I don’t even know how to respond to this.
Part of me loves this so hard that I want to take it out back and get it pregnant. The other part of me wants to abort this monstrosity and never speak of it again.
And a third more semantic part of me wishes everyone in the world would cut the “oe” crap.
“Foetus.”
::shudder::
It grosses me out. I actually flinch when I see it.
As I said to my friend SeaKat yesterday, I would change my name to “Panties” if it meant never having to read “foetal diarrhoea” again — and I loathe the word “panties.”
In any event, I think I’m gonna cook up some watermelon spite babies.
Watermelon babies, spite babies, and anchor babies —
Shit just got real.
[via 9Gag]
[cross-posted here at Watermelon Babies Emporium]
RossInDetroit
I used to work in a clothing store. One department manager could be made to flee and hide by saying ‘panties’.
arguingwithsignposts
do you have to step on Doug J’s karaoke thread for a watermelon fetus? although, that is funny, in a sad sorta we’re fucked kinda way.
Valdivia
I’ve got nothing. Maybe a second WTF?
tom p
something wrong here…
MAJeff
MMMMM. Fetusmelon. Is it as good as fetus sashimi?
Doug Harlan J
Speaking of the oe, I’d like all of our posts about 2012 to have an umlaud over the second e in reelection, or the first e, or wherever the New Yorker puts it.
I’m dead serious. That would out-Burke Sully.
JPL
It’s a waste of jello if you ask me.
Benjamin Cisco
@tom p:
More like several things wrong here…holy crap.
John Cole
Feed us the foetus!
cathyx
Just in time for Mother’s Day.
Lori
You are so darned funny. I love you, ABL!
Poopyman
That is awesome! I predict it’ll be a huge hit at the Applebee’s salad bar.
SiubhanDuinne
“In France the girls wear scanties,
While on lamb chops they put panties,
I’m telling you, it’s a mad mad mad mad world.”
Little Boots
oh that is so wrong, in so many ways. and the fact that it will be the Republican Nominee may be the most wrong way.
Valdivia
@cathyx:
FTW.
No one of Importance
Why do Americans hate our spelling freedoms?
Old Dan and Little Ann
Future champion seed spitter.
General Stuck
Too much LSD. I knew a hippy chick that would get all freeked out trippin’ that her kids were gonna look like spiders. We could have calmed her down with something like this.
opie jeanne
Jebus.
I had three babies and I loved all three of those babies, even while they were still inside and wrecking me by using my bladder for a soccer ball, but I do not like fetus-melon-child.
That is just messed up.
tkogrumpy
I can’t tell if it’s a goy or a burl.
Arclite
I know, right?! Who has square eyes anyway??!
Chet
“Now, folks, we’re going to hear the word ‘panties’ used a lot during this trial, so let’s get them giggles out right now.
“Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties…Panties.”
– MST3k
Lavocat
Where’s the M-80? Damn, THAT would be one helluvan abortion!
iriedc
squints–blinks–turns–walks out
Joel
From wikipedia.
Take that, Britain!
Lysana
@Joel: Wow. We got one right in that alteration fest. Good for us.
RossInDetroit
Oh, this is sweet. I’m at home. The school principal just called me. The kids were out in the middle of the football field having a candle light vigil. They blew out the candles and everyone suddenly noticed it’s pitch frikkin dark, they’re in the middle of a field & can’t see a thing. I told them to sit tight & I scrambled a custodian out there with a big flashlight.
How does anyone learn any thing at all in an American school?
mr. whipple
@Lavocat:
Moral dilemma: Would Dan Burton shoot a watermelon foetus if he could prove Hillary killed Vince Foster?
slag
I’m very pro-choice and all, but I don’t quite get wanting to eat the fetus. Is the melon fetus replacing Kool-Aid in the cult world?
Buffalo Rude
ABL, can I just tell you that you are my favorite writer on this blog. No doubt this joint is staffed with top-notch talent (including some WNY peeps), but nobody raises my blood pressure like you. Just sayin’.
Dennis G.
That is just…
Words fail.
Perhaps it is why “What the Fuck” seems like the prefect phrase in this modern era of wingnut fetish dancing.
Cheers
jwb
Let’s be especially fussy and write it “fœtus.” I was amused by this: “But in foetus it was an unetymological spelling in L. that was picked up in Eng. and formed the predominant spelling of fetus into the early 20c.”
oondioline
Are you back on your meds?
Stop posting retarded shit.
Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)
That’s groess.
Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)
@Doug Harlan J: I will coöperate.
Vixen Strangely
Pass the Cool Whip. Out of sight, on to spoon.
No one of Importance
@RossInDetroit:
And not one of them with a phone with a backlight?
Sheesh, kids today.
Citizen_X
“They can take away our foetus, but they can never take OUR FROEDOM!“
No one of Importance
@Citizen_X:
You can moeck but you can take our extraneous Us when you pry thoem froem our daoed coeld haends.
MD Rackham
Needs some grated carrot. And maybe some canned pineapple chunks.
(And if memory of the “blessed event” serves me correctly, some cottage cheese.)
Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)
When you hear our groovy rhythms your foetal start to move.
JGabriel
ABL (StopTheMadness?) @ Top:
I hear Watermelon Spite Babies go well with Dutch Babies, though getting the Dutch Babies away from their Dutch Mothers can be problematic — since Dutch Mothers are quite tall, especially the Frisians.
The best tip I’ve heard for hunting Dutch Babies is to take them from the carriages their mothers leave them in outside of cafes. In case you were wondering.
.
JGabriel
@oondioline: Are you a Jenny Oondioline? Or just a generic oondioline?
.
oondioline
@JGabriel: I am the full eighteen-minute album version.
JGabriel
@oondioline: Very good. Love that song.
JGabriel
@slag:
Fer realz. I don’t get it either. Everyone knows all the nutritional value is in the placenta. The foetus is like the white rice of …
I just have no idea how to finish that sentence.
.
Origuy
Oh, dear, don’t say `tin’ to Rebecca, you know how it upsets her.
freelancer
@Doug Harlan J:
reëlection?
PanAmerican
Vodka and a straw is the correct answer here.
/dev/null
Did someone say Foetus?
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
To borrow a line from Shakes the Clown:
As soon as that camera goes off he’s gonna to fuck that watermelon.
WereBear (itouch)
Thanks for the nightmares!
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
sad,the watermelon foetus will be born a bastard, the parents can’t elope.
BD of MN
it could be the bottle of wine and then the subsequent cocktails, but wouldn’t that have been even more awesome if the hand had an extended middle finger?
Anonymous
The New Yorker spelling convention of which you speak is actually not the umlaut, which is a Germanic spelling convention denoting a sound shift, but a diaeresis. Its usage does seem to have been coöpted by the New Yorker, though.
ABL
@arguingwithsignposts: it was unintentional. as has been said before, john’s management style can best be described as “clusterfuck,” which is great for me b/c my lifestyle can best be described that way.
ABL
@JGabriel: ha! thanks. (i am both ABL and stopthemadness — the reasons don’t even make sense to me anymore).
ABL
@Citizen_X: hahahaha. and ::flinch::
ABL
@Doug Harlan J: why do they do that?! @Anonymous: don’t you mean “diaeroesis”?
fhtagn
@ABL:
No. Diaeresis is where you mark a division between two vowels, so that they aren’t read as a diphthong. You don’t see it written in English language texts as a rule, but it sometimes crops up in e.g. Latin, at a point where it makes a metrical difference in verse.
Jebediah
@Citizen_X:
”
I actually laughed out loud.
hamletta
O, dear Lord, save me from our fellow followers.
If they’re so hopped up about the foetus being a living being, why did they make the eyes so square and blank? They could have used slices of hard-boiled eggs to go all Keane on that shit.
Cute Bento fail. That foetus would look better up against the wheel. Like Isadora Duncan.
hamletta
I used to work for a British medical journal. I had to fight with them to get spelling in this country right. Fine, we can spell everything in the articles your way, but “Harvard Medical School Department of Paediatrics” is wrong.
It’s a proper fuckin’ noun!
Uriel
@oondioline: You should avoid talking to yourself in online forums like that. Too much sharing. It’s unseemly.
Although you may want to keep the last line in mind for the future.
soonergrunt
I got nuthin’.
PurpleGirl
@Doug Harlan J: How about using a hyphen… re-election.
Doug Harlan J
@freelancer:
Yes
thalarctos
@hamletta: Bless you, hamletta.
The tales I could tell, if I weren’t so traumati(s|z)ed…
ABL
@oondioline: The life of a humorless asshole is difficult indeed, innit?
SRW1
@Doug Harlan J:
There’s no such thing as an Umlaut (t, brother, t) version of the letter e. This double dot business is restricted to the letters a, o, and u. Maybe you mean an accent, as in reélection or reêlection?
fhtagn
@SRW1:
He means a diaeresis, not an umlaut.
Mandramas
ë