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You are here: Home / My God, They’ve Weaponized teh Gay!

My God, They’ve Weaponized teh Gay!

by | 69 Comments

This post is in: 

I didn’t catch it at first in the previous post, but you alert readers did:

Temple said that “if the House Armed Services Committee and the Pentagon slow down on injecting open homosexuality and females into forward combat roles,” tea partiers might be able to put up with their new Republican House voting to ensure American government services are paid for with more borrowed cash.

DADT was repealed just a few months back and already they have weaponized it and are injecting our troops! Wait till a stable airborne version is available, and we start doing cropduster flyovers at NASCAR events- we’ll turn entire counties in no time. No large event will be safe.

Well, Lady Gaga and Bieber concerts are probably safe. No use wasting the stuff.

Seriously, though- what is wrong with these people? Always with the “injecting” and “ramming it down our throats” and the like.

Reader Interactions

69Comments

  4. 4.

    Tim in SF

    um, John? I’ve been to a NASCAR event. I would rather not have all those flagging beerbellies join the gay ranks. And the world does not need more gay republicans – the ones we have are trouble enough.

  8. 8.

    Cat Lady

    Teatardness should be in the DSM. It’s clearly a mental disorder characterized by humorlessness, ahistoricity, projection, irony deficiency and utter lack of self awareness.

  9. 9.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Tim in SF: I dunno, that burly bearded guy wearing nothing but overalls and a Jeff Gordon license plate at Richmond International Speedway would make a pretty hot bear.

  10. 10.

    Stefan

    Hey, I want some credit for that! I think I was the one who caught that odd phrasing…

  11. 11.

    Warren Terra

    @pragmatism:

    we could just end combat operations.

    Surely the anti-homophobe position is to maximize combat operations, so our proud ghey-injected forces can prove their mettle?

  12. 12.

    Dongo

    Something very hot about that “injecting open homosexuality” language.

    I’ll take one buttfull, please.

  13. 13.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Sheesh, God is going to make us lose in Afghanistan if we inject teh gay. Although it might not look too differently from what we got going now.

  14. 14.

    dmsilev

    Also sort of interesting that he went with “females” instead of “women” like a normal human would.

    Also, too, by the standard double negative mechanism, I assume that he’s OK with lesbians in combat roles.

  15. 15.

    pragmatism

    @Warren Terra: you know who had a heck of an army? those spartans and romans. and what happened during those non-farm animal involved lonely forward combat operations nights in each other’s loving arms was of no importance.

  16. 16.

    Joe Beese

    Do you guys have any idea how many times a day you use the word “butthurt”?

    Anyway, since God only knows when I’ll have another compliment for Obama, let it be noted that today’s “moats with alligators” line was Gold.

  18. 18.

    dmsilev

    Worth pointing out that reality has lapped our snark:

    Wright Laboratory won the 2007 Ig Nobel Peace Prize for “instigating research & development on a chemical weapon—the so-called ‘gay bomb’ / ‘poof bomb’ —that will make enemy soldiers become sexually irresistible to each other.”

  19. 19.

    Southern Beale

    Oh yes they injected open homosexuality and females by thrusting forward into the rear flanks which had been left exposed, slowly cutting their routes of withdrawal ….

    gah. I’m just not good at this. You get the, er, gist ….

  21. 21.

    General Stuck

    Jeebus Cole, part of the vaunted American Experience is to experience being the laughingstock of the civilized world on a regular basis. Today is gay day, or maybe gay month, where wingnuts fulfill their solemn duty to embarrass us all to tears. I just wish they would turn their efforts toward a cure for stupidity. But that seems somehow mutually exclusive, in some way

  22. 22.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Joe Beese:

    Anyway, since God only knows when I’ll have another compliment for Obama, let it be noted that today’s “moats with alligators” line was Gold.

    Your belief has given Obama the strength to live another day. Thank you Joe Beese.

  24. 24.

    Roger Moore

    @pragmatism:
    I think the example you’re supposed to use is the Sacred Band of Thebes. Of course they’re not quite as well known, but any city that managed to muscle Athens and Sparta out of the way for top city in Greece deserves some attention.

  26. 26.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    You missed that the first time, Cole? Damn, son. That was the best part. Did you just see Mr. Cosplay and post it without actually reading it? The things the guy said were much funnier than his costume. And that’s saying something.

  28. 28.

    pragmatism

    @Roger Moore: duly noted. in addition to teh gay bomb, will there be a handheld weapon? a gayzer perhaps. can we get some sharks with frickin gayzer beams???

  29. 29.

    Stefan

    Also sort of interesting that he went with “females” instead of “women” like a normal human would.

    Whenever I hear someone use “females” instead of “women”, I’ve got a pretty good clue what kind of person I’m dealing with.

    Female is an adjective, not a noun.

  30. 30.

    b-psycho

    Seriously, though- what is wrong with these people? Always with the “injecting” and “ramming it down our throats” and the like

    The U.S.’s psychologist population must be downright sick by now of their Freudy-Sense tingling every time a winger opens their mouth.

  33. 33.

    geg6

    These assholes have more sexual issues than anyone outside the Vatican. Always with the ramming and the injecting and the shoving. And their fear and loathing of women is off the charts. The use of the word “female” is so dehumanizing that I fear for any girl children they may have. Of course, they may not have any girl children or any children at all because all that fear of women, their homoerotic terminology, and penchant for flashy costumes screams so closeted he doesn’t know he’s gay to me. It’s very sad that they have to take out their sexual pathologies on the rest of us. I wish they’d all just head to the Castro and let it all hang out. The country and the world would be a much better place if they did.

  34. 34.

    burnspbesq

    The United States Marine Corps is in your base, rogering your doodz.

    I guess the Corps’ new motto will be “Semper Hard.”

  37. 37.

    JGabriel

    @Southern Beale:

    Oh yes they injected open homosexuality and females by thrusting forward into the rear flanks which had been left exposed, slowly cutting their routes of withdrawal …
    __
    gah. I’m just not good at this.

    How could we permit this? They came in our back door!

    (See, it’s simple!)

    .

  38. 38.

    Cam

    Always with the “injecting” and “ramming it down our throats” and the like.

    Don’t forget “bending over and grabbing our ankles,” a favorite of Rush and Hot Air commenters. They love their homosexual metaphors even more than they hate teh gays.

  40. 40.

    different church-lady

    Yeah, sure, you’re all laughing now. But this guy is a single demand that Obama show him something from being the new front runner for the Republican nomination.

  41. 41.

    fhtagn

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011/may/10/aussie-rules-dangerous-hairstyle

    League officials say an Australian Rules football umpire who sent off a player for having dangerous hair applied the rules “a little bit too broadly”.
    Umpire Don Wheadon sidelined the Simpson Tigers midfielder Nathan van Someren for 15 minutes during the third quarter of a Colac and Districts Football League match against Otway Districts last weekend, saying Van Someren’s spiked mohican hairstyle might poke another player in the eye.

    Just think what the Teabaggers are saving us from!

    (Those who don’t know about Aussie Rules might like to know that it is a brutal, athletic sport that makes the NFL look like pat-a-cake).

  42. 42.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Roger Moore: You can’t fight stupid with gay, only tacky. You need to figure out how to weaponize ridicule to fight stupid.

  43. 43.

    b-psycho

    @different church-lady:

    Yeah, sure, you’re all laughing now. But this guy is a single demand that Obama show him something from being the new front runner for the Republican nomination.

    …nah, too easy. Had to be intentional.

  45. 45.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    @Joe Beese: Do you guys have any idea how many times a day you use the word “butthurt”?

    Yeah, and whenever you discuss pets you keep mentioning cats and dogs.

    Srsly, Joe – we’re discussing conservatives.

  46. 46.

    Emma

    different church-lady: I’ve always thought their obsession with Obama ‘ramming things’ in indelicate locations has a tinge of ‘oooooh show me what you’ve got, big guy’ to it.

    Or as a friend of mine puts it, those guys are so deep in the closet their zip code is in Narnia.

  47. 47.

    Roger Moore

    @Emma:

    those guys are so deep in the closet their zip code is in Narnia.

    That’s a wardrobe, thank you very much, which is not at all the same thing as a closet.

  50. 50.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    @MikeJ: I’m not sure what it means beyond being whiny and stricken and being unable to shut up about it, and if you can discuss conservatives without needing a shorthand for that concept, you’re doing something wrong.

  52. 52.

    TooManyPaulWs

    It’s all about the Precious Bodily Fluids.

    I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love…Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake…but I do deny them my essence.

  53. 53.

    beergoggles

    It’s just the projection of feelings that republicans have. They only resent having stuff shoved down their throats because they would rather have it injected.

  55. 55.

    Uloborus

    Yeah, it’s as if they have some *personal* reason to care about whether men get to have sex with other men. Like it’s not abstract and they’re already so twisted up on the subject that reason can’t be applied. I mean, they care a lot. A LOT. They act like accepting homosexuality would make their entire life a lie.

    I guess there’s no explanation!

  56. 56.

    Cain

    @pragmatism:

    @Warren Terra: you know who had a heck of an army? those spartans and romans. and what happened during those non-farm animal involved lonely forward combat operations nights in each other’s loving arms was of no importance.

    In fact, they fucked for Rome’s glory. And the raping and pillaging ? Not so much.. after all they had those hot nights in tents with nothing but the rattle of armor.. *kink* *kink* rhythmic.. just like that.. *kink* *kink* *kink*

  58. 58.

    SFAW

    Ram Damn the torpedoes dildos, full speed ahead!

    Fixed for more obviousness and cruditude.

    Freudy-sense

    Gonna use that one a lot. Probably deserves its own tag, too. (For use re: Rush “Anal Poisoning” Limbaugh and his Band of Merry “Men”. Ah, hell, any of the flaming homophobes, really.)

  59. 59.

    Mnemosyne

    @MikeJ:

    I usually think of “butthurt” as being like a toddler who just fell on his well-padded butt but screams and cries about it anyway.

  61. 61.

    Darkrose

    @Emma: When Obama showed his long form (hee!) I would have paid real money for him to say, “‘Scuse me while I whip this out…”

  62. 62.

    BattleCat

    I wonder if gay people make better soldiers than straight people. Because, like, what if we could harness all that anger and rage at being considered a second-class citizen and mold it into elite fighting battalions?

    Angry people fight the best, they’re all up in your grill and punching you and shit without provocation. Like, when a female woman and a male man are gay, and they’ve been crapped on most of their lives, can they turn that into some kind of “let me jump across three roof-tops just so I can toss you over the ledge of the forth” ninja wizardy?

    That’d be kind of cool. And then we could send them over to Iran to give them the heebie jeebies or whatever. What IS their problem, anyway?

  64. 64.

    SFAW

    And sequins. The proprieties have to be followed here.

    Who knew that Liberace would turn out to be a war hero (or some such)?

  65. 65.

    Michael D.

    ady Gaga and Bieber concerts are probably safe. No use wasting the stuff.

    Because, as we all know, gay men love nothing more than getting off to 16 year old boys.

    AMIRITE?? !!

  66. 66.

    b-psycho

    @Michael D.: I would figure Bieber concerts would be a waste of Gay Bombs because no men would be there anyway. That is, unless it works both ways and your goal is to create an army of raging-hormonal teenage lesbians.

  67. 67.

    Jado

    I always remember what Bobcat Goldthwait said about homophobes

    “I hate you cause you’re gay…and you’re a fag…and you’re kinda cute…”

  69. 69.

    hunter

    Seriously, though- what is wrong with these people? Always with the “injecting” and “ramming it down our throats” and the like.

    Tony Perkins likes “pounding”, as in “If the administration keeps pounding its agenda through the military. . . .”

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