Because every 20-year-old single mom has lived a life full enough to merit ghostwritten memoirs, Bristol Palin has released a chronicle of her “journey so far”. If the top-rated one-star Amazon reviews at that link aren’t enough snark for you, I’ll outsource the rest to the Superficial. (Don’t click those last links if you are easily offended by adolescent sexist remarks about women in bikinis.)
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arguingwithsignposts
Also be sure to check out TBogg’s take.
Mark S.
Well, maybe:
OMG, like i can’t believe I’m pregnant! I’m like on the pill and all, you know, for cramps! I can’t believe six pregnancy tests have come back positive, like. Maybe the next one will come back negative, like.
Violet
She’s just like her mama, blaming anyone but herself and whining about pretty much everything.
Kirbster
Wingnut Welfare is such a sweet deal! Next thing you know, Bristol will either be awarded a fellowship at the Heritage Foundation or become a contestant on “The Amazing Race”, partnered with You-Know-Who after the Presidential nomination doesn’t pan out. The possibilities are endless.
Violet
This is a lovely review:
Bristol should have titled her book “It Happens to White Girls Too”. Probably would have sold more copies. Play to the base.
cleek
my employer is dutifully protecting me from seeing such things.
dmsilev
Violet: I’m pretty sure I, and everyone here, know what would happen if Bristol was a black girl. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that the Obama children were a decade or so older than they are, and that one of them had gotten pregnant by her high school boyfriend in 2007-ish. Somehow, and I’m going out on a limb here, I doubt that conservative pundits would be praising Malia’s determination to be a good mother.
shortstop
Remember, John McCain did this to us.
Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937
1) Read this book
2) do the opposite of whatever Bristol did
3) succeed! (if you want to profit! then get adopted by a grifter extraordinaire)
Violet
The tags are excellent:
shortstop
For cryin’ out loud, she wasn’t on the pill “to treat cramps,” although it does help with that. She was on the pill for birth control, but the base can’t handle hearing that.
And said pill is extremely effective when taken correctly (every single day within a time frame), so she almost certainly didn’t do so. Not that she’s the first teenager or adult woman to be sloppy about taking them — I missed more than a few myself — but why do I think this little homily is going to be turned into “The pill can’t protect you! Look what happened to Bristol Palin!” propaganda for the abstinence-only crowd?
jibeaux
I’m going to assume that this is open thready enough that I don’t have to stay strictly on the topic of Bristol Palin. Does anyone, preferably someone maybe fostering animals or who could use them to donate to an animal shelter, etc., want some Pet Supermarket coupons for $5 off $25 purchase? I have 4 I can put in the mail to you. Seriously, I’m not trying to turn this into retailmenot (although, budget tip, any time you shop online you should try to hunt down a discount code from a site like that), but I thought with all the animal lovers maybe someone could use them.
chopper
@shortstop:
yet obama is still worse. just wait til sasha’s memoir comes out! it’ll be called ‘how i grew up a normal, responsible person who doesn’t blame everyone else for all of her problems’
Comrade Misfit
When I read the title of this post, I was primed for a reference to “Ethics for Judges”, by Clarence Thomas.
mellowjohn
violet:
i e’specially liked all tho’se extra apo’strophe’s in that review.
Chris
@ Violet –
From an earlier thread I bookmarked and break out every now and then;
I’d say this reflects a more disturbing trend in general: the willingness to sweep under the rug all the social dysfunction among lower-class whites. At least with minority communities, problems such as drug abuse, breakdown of the family, and educational failures are acknowledged as problems. There may not be the political will to do much about the problems, but few “serious” people would be willing to dismiss the idea that the problems exist.
…
But it seems that the same issues, when afflicting rural and lower-class whites get ignored, or worse, celebrated. The Palin situation, in which ignorance, sloth, and single motherhood are openly celebrated as “authentic” makes me think that a large portion of lower-class white America is going to see its social problems get worse because allegedly serious politicians see it as a badge of honor.
…
Sat what you want about Jesse Jackson, but I don’t think he’d ever see unemployment, lack of educational attainment, or rampant single motherhood in the African-American community as something to be celebrated.
Mark S.
@shortstop:
Yeah, isn’t it like 99% effective if used right? So yeah, it could’ve happened, just like it could’ve happened that Mama Palin took an eleven hour flight after her water broke.
Jim C
The opening sentence of the Superficial piece starts like this:
Them write good some day, or there is an outcry from a.) Little People, Big World, b.) The Littles, c.) The Borrowers, or d.) The Arsenal Football Club. And I’m not sure which.
Han's Solo
Look at the whining and blame ducking… I think the Palin’s are allergic to responsibility.
And Bristol’s claim that she was raped by Levi doesn’t pass the smell test. It happened in a tent which means camping and I don’t think any responsible, half way intelligent mother would allow her virgin daughter to go camping overnight with a bunch of hockey players.
Okay, I reread the previous paragraph and have to admit Sarah Palin isn’t even close to half way intelligent or responsible, so maybe she let her daughter go camping overnight with hockey players. Maybe she didn’t know anything about teenage boy hockey players, it isn’t like she was a “Hockey Mom” or anything.
Even so, does anyone really believe that if Levi raped Bristol he would have been invited to the Republican convention? Actually, now that I think about it, the perversion of the Republican party these days makes that a distinct possibility.
eric
Jim C….I respectfully suggest that you misinterpreted the comment…I think they meant very few of the “little people…” You know, the intended Palin audience. Though, I can’t really be sure of anything anymore ever since my Snark-o-meter redlined…..
gnomedad
Sarah and Bristol have trademarked their names.
dmsilev
Han’s Solo:
We _are_ talking about Sarah Palin here…
(and yes, I read the rest of your comment, but it’s still too good of a straight line to let pass)
Violet
Willow is the kid they should be worrying about. Bristol is clearly on the Palin grifter gravy train. Piper is the cute one. Trig is the Downs syndrome prop. But Willow…you never hear from her and don’t see her very often. Rumor is, she’s the real wild child. If she decides not to do what mama says once she’s an adult, it’ll be interesting to see how that plays out in Palin land.
grape_crush
The World’s Shortest Book
It’s sure to get Herman Cain’s endorsement, then…Don’t want too many damn pages to have to go and actually read…
Cacti
No one under the age of 50 should release a memoir.
Han's Solo
Violet – What do you want to bet Willow gets preggers and drops out of school before graduating?
dmsilev – That is what I was thinking when I wrote it. I like to setup the straight lines so others can ride the snark wave.
gnomedad – Impossible, the name “Dumbass McBimbo” was trademarked by Pam Anderson decades ago, wasn’t it?
Mattminus
I know this should probably have a trigger warning on it or something, but what the hell is with everyone conflating “blacking out” with “passing out” and thus accusing Levi of rape.
If only they were the same, I’d have saved myself a lot of embarrassment in my life. If sex during a blackout = rape, I’ve been victimized more times than I can count.
Han's Solo
Mattminus – I must admit I’ve woken up sticky, broke and confused a few times myself, but I didn’t write about it in a book in a way that makes it sound like I was a victim.
Trabb's Boy
Mattminus — yes, having sex with a person who is blacked-out is rape. Lack of consent to sex + sex = rape. No question. Not a joke. You’ve been victimized more times than you can count. If do not feel harmed by that, that’s wonderful. Some people really, really do.
Linda Featheringill
Bristol Palin needs to establish an identity that is separate from her mom’s. From where I stand, it doesn’t look like she has done so yet. Composing your life story up to this point might be a good way to start that task. I’m glad she worked on this book and hope that the effort will lead to more insight and individuation.
All of you adults here: Don’t you have something that needs to be done?
TaMara (BHF)
The five star review from Jane Austin was laughable, but the comments that followed were pure gold.
Does Sarah Palin even know who Jane Austin is, or did she pick that alias based on watching Clueless.
shortstop
Linda F: Okay, I’ll buy that the process of writing may have been helpful in thinking through her choices and her future, ifthere was any honesty and true self-examination involved. So, was selling the result to make a buck an integral part of that therapeutic value? And how is doing so a start to “establishing an identity that is separate from her mom’s,” given that any teenager/young adult without a famous parent would have zero market for her musings?
TheMightyTrowel
One thing that strikes me, if we accept BP ™’s word that her initial sexual activity with LJ was non-consensual (and for what it’s worth, knowing teenagers and conservatives, I’d say that’s a genuine possibility), how f’d up is her culture’s worldview that an acceptable response to: ‘he did things I wasn’t into while I was drinking’is ‘time for the love-birds to get hitched before the baby arrives’ ?????
Linda Featheringill
shortstop #32:
So you are pissed off because she might make some money off of the project?
Don’t buy the book. Don’t read the book.
shortstop
I’m not “pissed” in the least, Linda F. I’m contemptuous. And you haven’t explained why cashing in on her mother’s celebrity, without which her memoirs would be utterly worthless in terms of $, is a “good start” at “establishing an identity separate from her mom’s.”
I absolutely agree with you that she needs to find said identity, BTW. It doesn’t seem to occur to her that it can/will/should happen outside the spotlight because of who her mother is. Since she’s willfully chosen the route of wanting to be a very public celebrity herself–abstinence spokesperson, TV dance competitions, “memoirs”–I’m not sure why you think she should be immune to our criticism.
Violet
@TheMightyTrowel:
You don’t have to go back all that far to find that as the standard mentality. The term “shotgun wedding” was designed for such things.
@Han’s Solo:
No way. One teenage pregnant daughter is easy enough to pass off as an “accident” and “isn’t she so strong being a single mother” and all that. But two pregnant teenage daughters wouldn’t work. If Willow gets pregnant, she’ll most likely be “encouraged” to terminate the pregnancy or give up the baby.
jonas
From what I’ve read, it seems that the main thrust (rim shot) of Bristol’s story is that none of the stuff that happened to her was HER FAULT. She wanted to stay a good virgin, but she accidentally got drunk, blacked out and Levi had his way with her. Or something. What, you never went on a camping trip with your boyfriend with one tent and a bunch of wine coolers totally intending to preserve your virtue? She was on the pill — for cramps, mind you, not for reasons of sluttiness like some girls — and somehow ended up pregnant. She never intended to have to drop out of school to become a reality TV star, but then…. etc., etc.
JPL
Violet, Sarah probably administers Willow’s birth control.
Of course Sarah could say it was an immaculate conception.
jinxtigr
Re: TBogg- if that gif is in fact Bristol Palin (I don’t do broadcast TV so I have been spared her so far) then I must admit I hate her at first sight too. Daaaaamn.
Linda Featheringill
shortstop #35:
I think that cashing in on her mother’s notoriety is a symptom. I don’t know but suspect that it would be enlightening to hear from other people who had famous parents and lived to tell about it. They might have some insights.
And you’re right in that putting these memoirs up for sale probably wasn’t therapeutic. The process of collecting and organizing her personal story might be.
Mudge
Reminds me of a man, I think he had been a professor at Cal, who wrote an autobiography entitled, roughly. “My Life: The First 100 Years”.He may have had the phrase “an interim report” in there too..
Mattminus
@Trabb’s Boy –
2 problems with your point.
1) How can you tell if someone is blacked out? I don’t even know when I’m blacked out at the moment that I am. Hell, I’ve organized events during a black out. I don’t know until the next morning when I wake up wearing a belt thats not mine and don’t know why.
2)Who says that a drunk person can’t consent? That’s kind of infantilizing, isn’t it? Again, there’ve been times that I’ve blacked out (why yes, I do have a drinking problem)that I’m sure I’ve more than consented. Just because I don’t remember it doesn’t mean I didn’t want it at the moment.
I’m a big boy, and I’m ultimately responsible if I knowingly put myself into a place where I’m making bad decisions. Intoxication does not take away my agency, if it did, drunk driving wouldn’t be a crime.
TheMightyTrowel
@Violet:
I know it’s one of the traditional approaches to dealing with a dishonoured daughter (snark!), but that doesn’t make it less worthy of noting that this is how a modern american family deals with a kid their daughter says raped her. It’s bad, it’s evil and it’s worth shouting about.
TheMightyTrowel
@Mattminus:
the legal definition of consent precludes a drunk person from consenting.
RobNYNY1957
If he was drunk, too, then she raped him back.
Violet
@Linda Featheringill”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This is a joke, right? You think Bristol “worked on” the book? Seriously? It’s not even written by her. It’s written by Nancy French, a right wing author known for her “lightly humorous” writing. I would guess they spent a few days together, Bristol gave her a few anecdotes and Nancy made it a book. You call that “working on” a book?
Bristol had her chance to make a break from mommy, but she chose the grifter route. She’s an adult. She makes her own choices. She’s fair game to be ripped to shreds for what she chooses to do. This book is nothing more than another chance to take money from the wingnut rubes. Bristol is taking the money and running, just like she did with her “We’re getting married!” cover story with Levi, her DWTS stint, her Candie’s “abstinence spokesperson” bit, and her upcoming “Bristol move to L.A.!” reality show. She’s learned well at Sarah’s knee. Grift, grift, grift.
Chinn Romney
It’s a compelling story.
Rising up from the hard streets of Wasilla, Alaska, Sister Bristol parlays too much to drink into a tent into an illegitimate child. Having established her activist creds, she turned that into a $200K per year for charities. Said charities received a total of $30K for Bristol’s efforts, which were substantial.
From there of course, it was on to DWTS, where she was bullied by nearly everyone. Despite a complete lack of talent, and a complete lack of effort, she shaked and shimmied her way into the finals. Bully for her.
And look at her now, a published author. God Bless Amerika. Two thumbs up, way up! I don’t even have to read it, her story is ingrained in my very core.
Mattminus
@themightytrowel-
Do you have a citation for that, because it seems completely insane? Almost everyone is a rapist under that definition.
Yevgraf
Obviously, she’ll need a tax cut. Such a producing producer of wealth needs to keep more of her hard earned cash.
BTW – on that front, I’m setting the over/under on when Mama Grizzly or her darling daughter wind up in tax trouble like Richard Hatch. They’re both too stupid to avoid fucking up.
My prediction is that the troubles really start in summer 2012. That’ll be how Obama persecutes them by having his IRS investigate their filing or payment deficiencies despite all the good advice they’ve been getting about how the income tax is unconstimatooshinal and how sovereign citizens like the Palins don’t have to pay it.
Windhorse
True to form, the Palin Welfare Squad is working overtime at Amazon. The over-the-top 5 star reviewer “Jane Austin” who Tamara mentioned above (who describes this TMZ tell-all as “epic” “intriguing” and “historical”) is, as we speak, churning out new rebuttals to the other reviews every few minutes or so with the dedication of a proud Pravda propagandist. I didn’t count them all but i would say she is up to fifteen or so since I last checked. They described a saintly, heroic Bristol arrayed against an evil “liberal,” “lame stream media” who apparently resent her because she wouldn’t “let her baby be killed.” Yes, that puzzling phrase, imputing murderous impulses to (liberals? the media?) is used more than once.
“Jane” portays Bristol as a hero and ROLE MODEL for teens by “working so hard” despite being “all alone” and even for not going to “taxpayer supported college” (I kid you not). The cynicism displayed here is hard to bear. Clearly this book is not meant to show kids how to succeed. Your average teen isn’t going to be able to rely on the Wingnut Welfare System to get them a paycheck from Dancing with the Stars because their mommy is famous, convince charities to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars and give most of it them rather than the needy, or have tabloids clamoring to give them a cool hundred grand for every new story or photo set.
No, the purveyors and defenders of this book have one thing in mind and one thing only: continued adulation for the Palins as the Royal Family of Republicans.
Trabb's Boy
Mattminus, I really urge you to learn more about this before you hurt someone. If a person has been drinking to the point of lowering inhibitions, and is more open to doing something they might not do sober, that’s okay. If a person is so drunk as to be mentally incapacitated, and certainly if a person is so drunk as to have passed out, it is rape to have sex with them. If you are with a person who is drunk, do not have sex with them unless (a)it is absolutely clear that they are not too far gone to understand the situation and (b) they enthusiastically consent to have sex. If there is the remotest doubt about it, leave them the hell alone. I kind of wish I could warn your acquaintances about your failure to appreciate the very basics of consent.
Larv
You realize that strict application of this would turn about 90% of sexual encounters among young people into rape, right?
eric
Trabb’s Boy….it is not always so clear on consent..particularly when there are two people too far gone….
Larv
@Trabb’s Boy #50
Also, you seem to be assuming that only one party is drunk. If you’re both drunk (which is generally the case with teenagers) it’s kinda hard to make fine distinctions among grades of drunkenness. I mean, we aren’t talking about adults, we’re talking about the realities of adolescent alcohol use and sex.
gene108
What’s the legal drinking age in Alaska?
I know, I know high school kids sometimes want to partake of alcohol, but I sure doubt she or Levi were above the legal age to drink.
I mean, what does it say about a parent, who lets their kids run around with alcohol, when she is underage?
Forget the meme about how she got laid, why the f*ck was she getting drunk in high school and why didn’t the Palin’s realize the type of people she was hanging around with weren’t good sober Christians?
Yevgraf
Hell, if it wasn’t for booze, most of my adolescent sexual encounters would never have happened. I’d have finished before I started, and the girls involved would have thought things through a lot more.
Mattminus
@Trabbs boy – I live in the real world, not at a “take back the night” rally.
No one is talking about banging an unconscious person. I will not, however, abandon the beautiful, time honored tradition of getting drunk and fucking.
PurpleGirl
Chinn Romney — The actual numbers are: The Candies Foundation paid her some $265,000 for about 20 days of work as a speaker. (She was supposed to be advocating abstinence.) That same Candies Foundation gave a total of $35,000 that same year to other groups for pregnancy prevention programs. The top 3 officers of the Candies Foundation made in the area of $12 Million that year. (ETA: Corporate grifting. I’ll bet these foundation officers are also officers of the Candies company.)
The young woman has learned her grifter lessons well.
Trabb's Boy
This thread is horrifying me. Yes, people drink and have sex. Usually both parties drink and enjoy having sex. No one is objecting to that. Maximus, you lying sack of shit, YOU talked about banging an unconscious person at comment 27, which got me involved in this in the first place. If someone is passed out or staggering drunk, then, Larv, you DON’T make the fine distinctions. You err on the side of being sure she’s alert enough to really be okay with sex or you let her sleep it off and go wank in the next room. You guys are serious creeps, and I don’t want to keep arguing the obvious with you.
Yutsano
My term for folks like that: job security.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
mmmm, here is the thing, bristol is at the crossroads.
one path. she is a younger, version of her mother, which helps her, and mom. as mom’s starburst capacity fades, bristol is the object on which that portion of the sarah palin mystique can be transferred.
the other, she takes the entire b.s. story and uses it to its maximum benefit, then plays the liberal redemption card. she is/was young, she is growing up, learning, and is and will be nothing like her mother. this is a more treacherous road, because once she goes too far, the new reality show perhaps? she won’t be welcomed back into the wingnut welfare circuit.
i don’t know that its clear which path she has chosen.
Douglas
TB, go join Cassidy in the “I’m outraged at all of you having this really objectional position I’m made up in my fucking head”.
1. Nobody was talking about it being ok to have sex with an unconscious person (and the post you’re referencing was precisely about that – that it might’ve referenced that).
2.”Yes, people drink and have sex. Usually both parties drink and enjoy having sex. No one is objecting to that.”
You did. “the legal definition of consent precludes a drunk person from consenting”. Still waiting for a citation, BTW.
shortstop
Trabb’s Boy:
There is some confusion here; I don’t think you understand what a blackout is.
shortstop
Varies by state.
Catsy
@Trabb’s boy:
Bullshit.
I’ve been sort of watching this from the sidelines, but I had to step in here because you are completely misrepresenting Mattminus’s comment–hell, you didn’t even read closely enough to get his name right.
Comment #27, in its entirety:
Note: he says “I’ve been victimized”. Meaning that the blackout (NOT passed out, as he also clarifies) sex he’s describing is not by any stretch of the imagination him “banging an unconscious person”.
Moreover, you’re repeatedly and completely missing the point of his comment: that there seems to be confusion between “blacking out”, which is amnesia related to heavy alcohol use–you forget a period during which you were, at the time, otherwise completely conscious and engaged–and “passing out”, that is, going unconscious.
Consent is not even remotely relevant when you’re talking about a blackout, because nobody–including the person experiencing it–knows it at the time. The amnesia comes later–you know, after there is actually something to forget.
In other words, you’ve spent this entire thread making his point for him.
Larv
Trabb’s Boy,
You’ve slandered Mattminus and should probably apologize. Reread his #27, and you’ll see that he was referring to himself as being blacked-out drunk, not his sexual partner(s).
And again,you persist in conflating “blacked-out” with “passed out”. They aren’t the same. A black-out drunk is generally when you’ve been drinking pretty heavily for a several hours (something high-school and college kids do not infrequently) and you simply have little or no memory of the latter part of the night. But you’re frequently still quite functional – not necessarily stumbling or slurring, and certainly not unconscious.
Gee, thanks for the morality lesson, you sanctimonious ass. Again, nobody in this thread has defended having sex with an unconscious person, so you can quit beating on that strawman. And as for “staggering drunk” that describes 99.9% of the people at most of the parties I went to in high school at the end of the night, male and female. That was generally kind of the idea – do you think kids play drinking games because they’re just so much fun? Try playing root-beerpong someday and see how much of a blast it is. Most kids don’t drink responsibly, they drink to excess and do stupid shit like fuck people they otherwise wouldn’t. That isn’t rape. You seem to think that drunkenness only affects the agency of one partner. If both partners are drunk, how is it that only one is responsible for their actions?
And before you misconstrue somebody again, nobody has defended sex with a partner who is unconscious or obviously unable to express their desires, no matter how much you keep insisting that we are.
Larv
Or what Catsy said.
@gene108
Is this snark? If not, that’s a pretty absurd standard. My parents were about as sober and responsible as it’s possible to be, and I still did my share of running around with alcohol while underage. I don’t much like Palin, but let’s try to keep the criticisms to reasonable ones.
Gravenstone
Given whst the Palins are reputed to have done to damage and marginalize their ex-brother in law, does anyone remotely believe that, had the encounter been anything but consensual young Levi would have been embraced, even reluctantly? Hell, the kid likely would have been lucky to avoid winding up being tossed overboard as chum.
The Other Chuck
Am I the really first to bring up the supposition that Bristol and Levi were banging each other on a regular basis, and that there was no blackout involved?
This book is calling Levi an out-and-out rapist. He should sue for defamation.
[edit: nope, I suppose I’m not the first. Not that Levi is a class act either, but neither does he deserve being slandered by the Wasilla Grifter Clan]
Bubblegum Tate
Because you’re sentient, that’s why.
Also: Only the Palin clan could make Levi Johnston into the comparative good guy. Yeesh.
Mnemosyne
Bristol is trying to convince her audience that she’s a “nice girl” who totally wasn’t responsible for her pregnancy because only nasty sluts have sex without being married. The fact that her story is laughably thin only enhances it for her audience.
shortstop
Now thinner — for the base’s pleasure!
I’m sorry. Don’t know what comes over me sometimes.
Hal
People who bought Bristol’s book also bought, by the lovely Ann Coulter…
Where we learn; “If Charles Manson’s followers hadn’t killed Roman Polanski’s wife, Sharon Tate, Clinton would have pardoned him, too, and he’d probably be teaching at Northwestern University.”
Sometimes I’m stunned anyone takes her seriously. Her books should be in the comedy section under “parody.”