What is WRONG with these people?
| The Colbert Report | Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Pap Smears at Walgreens | ||||
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Here’s more from Media Matters:
The clinics, which are a subsidiary of Walgreens, offer health services like flu vaccines and blood pressure screening at 350 Walgreens stores.
Fox & Friends’ false claim about pap smears is the latest in a series of attempts by conservatives to dismiss the importance of Planned Parenthood for women’s health services. As Steve Benen noted, “Republicans, like their cable news network, would like the public to believe the preventative health services provided by Planned Parenthood aren’t especially necessary or worthy of funding, since they’re readily available everywhere — as if every block in America has a Starbucks, an ATM, and screenings for cervical cancer. Except, that’s ridiculous, Fox News lying about it, ironically, only helps underscore the value of Planned Parenthood clinics.”
Do these morons know what a vagina is? What a uterus it is? Maybe they really don’t know what goes on down there, and that’s why they are so afraid to say the word “uterus” or even think about uteri. Maybe they simply don’t know what it takes to maintain them (and I’m not talking waxing and vagazzling — either.)
I think we need to call for a “National Introduce Your Vagina to a Republican Day.” Maybe then these idiots will stop viewing vaginas as caves of wonderment and give them the damn respect they deserve.
Just walk up to a Teabilly and say “Hi. I’d like to introduce you to my vagina.” Then just give a little ten minute history of it — what its likes and dislikes are. What needs to be done to keep it healthy. Talk to them about your uterus and what it means to you. For those who don’t have them anymore, talk about that. That’ll really blow their minds.
Maybe we should ask our white sisters to take the lead. Bieber knows Republicans aren’t quite ready to deal with VOCs yet. We don’t want to shock them to death — or
maybe we do?
Well, whatever — we can hash out the deets later. But, the first rule of “National Introduce Your Vagina to a Republican Day” has to be “NO TOUCHING!!” —
— You don’t want to get Teabilly cooties on your cooch.
::shudder::
[check out Bruin Kid’s diary at GOS if you would like to view a transcript of the bit.] [cross-posted here at ABLC (which is in the process of going mobile!)]FYWP, also. Too.
Comrade Mary
Oh, sweet Jebus, no! I’d like to keep using mine without any icky flashbacks.
mclaren
Everyone knows Vagina is one of the states of the USA, while uterus is charging too much interest on a loan.
Cris
I’d chime in and say that Kilmeade’s “Which you can get at Walgreens” comment was probably in reference to blood pressure checks, and he just interjected too late so it sounded like he was talking about pap smears.
But fuck him. What kind of dick thinks the pharmacy is a good place for primary health care of any sort? Yeah, I can get my blood pressure checked at Walgreens. I can also get my vision checked at the DMV, that doesn’t mean I’m going there instead of my optometrist.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
nothing like going to starbucks for the carmel chai and the wham bam thank you ma’am-o-gram.
Jay in Oregon
Damn, Comrade Mary beat me to it. (Not that I have a uterus, but…)
Tata
No. No Republicans will be meeting my vagina. In fact, I’d say women should refuse to introduce their vaginas to anyone with the slightest doubt about how fantastic vaginas are.
Martin
I thought I explained all of this last night.
In my defense, you think I’m the first person to walk up to hot women at Walgreens and offer them a complimentary breast exam? The line at the DMV is a particularly good place to offer. You’d be surprised at what people will tolerate to not lose their place in that line.
Cris
Somebody please get my comment out of moderation, and then tell me what in the world could have possibly tripped the filter. I’m sure it’s not the word “dick.”
gnomedad
Tag candidate: “Not intended to be a factual statement”.
sukabi
@Comrade Mary: I second that… besides there’s no guarantee they’d even be interested… AND you can teach the same lessons with their barnyard girl friends… they are more familiar with their equipment*…
*not intended to be a factual statement. YMMV
aimai
I’m sorry I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that, ABL. I’m imagining you mean a cross between “taking our daughters to work” and a la leche league breast baring nurse in? I say Hell Yeah! But…you first? I’ll definitely hold your coat but I think I’m too shy.
Still, everyone should click that link and watch Colbert break up. It was a bright spot in a gloomy day, for me. And don’t miss his twitter feed on the subject. #Notmeanttobetakenfactually or something.
aimai
gil mann
We play right into their squeaky-wheel bullshit on everything.
sukabi
@aimai: that was one of his BEST shows… I have a feeling Kyl and the rest of the serial liars are going to be having a rather tough time for a while…
Emma
I think we need to call for a “National Introduce Your Vagina to a Republican Day
Many thanks for the nightmares I will be having tonight, ABL!
joeyess
What’s wrong with them? Nothing. They just know which drum pisses off the tribe the most and they beat the shit outta that motherfucker.
different church-lady
The vagina is where the loofah goes, no?
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@gil mann:
unless its named national introduce your vagina to a republican, no hetero day.
different church-lady
@different church-lady:
Self-fixed
Villago Delenda Est
@joeyess:
Yup, that’s pretty much it.
It’s all about three year olds getting attention with these clowns.
STeller
I think women need to go all Lysistrata on the male Republicans in their lives until they get the message. Or just start proposing a 200% tax on Viagra every time they propose to regulate lady parts.
different church-lady
@joeyess:
When you think about it, the amazing thing is that same drum pisses off BOTH tribes.
EIGRP
I could be a republican for a day
joeyess
Why do I picture the Doughy Pantload waiting in flushed and sweaty anticipation?
Bulworth
Yes, they do. And they would prefer that any of you womenz that has them not get any kind of care related to them, Wallgreens or no Wallgreens.
Tata
This whole mishegas about defunding Planned Parenthood ought to make us pat the hands of our shamefaced Republican brethren with pity. Dudes, dudes. Super-sexy sex between yummy consenting persons of any genital configuration is a phone-home-awesome REASON TO LIVE. The cat is out of the bag, baby.
Sorry they don’t feel that way, but I personally am never going back to imaginary, pure 1957Land.
jayjaybear
@Cris: Even if it was meant to refer to the blood-pressure checks, is it really a good idea to depend on a machine that was probably calibrated three years ago and has been used by bored kids waiting for their mom to pick up her meds all that time to give you an accurate idea of what your vital signs are? I trust the blood pressure machine at Walgreen’s about as much as I trust the carnival fortune-teller scale.
bemused
Are no-clue Doocy and Kilmeade married? If so, those poor women. Just saying.
Ross Douthat
Hey, don’t you threaten me, lady!
Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)
@Martin: It’s cool if you want to do that, but I think you should have to give proctological exams too. For balance. Also.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
I’ve sent an email asking women to join me in requesting such services at as many Walgreens as we can manage this week. When the staff looks at us like we’re raving loons for asking for a pap smear and/or breast exam at either the stores or clinics, we advise that we heard on the NEWS such services were provided. Faux News, of course. If several thousand women do this it will get some attention. Anyone from here in?
joeyess
@different church-lady: Funny, that.
ruemara
Why do I think this whole Walgreens thing is an attempt to get women to bear their cooch at drugstores?
Jay in Oregon
@Cris:
Probably the “p” word, that refers to the place where you fill prescriptions. (And if this doesn’t trip the filter, I’ll be surprised.)
joeyess
BTW, does Walgreens advertise on Fox? If so, I wonder, how do they feel about one of their ad carriers lying about their stores?
jason in the peg
For those with vagina’s:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmQhCWfXu2o&feature=share
Second City gets it.
edit for poor choice of words.
aimai
@ruemara:
I think you mean “bare” their cooch?. I haven’t yet figured out a way not to bear mine while shopping, or doing anything else.
aimai
Tsulagi
@EIGRP: Also me too. I’ll man the stand on South Beach for the under 30 age and waist demo.
Cris
@Jay in Oregon: ah, of course
Benjamin Cisco
Fixified.
scav
Maybe it’s the next stage in the invisible hand fixes health care saga: eliminating emergency rooms as not being for-profit enough. Certainly the go-to default for any and all care has moved.
Glen Tomkins
Yup.
They do Pap smears on Aisle 3, right next to Snacks and Candy. Sometimes it will freak the kids out if they happen to be wandering by looking for a Snickers, but mostly they’re cool with it.
Villago Delenda Est
@bemused:
Unfortunately, Doocy has spawned, his son (who I guess aspires to be a shithead propaganda TV personality, also) has been on Fox and Friends.
Culture of Truth
as if every block in America has a Starbucks, an ATM, and screenings for cervical cancer.
No, but every block does have a Starbucks, which offers rectal exams with purchase of a Grande
Mike in NC
@joeyess:
Or getting into a fistfight with Ross Douthat.
bemused
In some cases, forced sterilization wouldn’t be all bad.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
@Tata:
no, most people without a shame and guilt fetish wouldn’t enjoy sexing it up in the 1950s. you can’t spell dom-peg without gop.
Elliecat
@scav:
Is THAT how they’re doing it? Invisible hands? That explains that unpleasant feeling I get whenever I walk into a Walgreen’s.
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
I’m in. What type of ID do I need (to fabricate) to prove I’m a Republican?
sukabi
@Mike in NC: ummmm the reason they are so “anti-vagina” now isn’t because they’ve been shut out, it’s because they’ve shut themselves into their closets.
scav
@Elliecat: Fits right in with their out-sourcing fetish. Those invisible hands are probably non-union robo-medi-techs from Malaysia.
aimai
@scav:
Its the invisible hand under your skirt! Aisle 9 from outer space.
aimai
aimai
Sorry! elliecat beat me to it.
aimai
Disco
@sukabi:
Oh, you think so? Yeah, I’m sure the media will just lay it on him. They’ll just take him to task for his outright fabrication. Brian Williams will be all over it, I assure you. Hey Kyl, just you wait til the mainstream media hears about this one! Then you’ll be sorry!
Good grief.
Paul in KY
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: Er, me too. I’m as Republican as a, a, Republicus!
MonkeyBoy
I really wish people would properly distinguish “vagina” from “vulva” from “uterus”. Hint: vaginas are mostly hard to see and PAP smears are tests of the cervix of the uterus.
For example Jennifer Love Hewitt probably glued jewels to her vulva not her vagina.
One problem in English is that there doesn’t seem to be words for combinations of these parts and thus the word “vagina” sometimes is used to denote vulva+vagina or vagina+uterus or all 3.
Slang terms such as “cooch”, “snatch”, “twat”, “cunt”, etc. seem to mostly refer to vulva or vulva+vagina but rarely vagina alone except when locating diseases or discharges or in phrases like “you could park a Volkswagen in her cooch”.
The right wing desires both to control vaginas (having sex) and uteruses (pregnacy) but these cases should be distinguished.
chopper
are you kidding? i get all my lab work done at walgreens. they do a mean biopsy, and cheap too. they use scissors tho. but still, cheap!
Tuttle
I’m a Republican’t. Is that close enough?
I think about uteri occasionally.
Usually it runs along the lines of “Why the hell is the Latin word for ‘womb’ a masculine noun!?”
Bret
If Planned Parenthood offered prostate exams and boner pills (edited for moderation, ha!), it would be the most fully-funded organization in America.
John PM
I could not stop laughing at that bit last night on Colbert. I especially enjoy when he has trouble getting through a joke without laughing because it happens so rarely. I was laughing so hard I thought I might wake the kids.
I have gone to one of those Walgreen’s Take Care Clinics and the only thing they can really do is give you a prescription for antibiotics, whether you need them or not.
Silver Owl
It’s pretty stunning how ignorant today’s republican men are on most human health issues. Why they believe they are superior to anyone let alone a sack of broken hammers is beyond me.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@MonkeyBoy: Actually Ms. Love Hewitt most likely glued jewels to her mons, but I’m getting pedantic here. Vulva is a great beginning for being more accurate. Thank you, from a pedantifier(TM)at heart.
Warren Terra
The people in this thread should just be ashamed of themselves. I mean, using dirty, obscene, offensive, probably blasphemous words like “uterus”, “vagina”, “vulva”, and “women”! What about the children? Will no-one think of the children?
WereBear
If I were Walgreen’s… I’d be ticked.
sukabi
@Disco: we KNOW the media won’t do squat, except have him on to spew more lies….BUT there is an opportunity for everyone else to make his lying life a bit uncomfortable for the foreseeable future… if nothing else, it will keep him from showing his face in public…
A L
MonkeyBoy’s comment is the only thing in this entire thread worth a damn.
Disco
@sukabi:
No, it won’t keep him from showing his face in public. He knows that he essentially got away with it, which is why he did it in the first place. This will continue due to the lack of any real scrutiny.
This should have been covered up and down by all forms of media to point out the sickening state of politics. But that would have been accuracy at the expense of “fairness” and they won’t go there. We all saw what happened to Dan Rather. Pointing out the bald-faced lies of Republicans is just “the liberal media” doing its thing.
Master of Karate and Friendship
The “other” party isn’t providing any opposition, that’s what.
You want to cut the budget? Okay I’ll help, then go make a speech praising the cuts.
joe from Lowell
Republicans: “Duh, why do we always have a big gender gap? What can we do to shrink it? I know, let’s put Sarah Palin on the ticket. Dammit, why isn’t it working?”
PhoenixRising
@aimai: Yeah, Wanda Sykes does a funny bit about wanting to leave hers at home. Because according to the news, all rapes are caused by the presence of a vagina, whereas you can leave your wallet when you go out jogging and therefore avoid muggings.
I am hereby refusing to participate in the day, however. There is no way in hell I’m introducing my lady parts to a Republican. There are things I won’t do for the chillren and their futures.
cynickal
@Cris:
I hear in the year 2020 you can get some sweet chrome installed at your local Walgreens.
Mnemosyne
@Warren Terra:
A popular knitting blog that I read had a major kerfuffle because the blogger dared to use the word “nipple” in a post (as in, she had to reknit a sweater because the edge was at nipple height and it looked terrible).
She had a pretty righteous rant about what was wrong with all of the people who were so messed up in the head that they can’t even stand to hear the word “nipple.”
Mnemosyne
@Master of Karate and Friendship:
I was wondering how something like this could possibly be all Obama’s fault, but you managed to ride your hobbyhorse into a completely unrelated thread once again. Kudos.
(edited for moar snark)
MikeJ
@bemused: @bemused:
Bemused v Bell. Three generations of Republicans are enough.
Southern Beale
When I wrote about this over the weekend the part that irritated me the most was that you have two people who have never, ever used Planned Parenthood’s services telling people who need Planned Parenthood’s services that they don’t need Planned Parenthood’s services.
Anyway, as Fox News delves ever more into the ridiculous I have to think they are on the tail end of their existence as a news organization. I see the end coming. When you routinely engage in self-parody with such regularity you usually are at the end of your career. And I’d say that’s about to happen to Fox.
Herbal Infusion Bagger
I believe for Republicans, the vagina’s purpose is to stand stoically by the podium while the penis explains why it’s alleged attempt to pick up another penis in a public bathroom is all a misunderstanding.
Ruckus
@Mnemosyne:
That’s grand. And we all have nipples, though of course for about 1/2 the population they don’t do anything actually useful. And of course there is a subset of mammals who have a third nipple, which somehow might add to the “shame” of the discussion.
scav
@Ruckus: now, come come. the third nipple is Clearly the third rail. two are bad enough.
sukabi
@Ruckus: my son has about 2 third nipples…
Ruckus
@sukabi:
So that really screws up the math, but of course the effect is the same.
BTW is his name Chandler? And how do you have about 2 extras?
Ruckus
@sukabi:
OK you got me. And FWIW in the same vain I have 2 extras.
BTW FYWP for not giving me permission to edit my own posts.
harlana
I’m not forgiving darkhaired Fox guy just because he meant only blood pressure(neither one of those dudes probably know what a pap smear is), he should have corrected himself. But then I suppose it wasn’t intended to be a factual statement . . .
Svensker
Spelunkers wanted.
harlana
with these kinds of attitudes and levels of ignorance, is it any wonder teen pregnancy is rampant?
Lysana
@Ruckus:
I think receiving pleasure is useful. Or so the men whose nipples I’ve interacted with would tend to say.
dogwood
@Disco: I don’t much care anymore about the MSM. Saw the video today at school. I teach government in a conservative small town in a very red state. My students wanted me to show it because everyone was talking about it. We were all in complete hysterics. Sounds corny, but sharing such a pure moment of community with a bunch of 18 year olds who really do get it, is rather uplifting.
KatinPhilly
For fuck’s sake, standing in the check-out line at the grocery store today I saw the cover of “OK” magazine with the Whee! headline on adorable teenage pregnancy and adorable photo of adorable Hollywood smiling, blond, white teenagers with their adorable babies. I wish ABL would write a WIN post on that like she did here. I wanted to tear my hair out when I saw it, with all this other anti-vag fuckery going on.
Edit: Wrong Monkey Boy. Jennifer didn’t have her vulva va-jeweled. It is the pudendum. Ugh.
Wolfdaughter
@Tata:
Tata, did you choose that screen name for this thread?
ABL, you are on fire today! You effin go, girl!
Incidentally, the ad for Ipads is inappropriate. A different type of pad would be highly appropriate for this thread. :)
shortstop
If they ain’t caves of wonderment, ur doin it wrong. It’s just that normal people view them as wondrous AND worthy of respect.
Comrade Mary
@KatinPhilly: I think “pudendum” is just another Latin word for vulva. Yes, I am another pussy pedant.
And this story was just featured on As It Happens. No word of any corresponding collection by any Ms. Hjartardottir.
Jill
Because I can’t resist the opportunity to link the Douchebags of Fox with the chance to flog David Brooks again for his “salad bar at Applebee’s” remark, I’m looking for a garage band with the snarkitude to name itself “Pap Smears at Applebee’s”.
gelfling545
No, sir. That man who claimed to be doing pap tests at Walgreens wasn’t really a doctor. The police took him away.
Ruckus
@Lysana:
I didn’t say they weren’t fun. I said they don’t do anything actually useful. YMMV of course.
MonkeyBoy
@Comrade Mary:
“Pudendum” is the Latin gerundive of pudēre “to be ashamed” and literally means “shameful thing”. As a specific thing, is a part of both men and women and the right Latin translation for “vulva” is “pudendum femininum”. I think the best translation of “pudenndum” alone into English is “naughty bits”.
While the English technical meanings don’t correspond to how people often use them (e.g. there is no word for vulva+vagina), at least in English there is the 1 word “vulva” for the external female genitals while for males the only slang for them I know is “junk” which often appears as the object in phrases involving kicking.
I would be happy to extend “junk” to women parts and maybe to mean the vulva+vagina case. This would probably be less sexist than coining “lady junk” or “junkette”.
Comrade Mary
@Ruckus: “Have nothing on or in your body that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” — Wilhelmina Morris.
Comrade Mary
@MonkeyBoy: You must have been in moderation for I just saw your comment now.
Correct on the shame thing (I am embarrassed that I forgot about that). Re this:
I think “pussy”, “cunt” or “twat” pretty well evoke the whole female, err, package, while “package” or “wedding tackle” seem to be equivalent to the male “junk”. But this might be pretty subjective. Maybe we should take a vote.
MonkeyBoy
@Comrade Mary:
Complicating this whole naming mess, and it remains a mess because it is shameful to discuss such shameful things, is that “vagina” is often used as a Metonym for vulva, vulva+vagina, vagina+uterus, and vulva+vagina+uterus. A metonymy is a language device where a salient part is used to stand for the whole – in this case a hole standing for the whole. Metonyms are not officially supposed to transfer meaning from the part to the whole though in reality they can by saying the salient part is the defining part of the whole and demeaning all the other parts as unimportant. A good example of this degradation is expressing “two unknown women entered the store” metonymically as “two unknown cunts entered the store” which if c#nt is also metonymic reduces the women to just two holes in need of a filling.
One might think some insight might come from the terminology used to discuss an 8-year-old’s lady bits because presumably she doesn’t have a functioning vagina much less physically know it exists – and thus “hole” metonyms should be absent. However from my experience many years ago at age 7 when I was dragged into the bushes by one to “play doctor” she had no words at all to discuss what she called “down there”. This field of language probably will remain unexplored (at least by me) because as an adult I would most likely be strung up if I tried to engage young girls in discussions about their twats even if I claimed it really was a linguistic research project.
No one of Importance
@MonkeyBoy:
No, her mons pubis, to be precise. Or even just above it, at the base of her belly. Enough to make lowering her panties exciting to people of a certain mindset.
I hate that I know this.
‘Pudendum’ is the whole magilla, including those parts which shall not be covered in crystals lest they make masturbation an exercise in self-abuse of the non-fund kind.
Ruckus
@Comrade Mary:
Didn’t know who Wilhelmina is so of course I checked. Still don’t know. But her saying is nice and should be a thought to live by. It’s not always true of course, as I understand some people with, for example, a third nipple, don’t always appreciate it for it’s beauty and it seems to serve no function, unlike my two normal ones which do, as they are capable in the right situation of providing pleasure. Pleasure though, can be enough and many days it is useful as well so all is not lost.
sukabi
@Ruckus: because we’re not sure if one is a spare or a mole, but it’s there.
MonkeyBoy
@No one of Importance:
I really don’t want to know what JLH did “down there” though she has probably made herself hairless so she has childish ignorance and purity where there no clear lines or distinctions.
I object to your “No” because the vulva includes the mons pubis. However you also note that JLH’s concept of “vagina” is creeping upwards.
What I objected to about JLH’s statement was her confusing lack of vocabulary (gluing jewels in a vagina might be as much fun as having centipedes there) and her notion that her lower torso and she herself is totally subservient to the smallish actual hole that is her true vagina.
What a stupid cunt.
No one of Importance
@MonkeyBoy:
Well, thanks for demonstrating what kind of genital object *you* are. I do believe JLH outclasses you on every possible front.
Hope you and your neanderthal friend upthread enjoy pie.
MonkeyBoy
@No one of Importance:
“Whoosh”
+PLONK+