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You are here: Home / Open Threads / This Time The Shits For Reals

This Time The Shits For Reals

by John Cole|  May 21, 201112:35 am| 33 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Religion, Blatant Liars and the Lies They Tell

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Laugh all you want, Mayan 2012 is right around the corner, bitches:

No quitsies this time.

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Previous Post: « Open Thread: Schadenfreude
Next Post: Fat Man in a Lazy Boy »

Reader Interactions

33Comments

  1. 1.

    Villago Delenda Est

    May 21, 2011 at 12:39 am

    As I mentioned one of the previous thematic threads, 2012 is not a problem, I’ve been assured, because the numerology involved is not biblically based.

    It’s therefore bunk.

  2. 2.

    Shinobi

    May 21, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Seeing how full the rapture is of Lulz, I look forward to 2012 lulz.

  3. 3.

    MikeJ

    May 21, 2011 at 12:46 am

    Watch out for 2038 when 32bit time rolls over.

  4. 4.

    freelancer

    May 21, 2011 at 12:46 am

    http://somethingjustgotreal.com

  5. 5.

    AxelFoley

    May 21, 2011 at 12:46 am

    I can just see the thread title here when 2012 comes around: The Final Countdown.

    Along with the obligatory Europe YouTube vid.

  6. 6.

    Wag

    May 21, 2011 at 12:47 am

    It’s the end of the world as we know it as george bush sings it

  7. 7.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    May 21, 2011 at 12:50 am

    @Wag:

    that is beyond excellent.

  8. 8.

    West of the Cascades

    May 21, 2011 at 12:52 am

    As a Christian, the imminent rapture makes me kind of nervous. For one thing, if there really is a rapture, heaven seems like it would be kind of boring if it’s filled with people like Sarah Palin (maybe “boring” isn’t the word so much as “essentially equivalent to eternal damnation but with fluffy clouds”). Also, it would really suck to learn that the socialist hippie Jesus I believe in actually IS the right-wing thug much of the GOP seems to believe in. Even worse to learn that while burning in a pit of hot molten lava being poked with pitchforks.

    This is another reason I hope I’m right that most of the Bible is metaphorical. On the other hand, getting raptured (or boiled in a pit) would save me from working the rest of the weekend for a Monday deadline. There’s always a silver lining.

  9. 9.

    handy

    May 21, 2011 at 12:52 am

    @MikeJ:

    Run for the hills! (And don’t bring along your cell phone…or your toaster for that matter).

  10. 10.

    Wag

    May 21, 2011 at 12:53 am

    All I know for sure about the Rapture is that come Sunday morning, Ralph Reed is going to be pissed that Jimmy Carter got raptured and Ralph didn’t

    I wrote this on the last post, but it fits here too

  11. 11.

    Roger Moore

    May 21, 2011 at 12:54 am

    @MikeJ:
    Come on. We’ll all be using 64 bit processors by then, so it’s no big deal.

  12. 12.

    joel hanes

    May 21, 2011 at 1:05 am

    @West of the Cascades:

    If the Rapture actually comes, and if the words of Jesus can be trusted, there will be a great many fervent “Christians” enduring the tribulation — including all the famous “Christians”, the prominent “Christians”, the wealthy “Christians”, celebrity “Christians”, powerful “Christians” — and Heaven will be a delightful village populated by unassuming people that no one’s ever heard of — people who quietly loved the world and asked no more of life than to live and love and make it better.

  13. 13.

    Hunter Gathers

    May 21, 2011 at 1:05 am

    I don’t worry ’bout no stupid rapture.
    Like most of America’s Cultural Elite, I worship Pan the Goat God.

  14. 14.

    freelancer

    May 21, 2011 at 1:09 am

    @joel hanes:

    Nah, it’ll look more like this.

  15. 15.

    Roger Moore

    May 21, 2011 at 1:09 am

    @Hunter Gathers:

    Like most of America’s Cultural Elite, I worship Pan the Goat God.

    Is that what Mickey Kaus is calling it now? And are you sure that America’s elite doesn’t worship Mammon? It seems closer to their observed behavior.

  16. 16.

    Spaghetti Lee

    May 21, 2011 at 1:09 am

    I can picture Quetzalocotl bitching out Jehovah as we speak: “No fair, you big meanie! You said I could destroy the world! You promised!“

  17. 17.

    RossInDetroit

    May 21, 2011 at 1:10 am

    Remember when Y2K was going to be the end of civilization? Well, we won’t be able to code our way out of this one.

  18. 18.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    May 21, 2011 at 1:12 am

    @Wag: Fan-fucking-tastic. Thanks for the link. I’m just going to play that continuously until the world ends, at least in New Zealand. I may take a break to make popcorn.

    No enough people are going to get raptured in my neighborhood (heavily ethnic in ways unlikely to be evangelical Christian) to make looting a real sport, so I need some entertainment. On the other hand, if Glen Tomkins in the previous thread is correct about the Rapture being a 12-tribes, Jews-only affair, I could be outta here (hey, somebody’s got to represent Ephraim and half of Manasseh).

  19. 19.

    Wag

    May 21, 2011 at 1:16 am

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    Now I am become Death, Destroyer of worlds

  20. 20.

    RossInDetroit

    May 21, 2011 at 1:31 am

    In my Jewish neighborhood the only change the Rapture would bring is the Witnesses with their Watchtower handouts missing from my doorstep on Sunday morning. Lovely people, and I’m sure deserving of a heavenly reward. But I like it here, thanks.

  21. 21.

    fasteddie9318

    May 21, 2011 at 1:35 am

    @RossInDetroit:

    But I like it here, thanks.

    Oh yeah? See how much you’ll like it after all the fundamentalist Christian loudmouth busybodies are gone! Bet you’ll see things differently then, won’t you?

  22. 22.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    May 21, 2011 at 1:39 am

    @RossInDetroit:

    bumper sticker:”moshiach is coming!”
    me: “what about the rest of the sweathogs?”

  23. 23.

    R-Jud

    May 21, 2011 at 1:42 am

    20 minutes to 6 pm in Suva, Fiji (I believe the Rapture happens at 6 pm local time, wherever you are).

    What should I make for last breakfast, guys? Cornbread or cheese scones?

  24. 24.

    Jewish Steel

    May 21, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Gettin’ the Led out. Righteous.

  25. 25.

    Barb (formerly Gex)

    May 21, 2011 at 1:52 am

    @Wag: Awwwww. I would miss Jimmy. But he seems worthy.

    I’d almost rather the jerk Christians be right and get called up, and leave the heathens like me with Christians like Jimmy.

  26. 26.

    Cliff in NH

    May 21, 2011 at 1:54 am

    @R-Jud:

    Cornbread Muffins w/butter on top.

  27. 27.

    Steeplejack

    May 21, 2011 at 1:57 am

    @R-Jud:

    Cheese scones. You probably can’t do proper (Southern) cornbread. (If only because you probably can’t get Martha White cornmeal in England.)

  28. 28.

    Roger Moore

    May 21, 2011 at 1:58 am

    @R-Jud:
    Aren’t you supposed to be more worried about the Last Supper?

  29. 29.

    blackfrancis

    May 21, 2011 at 2:04 am

    http://youtu.be/bKSdUTV_sb0

  30. 30.

    Dream On

    May 21, 2011 at 2:06 am

    I was promised a Rapture of a biblical nature. Why is humanity raining on my parade?

  31. 31.

    blackfrancis

    May 21, 2011 at 2:08 am

    I haven’t seen this here yet

    http://youtu.be/kCpjgl2baLs

  32. 32.

    Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)

    May 21, 2011 at 4:43 am

    The Chambers Brothers

    Time Has Come Today

  33. 33.

    R-Jud

    May 21, 2011 at 5:16 am

    @Steeplejack: Good point. We went with the cheese scones. Fabulous.

    @Roger Moore: Yeah, but who wants a rushed last supper? With the Rapture at 6, we wouldn’t have time to wash up before Jesus returns even if we sat down to dinner at 5 PM.

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