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You are here: Home / Bachmann: 10 Crazy Quotes from the Clown Car

Bachmann: 10 Crazy Quotes from the Clown Car

by Imani Gandy (ABL)|  June 14, 20115:45 pm| 55 Comments

This post is in: Somewhere a Village is Missing its Idiot, Wingnut Event Horizon

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She’s not getting any smarter, people. Just more well-polished.

This is why I love the internets. It has such — such — sticktoitiveness.

[Click the links for sources. I’m not the only person marveling at this woman’s unintelligence, especially today.]

It’s going to be a long angry road to the Republican primary. Gird your loins.

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10.

You’re welcome.

It’s almost scotch-thirty, innit?

[images via Buzzfeed]

[Posted with apologies to ruemara — I really am working on a post on Florida voter suppression.  It’s just that this Bachmann stuff is low-hanging and very tempting fruit…. -ABLxx]

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Reader Interactions

55Comments

  1. 1.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Umm….the Swine Flu thing happened during the Ford Administration. I remember this quite distinctly, and it was something of a bust, as a matter of fact.

    Michelle, you’re a pioneer of sorts. A dumb brunette.

  2. 2.

    Whiskey Screams from a Guy With No Short-Term Memory

    June 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    So that’s what a gallon of Botox straight to the forehead looks like.

  3. 3.

    The Main Gauche of Mild Reason

    June 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Also, don’t forget her public makeout session with W.

    http://crooksandliars.com/2007/01/24/rep-michele-bachmann-hearts-bush

  4. 4.

    trollhattan

    June 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Thanks ABL, my Christmas card shopping needs are filled, and it’s only June.

    Can we squeeze in one about Obama’s reeducation camps(tm)?

  5. 5.

    Turgidson

    June 14, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    You filled out a top ten without even touching the “FDR’s Hoot-Smalley tariff caused the Great Depression” routine. Wow, she’s even more hilarious than I thought.

  6. 6.

    Spaghetti Lee

    June 14, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann caught reading, apologizes immediately.

  7. 7.

    Violet

    June 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    There’s just no way she’s starbursting the over-50 white guys who starburst for Palin. No way. She’s attractive enough, in a crazy kind of way, but she does not do the starbursts through the TV thing that Palin does.

  8. 8.

    EndOfTheWorld

    June 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Those quotes are a buffet of stupid and evil, but I’m actually going to agree with Michelle on the first quote. Not all cultures are equal. (And I don’t think anyone actually advocates teaching this).

    A culture where basic healthcare is denied to millions and people are routinely bankrupted by medical bills is inferior to one where that does not happen.

    A culture where being the wrong race, sex, or sexual orientation can get you killed and your basic freedoms denied is inferior to a culture where virtues like tolerance and empathy (like Jesus and many others taught) are the standard.

    A culture where women are circumcised is inferior to a culture that forbids the practice.

    So yeah, I agree with Michelle’s first statement. But I think we have very different standards.

  9. 9.

    freelancer

    June 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    It’s almost scotch-thirty, innit?

    It is now.

  10. 10.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    I can’t imagine anyone saying “homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”

    She’s still operating under the delusion that people have concious choices about their sexuality, when there are plenty of gays out there who have said, repeatedly, that they didn’t choose to be a member of a despised, persecuted minority.

    But this is Michelle talking…the one who doesn’t quite get that carbon dioxide is what we exhale, because it’s a waste product of our bodies.

  11. 11.

    Tuffy

    June 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Not all cultures are equal. That’s not controversial if you’re not a retard.

    But if you’re dumb as ABL, I suppose stoning adulteresses is just as valid as our system.

  12. 12.

    TD

    June 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    @EndOfTheWorld

    Bingo

  13. 13.

    Matt Mangels

    June 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    I think #1 is an example of “even a broken clock…” I mean are you going to tell me that a culture that practices female circumcision is morally equal to Western culture? Far be it from me to suggest that Western Culture is the superior culture, but at least we have some standards.

  14. 14.

    Warren Terra

    June 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Re quote #10, I seem to recall that in 2008 every living American Nobel-winning scientist signed a letter endorsing Obama – even the 2008 recipients, whose names had just been announced in the first week of October.

  15. 15.

    karen marie

    June 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: I have a very hard time believing that out of the 28 children Bachmann “raised” there is not a single one that is gay. It’s easy to believe, however, that she filled them with enough self-loathing that they can’t pry themselves out of the closet.

  16. 16.

    jpmeyer

    June 14, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    I read a comment, I think at Marginal Revolution, that went something like this:

    “Michelle Bachmann is clearly lying when she says that she reads Mises while sitting on the beach. Not because she is too stupid to read Mises, although she is, but rather because nobody has ever read Mises while sitting on the beach.”

  17. 17.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    June 14, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    @Tuffy: But if you’re dumb as ABL, I suppose stoning adulteresses is just as valid as our system.

    oooo! Nice strawman!

  18. 18.

    NoPublic

    June 14, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    @Matt Mangels:

    You mean to tell me that a culture that practices male circumcision is morally equal to one which does not?

    If you pick one measuring stick you can make any culture look better than any other (trains running on time and the like).

    It’s either incorrect or a tautology and in either case it’s silly.

  19. 19.

    Trurl

    June 14, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Vera Farmiga can play her in the Lifetime movie.

  20. 20.

    geisha gurl

    June 14, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    nice. thanks.

    remember this from Misha Batshit?

    MR. MATTHEWS: Well, he’s a United States senator from Illinois. He’s one of the people you suspect as being anti-American. How many people in the Congress of the United States do you think are anti- American? You’ve already suspected Barack Obama. Is he alone, or are there others? How many do you suspect of your colleagues as being anti-American?

    REP. BACHMANN: What I would say — what I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that.

  21. 21.

    Cris

    June 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: She’s still operating under the delusion that people have concious choices about their sexuality

    But let me just say this: even if homosexuality was a conscious choice, the cultural reactionaries would still be wrong to demonize and criminalize it.

  22. 22.

    Brachiator

    June 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    @Matt Mangels:

    I think #1 is an example of “even a broken clock…” I mean are you going to tell me that a culture that practices female circumcision is morally equal to Western culture? Far be it from me to suggest that Western Culture is the superior culture, but at least we have some standards.

    The point, of course, is that Bachmann and her ilk believe that Real American(tm)Culture, Conservative style, is superior to every other culture that has existed or will exist, especially the parts that would bash nonwhites, gays and women who believe that they are something other than a walking baby incubator.

  23. 23.

    General Stuck

    June 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Couple of tidbits in the good news for liberal department, or should be at least.

    Senate Dems Draw Line In Sand: No Medicare Benefit Cuts In Debt Limit Deal

    Feds Calling Witnesses Before Secret Grand Jury Probing CIA Abuses

    And my apologies, if this comment caused anyone to feel even a little hopeful.

  24. 24.

    boatboy_srq

    June 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I can’t imagine anyone saying “homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”

    I can. But only as a retort to either of two converse statements: either a) “Homosexuality is deviant and disgusting,” said by a serial heteromonogamist opposed to gay marriage, or b) “Heterosexuality is normal and you should try it,” said by just about anyone.

    As for the quotes:

    On #5: there’s a medical condition known as Persistent Vegetative State. It does NOT imply physical illness beyond the inability of the brain to function. Still and all, I can’t help think Terri Schaivo had more functioning neurons than Ms. Bachmann…

    On #8: As I recall, we fought a war not ALL that long ago, about the logical extension of that very subject: that paying (for) labor once just wasn’t enough.

  25. 25.

    Allen

    June 14, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Quote 6, regarding CO2 not being harmful should be good news to the residents 1,700 residents near Lake Nyos (Cameroon, Africa) who are dead due CO2 should be good news, they are not really dead, thanks to wannabe airhead in chief.

  26. 26.

    Cris

    June 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    The big trouble with #1 is that it lacks context. The five words cited here aren’t really controversial. But look at the whole passage:

    There is a movement afoot that’s occurring and part of that is whole philosophical idea of multi-cultural diversity, which on the face sounds wonderful. Let’s appreciate and value everyone’s cultures. But guess what? Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal.

    At a minimum, she’s setting up a strawman: “multiculturalism,” that bogeyman of the right, isn’t about setting up other cultures as “equal,” it’s about getting past the traditional view that they’re inferior and treating them with some respect. It’s much like the chauvinist right’s mischaracterization of feminism, claiming that it’s about erasing the distinctions between the sexes.

    But to take it even further in context, she said that in reference to 2005 protests in France, and was clearly intimating that this was part of a culture war between Islam and the West.

    “Not all cultures are equal” isn’t wrong on its face, but it’s a reasonable shorthand for the sort of cultural chauvinism that Bachmann and her faction advocate.

  27. 27.

    Citizen_X

    June 14, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    @Tuffy:

    But if you’re dumb as ABL, I suppose stoning adulteresses is just as valid as our system.

    Ah, then you agree with me that the Book of Leviticus is a near-Neolithic crock, and we should not be basing our society on it, right?

    Edit: But that’s no excuse for insulting our fair ABL.

  28. 28.

    Brachiator

    June 14, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    She’s still operating under the delusion that people have concious choices about their sexuality, when there are plenty of gays out there who have said, repeatedly, that they didn’t choose to be a member of a despised, persecuted minority.

    The irony is that the first Christians, like many other groups, exactly chose to be a member of a despised, persecuted minority, and yet Bachmann and her ilk want to target people in the name of religion and society.

    What you choose can be just as dangerous, and just as deeply held, as who you are. In fact, I would argue that at some level, what you choose is who you are. I was born right handed, but this is absolutely trivial. I am a furious agnostic, and have shocked some people who see this as a naughty, defiant choice, as though being religious is the default condition for all human beings.

    I believe the evidence that suggests that being gay is not just a choice. But this is irrelevant. Gay people don’t choose to be a member of a despised, persecuted minority. Gay people are citizens, just like all other citizens, and who they choose to love and how they live their lives is not subject to review or approval or debate about validity.

  29. 29.

    El Cid

    June 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    What’s the deal with the first sentences which are blue but aren’t links? Is that emphasis?

  30. 30.

    Chris

    June 14, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    @Cris:

    At a minimum, she’s setting up a strawman: “multiculturalism,” that bogeyman of the right, isn’t about setting up other cultures as “equal,” it’s about getting past the traditional view that they’re inferior and treating them with some respect. It’s much like the chauvinist right’s mischaracterization of feminism, claiming that it’s about erasing the distinctions between the sexes.

    The problem with this multiculturalism vs not-all-cultures-are-equal bullshit is that cultures are complicated and multifaceted things. Take, for example, the two cultures of Mexico and the United States in 1836. The United States was a democracy with legally elected and constitutionally restrained leaders, while Mexico was a military dictatorship. But, on the other hand, the United States practiced human slavery, and Mexico didn’t. Which was the superior culture?

  31. 31.

    PS

    June 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @Citizen_X: Hey, ABL ain’t fair! She’s, y’know, B.

    What she’s really not, is dumb. Not dumb at all. Unlike, ahem, certain folks.

  32. 32.

    Cassidy

    June 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    @Matt Mangels:

    but at least we have some standards.

    Smarts bombs over suicide vests isn’t much of a standards.

  33. 33.

    Chris

    June 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    @Brachiator:

    What you choose can be just as dangerous, and just as deeply held, as who you are. In fact, I would argue that at some level, what you choose is who you are. I was born right handed, but this is absolutely trivial. I am a furious agnostic, and have shocked some people who see this as a naughty, defiant choice, as though being religious is the default condition for all human beings.

    Yep.

    I’ve heard them argue a million times, according to this model, that it’s fine and not bigoted to attack Muslims, because although you can’t choose your race, you can choose your culture.

    According to this model, while it was bad for the KKK to go after black people, it was perfectly legit and nonprejudiced to do the same to Catholics and Jews. (They really should go shout that theory at their buddies in the Catholic League and AIPAC, that’ll go over well…)

  34. 34.

    El Cid

    June 14, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    It’s a very odd thing that people so easily turn to discuss very specific questions about ‘a culture’ as though it really were an object, and not an agglomeration used as a sometimes useful descriptive term, or even as an attempt to prescribe behavior from ‘within’ some group.

    Is Culture X which does A not better than Culture Y which does not do A?

    Which is the more relevant level of analysis? Is the practice of A an organic development of some group of people known as Culture X? Or are there significant variables within ‘Culture X’ which determine the practice of A?

    If a variety of elements within Culture X change the practice or frequency or strength of practice of A, is it still Culture X?

    When something like ‘culture’ begins to be reified into an organism which has static and clearly bounded features and behaviors, it’s time to examine such arguments as vectors of pseudoscience and impressionistic anthropology.

  35. 35.

    PS

    June 14, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    @El Cid: It’s a very odd thing that people so easily turn to discuss very specific questions about ‘a culture’ as though it really were an object

    It is the way of our people.

  36. 36.

    Ed Marshall

    June 14, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    @El Cid:

    They are supposed to be tagged headline 4, but it looks the same way on my browser (linux mint/chrome).

  37. 37.

    Frank W.

    June 14, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    Bachmann makes me sad and angry. How did someone so flat-out goofy and ill-informed rise to this point of power? What’s wrong with people that someone like her is taken seriously? Scotch-thirty, indeed!

  38. 38.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 14, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    @Cris:

    Well, yes.

    Because if they had their way, every sexual activity aside from coitus for reproduction ONLY would be a hanging offense.

  39. 39.

    Villago Delenda Est

    June 14, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    @Citizen_X:

    Edit: But that’s no excuse for insulting our fair ABL.

    I’m reminded in a line from classic Star Trek where Sulu makes a statement (about Uhura) being a ‘fair maiden’.

    Uhura’s response was “Neither!”

  40. 40.

    MAJeff

    June 14, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I hadn’t heard this one before. When Melissa Ethridge was diagnosed with breast cancer, Minnesota’s favorite mendacious lunatic had this to say:

    “Unfortunately she is now suffering from breast cancer, so keep her in your prayers. This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian.”

  41. 41.

    ABL

    June 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    @Tuffy: oh goody gumdrops. a brand new troll.

    ::rubs hands together::

  42. 42.

    Citizen_X

    June 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    @PS:
    @Villago Delenda Est: I meant not this meaning:

    12. blond, pale.

    but this one:

    13. pretty, comely, lovely.

  43. 43.

    metalgirl

    June 14, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    @General Stuck: Awesome news — thanks for sharing! Thanks for the advanced apology :)

  44. 44.

    catclub

    June 14, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    @Matt Mangels: As Gandhi said when asked his opinion of western civilization, he said he thought it would be a very good thing to try.

  45. 45.

    PS

    June 14, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    @Citizen_X: True, dat. I’ve seen a picture.

  46. 46.

    joel hanes

    June 14, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    It is the way of our people.

    I so miss Andy Kaufman.

  47. 47.

    ding

    June 14, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Minnesota Republican 6th Congressional District Debate sponsored by the Taxpayers League- November 2005.

    Moderator: Given the recent rioting in France that is the result of a sub-culture that has not assimilated, what would you do to make sure that a similar situation does not take place in America?

    […]

    Michele Bachmann: I just want to say only in France, only in France could you have suburban youth rioting because the welfare benefits aren’t generous enough. And that’s… That’s what they’re telling us now is happening there. And only in France could that happen.

    And what we’re seeing is just the fruits of leftism. It’s suburbanites, the kids, that are watching cable TV, Did you know that? In a lot of these high rises where a lot of the suburban youth are doing writing or doing they have cable TV in their apartments. They’re listening to al Jazeera, and they’re being encouraged and prompted to go ahead and start these riots all over France.

    There is a movement afoot that’s occurring and part of that is whole philosophical idea of multi-cultural diversity, which on the face sounds wonderful. Let’s appreciate and value everyone’s cultures. But guess what? Not all cultures are equal. Not all values are equal.

    And one thing that we’re seeing is that in the midst of this violence that’s being encouraged by al Jazeera and by the jihadists that’s occurring, is that we are seeing that those who are coming into France — which had a beautiful culture — the French culture is actually diminished. It’s going away. And just with the population of France they are losing Western Europeans and it’s being taken over by muh…by a Muslim ethic. Not that Muslims are bad. But they are not assimilating.

    And that’s what I had mentioned in my previous response is that America is a great nation, with great values. We are equal opportunity for all. And it’s because we all came here and we came together as one. Out of many one. Multi-cultural diversity says out of one many. And if we go with tribalism we will not long be one nation united under God.

  48. 48.

    Xboxershorts

    June 14, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I’m reminded in a line from classic Star Trek where Sulu makes a statement (about Uhura) being a ‘fair maiden’.

    Uhura’s response was “Neither!”

    But she WAS HOT!!!!! And Smart!

  49. 49.

    El Cid

    June 14, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    @PS: You’re a true griot.

  50. 50.

    Triassic Sands

    June 14, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    A while back I did a little research about Bachmann’s past. One thing of interest to me was her educational background.

    She received a BA from Winona State, which US News ranks 49th among midwestern region schools. Not exactly elite status.

    Then, Bachman headed off to Oral Roberts University for her law degree. Oral Roberts University doesn’t appear among the first 191 national universities and its law school isn’t ranked either. It’s probably safe to say that Oral Roberts U. isn’t an elite law school. (I joked to a friend that they had ten courses to take to get a law degree at Oral Roberts — one for each Commandment.)

    But, this is where things get weird. Bachmann continued her law education and from Oral Roberts she went to the College of William and Mary Law School, which ranks 27th in the latest US News rankings. That makes William and Mary an elite school with a very respectable reputation.

    So, how the hell did Bachmann, whom everyone here considers to be a dolt (and I concur), get from Winona State and Oral Roberts to the College of William and Mary? How did someone so obviously loony manage to get a Master of Laws degree from an excellent law school?

    I think this points strongly to a big difference between Palin and Bachmann. Palin is an idiot, with no chance of ever presenting herself as an intelligent, learned individual. Her innate stupidity makes her seem crazy.

    Bachmann, on the other hand, is crazy and her lunacy probably arises chiefly out of her being a religious nut. She has a reasonable amount of intelligence, but her nuttiness makes her seem stupid.

    Palin — stupidity makes her look and sound crazy.

    Bachmann — her craziness makes her look and sound stupid.

  51. 51.

    Mnemosyne

    June 14, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    @Triassic Sands:

    It’s like the Condi Conundrum that came up yesterday — how could someone who was so brilliant academically be such a friggin’ idiot in everything else? I’m guessing it’s something similar with Bachmann — she’s able to perform well in an academic setting, but she’s unable to actually apply anything she’s learned to the real world.

  52. 52.

    Town

    June 15, 2011 at 1:54 am

    Don’t forget when she blamed the economic meltdown on minorities back in ’08.

  53. 53.

    Chris

    June 15, 2011 at 8:11 am

    @ding:

    And what we’re seeing is just the fruits of leftism. It’s suburbanites, the kids, that are watching cable TV, Did you know that?

    Love her use of the word “suburbanites,” it conjures an image of wealth and comfort that… doesn’t really mesh up with reality. In France, the suburbs are where the low-income ghettoes are at – essentially their version of the American “inner city.” But her average supporter doesn’t know that, and I’ll bet she’s counting on it. (“Lazy dune coons: heck, in France, left wing welfare gives them a suburbanite living arrangement! And if you elect Democrats, that’s what’ll happen here too! Is that fair, now?”)

    And one thing that we’re seeing is that in the midst of this violence that’s being encouraged by al Jazeera and by the jihadists that’s occurring, is that we are seeing that those who are coming into France—which had a beautiful culture—the French culture is actually diminished.

    I love how quickly they change their tune to “we love Western Europe, it’s such a beautiful thing!” the minute there are nonwhite skulls to crack. The rest of the time, it’s Soshulism this, surrender monkeys that. But when there are hajjis to go after, all of a sudden, hey! We like you! Let us help!

  54. 54.

    Marc McKenzie

    June 15, 2011 at 9:27 am

    @General Stuck:

    Thanks, General, for these.

  55. 55.

    Kozmo

    June 15, 2011 at 9:42 am

    I am convinced that that she is a lesbian. Anybody that obsessed with teh gay is hiding in a closet of lies. It seems that, on the right, the more rabid the hater the more likely it is that they are what they espouse to hate.

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