This fucking guy is going to cure you of your gay? Not bloody likely. He’s going to make your gay gayer.
We have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road. That’s what is called the sinful nature. We have a responsibility as parents and as authority figures not to encourage such thoughts and feelings from moving into the action steps…
And let’s face it: what is our culture, what is our public education system doing today? They are giving full, wide-open doors to children, not only giving encouragement to think it but to encourage action steps. That’s why when we understand what truly is the percentage of homosexuals in this country, it is small. But by these open doors, I can see and we are experiencing, that it is starting to increase.
— and you need to educate and discipline them.
Discipline them hard. Make sure you ride them day and night until you make them less gay — even if you yourself have to dial up the gay to an unreasonable level — say eleventy — to get them to be less gay.
You have to think gay to fight gay, is what I’m saying people, and you have to fight gay with gay.
You have to get alllll up inside their —
IT JUST MAKES SENSE.
Oh, their heads — their pretty little heads with those luscious wavy locks blowing gently in the breeze like amber waves of grain…
I’m sorry, what were we talking about? Right. Larry Craig Marcus Bachmann:
Oh fiddlesticks… my mistake.
So remember, if you suffer from an acute case of Teh Gheigh, make sure you visit Dr. Bachmann’s clinic — he’ll beat the gay riiiiight out of you, even if it takes all night.
And when you do pay him a visit, can you tell me if you can actually hear a swishing sound when he walks? Because sweet Mary Mother of Gay, homeboy is gayer than the holidays:
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
UPDATED: Even Cher’s gaydar is going PING PING PING PING!
[via Rump Roast]
(Special thanks to Betty Cracker! The motivational image is kick ass = win.)[cross-posted at ABLC]