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We’re watching the self-immolation of the leading world power on a level unprecedented in human history.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

Our messy unity will be our strength.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

The “burn-it-down” people are good with that until they become part of the kindling.

Stand up, dammit!

The National Guard is not Batman.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

Be a wild strawberry.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

“Just close your eyes and kiss the girl and go where the tilt-a-whirl takes you.” ~OzarkHillbilly

We can’t confuse what’s necessary to win elections with the policies that we want to implement when we do.

“But what about the lurkers?”

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

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Giving in to doom is how authoritarians win.

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Accountability, motherfuckers.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

You are here: Home / Humorous / Watermelon “Foetus”

Watermelon “Foetus”

by | 74 Comments

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I don’t even know how to respond to this.

Part of me loves this so hard that I want to take it out back and get it pregnant. The other part of me wants to abort this monstrosity and never speak of it again.

And a third more semantic part of me wishes everyone in the world would cut the “oe” crap.

“Foetus.”

::shudder::

It grosses me out. I actually flinch when I see it.

As I said to my friend SeaKat yesterday, I would change my name to “Panties” if it meant never having to read “foetal diarrhoea” again — and I loathe the word “panties.”

In any event, I think I’m gonna cook up some watermelon spite babies.

Watermelon babies, spite babies, and anchor babies —

Shit just got real.

[via 9Gag]

[cross-posted here at Watermelon Babies Emporium]

Reader Interactions

74Comments

  1. 1.

    RossInDetroit

    I used to work in a clothing store. One department manager could be made to flee and hide by saying ‘panties’.

  6. 6.

    Doug Harlan J

    Speaking of the oe, I’d like all of our posts about 2012 to have an umlaud over the second e in reelection, or the first e, or wherever the New Yorker puts it.

    I’m dead serious. That would out-Burke Sully.

  12. 12.

    Poopyman

    That is awesome! I predict it’ll be a huge hit at the Applebee’s salad bar.

  13. 13.

    SiubhanDuinne

    “In France the girls wear scanties,
    While on lamb chops they put panties,
    I’m telling you, it’s a mad mad mad mad world.”

  14. 14.

    Little Boots

    oh that is so wrong, in so many ways. and the fact that it will be the Republican Nominee may be the most wrong way.

  16. 16.

    No one of Importance

    a third more semantic part of me wishes everyone in the world would cut the “oe” crap.

    Why do Americans hate our spelling freedoms?

  18. 18.

    General Stuck

    Too much LSD. I knew a hippy chick that would get all freeked out trippin’ that her kids were gonna look like spiders. We could have calmed her down with something like this.

  19. 19.

    opie jeanne

    Jebus.

    I had three babies and I loved all three of those babies, even while they were still inside and wrecking me by using my bladder for a soccer ball, but I do not like fetus-melon-child.

    That is just messed up.

  21. 21.

    Arclite

    I don’t even know how to respond to this.

    I know, right?! Who has square eyes anyway??!

  22. 22.

    Chet

    “Now, folks, we’re going to hear the word ‘panties’ used a lot during this trial, so let’s get them giggles out right now.

    “Panties, panties, panties, panties, panties, panties…Panties.”

    – MST3k

  25. 25.

    Joel

    Fœtus or foetus is the British, Irish and Commonwealth spelling, which has been in use since at least 1594.[4] It arose as a hypercorrection based on an incorrect etymology (i.e. due to insufficient knowledge of Latin) that may have originated with an error by Saint Isidore of Seville, in AD 620.[5] This spelling is the most common in most Commonwealth nations (except in medical literature, where its use is barred). The etymologically correct original spelling, fetus is used in Canada and the United States. In addition, fetus is now the standard English spelling throughout the world in medical journals.[6] The spelling “faetus” was used historically.[7]

    From wikipedia.

    Take that, Britain!

  27. 27.

    RossInDetroit

    Oh, this is sweet. I’m at home. The school principal just called me. The kids were out in the middle of the football field having a candle light vigil. They blew out the candles and everyone suddenly noticed it’s pitch frikkin dark, they’re in the middle of a field & can’t see a thing. I told them to sit tight & I scrambled a custodian out there with a big flashlight.
    How does anyone learn any thing at all in an American school?

  28. 28.

    mr. whipple

    @Lavocat:

    Where’s the M-80?

    Moral dilemma: Would Dan Burton shoot a watermelon foetus if he could prove Hillary killed Vince Foster?

  29. 29.

    slag

    I’m very pro-choice and all, but I don’t quite get wanting to eat the fetus. Is the melon fetus replacing Kool-Aid in the cult world?

  30. 30.

    Buffalo Rude

    ABL, can I just tell you that you are my favorite writer on this blog. No doubt this joint is staffed with top-notch talent (including some WNY peeps), but nobody raises my blood pressure like you. Just sayin’.

  31. 31.

    Dennis G.

    That is just…

    Words fail.

    Perhaps it is why “What the Fuck” seems like the prefect phrase in this modern era of wingnut fetish dancing.

    Cheers

  32. 32.

    jwb

    Let’s be especially fussy and write it “fœtus.” I was amused by this: “But in foetus it was an unetymological spelling in L. that was picked up in Eng. and formed the predominant spelling of fetus into the early 20c.”

  39. 39.

    No one of Importance

    @Citizen_X:

    You can moeck but you can take our extraneous Us when you pry thoem froem our daoed coeld haends.

  40. 40.

    MD Rackham

    Needs some grated carrot. And maybe some canned pineapple chunks.

    (And if memory of the “blessed event” serves me correctly, some cottage cheese.)

  41. 41.

    Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)

    When you hear our groovy rhythms your foetal start to move.

  42. 42.

    JGabriel

    ABL (StopTheMadness?) @ Top:

    I think I’m gonna cook up some watermelon spite babies.

    I hear Watermelon Spite Babies go well with Dutch Babies, though getting the Dutch Babies away from their Dutch Mothers can be problematic — since Dutch Mothers are quite tall, especially the Frisians.

    The best tip I’ve heard for hunting Dutch Babies is to take them from the carriages their mothers leave them in outside of cafes. In case you were wondering.

    .

  46. 46.

    JGabriel

    @slag:

    I’m very pro-choice and all, but I don’t quite get wanting to eat the fetus.

    Fer realz. I don’t get it either. Everyone knows all the nutritional value is in the placenta. The foetus is like the white rice of …

    I just have no idea how to finish that sentence.

    .

  54. 54.

    BD of MN

    it could be the bottle of wine and then the subsequent cocktails, but wouldn’t that have been even more awesome if the hand had an extended middle finger?

  55. 55.

    Anonymous

    The New Yorker spelling convention of which you speak is actually not the umlaut, which is a Germanic spelling convention denoting a sound shift, but a diaeresis. Its usage does seem to have been coöpted by the New Yorker, though.

  56. 56.

    ABL

    @arguingwithsignposts: it was unintentional. as has been said before, john’s management style can best be described as “clusterfuck,” which is great for me b/c my lifestyle can best be described that way.

  60. 60.

    fhtagn

    @ABL:

    No. Diaeresis is where you mark a division between two vowels, so that they aren’t read as a diphthong. You don’t see it written in English language texts as a rule, but it sometimes crops up in e.g. Latin, at a point where it makes a metrical difference in verse.

  62. 62.

    hamletta

    O, dear Lord, save me from our fellow followers.

    If they’re so hopped up about the foetus being a living being, why did they make the eyes so square and blank? They could have used slices of hard-boiled eggs to go all Keane on that shit.

    Cute Bento fail. That foetus would look better up against the wheel. Like Isadora Duncan.

  63. 63.

    hamletta

    I used to work for a British medical journal. I had to fight with them to get spelling in this country right. Fine, we can spell everything in the articles your way, but “Harvard Medical School Department of Paediatrics” is wrong.

    It’s a proper fuckin’ noun!

  64. 64.

    Uriel

    @oondioline: You should avoid talking to yourself in online forums like that. Too much sharing. It’s unseemly.

    Although you may want to keep the last line in mind for the future.

  70. 70.

    SRW1

    @Doug Harlan J:

    There’s no such thing as an Umlaut (t, brother, t) version of the letter e. This double dot business is restricted to the letters a, o, and u. Maybe you mean an accent, as in reélection or reêlection?

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