James Frey has written is publishing a new novel! The Financial Times reviewer says it is “… both a work of art and a bombshell hurled at the religious right. It tackles the Second Coming of Jesus in modern America – with the promised Messiah enacting the deeds the religious right consider most wicked. He is, for example, an active bisexual who supports his prostitute girlfriend when she aborts her first child…. This book is very good indeed… weirdly believable, often extremely moving and sometimes funny.”
What the reviewer does not say, at least in the Slate excerpt, is that this artful tome will set you back fifty fekking dollars, unless you are among the gadget-enabled who settle for the $10 Kindle version. I could not understand the premium for a writer best known for being legally obligated to apologize to Oprah on-camera, until I read the interview on Amazon’s sale page:
Q: You’ve opted to go with the Gagosian Gallery in New York rather than a traditional publisher. Why did you choose a small art gallery over a traditional publishing house?
__
A: Gagosian is the most prestigious gallery in the world. And they publish about 50 books a year–beautiful art books that transcend what a writer can do with a traditional publisher. I wanted to make a beautiful book, an object that people would be proud to own and display,something looked and felt like a real Bible, but more contemporary. I have always said that art influences me more than writing does so the idea of working with a gallery made sense to me.
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Q: What artists inspired you while writing The Final Testament?
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A: I looked at a ton of Renaissance religious art, like Michelangelo and Raphael, Carvaggio. Some of the sculpture Rodin made. Illuminated manuscripts at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. There is a much greater and more substantial body of religious art than there is religious literature.
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Q: Could you talk about the design of the book? How involved were you in the process?
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A: I was very involved in every step of it, in every decision related to it. I worked with a design firm in London called GTF. They make incredible books, and they were incredible to work with on this project. The goal was to make a beautiful, unique, collectible book.
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Q: The Final Testament will be released as a limited-edition $50 printed book and a $150 autographed version, but you’re self-publishing the ebook at $10. Do you see a future where the printed book is an expensive object intended for collectors while digital copies are for everyone else?
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A: Absolutely. I think the future of publishing, or one version of it, is in physical books for collectors and serious fans and ebooks for mass distribution. I believe in that future and want to be a part of it as early as possible.
SO PERFECT. A comely Art-Appreciation-101 version to be displayed on all the best coffee tables, and a tech-friendly (words-only?) version for minimum-wage-earning hipsters who might actually want to read the thing! And if the publicity gods are very very kind, maybe some godbothering yahoo in flyover country will be inspired to denounce it! I wonder if GTF was responsive to the marketing challenge of a high-flashpoint paper stock?
And is the particularly spank-worthy text printed in red ink, like the words of you-know-who in an old-fashioned “real Bible”?
Truly, if James Frey did not exist, Tom Wolfe — or David Mamet — would have to invent him.
Chukwu
Lloyd Blankfein walks into a bar and strikes up a conversation with an attractive woman.
“So what do you do for a living?” she asks.
Blankfein pulls out a can of gasoline, douses her in it, and takes out a cigarette lighter.
“I sell fire insurance.”
ETA: This book looks awesome. So glad I got a Kindle.
matoken_chan
Time for James the Lesser (O’Keefe) to walk in to the Gagosian Gallery wearing a burqa and prove that Frey is really a godless liberal Muslim secret abortion provider from federal funds sponsoring the ACORN apocalypse so that the dead shall rise and vote Democratic across this great nation.
JGabriel
So wait, if Frey is calling it a novel, does that mean it’s real?
.
Bruce S
Even Oprah – like a stopped clock – is right about some shit.
“The Last Temptation of the Coffee Table.”
JGabriel
Has anyone played Portal 2 yet?
(I’m assuming we don’t have to stay on topic when the topic is James Frey.)
.
matoken_chan
@Chukwu:
And the woman turns in desperation to Jamie Dimon and says,
“And what do you sell?”
And Dimon smiles back at her, a slow, greedy, amused smile:
“Why, ma’am, I sell smoke.”
Corner Stone
Anne Laurie, I’m sorry but I have no idea any longer if you’re working us or being serious. Welcome to something something or other.
Arclite
It’s okay to use the real word. I don’t think anyone under 15 visits this site…
Bruce S
This, incidentally, is good news for Donald Trump. And God Nose, we wouldn’t want to live in a country without people like Him.
Arclite
As the sole breadwinner for a family of four, I’m waiting for the Steam sale. I AM replaying the original in anticipation.
But, yeah, it’s a must buy.
Dennis SGMM
@JGabriel:
I haven’t bought a game since CIV IV BTS. I’m very tempted to get Portal 2 just because of all of the good things I’ve heard about Portal.
Thanks, Arclite. I’ll go ahead and plunk for it. I built a fairly capable PC for 3D modeling so gaming is cake.
JGabriel
Arclite:
We get the occasional pre-adolescent who accidentally clicked through here while googling skull fuck a kitten — for which Balloon Juice remains not just the top hit, but the next three as well.
.
jayjaybear
It sounds like overreach, actually. If he really wanted to shock and anger the godbotherers, all he needed to do was write the magically realistic scenario of Jesus coming back and preaching the same damn things he allegedly did the first time. Modern right-wing Christians have proven, quite recently, that they don’t care for all that “love” and “brotherhood” stuff.
freelancer
@JGabriel:
It’s in the mail. Unanimously being lauded as contender for game of the year, but “controversy” marred the release because PC gamers are up in arms over…
…who cares? The only time you worry about PC gamers is when they aren’t outraged over nonsense or screaming about DLC that doesn’t exist, or making every nontroversy a hill to die on.
ETA: I know there are a lot of PC gamers on this site, I’m bitching about the fact that they all choose to bitch about different boutique things to a person. Consoles have a standard, PC’s are free reign and inevitably cause friction with a platform that is open source.
Jay C
@Arclite:
You wouldn’t know it from reading the comment threads…
Upper West
Way way off topic, but can anyone tell me why Jared Jeffries had to channel his inner Charles Smith and not fucking dunk the ball 3 feet from the basket instead of passing and losing the fucking game for the Knicks??
matoken_chan
@Arclite:
I don’t think anyone under +15 visits this site
Tim, Interrupted
Anne…I don’t really get what the controversy here is supposed to be. ???
Also, too, furthermore, additionally, and subsequently: Are we really supposed to believe that James Frey was the first writer to fake all or parts of a memoir? Please.
sb
Tim, the controversy is that James Frey is a total asshole whose assholery goes way beyond lying (faking my ass) in his memoir. The fucker is a crook, pure and simple. To charge $50 for a book is bad enough. That he is enjoying any fame at all with a reputation that would make a Wall Street banker blush is what’s so wrong with this picture.
You don’t like the hate on Frey? Fine. But he’s worth the hatin’ so you’ll have to excuse the rest of us.
JGabriel
Donald Trump (via TPM), still learnin’ that right-wing code — and pissin’ off teatards in the process:
Bahahahaha!
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El Cid
I thought this handled the notion of Biblical literacy in satirical portraiture pretty well. God is dead, for reasons unknown, and for reasons even less known, his two-mile long body is floating at sea, decaying, and the Vatican and a few temporarily surviving angels contract a disgraced supertanker captain to pilot a special vehicle to tow God’s corpse to an iceberg to be preserved as best as possible.
Lolis
He is such a mediocre writer. Meh.
jeff
@sb: See: Jeff Koons, Damien Hirst, etc. Warhol made the point (well, Duchamp did really), but these fuckers are cynical assholes.
Chris Grrr™
@sb:
QFT. Clearer proof of Barnum’s axiom doesn’t exist.
Arclite
@Dennis SGMM:
If you haven’t played the original, you might want to pick it up first, as it can usually be had on sale for $5-$10. It’s a blast, has very low spec requirements, and will give you an idea of the 3-D puzzle based game play. Or just check out some youtubes.
Despite being very expensive, traditionally 3D modeling cards like the old FireGL and Nvidia Quadro didn’t game very well as they were optimized for CAD, rendering, and DCC. I think it might be okay today, though as current quadros use more modern chips, but you should find out what chip your card has so you know what performance to expect.
Darcy
@Tim, Interrupted: This may be some explanation. His writing might be meh, but his business practices concerning writing are worth the Fire of a Thousand ETC.
replicnt6
@JGabriel:
About an hour into it. Played first 5 minutes last night at 12:30am when it unlocked. I’ve played the original 3 or 4 times through. So far, fun. Same attitude as the original. My favorite character already got killed off.
MikeJ
@replicnt6: The weighted companion cube got killed in the first one.
Steeplejack
@JGabriel:
I love being part of a blog community with a solid record of accomplishment.
Dennis SGMM
@Arclite:
Good thought, I’ll do that. As far as gaming, I don’t think that it will be a problem. I built the box last Fall and I’m running an ATI Radeon 5870 video card, an AMD Phenom II 1090T CPU on an ASUS Crosshair IV mainboard, with 8 Gigs of RAM. The OS is Win7 Ultimate 64 Bit. I managed to OC the thing to just under 4 mHz on air and then I backed it off to stock settings. The gear is so good these days that overclocking seems to be mostly about bragging rights.
asiangrrlMN
@Steeplejack: You! Yeah, you! How the Hades are you?
Martin
Just got back from karting for the first time and holy fuck is that fun. I was sore as shit when I got there and I can barely move my right arm now, but I’d go again right now and suffer though.
And I’m quite proud of myself going out and running fast lap from lap 1 on my first time out.
Tim, Interrupted
@sb:
T
Maybe so, maybe not…why don’t you give me the run down? Did he kill someone? How exactly is he a “crook?” Been charged with anything? Convicted? Why do you in particular hate him so much?
Danceswithwords
There are certain works of fiction that DO inhabit their physical forms, and that are inseparable from them–Danielewski’s House of Leaves leaps to mind, because it truly does bend narrative forms and use the physical structure of the book to do it. And then there’s James Frey, selling a coffee table book without the pictures, possibly because his movie franchise is in the tank.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
I’m think I remember bitch-slapping James Frey once at a party at Oprah’s house, but the details are fuzzy.
It’s horrible when your memory starts to go, and always the good memories that go first.
ETA: Wheeeee! I’m in the blogroll!
asiangrrlMN
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: If I ply you with drinks, do you think you’ll remember? I love your stories.
MikeJ
When did BJ start requiring a horizontal scroll bar? Even with my browser using 1900 pixels it needs a scroll bar.
It disturbs me. Please fix it.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@asiangrrlMN:
I suspect I might. I like Veuve, although I will drink Perrier Jouet at a pinch.
I’m currently working on a little story about dinner at the Reagan White House, which is keeping me busy, so Mr Frey might need to wait.
It’s been a rather busy week.
Steeplejack
@asiangrrlMN:
Me?! Who, me? I thought you had departed these parts for full-time
vote-pimpingelectioneering at ABL’s place. All I see around here in the late hours is Yutsano wandering around disconsolate and mumbling about back pain and blood tests.I have been trying to keep up with the threads, but I haven’t been commenting much. Working a lot of late shifts (really late) and then getting home and getting on the computer in the middle of the night. Circadian rhythms completely screwed up (I know you can relate), with the result that I have been sleeping a lot in the daytime. I feel like a vampire. And not in the cool, teenage-hottie way.
And I have been processing my father’s death. It has mostly been positive, but it has brought on some deep thoughts and philosophical stock-taking. Plus some weird eruptions of good memories and song flashbacks. Last night there was this: Kyu Sakamoto, “Sukiyaki.” Neat little song that was inexplicably a big hit in the U.S. in 1963. I remember hearing it on the radio and at the officers’ club while waiting for my parents to finish dinner. (My brother and I used to have dinner early, go to the movie and then come back to the O-club to meet the parents.) The real name of the song translates as “I look up when I walk.” “Sukiyaki” is just easy for us honkies to remember.
Okay, I’m going full-on maudlin: “High Flight.” I ran this down when I was sifting through old songs the day after my father died. A lot of TV stations used this as a sign-off back in the days when they actually, er, signed off at around midnight. I remember seeing it a lot, and it really takes me back to the ’60s. Then I was surprised to find out that my mother had asked that it be read at my father’s funeral. (He was a career Air Force flight surgeon.) Pure cheese, but it still hit home.
Anyway, it’s springtime, the weather has been great here, and I’m looking for the green shoots after what basically has been a horrible winter.
No one of Importance
@Sarah, Proud and Tall:
I always think of you as Allison Janney and read your comments as Nancy Culp :)
This improves an already delightful experience immeasurably.
Pity a lady like you couldn’t have kneed Frey in the qualifications while you were at it, but I’m sure you thought about it.
Martin
@MikeJ: It started when Cole decided to put a 200 digit binary string as a post title. It’ll be fixed tomorrow when it falls off the recent posts list.
TooManyJens
@Martin:
Hoocoodanode?
hamletta
@MikeJ: I hate when that happens. Stupid browsers.
And fekking James Frey can fek himself. You want to take on The Big Guy? Fine. You want to write a story of The Second Coming? Great! Been done before, but it’s a wide open concept.
Please show where you’re diverging from a checklist designed to get you ink ‘n’ pixels. It sounds far less interesting than, say, Donnie Darko, or K-PAX. Or Cool Hand Luke, for that matter.
freelancer
@Martin:
God, the code on Fry’s ass for time travel wasn’t that long.
TooManyJens
I’m not hungry, but I really want to stress-eat. Hrmph.
Martin
@hamletta: Not the browser’s fault that it’s not a very graceful page template, or that the blog host would rather annoy everyone rather than pollute his precious binary sequence with two spaces.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@No one of Importance:
Try Allison Janney’s grandmother and you’re a little closer to the truth.
I tried, but apparently his qualifications are quite small and I missed.
[Edited for accuracy]
Suffern ACE
I can’t imagine paying 50 bucks for his book. Can’t imagine paying 10 for an electronic version. I just can’t seem to get all that interested in the satire written by a liar poking fun at the gullible, even if those folks are usually against me.
Omnes Omnibus
@TooManyJens: Celery sticks.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
So, boys and girls, I’m a little conflicted.
If Andrew Sullivan links to you and says nice things, does that mean you have to be nice back?
Little Boots
james frey, yeah, not so sure. this will not end well, methinks.
burnspbesq
@Upper West:
Because he plays for the Knicks, who are destined to lose from now until the end of time.
hamletta
@Steeplejack: I’m so sorry, Steep.
And don’t be embarrassed about “High Flight.” I heard it a million times, because I am old, and because I am a night owl.
But I think it’s really beautiful. “I have slipped the surly bonds of earth…”
Little Boots
@Sarah, Proud and Tall:
courteous but noncommittal. that’s the English way.
Arclite
@Dennis SGMM: Heh, okay, that’s a pretty sweet set up.
Omnes Omnibus
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: You could offer the intertron equivalent of a curt, but polite, nod of acknowledgement. Well, you could do that if someone knew exactly what that gesture was. Anyway, I try to help out where and when I can.
burnspbesq
Is everyone in the North Dakota legislature an idiot?
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=6391276
Little Boots
@burnspbesq:
I assume this question is rhetorical.
Steeplejack
@hamletta:
Thanks. Cheesy though it is, it always affects me. One of those things, like old songs, where you’re surprised that you can remember all the lyrics decades later.
ETA: Definitely can’t remember the lyrics to “Sukiyaki,” though!
Dennis SGMM
@Arclite:
Thanks. I built it to run Blender. The rendering engines I use are capable of multithreading so a six core CPU was a given. The AMD is a good deal for the money and if it’s only using one or two cores it automatically throttles up from 3.2gHz to 3.6gHz.
Little Boots
@Dennis SGMM:
I have no idea what this means, but I defend to the death your right to say it.
TooManyJens
@Omnes Omnibus: I keep forgetting that there are people who eat celery voluntarily.
Dennis SGMM
@Little Boots:
LOL! Geek talk can be pretty opaque and really boring if you aren’t into it. That’s why I try to keep my Geekanese to once every six months around here.
Little Boots
@Dennis SGMM:
heh, you know I’m just teasing.
Little Boots
good night all, and dream well.
aliasofwestgate
@Steeplejack:
The lyrics to it in japanese are much more melancholy than the english version of the song became. But also hopeful in that way that a lot of modern japanese music is. Kyu-chan was the prototype japanese pop artist, really. But i always loved that song, though i was born far too late to hear it originally aired.
Martin
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: Only if you have a full beard. If you don’t feel free to tell him to fuck off.
Steeplejack
@aliasofwestgate:
Yeah, I know. He looks up when he walks because he doesn’t want people to see the tears on his face.
A sweetly melancholy song that I associate with this one from (roughly) the same period: Skeeter Davis, “The End of the World.”
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Martin:
I think the expression the young people use is LOL.
Steeplejack
@Steeplejack:
(FYWP wouldn’t let me edit the comment.)
Man, that song is cheesy even for that time. Maybe my memory is clouded because it was such a great slow-dancing song. God, now I can practically taste Donna Winter’s hairspray. You can’t buy memories like that.
JGabriel
replicnt6:
Thanks, that’s what I was looking for: some observations from someone who’s played it. I’ll probably be trying it sometime tomorrow.
@MikeJ:
I swear I’m not a sociopath (if you gotta tell people…– ed.) (mutter mutter fucking editors mutter mutter — jg), but I felt no qualms about incinerating the cube. It’s a metal cube, fer chrissakes! A virtual one, it’s not even a real cube!
.
wetcasements
The art world equivalent of Jeff Koons.
eemom
@Sarah, Proud and Tall:
good heavens no. It means you have to tell the story of that time you were dining at Buckingham Palace and you went off to the restroom and happened to catch him and Margaret Thatcher rehearsing a certain scene from The Shining that involved a bear suit.
hamletta
@eemom: Please do not be telling The Sarah her life story as if it were fiction; and as if you had the imagination to make it up.
hamletta
@Steeplejack: I hadn’t yet moved on to solid food when “Sukiyaki” took the world by storm, but I did defend Skeeter Davis from a bunch of hipsters at the Warner Theatre at an NRBQ show back when she was married to Joey Spampinato.
And that is why I named my cat, who showed up in the ‘hood on the day of Lana Turner’s death, Joey.
demz taters
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: You obviously didn’t bitch slap him hard enough.
eemom
@hamletta:
Oh, I’ll wager Sarah can take care of herself. Indeed, ‘twould be an honor to be told to STFU, by Herself, should I be overstepping the appropriate boundaries.
You, on the other hand? Weak and presumptious sauce.
mythago
Ah. So by “involved in the design”, we mean that Frey didn’t in fact write the book himself? Or did he con some poor MFA student into it?
aliasofwestgate
@Steeplejack There are times i wish i wasn’t born in 1977, if only to experience all the music before my time.
It was cheesy, but she did have the voice to present it well. I give it that. There were so many more people able to actually DO that. /sighs/ I swear, i’m too young to be this way about music sometimes.
Steeplejack
@aliasofwestgate:
It’s the irony now. No one can do a song with a straight face and without all the “meta.” There’s a lot to be said for a straightforward rendition of a straightforward song.
Patsy Cline, “I Fall to Pieces.”
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: Leave my blood outta this. And just for the record I have a herniated disc in the L5 region. Good times. No wonder my doc loaded me up on codeine.
Steeplejack
@hamletta:
I love NRBQ! “Ridin’ in My Car.”
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Hey, you’ve got my complete sympathy. Was just saying that your bride to be has been sadly lacking, no?
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: Well a couple shots to my back will most likely correct the back issues I’m hoping. And I know a PT trick that gets it to behave for a spell. Plus it gives me a good excuse to drive to work, so it’s not all negative.
I never did tell you pacem a tei for your father.
aliasofwestgate
@Steeplejack: There definitely is! I think my choir girl background and my own audio obsession contribute to my utter despair at all the music i hear nowadays. I don’t fall into the ‘hipster’ thing as i’m far too gone into teh anime/manga/live action tv fandom to really be anything else than a raving girlgeek.
I love that song. Patsy Cline’s voice is divine.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@eemom:
I seem to remember that they were in Prince Phillip’s bedroom, dear, not the restroom. The picture of him on the wall looked most disapproving, but then it always did.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@hamletta:
Now, now, dear. Be nice. Let’s save our anger for when Donald Trump becomes President.
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Thank you. As-salamu alaykum, as (perhaps) Edward would say.
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: Whatever Ed’s words of wisdom would be on this matter would be infinitely more profound and meaningful than anything I could scrounge together. The best part is she wouldn’t even realize it, it would just BE.
PS Wheat Chex with honey and a small nip of vanilla. Amazingly and surprisingly delicious.
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Sounds good. I’m into my last rum and tonic of the night. The hogshead has run dry, and I need to get to bed soon anyway.
Playing Patsy Cline over and over. There’s something to be said for sequins and fringe.
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: She could just cry. Every note carried a secret (and not-so-secret) pain that mirrored her own tragic personal life. She, like just about every other great and breakthrough artist, died way too young.
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Amen to that.
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: WP has now eaten three comments in a row. I give the fuck up.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Yutsano:
That may be THE gayest thing ever said on this blog. And that’s a high bar.
Not criticisin’, just sayin’.
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Amen to that as well. I’ve been there. In the meantime I have spiraled down the Floyd hole and ended up with Major Lance (“Monkey Time”). Think it may be time for me to pack it in.
Sarah, Proud and Tall
@Sarah, Proud and Tall:
I settled on temporary politeness.
Yutsano
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: Most humans could interpret that as somewhat insulting. As I am gay as a plaid rabbit with a three dollar bill, thank you.
@Steeplejack: All I wanted to do was show off a living feather duster from New Zealand, but apparently WP has gone anti-Kiwi. I’ll try the old-fashioned way:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFMXrBWswl0&feature=related
EDIT: And of course now it works. FYWP.
Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)
@Sarah, Proud and Tall:
Quite the contrary. Regular helpings of abuse will keep your new suitor intrigued. Just ask our host.
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Damn, that is one mutant parakeet. Hope it doesn’t haunt my dreams (although it’s kind of cute).
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: IT’S. JUST. SO. FLUFFEH!! I think the chirps he does are pretty adorable too. Plus he’s very finger-tame.
Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)
@Yutsano: Plus its mum abandoned him. Noooo! Too sad. I will save you little bird.
Yutsano
@Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel): If I get childish about it, the thing looks like a living Pokemon. The adult in me just admires the infinite creativity that is the crapshoot of genetics. But he is quite teh ball of fluff. Plus I think he has a touch of the regal countenance.
AAA Bonds
I doubt I’ll pay Frey for anything, but there’s nothing wrong with this sales strategy as far as I can see.
Seems smart and effective.
Waratah
@Steeplejack: Thank you.
I fall to pieces is my very favorite, but I love all her songs.
lonesomerobot
opinions of Frey notwithstanding, he’s probably right. It’s the same in the music industry where (you heard it here first) elaborate vinyl editions and downloads will be pretty much the only game in town for album releases in about 5-10 years — one version for collectors, and the other for consumption.
Erik Vanderhoff
And yet House of Leaves only set me back about $20. Suckers.
asiangrrlMN
@Sarah, Proud and Tall: A friend on FB posted a link to your place to mention how happy she was to see me mentioned on one of her new favorite blogs. I’ll have the Veuve and blow ready when you’re up to writing about Frey.
@Steeplejack: I’ve been trying to re-jigger my sleep schedule, which means being in bed by 1. That doesn’t leave me much time for late-night BJ hangin’, unfortunately. And, whenever I am here, you are not. Nor is Yutsy most of the time.
My condolences again on your father. You are keeping him alive by remembering him.
P.S. It’s snowing right now. I haz a happy.
Xenocrates
I’m contemplating writing a coffee-table book on coffee tables. Wonder what the Gagosian Gallery would charge me for that? (And forgive me for reading the name of the gallery as the “Gozarian”…are you the gate keeper?)
Monala
both a work of art and a bombshell hurled at the religious right. It tackles the Second Coming of Jesus in modern America – with the promised Messiah enacting the deeds the religious right consider most wicked.
Creating an “edgy” Jesus is nothing new, and it’s what the religious right expects of secular artists. The religious right will likely squawk and complain of persecution, but it won’t make them reconsider anything.
I think a bigger bombshell would be to create a Jesus in the modern world who mirrors the one described in the New Testament: celibate, befriending those that religious people consider wicked (he himself might not be bi with a girlfriend who’s had an abortion, but he’d befriend those that are), challenging the rich to give up what they have, and challenging the judgmental to take a look at their own lives.