Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

A Senator Walker would be an insult to the state and the nation.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

In my day, never was longer.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Infrastructure week. at last.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

No one could have predicted…

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace.

Everybody saw this coming.

You are here: Home / Because There’s Been a Yawning Clown Gap in the GOP Field Since Trump and Palin Took a Pass

Because There’s Been a Yawning Clown Gap in the GOP Field Since Trump and Palin Took a Pass

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This was odd yesterday:

Representatives of Republican candidates are meeting today in Ames, Iowa for what is essentially a real estate auction, buying up the best pieces of the Hilton Coliseum at Iowa State University, where Augusts’ Ames Straw Poll will be held.

The presence of operatives who refuse to identify which candidate they work for, however, has led the representatives of the declared candidates to threaten to walk….

Sources tell ABC News, the mystery candidate is Rep. Thad McCotter, R- Mich., an undeclared candidate….

McCotter’s been <A HREF=”http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0511/55546.html”>hinting</A> at a run for a while, and if he does run, I’m jazzed. When the general public begins to take a look at the Republican Party, I want one of the faces of the party to be a guy who writes prose like this, from 2008:

…No starker episode exhibits our anile need for a moral hospice before we slither into the dust bin of history than the one playing out before Americans’ astonished eyes. Legacy building with the urgency of a dying Pharaoh staring at an unfinished Sphinx, George Walker Bush is bent upon being the first U.S. President to attend a foreign nation’s Olympics. The nation in question is communist China, the shock troops of which are presently bludgeoning Tibetan Monks as if they were orange bathrobed baby seals. (One shudders at the prospect this Tibetan repression is the Chi-coms’ sedulous sally into Olympic demonstration sports.)

Notwithstanding the Global Generation’s remaining misanthropes’ unsophisticated quibbling (i.e., me and mine), our Compassionate Conservative-in-Chief has eagerly RSVP’ed to the communist dictatorship’s dramatic recreation of the Berlin Olympics. Given “The Decider’s” resolve, hope dims we might disabuse his whimsy that watching a wobbling discus with the wanton butchers of Tiananmen Square can advance the sacred cause of human freedom….

Or, more recently, this:

Today, the Campaigner-in-Chief and his host of leftist lemmings are again stereotyping Republicans as everything but American. Whence stems their fear?

It is because, less than two years after leftists and their parroting pundits proclaimed our party’s epitaph, resilient Republicans have arisen anew to define freedom for this New American Century.

Dude thinks he’s writing eighteenth-century pamphlets — that is, when he’s not rockin’ out, maaan! with various bands, one of which used to be a Congress-based combo called the Second Amendments. Or hanging with Dennis Miller, one of his great admirers. Or sharing his Ichabod-Crane-channels-Ayn-Rand comedy stylings in one of his many appearances on Fox’s Red Eye with Greg Smirkfeld. Or wasting your tax dollars making floor speeches like this, in which he — har har! — tells people “how to speak Democrat” (“‘Government’ means ‘socialism.’ ‘Democrats support proactive government’ — translatio0n: ‘Democrats support proactive socialism'”):

<iframe width=”360″ height=”250″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/1EcQ03qRE1s” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>

Or this, in which he engages in painful wingnut wordplay on Led Zeppelin tunes:

<iframe width=”360″ height=”250″ src=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/bAzD5mKzkOg” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>

In a sane society, this guy would be working behind the counter at a libertarian bookstore, living in his parents’ basement, and heading toward 50 wondering if he’ll ever get a date.  As it is, he’s the chairman of the Republican House Policy Committee and he thinks he can be president.  But he still radiates loserhood.  Add him to the clown car, please!

****

And don’t expect much gravitas from <A HREF=”http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/06/23/v-print/2281455/perry-gets-tepid-response-at-latino.html”>this guy,</A> an A-lister who also seems to be <A HREF=”http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304569504576403751413473280.html”>joining the race:</A>

<blockquote>Gov. Rick Perry received a tepid response when he addressed the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials on Thursday, joking about the pronunciation of a Hispanic appointee’s last name and frequently staring blankly at the audience when they failed to respond to his conservative applause lines.

… a joke about how perfect it was to appoint Jose Cuevas to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission because his name sounds like Jose Cuervo – a brand of tequila – fell flat….</blockquote>

Really, who needs Palin and Trump?

Reader Interactions

60Comments

  1. 1.

    shortstop

    Between his deathless oratory and his polished guitar work, shouldn’t we be honoring McCotter as a patron of the arts — the real private-sector version, not the hippie wastrel NEA-supported kind?

    Re his “bipartisan” band, I hope they shoot straighter than they sing.

  3. 3.

    alwhite

    Its the fact that total losers like this can be even mentioned out loud without peels of laughter that ensure we will have to support crappy Democrats. No matter how bad any of the Blew Dogs are they are better than this. Its the only reason to hope BHO might get re-elected.

  6. 6.

    MattF

    On the plus side, the semi-solid mass sitting atop McCotter’s spinal column appears to have developed autochthonous linguistic abilities. However, the semantic component of these abilities hasn’t achieved sentience, as far as I can tell.

  7. 7.

    Svensker

    c u n d — at least this guy knows what a thesaurus is. Gohmert, if he’d ever heard of a thesaurus, would probably think it’s the critter that Jesus was taking joyrides on.

    Frmr NY gov Pataki may be getting in the race, too.

  8. 8.

    Kirbster

    The alliterative assholery is awesomely amazing! This guy would be such a hoot in the “debates”!

  9. 9.

    geg6

    That Perry story has to be from the Onion, right? That can’t be true. The guy has been governor of fucking Texas for crissakes. For a dozen years or so now, right? Surely he knows some Latinos or has spoken to Hispanic groups in that time? Governor Goodhair is truly that clueless? For real? If so, W looks like Einstein next to this level of stupid.

  10. 10.

    Bob

    On the plus side, McCotter totally supports the auto industry loans/bailout, so he will point out to everyone in Michigan that Romney wanted GM and Chrylser to go it alone, which would have led to liquidation.

  11. 11.

    befuggled

    Initially I hoped he’d be from somewhere in the UP or at least the western part of the state, but no such luck. His district includes parts of Oakland and Wayne counties, and apparently borders the district representing the area where I grew up.

    I apologize in advance.

  12. 12.

    WereBear

    Pataki is actually halfway decent. He managed to slip past some sound economic moves and didn’t go nutz with “What Would Jeebus Legislate?”

  14. 14.

    Brian R.

    In light of this:

    Or wasting your tax dollars making floor speeches like this, in which he—har har!—tells people “how to speak Democrat” (“’Government’ means ‘socialism.’ ‘Democrats support proactive government’—translatio0n: ‘Democrats support proactive socialism’”)

    I’m not at all surprised of this

    Or hanging with Dennis Miller, one of his great admirers. Or sharing his Ichabod-Crane-channels-Ayn-Rand comedy stylings in one of his many appearances on Fox’s Red Eye with Greg Smirkfeld.

    Why are conservatives so utterly incapable of having a sense of humor? Is it because they’re the joke these days? Or is it because most humor is essentially premised on intelligence and empathy?

  15. 15.

    Brian R.

    I got stuck in moderation for quoting the post’s own use of s-o-c-i-a-l-i-s-m. This is a clear case of entrapment, man!

  16. 16.

    Linda Featheringill

    I got stuck in moderation for quoting the post’s own use of s-o-c-i-a-l-i-s-m. This is a clear case of entrapment, man!

    You shall know the truth and the truth will get you moderated.

  17. 17.

    c u n d gulag

    Pataki?

    He isn’t crazy enough for the new breed.
    And not nearly Jesusy enough.

    And he’s not exactly beloved in NY.
    But, if NYers don’t like him, he could turn that to his advantage.

  18. 18.

    shortstop

    Svensker:

    Gohmert, if he’d ever heard of a thesaurus, would probably think it’s the critter that Jesus was taking joyrides on.

    You win the internets today.

  20. 20.

    yuninv

    Mr McCotter: Step away from the thesaurus.
    Love, anyone who actually reads your drivel.

  21. 21.

    LGRooney

    @Kirbster, #8:

    This dudeguy would be such a dandy diversionhoot in the “debates”!

    Come on, keep the alliteration going.

    @geg6, #9: I think the public is so accustomed to the racism inherent in far-right candidates that any mention of race, except when it comes from a poor, captured soul, is immediately taken the wrong way, i.e., properly.

  24. 24.

    TOP123

    @c u n d #16:

    That depends on how successfully he can conflate the concept of “New Yorkers of New York State” with “New Yorkers of New York City”… Because it would never do for people to know that Pataki is unpopular with New Yorkers (all), a set including various patriots who hunt, fish and live on farms and are Real Americans, as opposed to those of us Rootless Cosmpolitans born inside the limits of Gomorrah itself (or is it Sodom to them and LA is Gomorrah? I can’t remember) who live in Victory Mosques and work at the Daily Show.

    In truth, this has never been a very hard fudge for the GOP.

  25. 25.

    jibeaux

    I can’t put my finger on why, but that prose sounds like something Lucius Malfoy would write if he were a wingnut American evil wizard.

  26. 26.

    MazeDancer

    While it is clear he’s yet another idiot running for the GOP nom, at least he is against China’s Tibetan policy and Tiananmen Square. Most elected offials and business leaders seem to prefer pretending neither set of atrocities exist.

  27. 27.

    Violet

    Wow, that prose is a thing of beauty. I’m not sure even the wingnut crazy generator could come up with something that crazy.

  28. 28.

    MomSense

    @Svensker
    Oh my you are going to get me fired with comments like that. All my office mates are wondering why the sudden guffaw!

  29. 29.

    Chris

    While it is clear he’s yet another idiot running for the GOP nom, at least he is against China’s Tibetan policy and Tiananmen Square. Most elected offials and business leaders seem to prefer pretending neither set of atrocities exist.

    I believe it’s something of a tradition in American politics for presidential candidates to 1) accuse the incumbent of being soft on China, 2) get elected, 3) become soft on China, 4) spend the next election cycle being told that they’re soft on China by the challenger. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    I didn’t see that in the last election, which somewhat surprised me. But Reagan did it to Carter in 1980 (the fact that the guy had normalized relations with the PRC was one of the foreign policy things the hard-liners held against him), Clinton did it to Bush in 1992 (great timing since it was right after Tienanmen), Bush did it to Clinton/Gore in 2000.

  30. 30.

    Amir_Khalid

    This McCotter chap’s prose looks a made-up example of Really Bad Writing, something a creative-writing teacher would come up with to show you how not to do it. Which seems about right for the daft idea he is expressing: that the President of the US should boycott the Olympic Games, where hundreds of Americans are taking part, out of disapproval over the host nation’s policies.

    As for Rick Perry — last week, we saw that video clip of his New Jersey counterpart Tony Soprano being rude to a constituent, just because she’d asked him a pertinent if discomfiting question. In that context, Perry’s cluelessness and insensitivity don’t seem so surprising.

  31. 31.

    Bob

    If Rick Perry runs and Democrats don’t regularly call him a secessionist traitor every chance we get, we deserve to lose.

  32. 32.

    trixie larue

    It was dreamy. I took me back to my college days, reading Faulkner, book after book, lounging in the cafeteria where the obstreperous students jostled the hard plastic chairs, abrading the newly buffed linoleum floors.

    My enthusiastic vote goes to the speechifier.

  33. 33.

    dpcap

    But he still radiates loserhood.

    Hmm… he’s a loser… I’m a loser…

    …

    I think I’ll vote for him! All those meany demoncrats keep picking on us losers; we need to stick together!!

  36. 36.

    vaux-rien

    I’m excited that Stan Lee is running for President but the guy’ll be 90 next year and he’s clearly starting to suffer from dementia. No No Prize from this True Believer.

  37. 37.

    Bulworth

    … a joke about how perfect it was to appoint Jose Cuevas to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission because his name sounds like Jose Cuervo – a brand of tequila – fell flat….

    Also, too, add this guy (Perry) to the clown car posse, please.

  38. 38.

    Bulworth

    McCotter’s been hinting at a run for a while, and if he does run, I’m jazzed. When the general public begins to take a look at the Republican Party, I want one of the faces of the party to be a guy who writes prose like this, from 2008:

    I am positively Thatcher-enthusiast about this guy except where there’s that Oakstatioson pessimism.

  39. 39.

    Nutella

    @ geg6

    I never read the Onion since real life is weirder than anything they can come up with. The Perry story is from the Miami Herald and also notes that not just Latinos but also the local police and sheriffs are opposed to his plan to have the local police and sheriffs enforce federal immigration laws.

    Reminds me of this story about the taxi drivers in Georgia objecting to the criminalization of driving taxis and buses.

  40. 40.

    Chris

    Reminds me of this story about the taxi drivers in Georgia objecting to the criminalization of driving taxis and buses.

    FOR FUCKING REAL? How many more things are people going to have to show papers for?

    I’m looking forward to having to show a passport at every gas station and burger joint in Georgia the next time I drive through, like I’m in the security line at Dulles fucking Airport.

  41. 41.

    RossInDetroit

    McCotter’s district consists of towns and cities in the Metro Detroit area. It’s suburban and rural. Formerly completely rural but in recent decades filled up with commuters to Detroit area jobs as whites, frankly, fled the city and first ring suburbs. many of these towns have a lot in common with places like Howell (local seat of the Klan), and rural northern MI towns that we would consider backward and redneck. It’s an odd mix of multi generation small town blue collar and recent transplant upper middle class people who can afford a 1 hour commute from a home in a less densely populated area to a job in the Detroit urban zone.

  42. 42.

    handy

    Edward Bulwer-Lytton would be proud of such florid turn of phrase.

    @Bulworth

    I am positively Thatcher-enthusiast about this guy except where there’s that Oakstatioson pessimism.

    I believe you just won this thread with that.

  45. 45.

    MikeJ

    Chris @ 39:

    How many more things are people going to have to show papers for?

    And the beautiful thing is the more you require ID, the easier it becomes to require it for something else.They already love to argue “you can’t rent a movie at Blockbuster without showing ID, so of course you should need ID for X.” Soon it will be, “you already have to show ID to use a cab so why not…”

    I also wonder if cabs are viewed as something used by a) city slickers up in New York and b) people too poor to own cars (or unable to get a license).

  46. 46.

    johnsmith1882

    Move over, Steinbeck, there’s a new gun in town!

    This guy’s prose reads (almost) as good as a seventh grader’s fan fiction, when you think that you are reinventing the wheel, only to look back on it years later to cringe and laugh at yourself. Only this guy is a (purportedly) grown man.

    There’s always more room in the clown car.

  48. 48.

    Chris

    @ TOP123 –

    Real liberty loving Americans use gypsy cabs freedom taxis.

    Well, dude, in fairness, REAL liberty loving Americans have their own cars.

    But said cars should be Japanese, lest we risk subsidizing those lazy deadbeat socialist thugs that go by the name of “American workers.”

  49. 49.

    Chris

    FUCK YOU, WP, and FUCK YOU AGAIN, you PIECE OF SHIT.

    @ Top123 –

    Real liberty loving Americans use gypsy cabs freedom taxis.

    Well, dude, in fairness, REAL liberty loving Americans have their own cars.

    But said cars should be Japanese, lest we risk subsidizing those lazy deadbeat Soshulist thugs that go by the name of “American workers.”

  50. 50.

    Nutella

    @ MikeJ

    In Georgia many taxi customers are too poor or too undocumented to own cars. Georgia legislators are probably only too happy to make those kinds of people show their papers.

    When the airport shuttle drivers start demanding papers from middle-class white travelers and school bus drivers demand papers from white kids in rich neighborhoods then the injustice of this law will be noticed.

  51. 51.

    P O'Neil

    I occasionally have to attend GOP fundraisers for my job (ugh), and I can tell you that McCotter is laughed at by many GOP Hill staffers/legislators. Especially, when he plays his guitar outside of Bullfeathers.

  52. 52.

    Sad_Dem

    That passage about the Olympics reads a lot like the turgid prose of someone I know who is crazy (and a complete asshole and a loser).

  53. 53.

    Hal

    a joke about how perfect it was to appoint Jose Cuevas to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission because his name sounds like Jose Cuervo – a brand of tequila – fell flat

    Maybe he has the same joke writer Letterman used when he hosted the Oscars. Oprah, Uma, Uma, Oprah.

  56. 56.

    Julia Grey

    us Rootless Cosmpolitans born inside the limits of Gomorrah itself (or is it Sodom to them and LA is Gomorrah? I can’t remember)

    No, you had it right the first time. LA is Sodom (California is positively carpeted with fruits, you know), and NYC (Gotham) is Gomorrah.

    Poor Rick Perry. He probably thought that little tequila joke would kill. Probably made his excuses like stand-up comics everywhere when he tore off his tie backstage; “Tough crowd!”

  57. 57.

    AAA Bonds

    I like his writing style. I mean, he’ll be first against the wall for sure, but I hope to crib some of his action beforehand.

  58. 58.

    Joel

    Funny thing about Sodom. Their sin involved being greedy, conservative shitheels, kind of like modern Republicans!

    Classical Jewish texts are seen by many as not stressing the homosexual aspect of the attitude of the inhabitants of Sodom as much as their cruelty and lack of hospitality to the “stranger.”[6] The Jewish Encyclopedia[7] has information on the importance of hospitality to the Jewish people. The people of Sodom were seen as guilty of many other significant sins. Rabbinic writings affirm that the Sodomites also committed economic crimes, blasphemy and bloodshed.[8] One of the worst was to give money or even gold ingots to beggars, after inscribing their names on them, and then subsequently refusing to sell them food. The unfortunate stranger would end up starving and after his death, and the people who gave him the money would reclaim it. A rabbinic tradition, described in the Mishnah, postulates that the sin of Sodom was related to property: Sodomites believed that “what is mine is mine, and what is yours is yours” (Abot), which is interpreted as a lack of compassion.

    (Wikipedia)

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