• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Infrastructure week. at last.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Republicans in disarray!

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

After roe, women are no longer free.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

American History and Black History Cannot Be Separated

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Mobile Menu

  • Winnable House Races
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • Balloon Juice 2023 Pet Calendar (coming soon)
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • War in Ukraine
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • 2021-22 Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Open Threads / Worst Canvasser Ever

Worst Canvasser Ever

by Kay|  April 7, 201112:46 pm| 59 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Clown Shoes

FacebookTweetEmail

I always wonder if people in Iowa get tired of their unique role in national politics:

Ankeny police charged a staffer for Republican Tim Pawlenty’s political action committee with public intoxication and trespassing early this morning after he banged on a stranger’s door and tried to enter what he thought was his home, records show.

Ankeny Police Lt. Ed Hamilton said Stacy and Kevin Steward, of 1805 S. W. 38th St. in Ankeny, called 911 to report that a drunken man was trying to enter their home. Police found an intoxicated Foster in the yard and asked him what he was looking for, Hamilton said. He said he was trying to go to the home of his friend, state Rep. Erik Helland, R-Johnston, where he’s been staying.

The Steward family told KCCI-TV that Foster vomited in their backyard and scared their 15-year-old daughter, who went to investigate why the family dog was barking at 3 a.m. and found Foster trying to get in the back door.

“His arm was in my back door, trying to get in, and I screamed and I went upstairs to my parents’ room and I continued screaming,” Chloe Steward told the television station. “And then my dad opened his safe and got his gun out, and just stayed inside.”

Best of all, this seems to be his full name:

Ben Limbaugh Foster

h/t here

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Maybe All The Big Numbers Throw Him Off
Next Post: Blog Bait »

Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    shortstop

    April 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    This is by far the most exciting moment of the Pawlenty campaign, past, present or future.

  2. 2.

    piratedan

    April 7, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    no doubt, he didn’t even to remember to ask the Stewards how they felt about Pawlenty….

  3. 3.

    calipygian

    April 7, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    If he was anything like his namesake, he would have been high on oxy and trying to break into the house of a teenage boy.

  4. 4.

    GregB

    April 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    His sister is Ayn Limbaugh Reagan-Thatcher.

  5. 5.

    tkogrumpy

    April 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Filed under making our tribe feel good.

  6. 6.

    p.a.

    April 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    sounds like a setup- what kind of counter tops are in that kid’s house?

  7. 7.

    Lavocat

    April 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    From the You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up Department.

    “Vote Pawlenty or we’re gonna send over some drunken college kids to puke in yer yard at 3 in the morning!”

    Not the greatest slogan for election. But it IS catchy!

  8. 8.

    Trinity

    April 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    @calipygian: FTW!

  9. 9.

    Backbencher

    April 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    The best part is the address he gave to the police when he was arrested is the home address of the Republican whip in the Iowa House of Representatives

  10. 10.

    Marmot

    April 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Oh man. But for the grace of FSM go I.

    Except for the middle name. What the hell?
    Edit: And the Republican part too. Again, what the hell?

  11. 11.

    Zifnab

    April 7, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    “And then my dad opened his safe and got his gun out, and just stayed inside.”

    Would it be inappropriate to suggest 2nd Amendment remedies at this time?

  12. 12.

    Bulworth

    April 7, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    The Steward family told KCCI-TV that Foster vomited in their backyard and scared their 15-year-old daughter, who went to investigate why the family dog was barking at 3 a.m. and found Foster trying to get in the back door. “His arm was in my back door, trying to get in, and I screamed and I went upstairs to my parents’ room and I continued screaming,” Chloe Steward told the television station. “And then my dad opened his safe and got his gun out, and just stayed inside.”

    I really hate when that happens.

  13. 13.

    joeyess

    April 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Best of all, this seems to be his full name:

    Ben Limbaugh Foster

    Now, if Limbaugh were a normal person and read this story, one could imagine him shaking his head in exasperation while muttering “stupid fucks” under his breath.

    Alas, Limbaugh isn’t a normal person and this will probably be viewed by him as a sign that he is truly admired by real ‘murkins.

  14. 14.

    PaulW

    April 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Damn, this makes me feel old. When the kids we named after the blowhard we grew up listening to from the 1980s onward are now old enough to get arrested on their own… sniff… (begins singing “Circle of Life”)

  15. 15.

    Ash Can

    April 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    @shortstop: Hell of a lot more exciting than Pawlenty himself could ever be, I’m sure.

  16. 16.

    Poopyman

    April 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    I don’t see what any of this has to do with Andrew Sullivan.

  17. 17.

    "Serious" Superluminar

    April 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Does Andrew Sullivan have anything to say about this?

  18. 18.

    "Serious" Superluminar

    April 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    @Poopyman
    aww, beat me to it. Still, I guess it’s appropriate we have multiple posts mentioning him…

  19. 19.

    joeyess

    April 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    A new thingamajigger for the revolving dewhickey at the top of the page.

    Ben Limbaugh Foster Puked in My Yard!

    I would write a book with that title but I wouldn’t know where to begin.

  20. 20.

    cleek

    April 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    if that was my name, i’d change my middle name the second i was legally able. then i’d change my first name because it would probably remind me of that middle name. then i’d change my last name, to punish my parents for being so fucking stupid.

    i’d become Cleek Awesome Bratwurst.

  21. 21.

    Paul in KY

    April 7, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    @Zifnab: I would suggest in a real emergency that the weapon (not necessarily a gun) be a little more handy than inside a safe.

  22. 22.

    joeyess

    April 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    @cleek:

    i’d become Cleek Awesome Bratwurst

    That’s hilarious.

  23. 23.

    Bill Murray

    April 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    @Bulworth: really. How big does the safe have to be for dad to crawl inside. and how big was the gun that needed to be removed so that dad could stay inside the safe?

  24. 24.

    Chris Wolf

    April 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Nothing more pathetic than a Tuesday night drunk.

  25. 25.

    Paul in KY

    April 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    @joeyess: The naming of young ‘Limbaugh’. Oughta be a story in there to warm an ole teabagger’s bag.

  26. 26.

    gnomedad

    April 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    OT, holy shit:
    Doctor Who rehabilitates President Nixon

    The first episode of the two-parter locates the story in 1969, on the eve of the Moon landing and introduces the Doctor to President Richard Nixon, who is mightily surprised to find a Time Lord in the Oval Office. The Doctor insists he can solve those mysterious phone calls that the President is receiving from a small child in distress.

    I assume the 18 minute gap will be addressed.

  27. 27.

    asiangrrlMN

    April 7, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    @cleek: Bwahahahhahhaha! First belly laugh of the day.

    You know what they say: any publicity is good publicity–especially when you have the personality of a limp dish rag like Chimp Pawlenty.*

    *And, it’s still pub by proxy, which is fitting as Pawlenty can’t generate any sparks on his own.

  28. 28.

    MikeJ

    April 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    This sounds like the set up for a Hillary Clinton campaign commercial.

    “When the Republicans come to throw up in your back yard at three in the morning, who do you want…”

  29. 29.

    jibeaux

    April 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    He stuck his arm in the door of a fifteen year old girl whose dad had a gun? This story ended remarkably well for Ben Limbaugh Foster.

  30. 30.

    Bill Murray

    April 7, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    @cleek: would your first child then be Mashie Johnsonville Bratwurst?

  31. 31.

    kay

    April 7, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    @asiangrrlMN:

    “His arm was in my back door, trying to get in, and I screamed and I went upstairs to my parents’ room and I continued screaming,”

    I’m going to continue to pretend he was canvassing:)

    We don’t know. This might be how they’re training them in GOP circles.

  32. 32.

    jibeaux

    April 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    @cleek:

    And yes, that is awesome. I just had a smoked kielbasa at J. Betski’s, that comes with the little fries with paprika mayo. If you haven’t been there, you have to try that. I have to limit my visits there to once a month. I am German and genetically engineered to seek out smoked meats, though.

  33. 33.

    aimai

    April 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    I missed the headline the first time I read this post. Can haz rotating tag, plz? I think this deserves to be its own category.

    aimai

  34. 34.

    chopper

    April 7, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    “His arm was in my back door… and I continued screaming,” Chloe Steward told the television station.

    just cut out part of the sentence and it sounds much more interesting.

  35. 35.

    maya

    April 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    This: Osama Ben Limbaugh Foster

    Much better.

  36. 36.

    Joey Maloney

    April 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    I just want to say – I’ve been a canvass crew manager. This is far from the worst thing I ever saw happen in the field.

  37. 37.

    Mnemosyne

    April 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Amateur. Robert Downey Jr. actually managed to get inside the wrong house and fall asleep in their kid’s bed.

  38. 38.

    gnomedad

    April 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Ben Limbaugh Foster

    One of Rush’s exes re-married?

  39. 39.

    cleek

    April 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    @jibeaux:
    mmm J. Betski’s. yum, indeed. wife and i are both German-ish, too.

  40. 40.

    Woodrowfan

    April 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    He was born about 1987. Was Limbaugh even a big radio host yet, or was he still a small-timer somewhere??

  41. 41.

    Jay in Oregon

    April 7, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    @gnomedad:

    I assume the 18 minute gap will be addressed.

    There’s a teaser on the BBC website that shows Nixon talking to the Scary Little Girl on the phone and you see a reel-to-reel running in a couple of scenes. So my guess is, yes.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/dw/videos/p00fxf06

    EDIT: Hey, that link doesn’t work in the US anymore. Foul!

  42. 42.

    noodler

    April 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    “Foster was hired as a full-time Iowa aide last fall and moved here from Alabama, where he graduated from college in 2009. The hire signaled that Pawlenty, a two-term Minnesota governor who didn’t seek re-election last fall, was seriously seeking the Republican presidential nomination.”

    Hiring this clown signals TPAW’s serious? On the other hand, a mid week bender can hit the spot from time to time. Is it a long drive back to IA from WI? Where was he on Tuesday evening?

  43. 43.

    cleek

    April 7, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    @Woodrowfan:
    i think he started doing political talk in 84, but wasn’t nationally syndicated till 88.

  44. 44.

    Laertes

    April 7, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    That’s commendable good judgment on the part of the dad. If he’d tried that at the houses of several gun owners I’ve known in my time, they’d definitely have shot him.

    Many (though not all) of the gun owners I know clearly lusted to put a bullet in someone, and spent a good deal of their time fantasizing about the day they finally got to do it. They’d spend a lot of time discussing the fine points of the laws about when you were or weren’t permitted to use deadly force, but mostly just agreed that it was better to err on the side of killing. They had a little mantra they loved to repeat:

    “Better to be judged by twelve than to be carried by six.”

    These guys would get a huge hard-on reading that story. Drunken idiot, arm through the door, frightened daughter? Door and canvasser would each have 6 to 16 holes in them. (Depends on whether it was whats-his-name with his Ruger Super Redhawk or whats-his-name with his Glock with the special magazine.)

  45. 45.

    scav

    April 7, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    @Jay in Oregon: Moff could just leave The Doctor as the motivating force that started Nixon recording everything — although he could also plant the seed about fixing problems by erasing irritating bits (entirely doctoroid). I’m also unavoidably reminded of the reel-to-reel in The Empty Child which was another Moffat effort, no? Ah, The Oncoming Obsession to ease the pain of mere reality. ETA: Ah, it was Gatiss that last used the erasing tape solution wasn’t it. /geek (I hope)

  46. 46.

    trollhattan

    April 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    @Laertes:

    The moment that gun was released from the safe, freedom rang out all over Ankeny, Iowa. With Liberty Sauce(tm).

    We know where the middle name came from, but is Ben for Ben Stein? Because that would rule.

    My bro lives in Nashua, NH, and is far too acquainted with primary poly tikking. Poor sod is already inundated.

  47. 47.

    Jay C

    April 7, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    @Woodrowfan:

    YMMV, but Rush Limbaugh IS “still a small-timer” – just with a larger audience.

    @scav:

    It may just a personal quirk (and the subject for for a separate thread), but AFAIC, the worst foe Dr. Who has ever encountered – worse than The Master, worse than the Daleks – is one Steven Moffat. His other on-screen foes have usually tried, and consistently failed to destroy the Doctor: Moffat, by ripping out the character’s soul (and replacing it with Matt Smith) seems to have succeeded where the others failed….

  48. 48.

    Comrade Scrutinizer

    April 7, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    @scav: Gotta say, though, that I like Moffat better as a writer than as show-runner. Not enjoying this incarnation as much as the last two (although Gillian’s easy on the eyes.)

  49. 49.

    Lol

    April 7, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    @9: Close but the actual best bit is that his Republican host got busted for a DUI last year. Can’t make this shit up.

  50. 50.

    Comrade Scrutinizer

    April 7, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    @Jay C: And Crayola Daleks? Srsly? Davros is turning in his salt cellar!

  51. 51.

    scav

    April 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    @Comrade Scrutinizer: Agreed on Moffat as writer over runner although I’m totally for a post-RTDavies revamp (many good stories, simply hated the season enders). But I’m rather liking M.Smith as he’s brought back the seriously odd. Less said about those Daleks the better although I rank the bloody spitfires and the shark carriage as even worse. Oh, and as Ben Foster is the conductor for the Welsh National Orchestra of Wales we almost make topical, although a dedicated thread is probably to be desired.

  52. 52.

    SRW1

    April 7, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Am I right in thinking that if dad had followed Republican-favored use of his gun, there would now likely be one entry of ‘Limbaugh’ in the ‘intruder shot on sight’ statistics.

  53. 53.

    shortstop

    April 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    @Joey Maloney: Don’t tease us! Tell us stories! I’ll ask Cole to make us a pot of tea.

  54. 54.

    TooManyJens

    April 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    @scav:

    (many good stories, simply hated the season enders)

    They really were one train wreck after another, weren’t they? He just could not string a coherent story together to save his life. Instead he would just throw more and more shit in the pot — Daleks and Cybermen! Tinkerbell!Jesus!Doctor! Everyone’s the Master! Everyone’s the Doctor! Oh, look, Rose is back again! And I’m seriously never forgiving him for what he did to Donna.

  55. 55.

    JR

    April 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Not positive, but I think this is the same Ben Foster who ran the University of Alabama Students for McCain ’08 organization.

    Going from that to drunkenly puking in the backyard of a random stranger’s house is, I believe, what’s called a “lateral move” in human resources circles.

  56. 56.

    Gustopher

    April 7, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    There’s more to this story that people keep missing: T-Paw is corrupting the youth of America.

    Young master Limbaugh never puked in someone’s yard at 3am on a Tuesday before getting involved with T-Paw’s wicked web of decadence. What other sins has that poor boy been led to by the dark powers of T-Paw’s tempting?

  57. 57.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    April 7, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    @gnomedad:

    The Doctor insists he can solve those mysterious phone calls that the President is receiving from a small child in distress.

    Spoiler alert.

    They trace the call and find out that it is coming from inside the house!
    [cue scary music…]

  58. 58.

    JR

    April 7, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    @shortstop: I can’t really say this one is a topper, but a race I worked in Florida involved a shitload of paid canvassers brought in for the last two months. A few weeks before the election one of our canvassers got himself arrested at 2:30 in the morning at a gas station after telling a cop to go fuc& himself. He got taken down to the station, gave his employer as our campaign, and gave his job as “Political Operative.” He was on a plane back home by ten a.m., his face and a description of his arrest were on the internet by noon, and the reporters were calling by 2:00.

  59. 59.

    Will737

    April 10, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Now that Blog Headline was just mean. [OK I admit I’m laughing.]
    It looks to me like the arch conservatives are out to get this guy, and by doing so, get Pawlenty. Look at the incredible detail in the Houston (not exactly a local interest there) FOX News piece that was the first detailed piece that appeared on the web. It included the fact that Benjamin Foster was the first full-time hire that the Pawlenty campaign made in all of Iowa. It included the fact that Ben Foster was staying with Iowa Republican State Rep. Erik Hellan, “who was charged with drunken driving just last year” and the “reported fact” that Eric Hellan is also a Pawlenty supporter. Now no one but Republicans would have detail like that. Especially this seems true given that Pawlenty’s campaign or Ben Foster himself basically erased Ben Foster from the web entirely. Gone are: facebook, twitter, flickr, linked, etc.
    Plus, this Houston FOX News report goes on and on at great length with someone from an anti-Drunk Driving organization about DUI being a “violent crime” and about enabling, etc. All this is despite the fact that DUI was not actually charged yet at last look, and despite the fact that no one was actually hurt here. See http://www.myfoxhouston.com/dp…

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

Recent Comments

  • Ihop on The Funniest Thing About All of This (Mar 30, 2023 @ 11:13pm)
  • YY_Sima Qian on War for Ukraine Day 400: Russia Takes a Hostage (Mar 30, 2023 @ 11:10pm)
  • Alison Rose on The Funniest Thing About All of This (Mar 30, 2023 @ 11:09pm)
  • Odie Hugh Manatee on The Funniest Thing About All of This (Mar 30, 2023 @ 11:08pm)
  • Dr. Jakyll and Miss Deride on The Funniest Thing About All of This (Mar 30, 2023 @ 11:08pm)

Balloon Juice Meetups!

All Meetups
Seattle Meetup coming up on April 4!

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

Fundraising 2023-24

Wis*Dems Supreme Court + SD-8

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
We All Need A Little Kindness
Classified Documents: A Primer
State & Local Elections Discussion

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)

Twitter / Spoutible

Balloon Juice (Spoutible)
WaterGirl (Spoutible)
TaMara (Spoutible)
John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
TaMara
David Anderson
Major Major Major Major
ActualCitizensUnited

Join the Fight!

Join the Fight Signup Form
All Join the Fight Posts

Balloon Juice Events

5/14  The Apocalypse
5/20  Home Away from Home
5/29  We’re Back, Baby
7/21  Merging!

Balloon Juice for Ukraine

Donate

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!