I’m tellin’ ya’ll, I wanna have her babies.
All six of ’em, even.
Maybe we should change the name of this site to Angry Black Lady Juice.
What?
M. Bouffant
ABL, all I can tell you is to follow your uterus. Or, to thine own uterus be true.
AxelFoley
ROFL
Duncan Dönitz (formerly Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.)
People like Newt Gingrich make me wish I were black so I could say, “Kiss my black ass!” “Kiss my pasty, white ass!” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Of course, Newt Gingrich also makes me wish I were black so I wouldn’t have to feel ashamed that he’s one of my kind. Makes me shudder to think I have anything in common with that weasel, however superficial…
RossInDetroit
Clearly, what they’re really against is the fornicating. Republicans just can’t stand the idea of people enjoying themselves so they want to discourage all of the outcomes. So to speak.
robertdsc-PowerBook
LOL.
MikeJ
What about that republican congressman who can’t live on $175k pa? I seem to recall he has six kids. Republicans ought to be neutered.
srv
There must be a Galtian solution here.
We need an old white guy (Newt could be hired for the right price) pleading on late night shopping networks in evangelical markets to stop specific abortions. Sort of adopt-a-welfare uterus. Could have sonagrams with computer-enhanced aged photos (think Tiger with blond hair).
Profit is the answer.
PhoenixRising
Where does one apply for the fornication incentive? And here I thought I had read the tax rules for my state and situation…how could I have missed “Fornicators, please skip to page 19 and follow the detailed instructions there.”
I’m guessing that like many other incentives, it’s actually a tax rebate and my income is below the threshold for eligibility. Perhaps if I continue fornicating I can file an amended return with a carry back.
Angry Black Lady
@AxelFoley: HA! and gross.
Angry Black Lady
@Ronc99: oh snap! thank you. :)
PhoenixRising
Also too: took the not yet angry not completely black child camping at Rocky Mtn National Park during an actual elk rut. Not on purpose, at the behest of the not yet angry enough grandparents.
Rutting is pretty scary if you’re not a lady elk. That’s all ‘m saying. That mess was really educational, and I mean for the adults in the family. Fornicators and otherwise.
Comrade DougJ
Great stuff, very funny!
Corner Stone
Man, this is some juicy shiz! Thanks for this!
KG
Oh, this line of, um, reasoning(?) is old at for Newt. It’s the faux-concern about black babies growing up without their daddies and how it’s all the fault of welfare. Never mind that plenty of other social and criminal policies exacerbate the situation, what they are concerned about is undoing the welfare system.
The reactionary attitudes of these idiots, and their continual return to lost battles just amazes me
Corner Stone
@Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: I already went RATM here earlier.
But, I guess there’s always room for dessert.
Corner Stone
It’s a little confusing but for some reason all I can hear is SpongeBob doing his “Howdy Y’all!” comedy routine where he busts out his “squirrels are so dumb” bits.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@Corner Stone:
i know, i was inspired.
Corner Stone
@Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: One of the scariest concerts I ever went to – RATM in the Compaq center in Houston. The whole fucking place was swaying. I thought the second deck was coming down.
It was nuts yo.
Corner Stone
I’m calm like a bomb
Phoenician in a time of Romans
You have to wonder why a bunch of conservative white men insist on poking their noses in there…
Corner Stone
Personally, I like chicken.
weaselswords
omg, did dude really say “rut”? I am constantly astounded how much tone-deaf and blatant shit manages to fly under the radar.
(umm, also and too, not only is he wrong for whistling-up packs of dogs, but as folks said above, rabbits don’t rut)
and ETA: as usual, great post ABL
Gian
how about warrior soul, the party – not the same division as RATM, but I did see them in Long Beach a while (cough) long while back…
Go with the flow
Ya just let it ride
We don`t care if ya live or die
We suck of the companies
We suck like a whore
If we need oil, we just suck some more
We define success
And we don`t sin
Got the nation in debt
About four trilion
Infrastructure is wasted
And we`re deaf to the crowd
Nothin` left for the children
It`s ok, we won`t be around
Welcome to the party
The republican party
Ya havin` fun at the party
The republican party
We`re havin` a party, right now
We stack the courts
And we tax the poor
Got Johnny Lunchbox
To fight our wars
Tax him to his knees
And make him love the flag
We get corporate freedom
He gets a body bag
We`re makin` a killin`
You know we kill so well
Cut the country to pieces
And we`re havin` a sale
We take it all
Just like ya knew we would
Hell we even got Nixon
Lookin` pretty good
Welcome to the party
The republican party
Ya havin` fun at the party
The republican party
We`re havin` a party, right now
Corner Stone
A VINEYARD??
delphi_ote
Hilarious!
Corner Stone
@Comrade DougJ: Man, I have to agree. This totally sums it up for me.
Corner Stone
What the fuck does this mean?
Obama carefully courts black votes with Sharpton
Steve
Isn’t it kind of interesting how the only people with a favorable response to the “save the black race from genocide!” ad campaign are white folks? Sort of odd, if anyone stopped to think about it.
Calouste
So Newt is so concerned about children growing up without a father that he left the mother of his two daughters when the eldest can’t have been more than 18?
And:
Corner Stone
@Ronc99:
Oh RonJon, I have to say I totally agree with you. It’s very refreshing to finally not have to slag through a god damn Rosie story here.
I mean, we all know Cole HATES Rosie, and would drop kick her through the goalposts of life if he could.
ruemara
1. Cute kid is cute. Not sure why he likes chickenz, tho.
2. damn interracial banner ads were triggered by your cooch. I hope that you are satisfied.
3. I can’t tell you how happy I am to be free of fundamentalism. Why, you ask? Because when I was, I listened to Family Radio and heard a lot from the AFA. Nice to have a free mind.
jon
Blacks are supposed to acquire their babies the old-fashioned way: in their masters’ chambers whilst the ladies of the house are busy at their sewing circles.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@Corner Stone:
only time i saw them live was with the dollopofloosahs festival which wasn’t the same thing as a crowd there to see them, specifically, good show though….
now to feel really old,17 years ago yesterday, kurt cobain…and an attempt to complete the great circle of segue.
Sell kids for food, weather changes moods
Spring is here again, reproductive glands
He’s the one who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along and he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means and I say
He’s the one who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along and he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means and I say, yeah
We can have some more, Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit, tender age in bloom
Mark S.
That entire Fischer piece is insane:
Didn’t like all but one of them get executed by the authorities?
Elliecat
@Steve:
Back in the 1970s, there was some segment of the black community that declared that birth control was black genocide. I was never sure where this came from except there were black celebrities repeating it. The one I mainly remember declaring this was Chaka Khan, explaining why she kept having babies that I gather someone else was raising.
Origuy
In Barbados, at least one slaveowner is recorded as having given his white overseer a bounty for fathering children with one of the slaves. It was cheaper than buying them at auction, particularly after the Atlantic slave trade was ended.
Joseph Nobles
@Mark S.: They were community organizers. Shhh, don’t tell the Republicans.
Calouste
@Mark S.:
Well, that explains what Pontius Pilate did: he was afraid of a primary challenge.
No one of Importance
@I planted my seed in you and now I damn well *own* you, baby:
Why don’t you link ABL to the background to this ridiculous remark instead of misrepresenting the conversation? Or are you worried she might not take kindly to your assumption of rights over women’s bodies in a manner Mr Gingrich would approve most heartily?
Mark S.
Matt.Ayn 28: 19-20.Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@No one of Importance:
i know you think that is what you were standing up for, but really, i would suggest that its you that is more idiologically and culturally bound to the same sorts of arguments the american family sweepstakes is making.
you are spewing boilerplate arguments without considering that you are saying that reproduction ends for half of the populace ends at ejaculation, they are saying the same thing, because after that, in their view, it is society’s child.
your argument feeds theirs quite nicely. what i am saying is, that abortion, as a matter of public policy is everyone’s decision. my personal view is the only way to accomodate the range of individual choices is for abortion to be legal and unrestricted.
you want to twist that into whatever you are trying to twist it into, it is exactly like dealing with a fundie.
Jebediah
@MikeJ:
Yeah! I am so gott-dang tired of moochers off the public teat having more kids than they can afford!
No one of Importance
@I have testicles so I’m okay:
No, *you* are saying your parental rights start at ejaculation.
You’re not a father until the baby is born and takes a breath. Until then, you have no rights, you get no say and you sure as hell don’t get to make moral judgements over a deeply personal decision that only women have to make.
“I made it, I paid for it, so I own it” is only true for women. Men’s roles in child rearing are purely voluntary. They might have to pay an inadequate amount in mandatory child support, but no law on earth forces them to take care of a child they don’t want. Women don’t have such an easy choice – if they can avoid being jailed for not wanting to keep the foetus or apparently not being the perfect incubator.
Your attitude that women have to suck up to the very people who are trying to limit their reproductive freedom – fundies and men – in order to be taken seriously is, well….
Fucking stupid. Yeah. Very fucking stupid.
debbie
I didn’t realize Newt was connected to AFA, but it all makes sense now. When Fischer accused Obama of feminizing the Medal of Honor by giving it to a soldier who performed acts of bravery but had the audacity to live through it, I couldn’t figure out what kind of mind would come up with that kind of illogic. Now I understand.
Egypt Steve
I didn’t understand this. What’s with the “even though”???
DBrown
Newt is the bitch of the kooky brothers – what else would that asswipe say? He is a whore and knows that hating blacks IS amerika, land of the racist.
SBJules
@RossInDetroit:
Oh, I think Newtie knows all about fornicating.
rickstersherpa
Poor Abraham Lincoln is rolling in his grave like a dynamo when any of these Confederates (I actually like calling them “Secesh,” it seems a little more derogatory) con-man and grifters use the word “Republican” to identify themselves, as if this atrocity of a political movement has anything to do with the Party of Thaddeus Stevens, Charles Sumner, William Seward, Theodore Roosevelt, and the LaFolletes.
5 days until Ft. Sumter day.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@No heterosexual experience to draw from:
most of the time it isn’t that complicated, and both persons involved have a pretty good idea where there partner is in their life. this also too may shock you, but most women want some imput from their partner, unless they are absolutely sure one way or another. but again, if and when that is the case, its usually communicated long in advance of it becoming relevant.
again, that is most, healthy relationships. there are exceptions. your dogmatic conditioning doesn’t equip you to recognize this to be true, but really, i am totally ok with it.
but if you wish to chew on the rest of your straw, i can throw you more straw, so you have choices, because i am a heckuva guy like that.
jibeaux
I hope it doesn’t make me a racist that I lol’ed at that picture. It’s the eyez, though, not the captionz.
No one of Importance
@Ooh I’m so manly I piss testosterone:
Oh nice. When on the losing side of the argument, call the woman you’re arguing with a lesbian. That of course convinces me you aren’t a horse’s arse at all. I can’t imagine why I pegged you as a misogynist from your first comment to me.
As it happens, I’m straight, married (have been for 20 years to the same man), and someone who had an abortion while pregnant by my spouse (to whom I am still married.) I know more about this subject than you, and always will do. Abortion isn’t just some theoretical subject I kick around on a blog with arrogant fucks like you for a joke. Abortion is a right that I needed when I had it, and every women should have access to when they want it and need it. To you, it’s just something to use to wind up those uppity wymyn when you’re bored.
You keep talking as if your views would matter to any woman not sleeping with you. Why would I or any other female give a shit what moral opprobrium you might want to bring to bear, when faced with the difficult and certainly non-trivial decision about whether to stay pregnant? Why would I stay pregnant just because my *partner* wants it? Why should I? Why should anyone force any woman to act as an incubator *when she doesn’t want to be pregnant*? Because that’s the logical consequence of all your frothing and raving about nasty old feminists and men’s rights and “healthy relationships” where no doubt the woman does what she’s told and makes you a sammich while she’s doing it.
If you can answer that question without sensible people laughing in your face, I’ll be amazed.
I’m aware you think you are just the cleverest thing since God shat out Eve and made man out of her turds. But you’re not. You’re not original or smart, and you’re certainly not healthy. Anyone who decides to use sexuality as a slur is just a lousy rotten bastard.
Jax6655
@Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal:
@No one of Importance:
Not to jump in the middle of this . . . whatever it is, but it seems that a very important legal point has been overlooked. Given that paternity isn’t established until after the baby is born, it doesn’t seem to me that a man would have any say in the progression of a pregnancy simply because it can’t be legally determined that he actually is the father. There is no question that she is the mother.
I don’t agree that “most women want some input from their partner” especially these days. To be honest, having once found myself in this position, although I asked my partner (I guess as a courtesy?) I already knew what I was going to do because the pregnancy itself was solely mine. Even the promise of marriage/support doesn’t guarantee that a woman will not end up raising her child alone. Ask any single mother.
IMO–until paternity has been established, the man doesn’t have any say. (please don’t respond that they still don’t have any say or some other child support/visitation argument because it’s o/t)
Just because you say you’ll marry me and/or support the child doesn’t mean I should automatically be required to carry your child in my body.
ETA: Also, too. @Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: The crack on her sexuality is a low blow and the weapon of choice for weak men. Yeah, call her a dyke. Classy.
RedKitten
I don’t know, folks. The Republicans don’t want black people having all these babies. They don’t want them having abortions. And they don’t want them having access to accurate sex education or affordable birth control.
So, the only conclusion to draw is that they just want y’all to stop fucking.
Walker
This is what they demand of everyone. Except themselves, that is.
Rosalita
@MikeJ:
LOLZ!!
ItAintEazy
Hmm, I heard of out-of-earshot complaints about “rabbit-assed Negroes” but for one of them to actually come out in public and say virtually the same thing? Are these people getting bolder or what?
joe from Lowell
So, for the melanin-deficient, could somebody explain the Chickenz reference?
Woodrowfan
@ruemara:
The chickenzz caption is a reference to an old racist stereotype that blacks loved to steal chickens for their meals. Old cartoons and vaudeville skits would often feature a black character being caught with a stolen chicken stuffed in a feed bag. (“Snuffy Smith” used the same joke but with hillbillies).
But yeah, the expression on that little kid’s face is wonderful! Caption it “ICE CREAM! or “BUNNIES!” or “CUPCAKES!” and it’s funny.
jibeaux
@joe from Lowell:
I believe the melanin-gifted are reported to be fond of eating the feathered bird, fried and with hot sauce, and accompanied by watermelon.
Which, really, damn, who isn’t?
Woodrowfan
add some corn-on-the-cob and some deviled eggs and I am there baby!
Silver Owl
Cheesus, Fischer is a huge overflowing sack of putrid hate.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@No one of Importance:
of course i am a mysogynist, after talking to you for any length of time, i am sure most men lose hope of finding a rational female. but that is more of a you thing, than any sort of general principle.
you lost the opportunity for a relevant discussion when you went to the straw. i am just feeding your obsession with straw. really you lost on the substance, way before you realized it.
that is, you still don’t understand the point i was making. abortion, legal/not legal, is a matter of public policy, and its everyone’s issue.
as a personal decision, that draws on the relationships of the persons involved. it usually isn’t an autonomous choice. most men are asked to be involved in making it. that isn’t the law, that is reality, even if it stains your absolutist dogma.
all of this childish emo of yours about me wanting to force a woman to have a child or not, or whatever your bean flicking apocalyptic feminist fantasy is, is simply outside my range of experience with the actual decision, not with reactionary feminists, y’all may be the only exception to rule 34.
Jude
This is my favorite post of yours yet, which is saying a lot. TX.
Chris Grrr™
@Calouste: I like the cut of your jib.
…naturally makes me think of Newt. Those who really appreciate the value of getting married are not afraid to show it with several different mates – and then act as beacons of morality for the rest of us. This is the kind of integrity and leadership the crazy 27% admires.
sacman701
“And all of the GOP presidential candidates continue to appear on his radio show.”
That’s just sad.
Egypt Steve
@Chris Grrr™: doG incentivized fornication when He said “Let there be Orgasm.” So, let the Invisible Hand of the Marketplace work its magic.
Angry Black Lady
@Woodrowfan: i thought it funny precisely because of the obvious racist undertones. pairs nicely with the racist chutney served up by Newt and the AFA.
cynickal
@AxelFoley:
Rule #34, You’re soaking in it.
Jado
“We will outbreed you.”
You promise? cause if I have to look at one more moron old white guy spouting off about what he thinks “is best for those people”, I am going to go to my local Big Pharma member and ask for the pill C. Thomas Howel used in the Soul Man movie.
They are so embarrassing, I don’t wanna even be white anymore