Dave Weigel at Slate has a post on the latest CNN poll of likely GOP voters’ opinions of likely GOP candidates, which mostly announces the unimpeachable: Republicans are still hungering after a knight on a white horse to save them; “serious” candidates Pawlenty and Gingrich can’t break out of the single digits, even with all their recent free publicity; and Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney, emptiest shell in a cavalcade of emptiness, is everybody’s second choice… ergo, almost certainly the eventual nominee. This is good news for John McCain President Obama.
On the other hand, Herman Cain — joke novelty candidate, according to every impeccable Media Village Idiot — consistently polled a respectable 10-15%, with or without competition from this week’s Fantasy Contestants (Guiliani and, of course, Palin), coming in at the top of declared candidates among self-identified ‘Tea Party supporters’. Which raises a possibility to warm the cockles of my shriveled Democratic heart: When Willard accepts his battered tiara at the Tampa lap-dancing nationals Republican convention, he may be required to choose ‘The Hermanator'(tm) as his VP candidate. Short of the release of police-blotter records for the misdemeanor-rich environment around the convention center, this may be as much entertainment as we get from the GOP’s march over the cliff. Mr. Cain seems to share Biden’s affable, garrolous, gaffe-prone affect, but more importantly, he’ll be perceived by Romney and his handlers as their worst nightmare — a smart, articulate, successful businessman who actually did work his way up from near the bottom of America’s economic pyramid. Since Willard’s electoral weakness (apart from the fact that he’s a soulless sociopath) is that he’s Dubya without the substance-abuse problem… a multi-millionaire who skated through Harvard Business School on his connections and ‘networked’ a career as a figurehead for more ruthless business predators before launching his political march towards the Imperial Presidency to which he feels himself entitled… watching him embrace a man whom Romney’s spiritual leaders didn’t treat as fully human until the 1970s should be bracing fun for us Democrats!
RossInDetroit
My knowledge of the GOP bench has a Herman Cain sized hole in it. maybe time to rectify that.
Oh, the pizza guy. Right.
JPL
Herman Cain is a very successful business man but when it comes to foreign policy and political science, he makes Palin seem like a genius. When you want to preach the constitution, it’s best not to recite the Declaration of Independence. Just my opinion but it does seem odd.
David
MrCain/Palin
20082012beltane
There are many pizzeria owners I’d rather see as president than Herman Cain. I can also guarantee that no matter what happens to whom at the Republican convention, it will be of such a nature as to horrify all sentient life forms.
Brian R.
Cain and Able to Bore Me Senseless 2012
jl
Biden ran a pizza chain once? Who knew?
Cat Lady
I’d love to see an Obama Cain 2012 election. It would be Obama Keyes writ large, and there would be 27% of a variety of things to keep the blogosphere buzzing for months.
beltane
The GOP should give the nomination to Little Caesar.
Violet
@David:
That would never happen. It would have to be Palin/MrCain or nothing. She’s already been on the bottom of the ticket. She’ll never settle for that again. Too much of a narcissist.
I still think they’ll pull in Rubio for the VP slot. Young, Latino, Florida. What’s not to love about that?
The Sheriff's A Ni-
I still can’t see Romney as the guy. He had as good a chance as any in 2008, and he couldn’t beat the wishy-washy on abortion ‘maverick’ McCain. He hasn’t done anything in the ensuing three years to improve his position among the GOP’s fundie base in the South and Midwest. He’ll do well again, but I’m having a hard time believing he’ll have any Mittmentum through the primaries.
Tara the antisocial social worker
@beltane:
Fortunately, there will be very few sentient life forms anywhere near a republican convention.
Martin
Joe Biden? Lost his wife and daughter in a car accident. Commuted daily from DC to Delaware to be with his two sons. Remarried. 36 years in the Senate. Adjunct law professor. Middle class net worth – no outside income, just a dedication to government service.
Yeah, the pizza guy is just like him.
beltane
Everyone is forgetting Michele Bachmann, the only candidate who can unite both bat-wings of the batshit crazy party.
RossInDetroit
Isn’t Abramoff in the pizza business these days?
The Dangerman
@Violet:
Since I think Sarah is running and I also think she can win the nomination, I think the VP will go to Rick Perry (campaign buses to be sponsored by Viddal Sassoon).
sloan
The GOP has been looking for a “Republican Obama” (read: credible non-white guy) for a while. They thought Jindal would do the trick because obviously Funny Name + Dark Skin = votes. And remember Alan Keyes? WTFGOP? Apparently it didn’t occur to them that maybe people agreed with Obama’s ideas and weren’t just voting for his skin color.
Shoemaker-Levy 9
The Herminator’s got the big Mo and he’s riding it all the way to the convention. Second banana indeed.
Chuck Butcher
Mitt? GOP Primaries? GOP base?
I don’t think the plutocrats will be that lucky. This ain’t 2007…
Yutsano
@RossInDetroit:
Even though you’re correct, I still saw what you did there.
@The Dangerman:
I don’t think Perry has ever been second banana in his life. Not to mention I doubt he’d commit that particular political suicide. Unless he also wants to be a two-term governor of Texas only.
Shoemaker-Levy 9
@JPL:
The GOP does not discriminate against idiots.
Carol
@The Sheriff’s A Ni-: I think Mitt’s strategy is to be the last man standing this time. If he can outlast everybody else, and nobody else can raise enough money, then by default he would be the nominee.
I call him the Republican Dukakis: nominated because he was the safest nominee, not because he generated any enthusiasm. And eerily, he also was a Governor of Massachusetts.
Uncle Clarence Thomas
.
.
Do you not understand how demeaning and hurtful this epithet is to the individual to whom you attach it?
.
.
beltane
What’s Bob Dole up to these days?
The Dangerman
@Yutsano:
I dunno; kinda sets him up for 2016, just as Palin is set up for 2012. If she had played her cards right (and shut the fuck up more often), I think she’d be a dead solid lock in 2012 (for the nomination, not the general). Also, I read someplace that Palin and Perry are BFF’s.
Uncle Clarence Thomas
@RossInDetroit:
.
.
No. His expertise is in salads now.
.
.
Martin
@sloan:
Well, Dr. Laura said that blacks voted for him just because he was black, so it must be true.
snarkyspice
Why are you likening this idiot to Joe Biden? Buying into the right-wing meme that Joe Biden is just a gaffe-machine?
Ridiculous.
Nick
I.m guessing you never listen to the right wing noise chamber? Which is healthy for you, but your analysis totally off. Romney has a 2% chance, he’s not even close to the frontrunner. 95% that it’ll be from the group Pawlenty, Palin, Perry, Christie.
RoonieRoo
@Yutsano:
I think it is very likely Perry will be VP nom if he doesn’t run. I’m still reasonably confident he will run but I have no problem at all seeing him take the VP nod. He will definitely tie up a lot of votes for the GOP.
He’s already played “second banana” to GWB. Or, if you truly get how Texas government functions, he’s “second banana” now to David Dewhurst.
dmsilev
Wait a second. Gingrich is a “serious” candidate? That’s setting the bar so low you’d need excavation equipment.
Lysana
When Perry first talked about throwing his hat in the ring, I kept seeing Texans online begging gods they don’t believe in that he would. They figure it’ll make sure he stops being governor and they know he’s unelectable in 2012 to boot. But who outside the ‘baggers would vote for a secessionist? And if he does wind up on the slate in either position, that’s what they’ll have up there. Romney may be their safe bet, but we have Bachmann and Perry to think about. And Cain. The back-room dealing if it gets down to those four will be legendary.
BruinKid
So have you guys heard about the latest Andrew Breitbart smear? He claims Anthony Weiner (D-NY) sent a picture of his you-know-what to a woman. A Kossack who knows Photoshop found out the screen grab Breitbart used as proof was Photoshopped. Specifically, the part that ID’s the user as being Anthony Weiner.
Seriously, Shirley Sherrod’s lawsuit needs to speed up so this guy can go bankrupt sooner than later.
aisce
@Yutsano:
well, considering he’s already on term number three…
i hope (and think actually) that perry will be the republican nominee this time around. he squares the tea party/money party conundrum perfectly. and it’s only fitting that gov. secession go down to the nation’s first black president.
Sly
Without the thirty years of public service and working knowledge of national and international affairs.
@Yutsano:
Because the Lt. Governor of Texas has a variety of powers relating to him/her being the presiding officer of the State Senate (establishes standing/special committees, appoints chairs, assigns bills to committees, etc), one could make a credible argument that the Governor of Texas is a second banana position.
JK
There’s more to ol’ Herm than just pizza–this, for instance:
http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/05/herman-cain-aquila-lawsuit-2012
In any case, no way the GOP ever nominates a black man for president within my lifetime–or for a long time after I’m gone.
Violet
@Yutsano:
Perry was the Lieutenant Governor and stepped into the Governor’s office when Bush left to become President. Although the Lt. Gov. job in TX is more powerful in terms of actual power, it’s still the number two role.
Citizen_X
@Nick:
So: it’s between boring, repellent and secessionist, secessionist, and repellent? All right then.
Violet
@The Dangerman:
Oh yeah. She offered her endorsement of him when he was in the primary fight with Kay Bailey Hutchison. And she came to Houston on Superbowl Sunday of last year for a rally/fundraiser for him ahead of the primary voting. They’re tight and I can see him taking the VP slot to her. He’s got the “experience” thing, although he doesn’t really bring much foreign policy experience. And they were both Governors, so it’s not like he’s bringing some kind of Washington experience she doesn’t have. But he’s got a p3nis, good looks, and epic fund raising ability.
rob!
Boy, I sure hope Fred Thompson doesn’t get in the race. I remember when he entered last time, dominating the field and eventually becoming the 44th President of the United States.
Violet
@Lysana:
That secessionist thing is old news. He’ll play it off as he wasn’t being serious and the GOP voters will forget all about it.
rob!
If Chris Christie starts losing weight, then we’ll know he’s running. The age of comically tubby and/or bearded Presidents is over.
Damn Obama, with his sexy blackness!
kdaug
@Martin: VP is still a bucket of warm spit. And Dems don’t tend to play “next in line”.
Yutsano
@aisce:
Oops. I thought this was his second full term. My bad. Obviously I’m not a Texan.
@Sly:
Well except you don’t exactly get to make national news that way. Hell I’m not sure I could name the Lieutenant Governor of Washington without looking it up.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
hermannewtics in 2012
Jewish Steel
@Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: That’s a stretch, but if I’d thought of it I would not have been able to restrain myself either. Well done.
Jonny Scrum-half
I heard Cain on Hannity’s radio show a couple weeks ago, and “articulate” was not an adjective that sprung to my mind.
Spaghetti Lee
McCain/Palin 2008: “Country First”
Palin/Cain 2012: “Fuck It, Why Not?”
Mnemosyne
@sloan:
They still don’t get it. As I’ve said before, conservatives honestly believe that there’s no such thing as a minority or woman who is more qualified than a white man. They really think that Joe the Plumber could walk in off the street and do a better job as Supreme Court justice than Sonia Sotomayor.
So, clearly, people couldn’t have voted for Obama because they thought he was the most qualified candidate, because he’s not white and by definition is less qualified than John McCain. It must have been another reason.
bryanD
Ron Paul!!!1!!
(No, seriously! Cross over for Ron Paul in your respective primaries, you guerilla Dems; you Demorillas, you!)
(I will TOTALLY fall for “it” and the GOP will shit a bowling ball! Correction: Bowling BALLS!)
(Or do you love Hannity?…..Slight crush? Loufa Bill appointment? Don’t you want to see Hannity cry Live on teevee? Chicken? Chicken? Baw-bawk!)
do it! ron paul!!1! Yessss….Be the ball…be the ball…
Ash Can
Re #50: And that, boys and girls, is what cutting your home-brew with antifreeze can do to you.
Just Some Fuckhead
My fundie friends are starting to notice Cain. He may be able to slide into the Huckabee groove. Remember Huckabee came in second to McCain. Could be interesting.
aimai
@Just Some Fuckhead:
“The Huckabee Groove” : worst movie title evah.
aimai
Malron aka eclecticbrotha
To white liberals maybe. And, its pretty insulting to Biden to compare Cain to him when Cain is more Alan Keyes than Amtrak Joe. I’m not seeing a whole lot of black folk talking about Cain with the same affection Democrats ascribe to Biden for his blue-collar work ethic. Cain also has a nasty little Enron-esque episode in his own past that should torpedo any serious chance of him becoming anything more than the black ass-clown in the Republican field.
Ed Marshall
They want to nominate this guy because they are *sure* that the only reason Obama won was because Americans are too subdued by political correctness to vote against a black man. I’ve seen this formulation put out there in a number of ways. They think being black is a golden ticket that gives you white peoples jobs.
It reminds me of O Brother, Where art thou? “We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his!” “Wouldn’t we look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, doesn’t matter how stumpy.”
dmsilev
@Just Some Fuckhead:
Maybe Johnny Mac can be convinced to be VP. Just think of the savings in bumpersticker ink: “Vote (Mc)Cain!”
sloan
@Ed Marshall: Democrats cheated by nominating a black guy for President. Everyone knows the black guy always wins.
drkrick
Palin/Bachmann 2012 – Let’s Make Sure the Mayans Are Right!
MikeJ
@Lysana:
Amendment 14, Section 3:
Perry is disqualified from the presidency.
Chris
@Ed Marshall:
“They want to nominate this guy because they are sure that the only reason Obama won was because Americans are too subdued by political correctness to vote against a black man.”
I’m sure there are people for whom that’s a motivating factor, but they’re already locks to vote Republican anyway (unless they’re (A) concern trolls, or (B) morons).
The Cain appeal is actually subtler *and* less direct: his job is to be “the black guy Republicans use to tell each other, ‘I’m not against Obama because I’m racist against blacks; look, I like Herman Cain, and he’s black. BLACKETY BLACK BLACK! So there!'”
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
@Chris: I want to be in the houses of some of these wingers when they look on TV and see two black men debating for the presidency and realize that these are their choices.
lacp
What is it with pizza and wingnuts? Isn’t the Domino’s guy a wingnut too? I thought he was the fundie Catholic guy building his own religious city in Florida.
elle
The strangest thing is that some of these conservative voters are really hoping that Herman Cain will split the black vote off from Prez Obama. They really should talk to those PUMA voters from 2008…..and probably Michael Steele too.
Chris
@Belafon (formerly anonevent):
Three very different reactions I have to that:
1. Yes, it’d be quite entertaining.
2. No, it could not happen. (Granted, that may be the same kind of closed-mindedness we tend to deplore in people whose political predictions/expectations don’t line up with our own, but I have a lot of trouble imagining the political world in which the GOP settles on Herman Cain as its standard-bearer against Obama.)
3. If I’m wrong about #2, above, and we do get an Obama-Cain two-party race in 2012, then I would think the odds of a third party appearing are as high as they could ever be. Sure, every four years, the media gins up some third-party interest and laments the limits of the two-party system, and sure, we’re all supposed to pretend that there aren’t any racist voters in America any more, but two black guys running for president would almost have to lead *some* white guy to run on a superficially race-neutral platform. Though if Cain’s as thoroughly genuine of a wacko as he seems, maybe the racist/wacko vote would migrate to him despite his obvious non-whiteness.
AxelFoley
@Uncle Clarence Thomas:
AxelFoley
@JK:
I never thought I’d see a black President in my lifetime, but here we are.
Buuuuut, yeah, I don’t see the GOP nominating someone who’s near in my lifetime either.
Mike
@lacp:
Yeah, he’s the one. To be fair, though, I’m pretty sure his arch nemesis, Mike Illich (the Little Caesar’s Pizza guy) is a Democrat. How did two successful chains manage to come from the same city (Detroit) is beyond me, but there you go.
Mnemosyne
@Chris:
That’s what happened in Illinois’ 2006 US Senate race, which is why we know that the crazification factor in this country is 27 percent. Though possibly not distributed evenly throughout the country.
Grumpy Code Monkey
@MikeJ: Perry engaged in a little secessionist rhetoric that always plays well down here during his campaign. It’s not like he’s actually taken up arms against the US or anything.
Perry’s a threat on either half of the ticket. He’ll deliver TX (which just got two more House seats and electoral votes as of the last census, you have been warned) along with the South. He’d be the perfect VP attack-dog candidate.
Apart from the HPV mandate and the Trans-Texas corridor debacles, Perry’s got the conservative bona fides (marriage and religion good, abortion and gays bad, income tax bad). He’s been flogging TX’s low-tax culture as the reason we weathered the recession better than most of the country (although it’s biting us hard in the ass now as we’re staring down the barrel of a $27 bn deficit). He’s smarter than pretty much any other GOP candidate out there, and if we’re grading on a curve has buckets more charisma than guys like Romney or Pawlenty. He also has an Obama-like ability to attract weak opponents. KBH was his only serious primary challenger in the last three elections, and Bill White was the only Democrat who had a chance in hell of winning, but the Democratic Party has given up on TX completely so he didn’t have enough support.
Frankly, I think Obama’s in decent shape. What we need to focus on is Congress. Get Pelosi back in the Speaker’s position by tossing out as many R’s as possible.
Eli Rabett
Remember who the GOP put up against Obama in Illinois. Cain is history repeating itself as a double good farce.
Ed
I don’t believe that Rubio meets the citizenship rules. But I guess that’s irrelevant…
mclaren
Delusional bullshit.
Romney is a Mormon, thus un-nominatable. Romney will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever get the Republican nomination for president. The fundamentalist Christian base of the Republican party views Mormonism as a satanic cult.