Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

We still have time to mess this up!

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

Not all heroes wear capes.

After roe, women are no longer free.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

“But what about the lurkers?”

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Consistently wrong since 2002

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Tick tock motherfuckers!

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

You are here: Home / Humorous / This 5-Year-Old Wants a Job Before She Gets Married

This 5-Year-Old Wants a Job Before She Gets Married

by | 50 Comments

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Justin Beaver ain’t got nothin’ on this 5 year old.

Never fear, dear. If the Teabillies have their way, you’ll be working in a sweatshop by the age of 8, pregnant by age 12, forced birth by age 12.9 (give or take), after which the Teabillies won’t even look you in the eye. Why? Because they’re hypocrites.

Obama, on the other hand, ensured that when you get that job, girl, you have a shot at making just as much as the boys.

Then again, if the Teabillies proceed on their current crash course to crazytown, you’re going to be nothing but a womb with a head.

You’re welcome.


(H/T HumboldtBlue!)

[cross-posted]

Reader Interactions

50Comments

  1. 1.

    gex

    I don’t understand why the GOP gets votes outside the straight white Christian male demographic.

  3. 3.

    Felanius Kootea (formerly Salt and freshly ground black people)

    Love the five year old’s intensity/vehemence – she’s really cute. Wonder how that topic even came up.

    That TLC video brings back memories. RIP Left Eye.

  5. 5.

    Earl Butz

    I love “No Scrubs”. It makes the ultimate statement of equality: that just as a woman is good for nothing more than her vagina, a man is good for nothing more than the contents of his wallet.

  7. 7.

    eyelessgame

    Seconded, gex. I’m an able-bodied employed straight white cis Christian-cultured male. I understand why someone like me (not me, personally; I was raised better than that) would be a Republican. I can’t understand why anyone at all who isn’t all of that would be.

  8. 8.

    General Stuck

    @gex:

    I don’t understand why the GOP gets votes outside the straight white Christian male demographic.

    Me neither, but they are once again fast at it kicking sand in the face of another POC minority in this country.

    Just six years ago, Republican leaders tried to do away with judicial filibusters altogether, but on Thursday they used the filibuster weapon that had been honed by Democrats in President George W. Bush’s first term to defeat Goodwin Liu’s nomination to the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals

    And Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.), who has also voted against earlier filibusters, called Liu a “stellar” and a “genuine great American” but said that’s not enough to qualify him for the court. Coburn said he simply has a fundamental disagreement with Liu about the role of the courts.

    Of course, Liu has never been a judge, so Coburn had to query his magic wingnut crystal ball to know what Liu would do on the court, and maybe go to his written testimony.

    Some Republicans also are still seething over his written testimony against Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito in 2006.

    “Judge Alito’s record envisions an America where police may shoot and kill an unarmed boy to stop him from running away with a stolen purse … where a black man may be sentenced to death by an all-white jury for killing a white man,” Liu wrote. “I humbly submit that this is not the America we know. Nor is it the America we aspire to be.”

    What a horrible different kind of American, not letting gawd fearin’ cops gun down unarmed boy purse snatchers. and not condemning big scary black guys.

    My running checklist of minority American voting blocks

    Alienated blacks – check
    Alienated hispanics – check
    Alienated Asians – check
    Alienated Muslims – check

    In the non minority groups alienated

    Women
    children
    pets

    Okay, who did I leave off?

  9. 9.

    gex

    @Roger Moore: Please know that I did not mean to imply that all SWCMs are into the GOPs racism, sexism, and homophobia.

    I see what you are saying. But it seems like the most basic function of any living organism when attacked is to defend itself. So yeah, what you said.

  11. 11.

    General Stuck

    @gex:

    Damn, a thousand apologies to our gay Americans I left off the list. Thanks for fixing my oversight!

  12. 12.

    MobiusKlein

    So ABL, which of those ladies is you?

    edit: meant in the most complimentary way. a lady can sing and be a lawyer too.

  14. 14.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    you’re going to be nothing but a womb with a head.

    And if they didn’t hate science so much they’d find a way to get rid of the head. Perhaps mandatory lobotomies will be the wave of the future.

    @General Stuck: Come the revolution you are in deep santorum, mister.

  15. 15.

    DonkeyKong

    The southern plantation plutocrats got johnny reb to charge into the industial might of the union army on the off chance they might get a plantation in baja mexico or cuba after the south won the war. They were even warned by a fellow southerner.

    You people of the South don’t know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don’t know what you’re talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it… Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth—right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else you are totally unprepared, with a bad cause to start with. At first you will make headway, but as your limited resources begin to fail, shut out from the markets of Europe as you will be, your cause will begin to wane. If your people will but stop and think, they must see in the end that you will surely fail. -William Tecumseh Sherman

  16. 16.

    David Hunt

    In the non minority groups alienated
    …
    Women
    children
    pets
    …
    Okay, who did I leave off?

    Sentient beings with souls?

  17. 17.

    DonkeyKong

    All teabillies where ever they reside are unreconstructed confederates at heart.

  18. 18.

    Mattminus

    @gex:

    Because lots of folks don’t give a shit about anything except paying slightly lower taxes.

    SATSQ

  19. 19.

    Linkmeister

    Poor Alito. Down to defeat for the SCOTUS job because Goodwin Liu didn’t like him.

    Wait, that didn’t happen?

    O/T: Sully’s link in the sidebar still goes to the Atlantic website, not the Daily Beast’s.

  21. 21.

    geg6

    @Earl Butz:

    You apparently don’t know what “scrubs” refers to nor does the song say women don’t want men without cash.

    /rolling eyes

    A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly
    And is also known as a buster
    Always talkin’ about what he wants
    And just sits on his broke ass

    Sounds more to me like a guy that thinks he’s all that and a pack of gum but is a lazy ass with no prospects. If women don’t find that attractive, it’s not specifically about the cash but the hubris and laziness and entitlement of some males. But it’s so much easier to make it about the cash, isn’t it? You know, those gold digging bitches, right?

  22. 22.

    artem1s

    @DonkeyKong:

    They were even warned by a fellow southerner.

    *ehem* Uncle Billy was NOT a southerner. He was born and raised in Lancaster, Ohio.

    He did spend quite a lot of his early military career serving in the south where he became acquainted with the geography and resources of the southern states.

    I do love that quote, though…

    You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth—right at your doors.

    Mr. Kasich would do well to acquaint himself with ‘Cump’s assessment of what happens when you piss off teh Buckeyes.

  24. 24.

    gex

    @Linkmeister: They’re doing you a kindness.

    @Mattminus: Yeah. Sigh. I think I was asking more in the “Why oh why is it this way?” sort of fashion. But you and Roger Moore pretty much covered it.

  25. 25.

    El Cid

    The Arab Spring protests for democracy arrived in Spain in its anti-austeritarian form.

    Governments, and this Soshullist one, like all say ‘Fuck you, peasants — the real estate bubble deflates, especially in the wealthier ‘burbs and vacation havens, banks gamble & take the loot, so we need you fuckers to pay with your programs and benefits, we all got to tighten our belts and so forth.’

    Once again, the focus is on the budget and bailouts, and Franco-era unemployment rates are, well, unfortunate.

    Not much mention here. It’s not like Spain’s a tiny country. But protests nationwide aren’t rare, so it will be seen how different these are. They seem different to me already than what I’ve watched over the years. Don’t ask me exactly how yet.

    May 19 (Bloomberg) — Spaniards marched and pitched tents in central Madrid for a fifth day to protest budget cuts, bank bailouts and the country’s electoral system ahead of regional voting on May 22.
    __
    Thousands of people last night filled Puerta del Sol, where demonstrators have used Twitter to attract supporters to a makeshift camp in the central Madrid plaza, mirroring the use of social media that fueled the recent protests in Tunisia and Egypt. They’ve plastered buildings with posters and slogans and are holding political discussions throughout the day.
    __
    Spain’s [Soshullist or PSOE] government turned against its traditional base to push through the deepest budget cuts in at least three decades and overhaul labor and pension laws. The collapse of Spain’s debt-fueled property boom left the country with an unemployment rate of 21 percent, with 45 percent of young people out of work.
    __
    “The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer,” said Pepa Garcia, a 34 year-old unemployed actress, who says the North African revolts “certainly” inspired the Spanish movement.
    __
    “People should be indignant; some banks are getting rescued with our money while we’re almost drowning,” she said in an interview at the Puerta del Sol.

    Puerta del Sol is a small and pretty square in the center of Madrid around the corner from the main large city square (plaza), a convergence of bars, restaurants, and shopping centers.

    [PS: this is awesome.]

  27. 27.

    HumboldtBlue

    Uncle Billy was also the first Superintendent of the Louisiana State Seminary of Learning & Military Academy and then resigned when the war broke out. Sherman’s portrait remains on the campus of what we now know as Louisiana State University.

    After the end of the Civil War, in April 1865, the seminary was again reopened on October 2, 1865, with Col. David F. Boyd as superintendent. Following the war, General Sherman donated two cannons to the institution. These cannons had been captured from Confederate forces and had been used to start the war when fired at Fort Sumter, SC. They are still currently on display in front of LSU’s Military Science building.[1]

    On October 15, 1869, the college’s building was lost in a fire. On November 1, 1869, classes were resumed in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, sharing the campus of the Institute for the Deaf, Dumb, and Blind. In March 1870 the school’s name was changed to The Louisiana State University (l’Universite’ de l’Etat de la Louisiane)

    He did spend quite a lot of his early military career serving in the south where he became acquainted with the geography and resources of the southern states.

    Just ask Joe Johnston.

  28. 28.

    stuckinred

    @Southern Beale: Looks good to me. We just did an extensive needs assessment for our new learning management system and when we finally settle on one everyone will freak out just like everyone does when they have to learn something new.

  30. 30.

    beltane

    @El Cid: 45% unemployment among young people is a recipe for upheaval if not outright revolution. That’s why this feels different to you, because it is different.

  31. 31.

    Roger Moore

    @gex:

    Please know that I did not mean to imply that all SWCMs are into the GOPs racism, sexism, and homophobia.

    And if I were a SWCM rather than a SWAM, I might have taken offense. My point is that the Republicans are bad for everyone except grifters/rent seekers and possibly the extremely wealthy, so the only reason that just about anyone would vote for them is ignorance or stupidity. SWCM are most likely to vote for them just because they’re the main target of the Republican propaganda machine, but a few other people get swept up, too. The closer you are to the target SWCM demographic, the more likely you are to go for the lies, but the common feature is gullibility.

  32. 32.

    goblue72

    @DonkeyKong: I think the crackers in the Tea Party movement and the modern Southern-based GOP would be best served to remember that in the ongoing efforts to take us back to the 19th century. They may have failed utterly to stand up to their overlords, but us up North didn’t – we got us our Unions, and we then got us our equal rights, and we even got us our gay marriages in some places. We’ll chase a cracker out of the Castro quicker than you can tell a fag joke. We may put up with a lot for a while and sit around singing folk songs, but push us hard enough and folks will remember their Irish and trade their love beads for brickbats.

  35. 35.

    artem1s

    @HumboldtBlue:

    He did spend quite a lot of his early military career serving in the south where he became acquainted with the geography and resources of the southern states.

    Just ask Joe Johnston.

    you saw what I did there!

  36. 36.

    Roger Moore

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    Perhaps mandatory lobotomies will be the wave of the future.

    In the short term, they’re trying to make sure that the head is useless by preventing it from being educated, or even better, guaranteeing that it’s filled with lies and misinformation.

  40. 40.

    MikeEss

    I’m usually just a post reader, and rarely venture into the comments here at Balloon Juice, let alone post.

    That said, thank you ABL for bringing your perspective to this fine blog. I enjoy reading your posts, and they usually make me think. I hope you’ll contribute your thoughts here for the foreseeable future…

    ***

    Back on topic, what you said about the little girl is spot on, and scarier than hell. There seem to be a lot of Americans who are unable to see the virulent forces of repression represented by the Teabagging Morons and their Reichwing politics. They are cultural Neanderthals. There is no limit to how far they would go to roll back the last 150-years of progress in this country.

    I don’t know if the Republic of Gilead lies in the future of America, but they’re doing everything they can to get us there, step-by-fascist-step…

  42. 42.

    Uncle Clarence Thomas

    .
    .

    after which the Teabillies won’t even look you in the eye. Why? Because they’re hypocrites.

    So true. For example, they castigate President Obama for his unconstitutional Unitary Executive policies even as they laud former president Bush for the very same thing.
    .
    .

  44. 44.

    Earl Butz

    You apparently don’t know what “scrubs” refers to nor does the song say women don’t want men without cash.

    @geg6: I know exactly what a “scrub” is and let’s allow the song to speak for itself:

    Class snobbery:

    and i know that he cannot approach me
    cuz I’m lookin’ like class and he’s looking like trash

    How about if you’re environmentally conscious?

    If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
    Oh yes son I’m talking to you

    Fucking losers take the bus. You mentioned money?

    Wanna get with me with no money
    oh no I don’t want no scrub

    Again, and there is no possible way to arrive at any other interpretation that doesn’t involve massive self-delusion, in the world of this song, a man is good for nothing more than the contents of his wallet.

    As I said, it’s one of my favorites. For once, the woman isn’t lying about what she thinks is important.

  45. 45.

    goblue72

    @Chris: I thought about mentioning that out of the last 10 Super Bowls, 3 were won by New England, 2 by Pittsburgh, and 1 by New York, 1 by Green Bay and 1 by Indianapolis*.

    Meanwhile, South of the Mason Dixon, they’ve only got 2 Lombardi trophies – 1 for N.O. and 1 for Tampa Bay.

    * I might be willing to consider Indianapolis semi-cracker. OTOH, its countered by NOLA having sissy bounce music and jazz, so its not really full-cracker.

  47. 47.

    Svensker

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    WP has its issues, but I’ll take it over blogger any day

    And blogger censors you and takes down yer posts if yer not a liberty lib liberal, no whatum sayin?

  48. 48.

    General Stuck

    @Svensker:

    And blogger censors you and takes down yer posts if yer not a liberty lib liberal, no whatum sayin?

    Really? did not know that. I’ve had blogger for 4 years and never had a problem with them in any way. Except for a few outages, the blog has run like a charm with few issues, like the kind that seem daily with WP and it’s bugginess. Got any links for them censoring people for ideological reasons?

  49. 49.

    Citizen Alan

    @General Stuck:

    Got any links for them censoring people for ideological reasons?

    Stuck, I’ll go out on a limb and say Svensker is referring to the recent fooferall in which Ann Althouse’s Blogger service went down for a few days and, being a deluded right wing freak, she naturally concluded that it was deliberate censorship against her and other deluded right wing freaks. I assume he’s making fun of Althouse unless he believes her idiotic claims, in which case he too is a deluded right wing freak.

  50. 50.

    Chet

    @Mattminus: QFT. Also, the human tendencies towards tribalism, authoritarianism, and fundamentalist God-bothering are by no means restricted to SWCMs.

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