Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You know it’s bad when the Project 2025 people have to create training videos on “How To Be Normal”.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the gop

The gop is a fucking disgrace.

Their shamelessness is their super power.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

The way to stop violence is to stop manufacturing the hatred that fuels it.

America is going up in flames. The NYTimes fawns over MAGA celebrities. No longer a real newspaper.

Beware of advice from anyone for whom Democrats are “they” and not “we.”

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

If you can’t control your emotions, someone else will.

Fear and negativity are contagious, but so is courage!

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

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72Comments

  1. 1.

    cleek

    no no no, JC. you should know that they are each worse than worthless because they are not 100%, at all times, correct in their speech and thinking. they have, on multiple occasions, made statements which demonstrate their lack of devotion to The Cause.

    you are not exhibiting right thinking. report to your nearest Liberal Thinking Correction Center immediately.

  2. 2.

    JPL

    I just watched this at TPM and I have to say, I’m in love with Lithgow. He should win an emmy for his performance.

  3. 3.

    Steve

    That was an A+ performance. So good! The sad thing is, I could share it on Facebook but I don’t think most of my friends would grasp that this was an actual press release issued by an “actual” presidential candidate!

    My dad asked me last night “What’s going on with Newt Gingrich?” and I almost couldn’t answer because I was laughing so hard. Not only is the guy a political gift to Democrats everywhere, he is comedy platinum and then some. “Anyone who quotes what I said is lying!”

  5. 5.

    Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther

    What would we do?

    We would curl up in a fetal position and weep into our collars from now until sweet death brings us release.

    Maybe.

    (Well, I would have done that w/o them during the Bush years. Now I would just be even more bitter and cranky than I already am, and that, too, would be unpleasant).

  7. 7.

    me

    Not quite as good as when William Shatner read Sarah Palin’s speech as beat poetry on Conan.

  8. 8.

    Culture of Truth

    I was half-watching last night and did not realize what he was reading from. That is too funny.

    What a train-wreck Gingrich is.

  9. 9.

    Original Lee

    Awesomesauce – John Lithgow channeling Sam the Eagle.

    Agreed – not as good as William Schatner reading Sarah Palin, but still worthy of its own glory.

    (Good God, it’s catching!)

  10. 10.

    jibeaux

    Is there any way to get rid of the bullshit “millions of babies killed on your dime / defund Planned Parenthood” ad? I’m more sympathetic to the pro-life position than 98% of the people on this blog and I hate that bullshit.

  12. 12.

    Comrade Mary

    Off topic but important (to me): how long after a move should you leave a fridge or freezer unplugged? I had a freezer moved from main floor to basement and a fridge from one room to the garage yesterday evening. Both were tilted up to a 45 degree angle when carried, especially down stairs, but they weren’t turned fully horizontal and left there.

    Do I have to leave them unplugged for a full 24 hours, or can I plug in sooner?

  16. 16.

    SFAW

    Comrade Mary –
    Please forgive me for being duller than normal, but … why do you feel the need to leave them unplugged? Unless they’re (literal) iceboxes, the cooling system is a closed loop, and works off a pump.

    Or did yours have all the good humours drain out, and you need an alchemist or shaman to restore them to their former greatness? I’m confused.

  21. 21.

    Nerull

    Newt Gingrich is a Washington outsider? He isn’t a member of the “political elite”? In what bizzaro world? Gingrich is practically the prototype for elitist washington insiders.

  22. 22.

    JGabriel

    @piratedan: That’s the one I wanted! But I was racing the editing window (forgot to link before hitting Submit), and didn’t find it in time.

    .

  23. 23.

    Rick Massimo

    Of all the jokey bits here, can we just take a minute to notice that Gingrich’s press release referred to his experiences of the past week as “a firefight”?

    My eardrums popped just THINKING about the jet-engine-level roar that would arise if a Democrat referred to a political/media embarrassment as a “firefight.” (And yeah, I know it was a staffer-written statement; you think that would matter for a minute?)

    But if you Love America enough, I guess you can hate everyone in it and that’s OK.

  25. 25.

    Ghanima Atreides

    @JGabriel: you are correct, as usual.
    one of my favorite films of all time.

    no matter where you go, there you are.

  26. 26.

    RossInDetroit

    @Comrade Mary:

    how long after a move should you leave a fridge or freezer unplugged?

    Good question. Refrigeration systems have lubricants in them that can be displaced if the unit is not kept in the intended orientation. If it was flat or upside down I’d say contact the manufacturer and ask. If it was just at 45 degrees set it upright for a few hours, plug it in and don’t worry.

  27. 27.

    Steve

    @Rick Massimo: Yeah, because there hasn’t been a jet-engine-level roar regarding Gingrich’s press release. It’s basically been ignored, right?

  32. 32.

    Comrade Mary

    @RossInDetroit: Thanks. That makes sense. You’re also telling me what I want to hear (I have to run out for more ice [1], like, RIGHT NOW, and my new fridge arrives this afternoon and will need to be left alone for 24 hours). But I’m going to hold off for a bit to see if someone has some edifying horror story.

    @SFAW: Don’t be silly. Humours are SO medieval. MY appliances are Victorian and merely get attacks of the vapours.

    [1] Did you know that you can easily fit 4 bags of $3 ice on a bike’s back baskets without major creaking, 6 if you’re willing to worry about ICE-PLOSION all the way home, but 8 with no worries if you use a milk crate tied to your back rack instead? SCIENCE! (Well, ENGINEERING!)

  33. 33.

    piratedan

    @bjacques: I know, I know the movie is a classic and gets played two to three times a year, usually as a double feature with Big Trouble In Little China in my household, a true popcorn movie.

  34. 34.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    my mother threw out two copies of “the world according to garp” before i finally successfully read it. of course, this lead me to wonder about a few things, as this was not a usual thing for her to do. unlike irving, i doubt there is a best-seller in the speculation. i just figure it was her catholic upbringing.

  35. 35.

    MonkeyBoy

    @JGabriel:

    I don’t how many people will remember this, but Lithgow’s reading of Gingrich’s press release is straight out of his performance as Lord John Whorfin / Dr. Emilio Lizardo

    I wouldn’t forget.

  36. 36.

    Culture of Truth

    Peter Weller, now seen on the History Channel, teaches at Syracuse and is getting a PhD in Roman and Renaissance art.

  37. 37.

    Nerull

    @Culture of Truth: Everyone hates him because his single other personality trait is that he fucks up everything he touches. The guy is a one man failure machine, including his 2012 presidential campaign. How long did he make it, a week?

    If he hadn’t fucked up the government shutdown (By making it look like it was all about him not getting the seat he wanted on Air Force One) and the Clinton impeachment (Which the senate was smart enough not to touch), he wouldn’t be in the position he is now.

  38. 38.

    SFAW

    RossInDetroit –

    Obviously, I’m not quite as smart as I thought I was re: refrigerators. So, thanks for providing Mary with the straight dope.

  42. 42.

    Ghanima Atreides

    @MonkeyBoy: laff while you can.

    @Culture of Truth: alas the euripidean tragedy of male pattern baldness destroyed Peter Weller as a leading man, except for where he was Robocop where you couldn’t see his chrome dome.
    Character actors like Lithgow can go on and on.

  43. 43.

    slag

    What would we do without Stewart and Colbert?

    As Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther said, many of us would be in our sad places.

    Although, Cole, this is a compliment to you: I was discussing with someone the Italian v. Anthrax and tire rims analogy for bipartisanship, and that someone asked me, “Was that from Jon Stewart?”. And I said, “No, that was from John Cole”. So, you do your part to keep us out of our sad places too. It’s appreciated.

  44. 44.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Of all the jokey bits here, can we just take a minute to notice that Gingrich’s press release referred to his experiences of the past week as “a firefight”

    Like a draft dodging piece of shit like Newt has any fucking idea what a firefight actually sounds like.

  45. 45.

    RossInDetroit

    @SFAW:

    Obviously, I’m not quite as smart as I thought I was re: refrigerators. So, thanks for providing Mary with the straight dope.

    Personal experience, earned at considerable expense.

  46. 46.

    David Hunt

    @piratedan:

    @bjacques: I know, I know the movie is a classic and gets played two to three times a year, usually as a double feature with Big Trouble In Little China in my household, a true popcorn movie.

    A perfect double-feature choice as it’s my understanding that Jack Burton is a Blue Blaze Irregular

  47. 47.

    Sloegin

    Comcast will boot Stewart and Colbert as part of a deal to purchase Comedy Central. Don’t worry though, we’ll get a couple of those Fox half-hour comedy news shows to fill the gap.

    The best part? They’ll bring in Krauthammer to do a Lewis Black-style schtick. Comedy Riot.

  49. 49.

    jonas

    What was so awesome about that press release was its bald assertion that Gingrich is some kind of grass-roots, just folks “outsider” who scares the beltway media. If Newt — a former Speaker of the Fucking House, lobbyist, and GOP macher — were anymore “inside”, he would fold in on himself in some kind of Riemannian worm hole of hypocrisy and corruption.

    Update: basically, what Nerull upthread said. I hadn’t seen that.

  50. 50.

    piratedan

    @David Hunt: well I guess Mac Rauch was/is an acquired taste, I have to admit, I love his stuff. It’s layered with a “just right” amount of lunacy that enhanced its entertainment value (imho). Upon reflection, its easy to see why I transitioned from his stuff to becoming a MSTie.

  54. 54.

    The Moar You Know

    @Moonbatman: Credit the original source, please, not that shitpile over at Hot Air.

    That was taken, without attribution, from an editorial in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal. A paper that you may be shocked to discover that libtards read as well.

  55. 55.

    MarkJ

    Newt is a heroic insurgent in his own mind. That’s the only possible explanation for his press release. He’s completely delusional but comedy gold.

    Also, if someone is lying if they quote you verbatim and in context, that makes you a liar. Not that we didn’t already know Newt’s pants were on fire – that’s probably one of the reasons he has such a problem with infidelity. Between him an Kyl’s “not a factual statement” moment the dems should start calling the republican party the Liar’s Club.

  57. 57.

    Mnemosyne

    @Nerull:

    The same bizarro world where a guy who was the son of a president and the grandson of a US senator was a Washington outsider because he could fake a Texas accent.

  58. 58.

    Sasha

    And to think comedians were worried they wouldn’t have as good material when the Donald opted out.

    Loved Lithgow, but would have paid real money to have James Earl Jones do it instead.

  59. 59.

    HeartlandLiberal

    The only dramatic reading I have ever seen that was greater than this performance by Lithgow was when Charles Laughton read aloud from the phone directory and made his audience weep they were so moved.

    I realize I date myself terribly with this reference, but there it is. Just Google it and be done with it.

  60. 60.

    kwAwk

    What is interesting to me about this, is that this is where in my opinion modern day politics is starting to resemble professional wrestling.

    Because Newt Gingrich is a Republican he is always the heel. No matter what he does, he has to be the baffoon.

    Nothing could be closer to the truth than Gingrich’s statement that Paul Ryan’s plan represent ‘radical right wing social engineering’ but because he is a Republican he’s a stupid fool for saying it.

    How do we expect our political opposition on the right to come back from the brink of utter stupidity if we help the utterly stupid destroy the not utterly stupid?

    Why is it so hard to say in this one instance, Newt Gingrich is right?

  61. 61.

    Ija

    @kwAwk:

    Nothing could be closer to the truth than Gingrich’s statement that Paul Ryan’s plan represent ‘radical right wing social engineering’ but because he is a Republican he’s a stupid fool for saying it.

    The problem is, he’s walked that back. He’s saying he was set up by David Gregory. Why shouldn’t we mock him for that? Why should we praise him for saying something that is right when he has wimped out and take back the statement and is now basically grovelling at Paul Ryan’s feet? What’s the point of being right if you then renounce that statement?

  62. 62.

    Robert Waldmann

    I wish you hadn’t typed “What would we do without Stewart and Colbert?” Some questions should be left unasked. The prospect is too dismal to contemplate and you made me contemplate it.

  63. 63.

    Robert Waldmann

    I can’t stop thinking about a world without Stewart and Colbert and I’m about to loose my sanity and/or fear.

  64. 64.

    Benjamin Cisco

    @kwAwk: @Ija: Not only that, he took a dive behind some ham-fisted “I’m the REAL victim of racism here” scenery chewing so epic it brought Quitzilla out of her hidey hole to get her diva crown back.
    __
    Had he stood his ground, I’d have at least given him credit for telling the truth about Ryan, (even if it was only to make him appear sane by comparison). As it is, he deserves to be Hoot-Smalleyed off the stage.

  65. 65.

    Jay in Oregon

    @Ija:

    The problem is, he’s walked that back. He’s saying he was set up by David Gregory.

    I missed the part where Gregory shoved his hand up Newt’s ass and made him call Ryan’s plan “social engineering”.

  66. 66.

    kwAwk

    I think you’re right that he did back down BUT had people come out and declared Newt to have been ‘courageous’ for his stance rather and chiding him for backing down from a reasonable position things might change.

    I like Colbert and Stewart as much as the next guy, well, maybe not as much as some of you but I can’t figure out why I’m supposed to care in a serious sense how much Newt Gingrich owed Tiffany’s. It ain’t like he’s the only person in the world who shops there.

  68. 68.

    SFAW

    but I can’t figure out why I’m supposed to care in a serious sense how much Newt Gingrich owed Tiffany’s.

    Care? Probably not supposed to. But use it as yet another object lesson regarding the sanctimony and hypocrisy of Rethugs? Oh yeah.

    Seriously, I could give a rat’s ass if he showers Callisto with expensive baubles etc. But to have him, as did Bill Bennett, play an arbiter of moral behavior, whilst owing one-quarter to one-half Mil for a period longer than unemployment can last, is as good a reason as any to flame him.

  69. 69.

    KANFSU

    You know, Gingrich’s speech here is a bit like Nixon’s checkers speech that we read about recently. He is taking the authoritarian pose, he’s righteously indignant, he is drawing that line about being persecuted by elites and media… it’s way more mythic and over the top, but appropriate for the current use of hyperbole. I wonder how this will play for the Orthogonians.

  70. 70.

    SFAW

    I wonder how this will play for the Orthogonians.

    Beldar is down with it, Connie not so much.

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