New York has added a new consumer-assistance feature, “This Week in Fake Presidential Candidates“:
Hey, did you hear who’s maybe running for president? Everyone. At least that’s what seemingly each and every Republican politician wants us to think these days. And why not? Just say you’re “thinking about it” or “keeping your options open,” and the media will suddenly lavish attention on you as if you really matter. But not everybody does. Each Friday until the primaries truly begin, we’ll look at which of these prospective candidates are more likely or less likely to actually enter the race, along with a prediction of the likelihood that they throw their hat into the ring. Excluded from this rigorous scientific analysis: any candidate we’re pretty sure is definitely going to run — guys like Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, and libertarian former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, who will reportedly announce next week…
NYMag found no fewer than 15 — fifteen! — attention-seekers nodding & flashing ankles, or other body parts, for the delight of the Media Village courtiers. David Plouffe sleeps soundly this weekend.
For the delight of the rest of us cynics, TPM reports that one of those fifteen, Rick ‘Obscene Neologism’ Santorum, has already had to back hastily away from a campaign slogan stolen ‘inadvertently copied by an anonymous low-level staffer‘ from a pro-union poem by famous gay African-American socialist poet Langston Hughes. (Which was also used by John Kerry during his presidential campaign, for added cluelessness.)
Triassic Sands
Santorum doesn’t want America to be America again. He wants America to be the Confederacy.
Another horrible person going after the GOP nomination.
KG
Huckabee should be higher, Huntsman should be lower (unless he’s doing his standard Republican “I’ve run once and lost, so I can run and win next time” campaign). Otherwise, it strikes me as just about right
JCT
The uh, “unseriousness” of all this is getting downright depressing. It’s like our political system has turned into an enormous joke. Politics as performance art. Bad performance art.
Too bad that these fucking elections have real-world consequences for SOME people. Just not these assclowns. Except of course, to make them all richer.
WTF?
KG
Well, it was the Confederate States of America… So, he just wants it to be a different America, again.
Suffern ACE
Ah yes, Santorum. When he last graced the pages of BJ for discussion, he was pointing to the Crusades as that touchstone period of U.S. history that he wanted us to return to again. The President representing Western Civilization, Defender of the Faith.
I’m still on the fence about the Libya action, but I’ll stick with what we got over the type who holds 1000 year grudges.
Spaghetti Lee
@JCT:
I’m actually taking a class about modern art than that touches heavily on performance art, and let me tell you, I’d rather watch Vito Acconci masturbate into a cup for 8 hours than any of the Republican candidates give one speech.
Xecky Gilchrist
Was it Will Rogers who said you could tell how crooked a town was by how many men ran for Sherriff?
Anya
Langston Hughes was an American poet, essayist and a novelist. It’s not conclusive that he was gay, not that there’s anything wrong with him being gay.
hildebrand
Huntsman is simply hoping that the stupid in the Republican body politic is burned out of the system by 2016.
ppcli
Shame that Santorum finds himself unable to use such a great slogan. Maybe we should suggest some replacements. Here are a couple that would be great:
Americans unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!
Arise, children of America/
The day of glory has arrived!
hildebrand
“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.”
No, but it is a bit too much on the resume for the to be Republican nominee. Wouldn’t want an overqualified candidate.
Warren Terra
In fairness to Santorum, while it is true that most politicians with delusions of ambition would Google a slogan to check its provenance before trying to use it, Santorum has his own reasons not to Google things.
(I just checked: Bing ain’t doing Rick any favors if he searches for his name, either. I guess there’s always Conservapedia, though I still maintain that if they’re so all-fired Conservative and wish to preserve traditions, the proper spelling would be “Conservapaedia“)
suzanne
@Spaghetti Lee:
Ahhh, Seedbed.
I have an art degree. Sorry.
I need work clothes, and I’m trying to decide whether or not to go to H&M. The problem is that I basically hate shopping and crowds and really just want to become a hermit.
Warren Terra
@ppcli:
“G O P, United, Will Never Be Defeated”
Roger Moore
@ppcli:
One people, one country, one President!
Ignorance is strength!
The Dangerman
I think Huckabee, Palin, and Gingrich all sit out until 2016, if then; no reason to give up a well paying gig on FOX to get your ass kicked.
Omnes Omnibus
@Anya: Of course there was nothing wrong with him being gay, if indeed he was. The thing is Rick probably would be horrified by it.
Delia
Goopers are always doing this. Of course St. Ronnie never had to back down on using Born in the USA, because he was a saint, dontcha know. But there’s still that whiff of idiocy that clings to him about it all. And then didn’t McCain pick out a couple of campaign songs whose authors told him they couldn’t have them? These guys never research anything or never ask for permission. They’re just entitled.
Villago Delenda Est
@Roger Moore:
Like Pat Buchanan’s “red meat” speeches at Republican National Conventions, you can’t really appreciate it unless it’s in the original Hochdeutsch
Hermione Granger-Weasley
@The Dangerman: Palin can’t sit out 2012. She will be post-menopausal by 2016.
@AL
Gary Johnson? Yikes! that guy has the worst toup in America.
Wasn’t he EDK’s fav?
MikeJ
Sadly Ladbrokes hasn’t started taking bets on the US elections yet. UK AV ref is going 9/4 for 50-55% yes though.
arguingwithsignposts
@hildebrand:
Then Huntsman is stupider than he looks. He should know there is no Peak Wingnut.
Hermione Granger-Weasley
Ah yes.
Gary Johnson…the worst toupe EVAH.
I knew that was familiar.
Calouste
@Roger Moore:
America, America above everything, America above everything in the world.
MikeJ
@Roger Moore: After the USAF changed their motto to “Over All” nothing would shock me.
MikeJ
@Calouste: How about:
The flag on high! The ranks closed tightly!
GOP marches with calm, firm steps.
Tara the antisocial social worker
An America in every pot.
Roger Moore
@Calouste:
Or he could always start recycling old mottoes from previous campaigns. “The Log Cabin and Hard Cider Candidate”, “Popular Sovereignty”, “Free Silver”, and “Fifty-four forty or fight!” all have good rings to them.
Roger Moore
@Tara the antisocial social worker:
Some pot with every chicken and a garage for every car.
Suffern ACE
@Roger Moore: Hmmmm. Something tells me that the Canadians might push back a little on that whole 54 40 redux theme.
JCT
@Spaghetti Lee:
OK, I needed that laugh.
Hmmm, sounds like a performance tailor made for Santorum.
Omnes Omnibus
@Suffern ACE: Do you have any idea how big our military compared to theirs?
piratedan
@Roger Moore: Tippacanoe and Donald Trump too!
Roger Moore
@Suffern ACE:
Who cares? Canadians don’t vote in our presidential elections. Among Republicans, needlessly pissing off foreigners is a good thing.
The Dangerman
Remember the Maine on Dog
WaterGirl
@Delia: I wonder if Barack Obama got permission to use city of blinding lights as music for his campaign in 2008. I wonder if Springsteen would let him use born in the USA.
Gina
@suzanne: Tuesday morning is a good time to mall shop if you’re a hermit but have to go forth into retail land.
Internet’s my favorite mall.
Suffern ACE
@Roger Moore: True. And once they came in, we could give them the electoral votes we give to territories such as Guam and use them as a laboratory for our ideas. Someone needs to experiment with these medicare vouchers and it sure as heck isn’t going to be me if I can help it.
MikeJ
@WaterGirl: Since U2 performed it at one of the inauguration parties my guess is they weren’t too upset about it.
dmsilev
@Roger Moore: I’ve always liked ‘Tippecanoe and Tyler too’. It’s about time someone brought that back.
dms
WaterGirl
@MikeJ: Glad to hear that! I didn’t consciously notice the music when I was in Iowa working for the campaign for the 2 weeks before the primary. I was in the grocery store one evening, a couple of days after I got home, and I noticed that I suddenly felt happy. It took me a minute, but I realized that the song in the background had been playing at all the Obama events, so I rushed home to find out the name, and downloaded it. Good memories.
Tara the antisocial social worker
@The Dangerman: for the win!
Anne Laurie
@suzanne:
Figure out which retailers focus on your style/body type and do it online. If H&M is a possibility for your office, I’m guessing Land’s End, J.Jill, Coldwater Creek or Eileen Fisher would be good places to start, along with the H&M site. As a plus-sized woman, I am very happy to do 90% of my clothing & shoe-shopping online, but in the current retail climate it is not just for us fatties & agoraphobes anymore. You may have to send some stuff back until you establish how a particular company interprets the proportions for your size, but even the ‘value priced’ companies are usually good these days about returns & exchanges.
asiangrrlMN
Don’t forget me! I’m running as well. Call me, Colbert!
PostMenopausalLib
@Hermione Granger-Weasley: You know of course that just means no more babies. I think the other parts still work. I believe the Holy Reagan was post menopausal when he became president.
Sadly it seems likely we are stuck with the perpetual “will she, won’t she” question re: Ms. Palin.
Matt McIrvin
@dmsilev: They Might Be Giants recorded a slightly ominous, minor-keyed version of “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too” for a political benefit album a few years back.
“And with ’em we’ll beat little Van, Van, Van is a used up man…”