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From longtime commentor J. Michael Neal:
I bought Eddie from a rescue organization for my wife’s birthday in 2003. We already had five cats, that had to be kept separated into three different areas of the house, so we didn’t think we needed another, though it turns out that we did. Or I did, at any rate. He had already his first, at least, major health issue: a run-in with a heavy blunt object like a car or baseball bat. His left ear was crushed against his head; he had a big bald scar right behind it where he frequently drew blood scratching himself; his left eye weeped; and his jaw didn’t fit together quite right, so he made a grinding sound when he opened or closed his mouth. He was so incredibly sweet, though, and we were afraid that, as a black cat who was less than physically perfect, he wouldn’t ever get adopted, so I bought him. He lived at first with Ringling in two small rooms at the front, and I regret the amount of time they spent alone the first three years.
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When my wife left, she took Sasha, one of her original cats, with her. Since Sasha could not abide any other cat, that fortunately meant leaving Eddie behind. He was the only one allowed to move between the two halves of the house, as he was the only one that didn’t cause any trouble. He had *no* sense of territoriality or social hierarchy, a fact that drove Monster crazy. She would try to make a show of dominance, and Eddie would just stare at her like she was nuts. Eventually, he would get up and walk away, on the assumption that crazy, dangerous people are best left alone, but he wouldn’t make any gesture of submission. It made Monster furious, until she finally gave up and stopped bothering him unless she actually wanted the place he was sitting.
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A month after my wife walked out, less than nine months after my nervous breakdown, he almost died before the vet diagnosed him with kidney stones. I don’t know what I would have done if he’d left me then.
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In September of 2008, he developed a lesion on his left front paw that my vet couldn’t identify. In November, I noticed that it was bleeding at 2am on a Saturday morning. Thank god that’s when it was, because I hauled him to the emergency room at the University of Minnesota Small Animal Hospital. They took a biopsy, and several weeks later, it came back positive for cutaneous lymphoma. It was, and still is, the first case of it they had ever seen there. His leg was amputated in January 2009. He learned how to get around again, with a sort of hopping gait.
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Last summer, he needed to have six teeth pulled, and then developed an infection on his remaining front paw. By the time it was treated, they had to amputate the two middle toes. We thought it had originated as an allergic reaction that caused him to chew his paw, but the necropsy on the toes revealed malignant lymphoma. I stopped giving him the injections to deal with his allergies, figuring what was the point. Given the rarity of his cancer, the vets had no idea how long he would last. They said it could be two weeks, or two years, though they clearly thought it would be much closer to the former.
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In the end, he made it eight months after the diagnosis. On Monday, he started shaking his head and pawing at it, giving himself some wicked scratches along his scar. He was back to normal on Tuesday, and I thought that the crisis had past. I was wrong. He stopped eating Thursday morning, and started getting weaker. Last night, I decided that the time had come to say goodbye. A friend drove us to the hospital, and I said farewell to my goof about 1:30pm today. He was the sweetest cat I have ever known; the only creature he ever hissed at in his entire life was a cat from across the street who used to get onto the front porch and knock at the window. I’m pretty sure that even then, the only reason he did so was because Ringling got so agitated.
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But he was also one tough m*th*rf*ck*r, going through most of his nine lives without ever showing the strain. He had little energy by this morning, but was alert and affectionate all the way up to the vet feeding the drugs into his catheter. He nuzzled my face right before he died, so I’m hoping that I’m forgiven for everything I put him through.
__
I miss him already. I’m not much of a religious believer, but it would be so wonderful to be wrong, and to have a chance to meet him again someday. For a variety of reasons, I’m not commenting here any more, but I know that some of you have followed this saga and would want to know. I will make sure to read all of the comments left for him, and pass them along on that future day.
Yutsano
The toughest day of all is when we have to finally let go. And since I’m both a theist and a believer in reincarnation, I believe Eddie will come back to you in some form some day. I hope your hurt gets better.
Jane2
You were both very lucky to have found each other. And surely somewhere there’s a rainbow bridge where you will meet up with Eddie.
TaMara (BHF)
RIP Eddie. He was loved, he was happy and he was needed, so JMN, you could not have offered him a better life. Big hugs to you. T.
travis
I dearly hope I am wrong too. The thought of that wonderful place where pain is gone and all those beloved friends furry and otherwise, await my arrival. I’m sorry for your loss
jnfr
Thank you for taking care of this sweet guy. I’m sorry for your loss.
mr. whipple
Man, that is choking me up.
Peace be with you and Eddie.
Church Lady
Michael, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Over the years, with your comments, I’ve seen how much you loved that cat. I hope your pain passes quickly and you are left with only the warm memories of life with Eddie.
Brian
I’m sorry seems so pale. Good story – your love and admiration for him shows. Be well.
Violet
So sorry for your loss. Your love for Eddie has always been so clear. He surely knew you loved him too. You were lucky to have found each other. And you were a good parent to him, even up to the hardest of decisions. RIP, Eddie. Take good care of yourself, JMN.
Bob
Two very good creatures, sadly one is no longer with us. Best to you.
Genine
I’m so sorry for your loss, JMN. You and Eddie had a special bond. As a spiritual person I believe that bond is never broken. May he RIP and sending positive vibes your way.
Mary G
I’m glad you came back and shared; I have wondered how Eddie was doing recently. I think my Sophie’s time has also come or is coming soon and hope I handle it a tenth as well as you have. Thank you for giving Eddie a good life and thank Eddie for giving you so much in return. He was a tough little critter to have survived so much.
passerby
Thank you J. Michael Neal. You are a good man.
Thank you Eddie. You are worthy.
Svensker
Big hugs.
TheMightyTrowel
*sniffles* and ((hugs))
jacy
My heartfelt condolences. Know that you made him happy.
wmd
Eddie knew unconditional love and compassion. Little furry black Boddhisattva.
Peace.
A kat and his hats
Some things in your post were so poignant to me. I actually teared up at the part where it seemed as though he was normal but then stopped eating once again. Its terrible how that works.. how potent those moments of seeming normalcy can be whether it is our perception of, or reality itself.. nothing is worse than something that must go that time and time again appears as though it is going to stay or ever could. Im feel your loss.
Mike in NC
Fair winds, Eddie.
srv
Peace out, Eddie.
Comrade Mary
Oh man, I’m so sorry. But Eddie got the best life he could get with the hand he was dealt. You did very, very right by him.
CatStaff
We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan.
— Irving Townsend
You’re a good man, JMN, and I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved Eddie. You’re in my thoughts.
Lynn Dee
I haven’t followed the story of Eddie at all, but what a lovely remembrance. I hope your hurt gets better too. I’m glad you two had each other.
NineJean
My heart goes out to you, JMN, for losing Eddie. But keep in mind, though, that without you, he would have gotten sick anyway — and would most likely have been alone and unloved. You gave him a home, and love. In that, you gave him something precious, and irreplaceable. Honor his memory…
Jenn
I am so very sorry. Eddie was so obviouly a great cat – I’m glad you found each other. Take care.
JGabriel
My sympathies, JMN. Your voice is missed around these parts, and, I’m sure, will be welcomed back (by most, anyway) should you ever decide to re-join the fray.
.
stuckinred
@CatStaff: Wow, that is wonderful.
You did the right thing from beginning to end JMN.
jeff
Best wishes to you, sir. It sounds near-miraculous that Eddie found you when he did. I have come to see my life as a series of accidents brought on by cats. Bless you both.
MattR
My deepest condolences. It can be devastating to do, but giving our pets a proper end is the last loving thing we can do for them. I am already mildly depressed by the idea of never seeing my friend’s dog after I put her on a plane to Oregon some time next week, I can only imagine what a wreck I will be when it is time to say good bye to Ellie. Best wishes JMN.
sharl
My condolences JMN; best to you.
[This (mostly) lurker misses you around here as well, but do what you gotta do.]
harlana
I am so sorry for your loss, J. Michael Neal. What a beautiful, exceptional cat. Deep condolences on losing your friend, Eddie.
TEL
Wonderful tribute, JMN! I’m sorry for your loss.
jeffreyw
Condolences on your loss, sir. I think the tradition is to bring a plate of food to the wake?
TreeBeard
Sorry for you loss. I know how you feel.
KRK
Thanks for sharing Eddie’s story with us, JMN. My condolences on the loss of such a special companion. I’m so glad for Eddie that he had you for the past 8 years.
My Gus is in his last phase of inoperable cancer as well, and your and Eddie’s story reaffirms how much I owe it to him to make the right decision about when it’s time to let him go.
ruemara
RIP Eddie. You were loved and loved well in return. I think I will avoid internets on bj for the day. Eddie looks an awful lot like a bigger Takkun and I have to keep thinking positive thoughts. JMN, it’s impossible for any cat to be anything less than physically perfect when they love you and you love them. Brightest blessings to you.
Lydgate
I am so sorry. I’m shedding some tears right now. That was a beautiful tribute.
robertdsc-iPhone 4
RIP, Eddie.
JCT
Strong thoughts your way, JMN – I’m not very religious but I do believe that if we are judged it is based on how we have treated the most needy and helpless. You couldn’t have done better by Eddie.
I’m a choked up mess because I fervently hope I’ll get to see my Trixie beagle again some day, she gave me one last nuzzle as the drugs went in, too. Great, can’t see to type.
EconWatcher
JMN, you sound like a good guy who’s had a rough few years. Hope your luck improves. I bet it will. (I went through a similar rough patch earlier, and it got way better.)
Amir_Khalid
This has not been a good day for Balloon Juicers’ cats. Rest in peace, Eddie.
Mary
Thank you for this beautiful and touching story, JMN. Eddie was an amazing animal and you’ve done him proud. I’m very sorry for your loss. RIP Eddie.
J. Michael Neal
Many thank yous to Anne Laurie and all the rest of you. I put together a set of (almost) all of my photos of the big goof. The one that Anne Laurie front paged is the very last picture I took of him yesterday morning, about four hours before he died.
All of the rest of the crew gets in at least a couple of times, but Dirk the most. He has been moping around the house ever since I arrived back without Eddie yesterday. All of Eddie’s stays at the hospital occurred before I could find a new home for Ringling, and thus before Dirk was allowed to go up to the front of the house. So this is the first time that Dirk has realized that his buddy is really missing. He actually ignored breakfast this morning, at least for a little while, which is quite unlike my Fluffy Boy. It took Monster about ten hours to realize something was wrong, and she’s still trying to act like there isn’t. She’s a lot more transparent than she thinks she is.
As for my return, it will happen if I decide that I can do so without raising my stress levels. I got into some heated exchanges in which I thought I was misunderstood no matter how hard I tried to explain what I meant. Quite aside from any questions of whether or not I was a part of the problem, it just made me angry and tense, and I decided I was better off without it. If I can figure out how to just let those discussions pass on by, I’ll be back.
Scott
Many sympathies and empathies, JMN…
metalgirl
Lovely tribute to such a brave and kind Eddie. And to you, too, who have gracefully taken care of him through thick, thin, and the end. Thank you for sharing your story of Eddie with us and know that we are all thinking about you both and how wonderful it was that you all found each other.
MazeDancer
Beautiful story. Thank you for bringing such a good and excellent life to such a sweet, strong creature. And thank you for sharing it with us all.
snarkyspice
What a wonderful story. It sounds like you and Eddie saved each other’s lives. I just lost my little buddy not too long ago, so my heart goes out to you for your loss. RIP, sweet Eddie.
Jenny
You made each other better beings.
What more could one ask for.
Thank you so much for sharing Eddie with us.
IlsaLund
I’m very sorry for your loss. Eddie was so lucky to have such a wonderful daddy and you were so lucky to have him.
Keith G
@J. Michael Neal:
Eddie was able to be so strong at his end due to the love he knew. That says a lot about his human.
Peace to you.
moe99
I am so so sorry. Eddie was a wonderful cat.
Kristine
You gave Eddie a great life. It’s so hard when the time comes.
RIP Eddie. And heartfelt sympathies for you.
Comrade Luke
Condolences.
grumpy realist
Blessed be.
suzanne
Ohhh, JMN, hugs to you. Keeping you in my thoughts.
If karma is real, and I hope that it is, you got yourself some serious points with how you loved and cared for that cat. Love to Eddie and to you.
asiangrrlMN
@J. Michael Neal: Oh, my heart is breaking for you. You did all you could for Eddie, and beyond what most people would. You also gave him unconditional love. I am so sorry for you on your loss of a dear friend.
Play pain-free now, Eddie, you sweet beautiful cat, you.
Joy
Sweet Eddie. How wonderful the two of you found one another. He had a wonderful life with you. I am so sorry for your loss.
CaseyL
Peace and blessings to you, and for Eddie I wish eternal joy, because all animals deserve that, and especially the ones who share their lives with us.
I’ve been in your position four times over the last 20-odd years (and will be there again, no doubt). It never gets easier.
Someone, I can’t remember who, said animals don’t know how long they’ve lived, only how well they lived. Eddie surely knew how well he lived, particularly in view of how he came to be with you.
You did good by him.
WereBear
I’m so sorry about Eddie. But instead of losing it with that first injury, he hung in there because you needed him. And he returned that favor.
May flights of angels be rubbing his chin right now.
phillygirl
Oh, man, my screen is getting all fuzzy and wavy. These were wonderful things that you and Eddie did for each other. Bless both of you.
Yutsano
@J. Michael Neal:
I have been one of the ones on the other side of those heated exchanges, and if it helps at all nothing I ever said in opposition to you was ever personal. I happen to think humans are perfectly capable of disagreeing respectfully (at least I try and if I failed there with you I apologize) and drink a pint afterwards. Right now is really not the time to focus on that though. Right now you need to take care of you and your remaining clan as best you can. And I’ll get all Jewish mom on you if you don’t Ellaesther has been giving me lessons. :)
phoebes
You gave Eddie the love and respect her needed and then you gave him the good death he deserved. Godspeed to Eddie and I know another such wonderful cat will find his way to you and you to him.
JPL
J. Michael, Sometimes you take care of yourself so when the next Eddie shows up you’ll be ready to care for him/her.
kamalokitty
Happy trails into the Bardo, Eddie! You did good!
Peace and comfort to you, my friend.
benjoya
sorry for your loss. thanks for taking care of him.
FoxinSocks
Sending hugs your way. You may have needed that cat, but that cat needed you too and you did right by him. He was very lucky to have found someone so kind and caring. You gave him a wonderful life and in the end, that’s all anyone can hope for.
Luci
For what it is worth… some years ago I picked up a lovely stray cat I named Harley. He was a delight and he lived a long time and had a good life. He finally did pass away after a long illness, and I tended to him as best as I could. The night of the day he died, I was sitting up in bed reading and all of a sudden I felt a little bump, bump, bump on my right shoulder. He did that to get your attention. He’d often come up and bump you with his head. And then, although I’ve always thought it was kind of a nutty concept, I felt his presence. I have NO idea how you feel someone’s presence, and I always thought it was imagination, and I was expecting nothing, and yet… I believe he came back to me to let me know he made it and was ok. He was really a GREAT cat. I hope this at least gives people a little hope that we will be reunited with our beloved pets. I not longer doubt… most of the time. I, too, am sorry for your loss, and I hope you are doing ok! :)
Carrie
Rest in pain-free peace, Eddie.
Maude
You did the right thing by Eddie. He was ready to leave.
Be at peace.
Catzmaw
You’re the third person I know of either personally or from my regular internet reading who lost a beloved pet in the past week. It feels like a dying pet virus. Very depressing. Your story made me tear up, but I’m glad you had such a wonderful feline friend during a dark period in your life.
Umbrella
RIP Eddie, and heartfelt sympathy to you, JMN. I also have a cat recovered from a humane society, and having parted ways with several of his predecessors, it does not seem to get easier–in the end, they all commanded deep love. As someone upthread said, it’s the love that heals the wounds. and the exercise of love that makes you strong enough to love again.
Regards.
bookcat
Nothing like a death of a beloved animal companion to bring virtual strangers together. May peace come to you, knowing that you saved this wonderful cat and that he loved you every day for it.
Dee Loralei
JMN, such a beautiful tribute. You brought me to tears. May the memory of Eddie comfort you all your years, as you comforted and loved him.
And I’ve missed your voice here as well. Take good care.
pukebot
eddie is just changing form and by the way you talk about how much you loved him i bet you’ll be running into a kitten in a couple of months. keep up the good work jmn. you kicked ass eddie.
wonkie
Yes, a beautiful tribute to your beloved kitty, He had a wonderfful life with you a life you gave him because he proably would have died at the shelter. I don’t know if that’s a comfort yet but it might be someday.
wonkie
Yes, a beautiful tribute to your beloved kitty, He had a wonderfful life with you a life you gave him because he proably would have died at the shelter. I don’t know if that’s a comfort yet but it might be someday.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@pukebot: A couple months? I had to restrain myself from running out and starting my search today. Neither Dirk nor Monster is a particularly good snuggler: Dirk’s too fidgety, and Monster is better described as my stalker. I have heard that black male longhairs often have a personality similar to Eddie’s, so I’ll probably be getting another one soon.
Sarah in Brooklyn
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope Eddie is playing with Max and Louie in kitty heaven and waiting there for you.
Soprano2
I’m so sorry for your loss, JMN. I had to do the same thing yesterday with Gizmo, my cat companion for 13 years. She had what was most likely cancer in her sinuses, was breathing through her mouth and probably weighed all of 4 pounds. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but was the right thing because she was suffering so much. Right now I’ve got the black cat I adopted last summer sitting in my lap trying to get my attention, so that helps some. They take so little and give so much, it seems unfair somehow.
fraught
Seems like JMN has many friends here who thought he was a thoughtful and generous commenter, as well as a faithful cat lover. I always valued his voice here.
FlipYrWhig
Hang in, JMN. I don’t handle these things well at all and I don’t really know what to say. I’ll think of you and Eddie.
JenJen
I’m so very sorry, JMN. You gave Eddie such a good life. These kinds of stories are hard for me to read, because even with a new puppy in my life, the pain of losing a beloved pet is so fresh with me, and it is always one of the hardest things you ever go through, and all of mine have left pawprints on my heart. Be well, and thank you for sharing the story of your Eddie with all of us.
Stentor
That made me choke up so much I had to go wipe my eyes. I have a similar situation with a cat I adopted from a friend of mine. He’s also a black cat with a mangled ear, but he’s a shorthair, and his name is Sneakers. I got him from my friends Ryan and Paulina when they had to give up all of their cats. Ryan had lost his job and they had to move in with Paulina’s parents, who said they could bring one cat with them. That was Tiger, Sneakers’ brother. They managed to adopt out all of the other cats, but no one wanted Sneakers, luckily I had met him a couple months before this happened, and I fell in love with him at first sight. Paulina put out the food for the cats the first time I came over to visit with my friend Louis, and this little skinny cat with the biggest head came running in with this happy expression on his face, looking exactly like a kid with dirt on his face coming in for supper. He had mangled the ear in a cat fight, and it was still scabbed over, he also had a big gash on his chin that went all the way to his neck, a prolapsed umbilus that had herniated, producing a huge bulge on his stomach that nearly touched the ground, and he still had his testicles, so he wasn’t allowed in the house as he would spray the furniture if he were allowed, but I fell in love with him, and told Ryan I would adopt him. After taking him to the vet, his umbilical hernia was stapled, he got all his shots, they removed his testicles, and fixed up his other wounds as best they could. Ten years later, he still sleeps by me in bed, and he is the sweetest little chowhound I have ever known. Right now, he’s curled up ten feet from me on the top cushion of the love seat couch. I’m dreading the day I have to do what you did J.M. and I treasure every moment. May you find another friend like Eddie, he was unique, my condolences. Excuse me, I have to go wipe my eyes again, I’m having trouble seeing the computer screen.
Paul in KY
Eddie was a wonderful cat. You are a wonderful person for taking care of him like that. I hope you do see him again some day.
jayjaybear
I’m so sorry. Eddie was absolutely beautiful, scars and all. I have a soft spot for long-hair blacks.
Nimm
I just had to put my own 15 year old cat to sleep at the end of last week – his name was Edgar. This was on the heels of losing his 18-year old stepsister less than a month earlier.
They may be “just” pets but you have to have one seriously hard heart not to feel a painful void when you have to say goodbye to unconditional love like that….
Ash Can
Late to the thread, but still want to express my deepest sympathy to JMN. The saga of Eddie was a great one. He was one terrific cat, and hats off to JMN for giving him such a good life, right up to the very end. A special cat and a special owner, and JMN, may you be comforted by good memories in this difficult time.
JR
I’m sorry for your loss. The last best thing we do for our fuzzy companions is let them go when they need to go. Even though it hurts us some.
We have 5 cats, and two are elderly, with health problems. The oldest one, Rufus, a pretty white cat with a red head, gets cold at night, and will sneak into bed with us, and lay against my head. He is so sweet I’m happy to share the warmth.
I’m glad you took care of your buddy, and that he was a good companion for you when you need a friend. I too don’t really believe in after life ideas, but I always hope that I’m wrong, and there’s just enough woo in the world for us to meet the people (including fuzzy ones) we love again some day.
Best of luck!
JR
kc
Awwww!
kc
I’m so sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful kitty, even with the funky ear. And very special.
Paul in KY
@Nimm: Very sorry to hear of your loss. I know it is hard. Just remember all the great times.
pukebot
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN): sorry for the late reply. i hope you are still following this thread. as someone who has experience in this area, wait for reincarnation to do its thing. believe me, eddie will find you. what this world perceives as weakness is strength. your caring and love is strength. keep it up.