Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

The words do not have to be perfect.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

We still have time to mess this up!

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

A consequence of cucumbers

Trump’s legal defense is going to be a dumpster fire inside a clown car on a derailing train.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

It’s a doggy dog world.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

You are here: Home / Politics / Religion / C-Street Sluts

C-Street Sluts

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New information about the sexploits of C-Street resident John Ensign:

Doug Hampton learned of his wife’s affair with his boss two days before Christmas 2007 when he discovered a text message from Ensign to his wife that said, “How wonderful it is. … Scared, but excited,” according to the report.

Among other allegations in the report: Doug Hampton then confronted his wife and called Ensign to let him know he was on to the affair. He even ended up chasing Ensign in an airport parking lot. The day before Christmas, the two couples met in the senator’s office, where Ensign wept and apologized. Then the families met with their children.

And then they celebrated Christmas together the next day, according to the report. But the affair apparently didn’t stop there.

Ensign told Cindy Hampton he wanted to marry her in early 2008 while they were attending the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, according to the report. Doug Hampton took a trip abroad that year to Iraq and Afghanistan with the senator, where another incident occurred, as Hampton described to ABC New’s ”Nightline.”

“I asked John, ‘Hey, can I use your phone? I want to call Cindy.’ He says, ‘Sure.’ Instead of scrolling to Cindy Hampton, he scrolls to ‘Aunt Judy,’ like covert, cover-up for Cindy Hampton, and I realize, wow, wow, something is seriously wrong,” Hampton said.

Ensign’s spiritual adviser, Tim Coe, and others later confronted him at his Washington, D.C., home, according to the Senate report. He agreed to end the affair. But Hampton saw the senator’s car and his wife’s car in a hotel parking lot two days later. Hampton called Coe.

Coe called Ensign, telling the senator, “I know exactly where you are. I know exactly what you are doing. Put your pants on and go home.'”

Ensign initially said he would not leave the hotel room, telling Coe, “I can’t, I love her,” according to the report.

Before we cast judgment on yet another ultra-right wing hypocritical religious pervert, we should all stop and ask ourselves one important question: “Whose wife would Jesus screw?”

BTW- I’ve never been married, but if someone told me they were banging my girlfriend, I doubt I would celebrate Christmas with them the next day. These people are all nuts, whether it is their repressed homosexuality, the love auto-erotic asphyxiation while wearing two wetsuits and a dildo, the fetus in a jar fetish, the bathroom blowjobs in parks, the toe tapping, or whatever.

Reader Interactions

152Comments

  1. 1.

    Nutella

    “Whose wife would Jesus screw?”

    And would Jesus have paid the original $8mill demand from the Hamptons? Or negotiated them down to $96K?

  3. 3.

    Makewi

    The healthier thing to do is to celebrate it and pretend that hypocrisy is the worst of all possible sins.

  4. 4.

    jl

    Too funny:

    “I asked John, ‘Hey, can I use your phone? I want to call Cindy.’ He says, ‘Sure.’ Instead of scrolling to Cindy Hampton, he scrolls to ‘Aunt Judy,’…”

    Ensign is even incompetent at planning and conducting normal ordinary every day covert dishonest schemes. No place for him in the current GOP line up.

    And what was the code name for the real Aunt Judy?

    I guess the hilarious details of his incompetence at low grade adulterous scheming will come out at the trial. I will look for the best parts as reported right here at this blog.

  5. 5.

    lamh34

    I suspect that nuthin gonna happen to Coburn, but if karma is real…then that bitch is coming for Coburn sooner or later.

    Can Senators be “censured” if that’s the right term…ala Charlie Rangel?

  6. 6.

    General Stuck

    Honest to gawd, I don’t understand what wingnuts see in each other. In the world of The Family, it is simple. Jesus plus nothing. It means you can do want you want and if we can’t fix it, Jesus will understand and you will be whisked out of office and onto wingnut welfare. Image is everything, and not getting caught in a lie is the same thing as telling the truth. Which for better or worse, in the digital word, is becoming often than not.

    These guys need to take lessons from OBL on how to deal with emails on the sly.

  7. 7.

    R-Jud

    @Nutella: Jesus would’ve negotiated down, for the sake of their souls. Because it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to etc. etc.

  9. 9.

    Cat Lady

    His parents giving the mistress’s family a “gift” just adds that little touch of WTF that makes you wonder what color the sky is in their little corner of bizarro world.

  10. 10.

    dmbeaster

    “Whose wife would Jesus screw?”

    Hey, the wingers have not yet figured out that he convorted with that known adulteress and prostitute, Mary M.

  12. 12.

    FlipYrWhig

    “I asked John, ‘Hey, can I use your phone? I want to call Cindy.’”

    You know your friend and boss is sleeping with your wife, and you ask to use his phone to call her? Even _that_ strikes me as a weird merger of intimacies. The whole story sounds like one of those deals where two partners agree to be polyamorous but one is, like, way super into it, and the other one is kind of moping in the corner.

  13. 13.

    cathyx

    Think about this. Would your parents pay off your mistress to keep quiet? Mine would kill me instead.

  14. 14.

    General Stuck

    And also too, I just want to say that the term “cock wallets” is all win. that is all

  15. 15.

    Jim C.

    Sometimes the only thing that comes to mind as a proper response to modern day Republicans is the phrase:

    “I fart in your general direction” with a French accent. Bonus points to anyone who has the faintest idea what I’m talking about.

  17. 17.

    John Cole

    Obvious troll is obvious. I deleted Joe Beese’s obvious attempt to derail another thread, and any mention of him. He’s banned, you say? Yes. He can come back in a week and see if he can behave then.

    Why? Because I’m tired of the bullshit. This generally goes against my principles, but the trolling is just too much. Besides, if you don’t like my principles, I’ve got others.

  19. 19.

    Nutella

    @cleek:

    Is it typical for a wronged husband to call the adulterer’s spiritual advisor when he sees evidence of the adultery?

    Cindy Hampton seems oddly absent from these revelations. Ensign apologized to everyone but did Mrs Hampton apologize? Was she a willing participant in the hanky-panky or pressured to do it as part of her job? Everything I’ve read seems to play this as some conflict between Ensign and Doug Hampton. Creepy.

  20. 20.

    FlipYrWhig

    @srv: Bunch of horny bed-hoppers who think they’re much hotter than they objectively are? Sounds more MTV2 to me.

  22. 22.

    kindness

    Hell with Ensign, he’s already gone. But if we could drag Coburn out and torch his ass I’d be one happy boy scout.

  24. 24.

    Citizen Alan

    In the Fall of 2009, Travis Childers invited me to a Dem fundraiser for himself and Heath Shuler scheduled for the night before the Ole Miss-UNC game. It got canceled due to a schedule conflict on Shuler’s part, but I seriously considered going so I could ask him about what the hell a Democrat was doing in the C Street Sex Club and whether he had a mistress like everyone else in the Family.

  25. 25.

    Brachiator

    BTW- I’ve never been married, but if someone told me they were banging my girlfriend, I doubt I would celebrate Christmas with them the next day.

    There is a long tradition of men pimping their wives, or tolerating affairs, in order to curry favor with powerful politicians or aristocrats. Ensign and crew are just another is a long example of this kind of thing.

  26. 26.

    Nutella

    @Joel:

    Eeewww, Mrs Hampton and Mrs Ensign have been friends since high school? Is this a cheezy soap opera or what?

  28. 28.

    Waldo

    The sad thing is, Ensign was probably banging somebody’s Aunt Judy, too. Sicko.

  29. 29.

    NobodySpecial

    @Citizen Alan:

    In the Fall of 2009, Travis Childers invited me to a Dem fundraiser for himself and Heath Shuler scheduled for the night before the Ole Miss-UNC game. It got canceled due to a schedule conflict on Shuler’s part,

    I’m assuming he was at a campus mixer looking for a date.

  31. 31.

    trex

    From scornful calls for the adulterous Cliinton to resign and extolling the need for a constitutional amendment to defend the precious sanctity of marriage – to refusing pleas from a fellow senator who phones and asks him to stop humping his mistress while they are in the middle of getting it on.

    My how our moral betters have fallen.

  33. 33.

    4jkb4ia

    @General Stuck:

    I think it is time to get ready to rumble. That’s all I came here to say, except for some ABL moral support which wouldn’t mean much because I barely read any of her posts.

  34. 34.

    Mnemosyne

    @FlipYrWhig:

    You know your friend and boss is sleeping with your wife, and you ask to use his phone to call her?

    I may have to leave the boat to read the whole thing, but it sounded as though the affair was supposedly over, but Hampton was suspicious that it was still going on and borrowing the phone was a ploy.

    But I may be giving Hampton too much credit.

  35. 35.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    IOKIYAR – in ten years time Ensign will be running for POTUS with his lovely wife Cindy at his side, they are we will be informed, a devoted couple “who just got an unusal start”.

  36. 36.

    lamh34

    @John Cole: Good on u Cole, good on u.

    Does anyone think that the mess with Coburn can be used to force him to deal in the budget/deficit committee of which he is a part of? Or would that be considered unethical to use this against him in such a way?

  38. 38.

    slag

    These people are all nuts, whether it is their repressed homosexuality, the love auto-erotic asphyxiation while wearing two wetsuits and a dildo, the fetus in a jar fetish, the bathroom blowjobs in parks, the toe tapping, or whatever.

    Hard to disagree with this. Part of me feels sorry for them; the other part of me feels sorry for me for having to put up with them.

    If they were just nuts, that’d be one thing. But they’re nuts who are trying to make me nuts too. And that aggression will not stand, man.

  39. 39.

    Loneoak

    @trollhattan:

    You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

  40. 40.

    BattleCat

    “Hey, can I use your phone? I want to call Cindy.” = “Give me your fucking phone so I can see if my wife is still cheating on me with you, you cuntbag.”

  41. 41.

    jl

    @Nutella:

    Hey, I had the idea for cheezy political celebrity reality soap opera TV shows a few days ago, and it is in development. Anyone try to steal it, and I’ll sue.

    If we can cut a deal with the NV crew, the Cindy angle mentioned by a commenter above would be cool. Only issue is whether it should be Hampton or some other Cindy (won’t be specific there, otherwise will give away our brilliant ideas).

  44. 44.

    cbear

    What is with these jagoff goopers and the incessant fucking weeping:

    The day before Christmas, the two couples met in the senator’s office, where Ensign wept..

    If you read the full report, every other minute some guy is crying like there’s no tomorrow.
    Coe is crying. Coburn is crying. Ensign is crying. Hampton is crying…well, maybe he deserves some slack–I might shed a tear or two if I realized my “best friend” was knocking the stink off my wife under the Christmas tree on Baby Jeebus’s birthday, but WTF is up with these other dudes.

    And, it’s not just these particular rethug pukes. You can’t swing a dead cat these days without hitting some gooper bawling his eyes out because he got caught fucking somebody, or something. At this point I’m pretty sure that asshole Boehner must be fucking coyotes or ocelots or something with the way he carries on.

    Man the fuck up.

  46. 46.

    Roger Moore

    @Nutella:

    Ensign apologized to everyone but did Mrs Hampton apologize?

    Why should she? To these fuckers, women are nothing but passive sex objects. The crime here is Ensign infringing on another man’s sexual prerogative, not two autonomous individuals betraying their respective spouses.

  47. 47.

    Caoimhe Snow

    Ensign told Cindy Hampton he wanted to marry her in early 2008 while they were attending the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, according to the report.

    How romantic.

    Everyone remember those three magic words: Sanctity of marriage. Who better to trust with the sanctity of marriage than Republican politicians?

  48. 48.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    my representative is staying or has stayed at the c street compound, its amazing when the local media covers this, they never mention it.

    this is the same local media that loves a pittsburgh twist on any story, no matter how odd.

  49. 49.

    Tunch

    Typical republican senator: Hi Aunt Judy, I’m hiking the Appalachian Trail! Yeah, my patriotism makes me do it.

  50. 50.

    Baron Jrod of Keeblershire

    @John Cole: If you were serious about shutting down trolling, you’d close all comments, then make a new post to say “Neener neener, yooooou ca-an’t cooooomment,” presumably followed by high-fiving your bros as they laugh at the dweebs.

    As for Ensign, =yawn=. Dog bites man. Let me know if anyone manages to find a Republican who isn’t a walking mass of sexual neurosis and contradiction. It’s the natural consequence of their beliefs.

    To a Repuke, it ain’t no fun unless someone is crying at the end. This applies to war, sex, finance, civil rights, taxes, diplomacy, family matters, everything. Is it really a surprise that Ensign isn’t interested in tapping that ass unless doing so devastates his underling? How else could he possibly get it up?

  51. 51.

    eemom

    These people are all nuts

    yep. That’s it, in a nutshell, haw haw.

    if someone told me they were banging my girlfriend, I doubt I would celebrate Christmas with them the next day.

    That’s cuz you don’t dig the “Christian” thing. Forgiveness ‘n all that good shit. IOW, if Jesus had a wife, and John The Baptist fucked her, he would TOTALLY celebrate Christmas with JTB the next day.

    Last but not least, the sight of Corner Stoned’s head exploding over ABL’s latest “Comments Closed” post is most joyous to behold.

  56. 56.

    JPL

    Nothing is going to happen to Coburn. He’ll say a few prayers in public and all will be forgiven. Diaper boy is still around. IOKIYAr

  57. 57.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    To be fair, public-restroom blowjobs are a bipartisan affair, but the rest of the list does seem tilted pretty far to the right.

  60. 60.

    Anniecat45

    OK, how’s this for ironic? Married man having affair with married woman tell her he wants to marry her at the NATIONAL PRAYER BREAKFAST.

    The jokes don’t even need to write themselves, they are already right there.

  61. 61.

    Nutella

    Another fun quote:

    The report alleges that Coe and others asked Doug Hampton, “What is it going to take to get you out of town?”

    I guess that’s what led to the $8mill estimate.

  63. 63.

    Johnny Coelacanth

    Because he’s a Nevada politician, I had assumed Ensign was a LDS (Latter Day Saint, aka Mormon) but instead he’s a Four Square Gospel Pentecostal believer. What with the speaking in tongues and holy rolling, he probably likes having the Mormons around so he can feel superior.

  66. 66.

    artem1s

    The day before Christmas, the two couples met in the senator’s office, where Ensign wept and apologized. Then the families met with their children.

    OK, what kind of weird prayer meeting was that with the kids? What do you tell them? Daddy’s been porking Uncle Doug’s wife? But we should forgive him ’cause liberal feminists are ruining the country?

  67. 67.

    General Stuck

    @Mattminus:

    Is that for those times when “cunt” is too subtle?

    Are we suffering from some male derogatory sexual term envy? Nope, it’s for times when “moron” seems overused.

  70. 70.

    FlipYrWhig

    @artem1s:

    OK, what kind of weird prayer meeting was that with the kids? What do you tell them?

    What’s sad is how much _less_ weird it is than the Santorum family’s “Here, hold this jar, say goodbye to your brother.”

  73. 73.

    ruemara

    As a pure as the driven snow non-denomination literal bible believing raised person, these fuckers completely baffle me. It’s like they haven’t ever read any of that good book they swear is the foundation of the Constitution. They make no sense whatsoever and if God was following his New Testament pattern, Ensign, Vitter, Palin, et al would all be nursing massive ‘rroids with lightning rods strapped to their backs. Or writhing a bit before a public death smiting like Ananias and Sapphira.

  74. 74.

    themann1086

    Ensign initially said he would not leave the hotel room, telling Coe, “I can’t, I love her,” according to the report.

    This almost, almost makes me feel bad for everyone in this situation, even Ensign. It reminds me of those love notes from Governor AppTrail. Then I remember he and his party defend the Sanctity of Marriage by bashing gays and implementing policies which encourage younger (and less stable) marriages, and I just get pissed off.

  75. 75.

    cbear

    @Corner Stone: Er, yeah, my dad and uncles were all Army lifers and I’ve been in the nightclub/music/sports and marketing biz pretty much my whole life. Guess I picked up some “colorful” expressions along the way.

  76. 76.

    gnomedad

    @Anniecat45:

    OK, how’s this for ironic? Married man having affair with married woman tell her he wants to marry her at the NATIONAL PRAYER BREAKFAST.

    This story touches all the bases of chutzpah, all right. Well, I suppose he could have asked her parents for the hush money.

  77. 77.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @FlipYrWhig:

    What’s sad is how much less weird it is than the Santorum family’s “Here, hold this jar, say goodbye to your brother.”

    Be fair. Almost everything is less weird than that. If someone can think up something that is beyond fetus in a jar, I am not sure that I want to know what it is.

  80. 80.

    cbear

    @FlipYrWhig:

    What’s sad is how much less weird it is than the Santorum family’s “Here, hold this jar, say goodbye to your brother.”

    Holy Moley. For reals?

    I shudder to think what Rick does with the used comdoms.

    Too much?

  82. 82.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @cbear:

    I shudder to think what Rick does with the used comdoms.

    Good catholics don’t use condoms.

  83. 83.

    WereBear (itouch)

    Mmmmmkay, THIS whole thing is under the sanctity of marriage, but if two guys or two gals want to get married, maybe even adopt an orphan or two, that’s an abomination?

    No wonder they are all screwed up. There is no guide to morality in their lives. That must be why they are obsessed with it.

    As a wise man once said: you don’t have to convince a starving person to get interested in food.

  84. 84.

    dollared

    On the Christmas thing, I really can’t tell whether they celebrated together because it was the Christian thing to do, or because Ensign was the boss and the Hamptons were on his plantation. I’m kinda leaning toward the latter – Hampton couldn’t pay his mortgage unless the Senator could find him a job, so killing him in a duel was definitely out of the question.

    Sorta reminds ya that the Republicans have plenty of room to define “at-will employment” down even further. And they will try…

  85. 85.

    FlipYrWhig

    @cbear: Oh, it’s a true story. If not for Dan Savage, that would be the visual most associated with the name “Santorum.”

  86. 86.

    cbear

    @Just Some Fuckhead: Gotcha. So in that case I guess they hold a family Mass before they put the soiled sheets in the washer.

    **Those Santorum kids are going to have some real issues with laundry day when they grow up.

  87. 87.

    Nutella

    Man, it is like a soap opera.

    Coburn called Michael Ensign (the senator’s daddy) and then

    Michael Ensign stated that he appreciated the call, and he’d handle it. After that call, Senator Ensign called Mr. Coe. Mr. Coe testified that “I’ve never seen him so angry.” Senator Ensign cursed at Mr. Coe, a fact Mr. Coe recalled because “he’s never cursed me before, and he was very, very upset.” Senator Ensign then yelled “all sorts of expletives,” and told Mr. Coe that he had no right to involve his father.

    These quotes are from the pdf of the Senate report. It’s also got testimony from Cindy Hampton. All the income for the Hampton family was from Doug’s job in the senator’s office and Cindy’s job as treasurer of two of Ensign’s PACs.

    After several confrontations and promises from Ensign to stop, as well as negotiations with Doug about payoffs:

    Senator Ensign sent Ms. Hampton an email on April 1, 2008 asking whether “it is possible to talk,” and stated it “concerns your job and a few loose ends.” Ms. Hampton was “shaking” when she got the email, and called Senator Ensign because she believed it was about her job, which he knew she was fearful of losing. When she called, Senator Ensign stated that “he missed me and wanted to still see me,” thus using Ms. Hampton’s job as a ruse to speak with her and confess further feelings to her.

    The last we hear of Cindy is

    In addition to filing for divorce, Ms. Hampton recently filed for bankruptcy and is presently moving out of California to work for a Christian organization.

  88. 88.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    @Nutella:

    In addition to filing for divorce, Ms. Hampton recently filed for bankruptcy and is presently moving out of California to work for a Christian organization.

    Sounds like she’s a slow learner, too.

  89. 89.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    OT but I just gave the boxers a marrow bone each. Cueball is merrily gumming his (being without teeth and all) while Judy just went and buried hers in my bed and is now lying atop the bundled up comforter a little like the Princess and the pea. I hope she lets me in there later.

  90. 90.

    JCT

    @trollhattan:
    @Jim C.:

    All of you, you dirty little wipers of other people’s bottoms!

    I swear, I think my teenage son took French because of that movie. The worst part is I remember standing in line in junior high to go see that film. Damn, that was a long time ago!

    Meanwhile, I’m with you, JC, this whole affair gives new meaning to the word sordid. I’m so glad they all paid such close attention in Sunday School.

    My life would be greatly enriched if Coburn got burned by this. Sanctimonious asshole that he is.

    @cbear: FTW!

  91. 91.

    cbear

    @Nutella:

    In addition to filing for divorce, Ms. Hampton recently filed for bankruptcy and is presently moving out of California to work for a Christian organization.

    Let me guess—will she be conseling teens on abstinence issues? Unwed mothers on the pro-life position?

  93. 93.

    Nutella

    @cbear:

    Specializing in the sanctity of marriage, I’m sure. Not to mention taking responsibility for the children.

    the Hampton family Doug, Cynthia, and two of their three children, received a check for $96,000, dated April 7, 2008, from the Ensign Family Trust account.

    No evidence has been presented that the Hampton children actually received the funds that were specifically for them, or as to whether the Hamptons placed the funds in a custodial account for the minor children.

  94. 94.

    freelancer

    @cbear:

    Let me guess—-will she be conseling teens on abstinence issues? Unwed mothers on the pro-life position?

    Marriage Counselor to wives of cheating politicians.

  95. 95.

    Nutella

    Continuing to read the pdf, I see that the $8mill demand came after the $96K payout and after Doug had been working as a lobbyist with ‘special’ access to the senator’s office.

    According to Mr. Hampton, by late Spring of 2009, he was “tired of living a lie.” … Mr. Hampton became concerned that his relationship with Senator Ensign was beginning to change, and he began to feel some distance between them.

    So he hired a lawyer and asked for money, of course.

    Edited to add: And when he didn’t get any part of the $8mill, he “decided to take the matter to the media” (Fox News).

  96. 96.

    Emma

    In a more serious, non MP mode: what really makes me crazy about all these Republicans is how they parade around making nasty remarks about how homosexual unions are going to damage the institution of marriage. And here I sit, watching the game of musical beds, knowing, of my own personal acquaintance, two gay couples, and, though not personally, another rather famous one, who have been together for over 25 years. And they can’t marry (or their marriages aren’t recognized in the US). And I want to kick those smug bastards in the nuts. With golf shoes.

  99. 99.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    @Corner Stone: I know this will seem like a dumbass question, but what the fuck have I missed with Angry Black Lady? I keep seeing people referencing some kind of epic something something, but I’m looking back through the threads and am seeing nothing except a couple from her with the comments closed. What’s everybody talking about? Ain’t looking for an explanation, just throw a brother a link or two and I’ll figure it out.

  105. 105.

    mr. whipple

    @Nutella:

    Amazingly enough, there’s a Santorum fetus in a jar story AND a Bush fetus in a jar story.

    Doesn’t every gooper family have a fetus in a jar story?

  106. 106.

    jl

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    “Can we get another ABL Open Thread?”

    Can we get that with comments closed? That would be one of those pixilated blog anomalies for which this here blog is so justly famous.

  110. 110.

    JCT

    @mr. whipple:

    Doesn’t every gooper family have a fetus in a jar story?

    And an infidelity story and a gay relationship and fun with prostitutes story, on and on and on!

  112. 112.

    mr. whipple

    @JCT:

    LOL.

    And bumper stickers: My fetus in a jar beat up your fetus in a jar.

    My fetus is an honor roll student at Ball U.

  115. 115.

    TEL

    @Nutella: Exactly what I was thinking! Did this happen in an earlier century where women weren’t considered responsible for their own actions? Why was Mr. Hampton confronting Ensign and not dealing with his actual spouse? Everything about this situation was just wrong.

  116. 116.

    Nutella

    @Nutella:

    The article goes on to note that Mrs Santorum

    published another book last year, “Everyday Graces: A Children’s Book of Good Manners”

    which presumably includes advice on how the polite child deals with the body of its dead brother when Dad brings it home.

  117. 117.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Jim C.: We ALL know what you’re talking about. That line is Basic Balloon Juice. Along with “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

    Two reasons I lurve this blog.

    PS I wave my private parts at your auntie.

  118. 118.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Gina: I know. Unfortunately, I know and I have a fairly good memory that doesn’t even allow me to drink certain images away. It is a cross that I must bear.

  120. 120.

    JCT

    @mr. whipple:

    My fetus is would have been an honor roll student at Ball U

    FTFY — couldn’t resist, damn, your bumper sticker cracked me up. The absurdity of all this is off the chart. The Santorum fetus in a blankie story gives me insight into that hysterical picture of his daughter the night he got shellacked.

    I derive real pleasure from what Dan Savage did to this guy.

  121. 121.

    Ruckus

    @cleek:
    I like the fact that a grown man needs a full time spiritual adviser. Like he can’t/hasn’t figured this crap out by now?
    And the 64K answer is obviously not.

  122. 122.

    4jkb4ia

    I was scared because cranky John Cole was clearly cranky and on the warpath. But if I did not get the fish in the oven, my husband would not have two hot meals tomorrow. This is important. Here is my on-topic comment:

    I don’t know if bizarre sexual demons are unique to wingnuts. But the mention of The Family brought to mind that David and Bathsheba is a popular story with them. I forgot why. But the rabbinical use of this story is to point out that David had a technical excuse that he didn’t commit adultery with Bathsheba, but as soon as it was pointed out that he sinned, he said “Chatati”. I sinned. One word. In the words of Rabbi Moshe Shulman zt”l, no but. (This was to draw a contrast with Saul and Amalek) In any event, because David had power, he could make it possible to act on his desires even if they weren’t entirely kosher :) The abuse of power was clearly underlined in the way TPM reported this story. The report pointed out that Cynthia Hampton and her husband worked for Ensign. Their whole livelihood depended on him. What was going on was sexual harassment in the context of religious entitlement to power. That context is definitely stronger with wingnuts.

    Shabbat Shalom.

  123. 123.

    artem1s

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Ok, yes, that was Santorum after all.

    Everyone’s family has weirdness but Republican family matters just seem to be fractally weird. The more details, the worse it gets.

  127. 127.

    4jkb4ia

    @Ruckus:

    “Accept a teacher upon yourself”. That’s in Pirkei Avot. Of course some people go too far and ask their rebbe what kind of furniture they should buy for their house.

  128. 128.

    piratedan

    well what’s forgotten is that Johnny Ensign earned his spurs as an alternative to the wicked ways of Washington type. He’s Mr. Family Values, taking the moral right to serve as our leader because he’s an upright Christian sort. I can forgive personal failings as readily as the next person, but when you come into power staking out the moral high ground position and fail, well then you reap what you sow.

    Also, plus, Coburn is his partner in crime, serving as his financial go-between to handle the payoff is wonderfully eerie as he’s one of those self same C-Streeters. Pretty sure it was Reverend Tom who was involved in the praying for something ill to happen “someone” (aka Sen. Byrd, in failing health at 92) to prevent the HCR bill from being passed. It would be nice if the ethics committee gave him a shout out as being a rank bastard if nothing else.

    With Christians like these, who needs the Spanish Inquisition…..( a shout out to the other theme on the thread)

  129. 129.

    Roger Moore

    @TEL:

    Did this happen in an earlier century where women weren’t considered responsible for their own actions?

    In case you haven’t noticed, many of these conservative “Christians” wish that were the case and tend to behave that way as much as possible. They’re even trying to drag the rest of us into their personal patriarchal fantasy.

  130. 130.

    MattMinus

    @General Stuck:

    Ummmm, buddy, a “cock wallet” is a cunt. Thinks about it for a minute. I guess I got the formulation backwards.

    Smarter (or at least more well versed in obscenity) commenters, plz.

  131. 131.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @4jkb4ia:

    I was scared because cranky John Cole was clearly cranky and on the warpath.

    Yes, it seems ominous at first but if you hit him in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper, he folds like a cheap suit.

  133. 133.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @MattMinus:

    Smarter …………………………………… commenters, plz.

    You realize this is Stuck, right?

  134. 134.

    jl

    @4jkb4ia: John Ensign as the new David? Might work. And like the future King David, and Newt, and De Gaulle he must undergo exile among unscrupulous company before his coronation (bandits, Newt himself, and the English, respectively).

  137. 137.

    Ruckus

    @4jkb4ia:
    I believe if you haven’t figured out your personal ethics and spiritual needs by your mid 20’s, you’re never going to have any of your own.

  139. 139.

    Ruckus

    FYWP won’t let me edit my own comment.

    OK I think I see the problem here. Most rethugs have the maturity of a 12 yr old. Or younger.

  143. 143.

    TooManyJens

    @Nutella:

    the Hampton familyDoug, Cynthia, and two of their three children, received a check for $96,000, dated April 7, 2008, from the Ensign Family Trust account.

    Wonder how they decided which two kids.

  144. 144.

    Kilkee

    Wading through the tedious Ensign bs was more than worth it for the refreshing Pythonia.

  145. 145.

    hamletta

    @PurpleGirl:

    No, Callista said “a non-traditional start.”

    No, she did not. Really?!

    That’s what the kids are calling it these days, huh? Orwell would be proud.

  146. 146.

    General Stuck

    @MattMinus:

    Let me clue you numbnuts in on something. Terms like “cock wallet” “cunt” etc.. . are terms women get to use because you are an asshole that can’t be trusted with them. Same goes for a number of racial terms that are off limits to us pale skinned royalty.

    We white BOYZ don’t get any breaks, because we already have had more than our share, and then some. We do have douchebag though, thank the FSM for small favors, But that is about it.

    Now quit whinging, and wipe the snot offin your nose with fuckheads face and try to act like something decent. I know it’s hard for some of you true progressives, but give it the old blog effort anyways. uh!

  151. 151.

    Ella in New Mexico

    I think of it this way:

    Ensign is a pathetic loser and always has been.

    The people of Nevada voted him into office because they were either too lazy, indifferent, or corrupt themselves to choose a competent candidate for the US Senate. He then proceeded to conduct himself in the corrupt and clown-like manner we now know about. And he voted Right Winger everytime, adding salt to the wound.

    I believe the people of Nevada owe this nation a huge financial settlement as an apology. Then they should lose the right to elect another US Senator to that seat until the entire generation that voted for him dies.

    My world, and welcome to it. ;-)

  152. 152.

    Tehanu

    @Emma:

    I’ll join you – using ice skates. God, I hate these sanctimonious, prating hypocrites.

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