Let’s pretend for a moment that you, me, and everyone else is a resident in a land called NETWORK NEWS. For years, you have been paying into a program called, let’s say, MEDICABC. Basically, this is a program that, once you are of a certain age, will provide you with complete coverage for all your health care concerns until the day you die.
Meanwhile, the SERIOUS PEOPLE at the top of NETWORK NEWS spent the last few decades giving themselves and their friends raises, rushing off to foreign lands to spend lots of money on war toys and hookers and beer. While they were doing all that, they were also quietly looting the foundation of NETWORK NEWS, and helped bring on a real economic collapse. Fortunately though, they were able to throw a lot of money at themselves to pay off their debts, and none of the SERIOUS PEOPLE had to suffer, go to jail, or answer for their irresponsibility. One day, though, the SERIOUS PEOPLE look at the books and say “Hey- something’s got to give! We’re running out of loot!”
So they put together this plan to help bring the financial house back in order. What they decide to do is give themselves another round of raises and spend more money on war toys, hookers, and beer, make sure that none of their past raises are undone. How will that fix the financial issue? Well, just wait. They also have decided that MEDICABC will no longer cover all your health care. Instead, they will give you a stipend, expect you to navigate the hundreds of “free market” options, and if you don’t have enough money, then you you just have to eat a bag of salted dicks. One could say that their plan is for you to “Just die already,” but that would be shrill and unserious, so we’ll stick with the bag of salted dicks.
Now, as expected, a lot of people in this land of NETWORK NEWS say “Hey- that sucks. You are ending MEDICABC! What the hell is going on here? What a load of bullshit!”
However, the SERIOUS PEOPLE push back, and a nonpartisan group calls all the residents of NETWORK NEWS who are upset about this a bunch of liar liar pants on fire liars. Then, a man we shall call DICK KLINE writes a piece saying “Hey, look! They aren’t ending MEDICABC! They are just changing the program completely! Politifact says so! Why can’t you all be adults!”
Guess what? We don’t need to pretend about all this. And really,
Dick Kline Rick Klein, who is being the adult and dealing with this honestly?
DICK KLINE can call these tactics MEDISCABIES. You’re welcome.
What’s Bobo’s name in this story?
You sure that’s not Salted Dick Kline?
Obviously, the people who need to be taken seriously are the ones who are in the studio
giving blowjobsschmoozing with media personalities every week, not the people who would have to live with the consequences of ending MEDICABC. Giving blowjobsgood interviews is the mark of seriousness, not having facts that agree with objective reality.
Try new and improved Lo-Sodium Dicks™
Sorry, man, salt is extra.
Jesus, what a dick. Like it’s so immature to not want to spend your entire life’s savings on a couple years (if that) of health insurance premiums.
Dood..there is nothing left to loot and MEDICABC isn’t going to loot it self.
Look dammit, we need to do something about poor people. Poverty is a problem. The sooner the poor people die, the sooner we reduce poverty. It sounds like to me the Ryan plan is doing more to reduce poverty than LBJ’s Great Society could ever hope to accomplish (/snark).
Even this gives them too much credit, alas. The country isn’t actually running out of loot. It’s not a plan for how to deal with running out of loot, it’s a plan for how to cook up fear of running out of loot in order to hoard even more loot.
Brian S (formerly Incertus)
Down in Orlando, some locals gave the freshman Rep a taste of his own Town Hall earlier today on Medicare. Starting to happen elsewhere as well. Doubt we’ll see much coverage of it, though.
Keeping in mind that war toys, hookers and beer are what serious people do and always have done.
Get yer Big Gummint Nanny State outta my dick bag! I’ll have ’em as salty as I feel like eatin’ ’em!
What does JOE BEESE have to say about this?
Yes, it’s very immature. You selfishly want to pass that money on to your grasping offspring instead of spreading the wealth and growing the economy by spending it. Health care executives need you to spend that money on their products. How else can they afford another solid gold HMMWV? And diamond studded swimming pools, those things don’t grow on trees!
It’s dawned that resources are dwindling, and population is increasing.
Strategy is to horde and retreat into gated communities, and those not in the club can go to hell.
@FlipYrWhig: I understand that the Lo-Sodium things leave a weird aftertaste.
Monsanto’s working on that.
@transmaniacon: Obama ate two Libyan babies for brunch.
Having an adult discussion requires two adults that agree to certain ground rules. Since the current Republican right is going off the deep end, and not only refuses any ground rules, but immediately goes into attack mode on any Democrat or anyone left of Atilla the Hun, an adult conversation is not possible.
At this point, you have to put on your parent face and tell the teababies: “NO, you’re wrong, you don’t care about facts, you’re completely brainwashed by the Fox/Limbaugh/Republican noise machine and until you actually agree to deal with the actual facts instead of conspiracy theories, you can eat a bag of dicks.”
Of course, they don’t particularly like this message.
@ABL: How did he get them? We don’t have Boots Onna Ground(tm).
Let’s expose the game for what it actually is, shall we? Ain’t no shortage of scrilla; they just don’t want those poor motherfuckers to get their hands on it.
ahahahah! It’s funny cuz it’s true.
Well pretty soon the money will run out and you won’t be able to afford the adult diapers and we can go back to the usual news cycle of flinging poo.
The land of NETWORK NEWS? Isn’t that the place where those in charge spend all their time, energy and money trying to get more people’s eyeballs to watch their shows and do so by hyping lies in a he-says-she-says manner? All while losing viewers anyway? I guess since the rich get richer and everyone else loses their job, it’s as good an analogy as anything else.
Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen
Who would wish eating a bag of salted Dick Kline on anyone? Isn’t eating a bag of salted dicks enough?
Here’s a serious clue for those clowns; I’m not all that far away from the “typical” retirement age, but not yet 55. Every single paycheck I have earned my entire life has had some deductions on them for Medicare and Social Security; that means if those go away for me (or, if over 55, for my children), I’m going to be pissed. It’s not that hard.
NETWORK NEWSians were also known to ask about the lack of jobs. But the SERIOUS PEOPLE were all like, “BLAAH! IT IS ALL ABOUT THE DEFICIT!” Until our ears rang. And on occasion the NETWORK NEWSians would ask about the crumbling energy, transportation, and communication infrastructure in the US that has been back-shelved for thirty years because SERIOUS PEOPLE know that CUTTING TAXES is the priority and the path to prosperity, and waging VERY PATRIOTIC WARS our SERIOUS duty.
Every once in a while the NETWORK NEWSians would ask about that boot thing on their neck there and the SERIOUS PEOPLE would scream, “CLASS WARFARE! STOP HATING ON THE DESERVING UBER-WEALTHY, WHO HAVE IT REALLY HARD! ALSO, TEACHERS OVER THERE, WHY ARE THEY SO RICH?”
And then everybody but the 27%ers stopped listening to the SERIOUS PEOPLE and started figuring out how to elect and find people to listen to who weren’t fools.
so much for that liberal bias in the media over at ABC
Good lord John, I know what you’re talking about but apparently my code book is not quite up to date? Can’t we just say this in English or something?
“You need to cut back on your dick intake. All that salt is bad for your blood pressure!”
So, the cat food option has now turned into the dog food option? I’ve heard about ‘Most popular beef pizzle sticks dog chews that measure 6″ long’ but didn’t realize these bull dicks came in salted form for human consumption.
Rick Klein’s piece is poor journalism. False equivalencies and just outright incorrect.
If his network wanted to cover Medicare and healthcare issues better, they should turn to the legions of ABC journalists/producers cut from their jobs over the years.
I suspect a lot of them have real insights on living with substandard healthcare and shaky retirement.
More than the “talent” still employed by ABC’s corporate masters.
And a plug for the “Gang of 6”?
Puh – leeze ….
I have a problem with this sentence. You forgot to include ‘blow’. It’s ‘hookers and blow’, not hookers and beer.
Other than this, carry on.
Ya know, John, if you’re too mean to our Newswork Netian overlords, they’ll Go Galt! on us, and then where will we be? Suffering, I tells ya, because there won’t be any SEERIOUS PEEPUL left to tell us what to think.
And, Jeebus knows, I need someone to tell me what to think. Because if they don’t, I might start thinking about how the Rethugs and their ilk are actively trying to destroy America. And thinking that would be doubleplusungood.
Bad SFAW! Bad, BAD SFAW!!! Also.
You have seen nothing yet.
In the run up to 2012 the Wingularity will begin to deform the very fabric of reality. Maddened pollsters and zombie pundits in death cage matches fighting over scraps of reality.
As the wingnut specific gravity of the Wingularity increases to transinfinity you will see men bark like dogs and babble in tongues. You will see the entire libertarian segment of American politics sukked into the twin gravity wells of islamophobia and birtherism.
You will see freemarket cannibal demons, monster shouters and mormons roaming the land.
@SFAW: and they will burn the world rather than give up their hold on power.
unless we can stop them.
that’s war toys, hookers, and blow. serious people don’t drink beer.
@Ghanima Atreides: Hmm. Tlön. That is a dangerous event. I guess if Atlas Shrugged was some kind of prophecy.
Paul in KY
@FlipYrWhig: You got it right there.