Dispatch From Real America by $8 blue check mistermix| July 6, 20119:01 pm| 72 CommentsThis post is in: Open ThreadsFacebookTweetEmail (Click to embiggen.) Res ipsa loquitur.
I see trucks like that all the time. And why is it that all these tough, manly-men patriots always drive like little old ladies on their way home from church? My husband uses other terms to describe their driving style but I am too polite to go there.
I see that garbage in my town all the time. The worst offender is a couple who are both living on state retirements, (he was a firefighter, she worked for the county superintendent of schools) but according to them, the government is bad. Ugh. Morons.
luckily, the correlation between the number of bumper stickers on your car and your tendency towards road rage is … direct.
The thing about manliness is, if you have it, people will know it just by how you act. You don’t need all this “look at me!” crap. This truck owner got laughed at for having a small dick in a junior high locker room in 1981 and hasn’t recovered since.
That’s Real ‘murica to you.
Because guns are illegal now… um, yeah.
I saw something similar in my neck of the woods a few weeks ago.
That’s gotta be somewhere in butt fuk texas. Amirite?
That vehicle parked on the street where I am from wouldn’t last a day without being vandalized.
J. Michael Neal
Gah! Can anyone tell me which thread is going to stay active? Odds are, at least one of the last three is going to have nothing but the sound of crickets pretty soon, but which one(s)? And even if I figure out which one to post in if I want to discuss something, is there going to be another thread started in fifteen minutes that will usurp it?
Just Some Fuckhead
That’s the dude I try to cut off with my truck featuring an Obama sticker and a rebel flag. Unlike him, my gun has killed people.
I’ve always thought Jennifer Aniston had to go dark to really break through. She just doesn’t have much of a career left as the nice “marry-able” friendly girl in a Rom-Com anymore.
Go dirty girl. Just pimp slap people.
Just Some Fuckhead
meh, I’ve seen worse and I’m 2 hrs from the Bay Area, in a college town.
Bull fucking shit Fredlie. You ain’t got sack God gave the common bullfrog to step up and say something to the owner of that truck.
So you saw a truck owned by a dumb shitkicker compensating for a tiny pee-pee. What of it? We call that Wednesday here in the Midwest.
Our wingers are more varied in their vee-hikle selection.
Yeah, you can see similar displays of wingnuttiness about a hour’s drive or less from the liberal bastion of Seattle.
Aw, mistermix! Why didn’t you tell me you were visiting Tennessee? I’d have met you for a beer!
And Christopher Robin. What if someone shoved some ADHD meds in that little bastard?
Or maybe the creator of Christopher Robin. Would that sonofabitch still created the Tigger Song? And what did it really mean when Winnie raped the fucking beehives of their honey and then gluttonously and with much depravity devoured every last drop?
Fuck, creative license is hard.
OMG that “it’s freedom that made america strong not the government” sticker is just priceless! Must be a Sarah Palin quote.
Ummm … you know that Kenny Loggins and A.A. Milne are different people, right?
@Southern Beale: I’ll be in Nashville in late August. ??
Nobody worry ’bout me
Why you got to gimme a fight?
Can’t you just let it be?
Hmmm…doesn’t sound right somehow.
“It Took Guns To Get Your Freedom” sounds like a statement by someone who just took away someone else’s freedom at gunpoint.
I live in Orange County, CA. You all know what that entails. I see this dipwad driving all around Garden Grove regularly:
It’s a clown truck of epic proportions. For every horn that honks in support I notice people drive by giving him the dead stare (like idiot, moron or crazyman).
He has what looks like a giant howitzer replica on the truck, tons of stuffed pandas (The Chinese?), Obama is a liar, Obama is a fraud, Obama is Satan, etc.
He has MIA flags, USA flags, etc.
Photos taken in the parking lot of the local Social Security office, right?
My favorite of all time was the time I was parked next to a priest in a Range Rover with a Judge Roy Moore for President bumper sticker on the back. Why is a priest driving a Range Rover? Don’t they take a vow of poverty?
A few favorites, I have seen here in Houston:
On a yard sign in my neighborhood: “Democrats cut and run, U.S. troops do not”
On a F150 I see in my parking garage at work: “In 1959, Cuba got change too”
On the same truck: “I’ll keep my guns, money and freedom. You can keep the change”
My favorite is “Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants.” Maybe, but they’ll settle for ignorant, obedient ones.
Why do people act like The Government is a hostile occupying force? Dude, they’re us. We hire them to do jobs we need done. They did not invade and enslave us because they hate our freedoms, etc. We get what we ask for in a government and what this pickup is asking for is fucking nuts.
@Corner Stone –
Cool! When and .. above all .. WHY? Dear God WHY? August in Nashville sucks rocks.
We are going to Seattle and Canada for the last 2 weeks of August. When will you be in Nashville?
Last time I was in Red Boiling Springs, TN I saw a pickup with a GIGANTOID rebel flag attached to a flag pole on the truck bed.
That’s kinda how we roll ’round these parts.
I saw a bumper sticker that read:
OBAMA: One Big-Assed Mistake for America
I had to give them points for cleverness.
@ efgoldman –
Umm … yeah. I’ll do that and then you can do the same when the Westboro Baptist Church pickets my funeral.
@SB 37: That’s the main one I see around here.
Lord. Have. Mercy.
That is truly scary.
Mike in NC
Teabagger at my workplace drives a VW Rabbit (vewy scawy!) plastered with bumper stickers like “You are NOT ENTITLED to the money that I EARN”. People point and laugh. He must hate driving over the government roads and bridges.
Notice how most of the stickers, while only eighteen months old, are peeling?
USA/union made stickers would be tight as a drum.
Nah. Just sad.
You might want to ask your neighbor if the US still has troops in Vietnam, and who was President when they left.
Saw a late middle-aged white woman driving a late model Buick on Sunday in suburban Chicago with a bumper sticker that read:
“Martin Luther King was a Republican!”
Rabbits are good cars. For a brief period, they were USA/UAW produced.
Mr Stagger Lee
The guy who drives that truck, is probably the same bastard who does things like this?
Today I saw “We can’t COEXIST with people who want to kill us!!” And I thought, that’s funny, because we have for several thousand years.
@30 – Newly Minted MBA
In Sugar Land (outside of Houston for those of you not from these parts). Don’t see many anti-Obama stickers, but the “keep the change” one seems to be making the rounds, as well as that original “no-Bama” brilliance. I see more of the “Secede” and the “Don’t touch our guns, 2nd amendment” crap. Lots of “Pray for X” stuff. But on my side of Sugar Land, there’s more pro-Obama sentiment than anti. He won the general with 64% of the vote here.
On a positive note, the “Drill. Baby, Drill” stickers seem to have dropped off.
And so ya’ll know, if there’s no “Don’t Mess With Texas” or “Secede” or a Texas flag stickers on the truck, that’s not a gin-u-wine Texas redneck. Merely a poseur.
I regularly find myself behind some Real Housewife of OC on the way to work with the “Don’t blame me, I voted for an american” bumper sticker on her high-end SUV. It really stands out here.
I expect we’ll have a lot less of that kind of stuff next year around here. Prop 8 really divided communities – we lost a number of friends over our No on 8 sign. From the people we’ve talked to, that hasn’t been uncommon.
I looked up the stats for our 1.5 sq mi town and it’s 97% white. The only McCain yard sign I recall seeing was at the place of a young black family a block over. The town reliably votes 75% – 80% Dem so it was pretty much surrounded and outnumbered.
Pfui. From Bassets, I’ll take it, but in Real ‘Merca, how’s about “Enlarge”? Tchah. Pshaw. Harrumph. And you see that Lawn? Gerroffit now.
Unless the governments starts to represent people you think aren’t American or shouldn’t be American or aren’t acting like Americans. Or even if you think it might start representing or listening to them. Which is how the right wing base sees the world these days. To them, half of their fellow citizens are foreign bodies polluting their pristine America, and a government that doesn’t fight them is a foreign occupier/sympathizer.
From a banana republic and Mafia safehouse run by foreign powers and corporations, to a banana republic run by a different foreign power. I got no brief for Castro, but I wonder how many teabaggers realize why he came about, or that the worst thing you can say about him is that he was as bad as the previous, capitalist, pro-American government.
Yeah… Wonder how many sleepless nights he spent thinking that one up?
Of course they see government as bad. They worked there and know how bad they did their jobs. The real problem is they think everyone else who works for the government is a bad as they were.
“Bull fucking shit Fredlie. You ain’t got sack God gave the common bullfrog to step up and say something to the owner of that truck.”
That is so sweet of you Stoned in the Corner. Always happy to hear from my groupies. Hugs and kisses.
Looks pretty normal to me. In uber-democratic Pittsburgh I see Priuses and Volvo wagons and ancient minivans covered with the same kind of annoying slogans until you can’t see paint anymore.
Many people just need to know that you heard their opinion. Some use bumper stickers. The rest of us blog.
On This American Life [this episode], a prisoner was talking about how sticking a gun in someone’s face is a cowardly act because it tilts the odds. This struck me as a very true statement. If this dude were a serious ass-kicker, he’d suck it up and become a ninja.
After all, unless he thinks people should be wandering around with nuclear weapons, his puny ass Glock 20 isn’t going to do shit against the big bad government (Of the People, By the People, etc etc).
Ruemara, do you live in Chico?
That’s the largest motherfucking clown car I’ve ever seen.
The only sticker I have on my new car sez “When Jesus said love your enemies, he probably meant don’t kill them”. One dude in a truck here in Houston honked and flipped me off. Know what I did? I forgave him. :)
Just Some Fuckhead
I woulda wrecked him. I never miss an opportunity to scream about Jesus.
. . .and drink wine all day,
it’s great to be in America . . . .
@ kd bart #29:
No, as I was told (IANARC, corrections welcomed), it’s just the monks who take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. The lay priests (that’s what they’re called, dammit!) are held to only two of those.
Umm, wait, how many?
Well, ‘let’s settle this like men’ has always been a call to put down the weapons, not use them. Occasionally, Americans suggest that countries with gun control are afraid of fighting; I’d like to hear them say that in, say, a Glasgow pub.
Sounds like the owner of the truck should join the Pissed Off and Angry Party, for exactly the sort of reason given in that episode… ;)
Grumpy Code Monkey
Just curious how many gun nuts can recite the first four words of the 2nd amendment? Or if they have a clue what they mean?
And I’ve seen those stickers all over Austin, which is about as liberal a town as you’re going to find in TX.
Demographics are slowly working against the GOP in TX, but it’s going to take another 15 to 20 years before they lose their grip.
My favorite anti-Obama sticker is this. (You can also get it as a countdown clock.)
It’s a straight-up ripoff of the “1-20-2009: End of an error” stickers that we had a couple of years ago. Fair enough. But the morans on the right didn’t bother to check the calendar before they went to press with their version. January 20, 2013 falls on a Sunday and we don’t hold inaugurations on Sundays. The next presidential inauguration will be held on January 21, 2013.
I have been thinking of printing two stickers:
“I support President Obama and the troops.”
If I passed these out to all the people with Bush version do you think they would stick them on their cars?
“If liberals don’t support the 2nd amendment only conservatives will hold the guns.”
I’ve often wished I had a little sticker in my wallet, where the condom used to go, that I could pull out and put on the back of those vehicles when I pass them in a parking lot or some other place. Maybe magnetic, so it wouldn’t be easy to remove–I don’t want to be a vandal. One that takes the same counterfactual sentiments a bit too far. My favorite so far is
The more direct approach would be
I’m a Dick
Perhaps this one:
My taxes have never been lower
but my gun budget is up
Third Amendment Pride!
The Only One I Care About
Any other suggestions?
Oh, and PS on “harden bomb shelters”–it’s true, and it can be done and the Israelis are doing it. Implies that they are gearing up to absorb nukes, I suppose through a nefarious nexus between Pakistan and the other anti-Israel nations, despite the fact that they generally hate each other. Still, pretty good info for a nutter.
That guy is a LaHaye/Jenkins End Timer. If you haven’t already, you should read Slacktivist’s epic (and I mean epic–he’s been at it for 9 years or something, page-by-page debunking and commentary on those Ezekiel idiots. Quite an education. Present company apologies, but Fred Clarke is the best writer on the internet.
Fred’s now at Patheos: http://www.patheos.com/community/slacktivist
but before he was at http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktivist
Here’s one of his best treatments of the same attitude that leads to such bumpersticker idiocy:
Here’s a related post on the general concept John Quiggin calls “agnotology”:
and a very stylish and intelligent demolition of a key climate denialist canard on the same basis:
That sign is impeccably composed, which is unusual in the genre. Even the ellipsis has only three dots, though I’d have gone comma only there. One exclam at the end, perhaps. In any event, I’m not sure if it’s good news or bad news that the writing is improving.
I’ve seen a bunch of these in my town with Confederate Flag stickers… and I live near Boston!
I want to point out that the lower picture is of a Marine’s vehicle, and doesn’t include any Obama hatred, just typical 2nd amendment stuff.
We have a “Veterans for Obama” sticker on both vehicles, a VW Jetta we’ve had down in VA, NC and SC a lot, no problems at all, and a F-350 that’s been through KY, TN AR, OK, TX, NM and AZ several times. Once we had a biker in AZ give us thumbs down after passing us, and once we had a guy in a suit riding in a Newport or something like that do the same to the Jetta up in Ohio. No crying out or middle fingers, though the Jetta was keyed at work before I retired…
There are a few here in WV with those frenetic stickers, and paint jobs for Jebus, and the rare Dixie Traitor flags. The ones that get me the most are the guys with two flags, one for each side in the war to preserve the Union. Guess they didn’t get what that war was all about.
I live in DC, where the majority of the population’s black, and having a Confederate flag on your car would probably be about as well received as a swastika in the middle of Jerusalem. And people would make sure you knew it.
Although, an anecdote – I once got driven to Howard University (local HBCU) in a borrowed ROTC cadet’s car with a Confederate flag on the bumper sticker, stayed at Howard all morning and came back without a single complaint. That’d be because the sticker had an actual Confederate flag on it, which the vast majority of people of all colors and political opinions don’t know – the only one anyone remembers is their battle flag.
people forget the 2nd amendment was drafted when we still had no standing army (though, if memory serves, we did by the time it was ratified). the 2nd amendment is the government saying, hey, you’d better have a gun or two, cause we’ll need to draft you in case of war and we aren’t paying to arm you.
Needz moar Calvin peeing on sompin’