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You are here: Home / I Wonder If He Manscaped?

I Wonder If He Manscaped?

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Upon learning that OBL may have had a porn stash, our favorite at the NRO muses:

What I really hope is that they find or “find” some video not just of porn, but of porn starring Osama bin Laden. That would really crush the Mohammed Atta types whose final thoughts were of the woman-free sanctity of his man-panties.

Inside the wingnut mind is a scary place. BTW, for you purer souls out there, just so there is no confusion:

This is a full service blog.

Reader Interactions

109Comments

  1. 1.

    cleek

    This is a full service blog.

    fill er up. check the left back tire, too.

    (there will soon come a day when nobody outside of Oregon and NJ will get that)

  6. 6.

    Hunter Gathers

    It just goes to show how behind the times OBL was. Nobody has actual porn stashes anymore. It’s all kept on your hard drive, hidden behind seemingly innocent file names, so the wife doesn’t find it.

  7. 7.

    Southern Beale

    OBL porn? REALLY?

    Oh jeez. You know there’s some shit I just don’t want to think about, don’t want to clutter my beautiful mind with, and swear to God that is definitely one of them.

  9. 9.

    mr. whipple

    That picture of Ron Jeremy is incredibly racist.

    Ron Jeremy? I thought that was Stan Van Gundy.

  10. 10.

    Culture of Truth

    [ Osama, riffling through DVDs ]

    “Let’s see… ‘Shaving Ryan’s Privates’, seen that one 5 times, “Privates of the Caribbean,” seen that one 7 times, dammit I’ve seen all these… where the hell is teh netflix!?”

  11. 11.

    Martin

    Let the propaganda campaign commence. Porn stash? Kiddy? Two girls, one burka? How about a KJV Bible and a big velvet Jesus on the wall? Or a Jersey Shore season DVD? How low can we go?

  13. 13.

    Mojotron

    That would really crush the Mohammed Atta types whose final thoughts were of the woman-free sanctity of his man-panties.

    IIRC the 9/11 crew spent one of their final days getting lapdances in an evil westernized strip club (as did the guy who shot up the US military base), but once again right wing rant > facts.

  16. 16.

    Less Popular Tim

    I’m repeating a post from an earlier thread, because I wonder whether the infosec tradecraft could be the reason there’s OsamaPorn. (Or it could be that he’s just a hypocritical misogynist freak). Of course, if the porn isn’t encrypted, it doesn’t really support my theory. Unless they were in the process of implementing it…

    @Shoemaker-Levy 9:

    So bin Laden stored his porn in the same place as his plans for world domination?

    Well, in the infosec biz, there’s actually some precedent for that. The idea is that you have a bunch of secret information and you encrypt it. You also use a different key that makes the secret ciphertext resolve to something embarrassing or even illegal but less illegal than your secret information. Porn works for that. Then if you are tortured to reveal the key, you give the key that makes the ciphertext resolve to the porn. Why was your stuff encrypted if there’s nothing incriminating? Simple, you were embarrassed about the porn. Of course, there is alot more ciphertext on the storage than you’d expect just to yield the porn, but if your interrogator is not sophisticated, he might not keep torturing you for the other key, the one for the stuff you actually cared about.

  17. 17.

    Adrienne

    Ummm, any dude who openly wishes that another man is in porn is pretty suspect — AMIRITE? That must be Jonah’s “coming out” post.

  19. 19.

    Jay in Oregon

    @Dana Houle:

    You know Ron Jeremy has been in non-porn movies, right? Like Boondock Saints?

    I knew who it was and I’ve never *ahem* sampled his more exotic wares…

  20. 20.

    AAA Bonds

    Ahahahah, oh, this post absolutely destroys. I’m so glad I read this blog.

    It’s something that shouldn’t be overlooked, if I can chat about our opponents in the Middle East for a second. That is, they’re not clerics in the main, but professionals gone mad, like the anti-Muslim, anti-evolution engineers and doctors you’ll run into all over America. Repressed little Freudian engines full of sublimated urges that they’ve transformed into something that can best be called “work addiction”.

    It’s that same unhealthy lust for work – work because you don’t know what else you’d do with yourself – that gets rich bitches like bin Laden to plan out their jackassy little armies. And like many workaholic American doctors, lawyers, and other professionals – like the sex-fearing, sex-craving Tea Party as a whole – bin Laden probably never began to understand that his problems had their root in frustrated orgasms.

    Those folks don’t know discipline of the flesh, not in that sense. Sex in radical Islam is like sex in radical Christianity: ten to one, all the leaders are perverts.

  21. 21.

    Jon H

    Ron Jeremy was one of the restaurant patrons who sang happy birthday to my nephew, when my nephew turned, like, 9.

    My brother took his son to Vegas for his birthday, to see KISS, and Ron was in a restaurant where they had dinner.

  22. 22.

    KG

    @cleek: one of my favorite commercials on television right now is a guy pulling into a gas station and an old ’50s style crew of attendants come running out to check is car. The guy is sitting in his car saying, “what are you doing? oh god, oh god, I’m being carjacked…”

    I have no idea what it’s for, but it’s funny as hell.

  23. 23.

    Jon H

    “That would really crush the Mohammed Atta types whose final thoughts were of the woman-free sanctity of his man-panties.”

    OBL had like 5 wives and multiple children. What’s this asshat talking about?

  24. 24.

    Arclite

    Upon learning that OBL may have had a porn stash,

    Was I the only one that initially read that as,

    Upon learning that ABL may have had a porn stash…

    Of course, I’m sure that OBL was just conducting research into the wicked ways of the West. Yeah, he needed 10,000 vids for that. Just like the hypocritical republicans.

  27. 27.

    cleek

    @Jon H:
    was wondering that myself.

    then i saw the picture and decided there was no upside in trying to think about it any further.

  30. 30.

    bkny

    and i’m betting that 90% of the ‘leaked’ bootie has been worked up by the national security state as part of their psy ops…

  31. 31.

    hilts

    Now everyone knows that Osama bin Laden couldn’t get it up.

    bin Laden also liked to parade around his compound wearing panties and reciting passages from the Vagina Monologues.

  32. 32.

    Interrobang

    Wingnuts gotta ruin everything. They take a funny idea — ie. Osama bin Laden porn — and drench it with enough misogyny to make it smell like a shit-and-civet sandwich with limburger sauce.

    Osama bin Laden in “Islamic Jizzhad,” parts 1-5, and “Abbattabadbadbad Boys”?

  34. 34.

    MikeJ

    @Jay in Oregon:

    You know Ron Jeremy has been in non-porn movies, right? Like Boondock Saints?

    Eeeeew. Porn is one thing, but I can’t admit that people would admit in public they’d seen Boondock Saints.

  35. 35.

    Zifnab

    @Hunter Gathers:

    It’s all kept on your hard drive, hidden behind seemingly innocent file names, so the wife doesn’t find it.

    And he had a bunch of wives. You’d think he would have figured this out sooner.

  36. 36.

    BGinCHI

    @Arclite: I did read it that way, but as ABL had a porn stache.

    Had a whole gender bending mind’s eye freakout.

  37. 37.

    AAA Bonds

    Oh, I don’t suppose I need to sift through the details of Jonah’s own Freudian black box.

    He’s one of those rare occasions where we see the Oedipus complex work itself out on cable television.

  38. 38.

    Joel

    the Ron Jeremy picture contributed to the confusion. If OBL actually had a pornstache, I would have most definitely joined the wingnut chorus clamoring for death photos.

  39. 39.

    Roger Moore

    I Wonder If He Manscaped?

    IIRC, Islam says that both men and women are supposed to remove the hair from their privates, so it’s likely that he did at least a little manscaping.

  41. 41.

    hilts

    Can’t wait to see the CIA release the video of bin Laden, al-Zawahiri and their couriers doing their tribute to the Village People. bin Laden plays the construction worker while al-Zawahiri plays the police officer.

  45. 45.

    Gravenstone

    @cleek: First job out of HS was at a full service gas station/car wash in Ohio. As long as I draw breath, I’ll get it. Of course, I’m old, decrepit and expect to kick it any week now, so who knows? (or cares)

  47. 47.

    joes527

    @cleek: I rmrber the first time I drove to Oregon. I pulled into a gas station, got out of the car, and the annoyed attendant told me to get my stupid Californian ass back into my stupid Californian car.

    It was so confusing.

  49. 49.

    Can't Be Bothered

    I bet his wife wondered why he always called up from the basement that he had to “finish an important email” before coming to bed.

  51. 51.

    Ann B. Nonymous

    Dear Mr. Goldberg,

    While we have unfortunately become much too familiar with the contents of your colon over the past few years, you have so far spared us from seeing the contents of your vas deferens.

    Until today.

    Please return to your fetid seedbed until you learn to talk about your sexual fantasies with grace and wit.

    Disgustedly,
    A. B. Nonymous

  52. 52.

    kth

    ObL followers would refuse to believe that ObL would be involved in any such thing, no matter how strong the evidence. Jonah should know about such people, since his readers are scarcely different.

  54. 54.

    The Dangerman

    I wonder if OBL (or, for that matter, Jonah) had a copy of “Nailin’ Palin”? Talk about palming around with terrorists!

  56. 56.

    El Tiburon

    For some reason this reminded me of a passage from “Charlie Wilson’s War”.

    From what I remember, Charlie Wilson was out in the middle of Afghanistan with some mujaheddin. Evidently it was customary, that when a prisoner was captured, that rape was part of the deal. Charlie could hear this going on beyond the campfire.

    Then, someone informed him it was not uncommon, that if you were the prisoner and being taken, to get an erection.

    Weird customs out there I must say.

  60. 60.

    Doug Harlan J

    When I first read this, I thought you were telling us that ABL had a porn stash.

  61. 61.

    Ruckus

    @Dana Houle:
    Hey that’s not fair. I recognized him as well, but then I used to make deposits at the same time and bank as Ron.

    That’s Bank of America for all of you with dirty(and normal) minds.

  63. 63.

    R-Jud

    Oh, come on, you guys. I expect more fake porn titles.
    “Al Jizzera”
    “Whora Bora”
    “Pillar of Islam”

  65. 65.

    Josie

    Hmmm… There is something eerily similar in the facial expressions pictured above. Could they be related in some way? (The two pictures, I mean.)

  66. 66.

    El Tiburon

    @R-Jud:

    Oh, come on, you guys. I expect more fake porn titles.

    I was going to go down that road, but I got nothing.

  68. 68.

    Quicksand

    @Arclite:

    Was I the only one that initially read that as,
    __
    Upon learning that ABL may have had a porn stash…

    Nope. ABL/OBL, Obama/Osama, it’s all so confusing!

    Of course, I’m sure that OBL was just conducting research into the wicked ways of the West. Yeah, he needed 10,000 vids for that. Just like the hypocritical republicans.

    Ah, the Pete Townshend defense!

  70. 70.

    cmorenc

    Which of the two photos is that of a famous porn star whose stock in trade is being a stocky, hair, homely guy who gets laid with amazing frequency by amazingly good-looking women, and which is the one who….um…never mind.

    :=)

  72. 72.

    Rihilism

    Inside the wingnut mind is a scary place.

    What do you expect from a man whose pornstache is on his ass…

  77. 77.

    The Bobs

    Let me state unequivocally that I have no idea who that guy in the first picture is.

  78. 78.

    Rihilism

    Upon learning that OBL may have had a porn stash,

    I refuse to believe this until I see the photos…

  80. 80.

    Studly Pantload, now with enhanced schmuckosity

    BTB, what is it with right wingers (of the libertarian bent) and their attaction to the Spock beard? I see that beard on someone, and I immidiately know what their political leanings are.

  81. 81.

    The Dangerman

    @R-Jud:

    Oh, come on, you guys. I expect more fake porn titles.

    “Fatwats”

    “Bangkok Burkas”

    “Charming My Snake”

  83. 83.

    cbear

    Any truth to the rumor that the final bin Laden tape ends with this, “I’ll give you my remote when you take it from my cold, dead hands.”???

  84. 84.

    trollhattan

    Both the post and thread are full of tasty Win(tm)!

    I, sadly, have nothing further.

  86. 86.

    honus

    Ron Jeremy’s pornstache is actually quite lush. The classic and iconic scraggly, thin pornstache was worn by the late great Johnny Holmes, who I believe was a native of Boehner’s district in Ohio.
    Have at it.

  87. 87.

    maus

    @El Tiburon:

    Then, someone informed him it was not uncommon, that if you were the prisoner and being taken, to get an erection.

    Weird customs out there I must say.

    Some women report unintentional orgasms during rape, what’s your point? Prison rape is still rape, I don’t find anything curious or funny about that statement. The mind doesn’t always react as it’s expected to during times of emotional and physical trauma.

  88. 88.

    ruemara

    @Doug Harlan J:
    Doesn’t every woman have a porn stash? What do you think those romance novels are? Or Twilight?

    O’ course, my porn stash is Jim Butcher, Simon R. Green and a huge array of cookbooks & garden catalogs and After Effects manuals. MMMMmm After Effects.

  89. 89.

    Tim, Interrupted

    Ron Jeremy is an Italian/American male.

    Therefore, this thread is extremely misandrist/racist in its open, vicious Italian man-mocking. As such, the decent thing for Cole to do is post a poutrageous rebuke to all you offensive misandrist racist pigs reveling in your blatant misandry, then shut down comments.

  90. 90.

    Tim, Interrupted

    @maus:

    Some women report unintentional orgasms during rape

    REALLY? Cite? Link?

    I find it hard to believe that if one is actually being sexually/physically/emotionally/mentally traumatized, and some part of you isn’t getting off on it, that one is going to get a boner or have an orgasm, for Cole’s sake.

    Even if one has masochistic tendencies, wouldn’t the emotional/mental violation/fear/trauma take the sexual arousal out of the equation?

  96. 96.

    Jay

    Ron Jeremy started as a special ed teacher. In elementary school, when I was briefly tossed into the special ed ranks for my poor scores on statewide academic proficiency tests, I surely would’ve laughed my way through those classes had I known about Ron Jeremy and what he took up after his teaching career.

  97. 97.

    maya

    @Tim, Interrupted: Actually, Ron Jeremy is Jewish which means you missed out on the antisemitic jackpot your ironic equivalence couldda won. Better luck next time.

  99. 99.

    Suffern ACE

    Am I missing something here again? For those whose final thoughts were of OBLs man panties (how we can know this, I don’t know), do we have a seance to send them this message? I don’t know if I like the government dabbling in those kind of dark arts.

  100. 100.

    lacp

    I just read that the video they found at OBL’s hideaway was Man-Pantload Pulls A Train, Part V.

  102. 102.

    maus

    @Tim, Interrupted:

    I find it hard to believe that if one is actually being sexually/physically/emotionally/mentally traumatized, and some part of you isn’t getting off on it, that one is going to get a boner or have an orgasm, for Cole’s sake.

    I’m still at work and don’t wish to delve into that research right now, but this should be slightly more WS

    http://www.skepdic.com/penilep.html

    You can disbelieve it all you wish, it doesn’t make it any less true, or any less horrifying when this is used as evidence of non-rape.

    Is scoffing and harumphing really necessary when someone questions your “is prison rape REALLY prison rape?” attitude?

  104. 104.

    Tim, Interrupted

    @maya:

    Ron Jeremy is Jewish which means you missed out on the antisemitic jackpot your ironic equivalence couldda won

    What? There are no Jews in Italy? Or Italian Americans who are Jewish? I thought Jews are not defined as a race. ???

    You, my dear person, are a racist.

  106. 106.

    bob h

    Nevertheless, the Muslims describing Osama as a “great Islamic holy warrior” and “the leader of all Muslims” look a little preposterous. In fact he was a Cheney-esq coward, and maybe a little bent.

  107. 107.

    The Sailor

    @brendancalling: Ron Jeremy, in his younger days, could BLOW HIMSELF.

    Wow, then it’s a wonder he ever bothered leaving the house, much less find work in the pr0n industry.

  108. 108.

    Carnacki

    @bkny: This is one time I’d rather believe the lies.

    Also there were photos of bin Laden having sex with goats. You heard it hear first.

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