Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

I was promised a recession.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

“woke” is the new caravan.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

He really is that stupid.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

Let’s finish the job.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

You cannot shame the shameless.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / We Need to Class Up This Joint

We Need to Class Up This Joint

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Let’s start with some poetry:

Doctor Ron Paul
Your life long struggle
Gave us a chance to break our chains

Your fine example
Human being standing tall
For what is right

Every day we soldiers of Liberty
Holding onto the flag of your words
Victory within our hands and hearts

In my heart
You are already elected president

Feel free to add your own literary contribution in this open thread.

Reader Interactions

70Comments

  2. 2.

    PTirebiter

    chalk on the sidewalk
    writing on the wall
    everybody knows it
    I love Paul
    tall Paul, tall Paul
    Ron Paul
    He’s my all

    (Paul Anka?)

  5. 5.

    General Stuck

    I’m just trying to get a few comments in before the small army of energizer troll bunnies go on the march around here.

  8. 8.

    Strandedvandal

    Dear confused gerbil
    Your fangs and claws are not real
    Your life is a waste

  10. 10.

    Bobby Thomson

    Roses are red
    Violets aren’t blue
    Sugar is sweet
    And Ron Paul is a lying racist asshole

  11. 11.

    Joey Maloney

    @4 –

    There once was a doctor named Paul
    Who was the owner of only one ball …
    __
    Shit. Need coffee to finish.

    Need coffee to finish,
    Or even some spinach
    I’m Ron Paul the crazy man!

  12. 12.

    Yevgraf

    That poem is an ode to a guy who would have proudly stood with a crowd clearing out a lunch counter sit in 50 years ago (all while menacingly wielding his axe handle, but at the back of the room).

  14. 14.

    Judas Escargot

    How about some Ron Paul/Libertarian-inspired haiku?

    ron paul, physician:
    your stupidity poisons
    my once-great country

    ——————–

    medical doctor
    heal my soul, but first you must
    abolish all tax

    ——————–

    leaf on water, your
    forest is beautiful, let
    me pave it over.

  18. 18.

    mellowjohn

    oh, fatherland, fatherland,
    show us the sign
    your children have waited to see.
    a new day is dawning,
    the future is ours.
    tomorrow belongs to me.

  20. 20.

    Judas Escargot

    Or maybe a limerick:

    There once was a doctor named Paul
    Who preached economic freedom for all
    Converted to gold,
    the Dollar was sold,
    And nobody suffered at all!

  23. 23.

    Guster

    When hope and change,
    were all the rage,
    the People said, ‘Let him rule us!’
    With Lilly L and a pint-sized stimulus,
    A federal pay freeze and saving GM,
    You run hot and cold, AM and PM,
    You saved us from a Great Depression,
    Right into a Long Recession.
    You never act the bully,
    The tables remain unpounded,
    On the _possible_ you focus fully,
    Proving any fear of audacity unfounded.
    You never berated,
    but always advocated,
    fearlessly,
    peerlessly,
    queerlessly,
    blah blah blah

    I was gonna rhyme mau mau with kowtow …

  24. 24.

    RossInDetroit

    Hmmm, what rhymes with “Nantucket”?

    I want an app that lets me highlight a word and find rhyming words from a pull down menu. It’s the 21st century. Is this too much to ask for?

  25. 25.

    gocart mozart

    Every day we soldiers of Liberty
    Holding onto the flag of your words
    Victory within our hands and hearts

    In my heart
    You are already elected president
    In our hands
    Your liberty tree grows exponentially

    Your flag will always fly full staff
    From the longest hardest pole
    May we stroke it gently
    And watch it grow?

    Stronger! Stronger!
    Harder! Longer!
    ‘Till freedom comes.

  27. 27.

    RossInDetroit

    Dear Ron Paul
    Reality called
    You’re badly missed
    We must insist
    Come home, we forgive all

  31. 31.

    Villago Delenda Est

    If you follow the link, in the comments there, others have pointed out that this poem is reminiscent of the sort of literary fluffing you find in places like North Korea.

    I’m sure some hack poet of 30’s Germany should find this “legalizeliberty” twit and sue for look and feel theft.

  32. 32.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @ lonesomerobot:

    Did anyone else notice that the actual author of the poem lives in Canada?

    No, I chose not to delve that deeply (delving too deep can wake balrogs, you know).

  35. 35.

    tworivers

    (Sung to the tune of “Doctor Robert” by the Beatles)

    If you’re down he’ll leave you there, Doctor Ronald
    Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Ronald
    Doctor Ronald, he’s a man you must believe
    Helping nobody in need
    No one can succeed like Doctor Ronald

    Well, well, well, you’re feeling fine
    Well, well, well, he’ll make you… Doctor Ronald

  36. 36.

    AxelFoley

    @NamelessGenXer:

    Dear Texas,
    Get the fuck out.
    THX.

    WIN!

    LOL, I got nuthin’ after this.

  39. 39.

    PaulW

    Rock on, gold dust congressman
    Take your silver spoon
    And dig our graves

    Heartless challenger
    Pick your path and I’ll pray (our nation doesn’t get royally fucked over by you)

    Wake up in the morning
    See your tax rates (revenue levels) to go down
    Lousy leaders, pick apart our way
    But they always whine out loud on the news

  41. 41.

    Danny

    I’M RON PAUL
    SON OF A BITCH PROGRESSIVE
    PROGRESSIVE IS PIG
    DO YOU WANT A FEDERAL BANK?
    DO YOU WANT A SOCIAL INSURANCE?
    PROGRESSIVE IS PIG DISGUSTING
    OBAMA IS A MURDERER
    FUCKING NEW DEAL

  44. 44.

    kindness

    More haiku:

    MSM slaves to TB’s
    wingnutz kill economy
    baby Jesus cries

    I’m goin’ with acronyms being one sylable here….

  47. 47.

    lonesomerobot

    I want social insurance
    had it when I lived in Australia
    even Australian libertarians won’t get rid of it
    they know it would be a joke
    to even try

  48. 48.

    Sloegin

    Hi, I’m Ron Paul
    I want the poor
    The sick
    The elderly
    To curl up and die.
    kthnxbai.

  49. 49.

    cmorenc

    @”Fair and Balanced” Dave:

    I thought poetry that bad was limited to Justin Bieber fan sites

    Many of us guys are old enough to remember an egregiously bad poet who made the best-seller lists because of his astounding popularity with the girls, Rod McKuen. This presented us a real dilemma: reading McKuen tended strongly to induce women into romantic snuggle-bunny mode um…with prospects, PROVIDED we could suppress and conceal our barf-reflex long enough to let Rod help us set the mood by reading his drivel aloud…

  51. 51.

    piratedan

    the hum of a thousand scooters
    serve as the chorus
    of the hive mind
    forsaking those formerly lucid
    as they scream in unison
    GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  52. 52.

    d. john

    There once was a man named Ron Paul
    Who answered the politic call

    He entered the senate
    and in nary a minute
    began to set fire to it all.

    There once was a man name Ron Paul
    Who had a son as dumb as a wall
    He forsaked the “Plan-B”, and groomed him you see,
    to answer the Tea bagger call.

    And I’m out now – seeing as how I can’t stand most of you obamatrons, demobots and the libertarian morons, and motley crew of trolls.. *waves* hai!… I’m sure the feeling is mutual, but enjoy the stupid limericks in any case…

    need more coffee..
    moar coffee…

  54. 54.

    bisquits

    [email protected] can
    My teenage daughters put the ifart app on my phonea
    As a stealthy joke. Now, to their horror, checkouts and drive thru windows can become very embarrassing and stressful. Little did they anticipate! Mwa ha ha!

  56. 56.

    Johannes

    ‘Twas many and many a year ago
    In the swampland of DC
    that an orange-hued boner
    and a Randian loner
    would crash our economy.

    The President’s mild reproving aside,
    he positioned to avert a slide;
    but horrid Firebaggers
    and right knuckledraggers
    the realities all denied.

    The end of the play should come any day,
    according to Timmy G.
    But we must place our trust in the man whose cool crust
    is unruffled, says Larry O’D.

    While the stakes are too high for schadenfreude,
    the sensucht nonetheless grips me,
    for watching the right set themselves alight
    is a joy compensatory

    Man, Poe is gonna kill me in the afterlife.

  57. 57.

    Brachiator

    Ron Paul may be gone
    But he left us his son
    So that nuttiness
    Can go on and on

    Semi OT, check out the news stories of Rand holding up the confirmation of the FBI director even though a freakin bipartisan panel long ago gave its approval.

  59. 59.

    policomic

    Give me a “C”–a bouncy “C”:

    Oh Ron Paul
    Oh Ron Paul
    You have two first names, and that’s not all
    You like ideas that are old
    Like a currency based on gold
    Your supporters are libertarians
    And white, would-be Rastafarians
    People who couldn’t buy a clue
    Are the biggest fans of the likes of you
    Da, da, da, dee, dee, dee, whatever the hell else you want to put in there…

  60. 60.

    RichardC

    Ode to Representative Bachmann

    Michelle, my belle.
    These are words that go together well,
    My Michelle.

    Michelle, my belle.
    Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
    Très bien ensemble.

    I love you, I love you, I love you.
    That’s all I want to say.
    Until I find a way
    I will say the only words I know that
    You’ll understand.

    Poem by… well, modesty prevents me.

  61. 61.

    BGinCHI

    Ron Paul sucks, but Marcus Bachmann blows.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  62. 62.

    jrg

    I am a 21st century Frederick Douglass
    Taxes… pulling the skin from my back
    No, wait
    I’m just like a victim of the holocaust
    Or like Jesus on the cross
    Whatever it is, it’s the worst thing in the world
    Cheetos stain my enslaved fingers
    An echo through my grandma’s basement
    An imprisoned turd.
    A wet shart of fear. Of hope.
    I will succeed
    Getting the bong water out of
    The Persian rug
    Before she gets home from cribbage.
    And she better not bring home generic
    Soda this time
    The bitch

  63. 63.

    JGabriel

    Doctor Ron Paul
    […]
    Human being standing tall

    I guess Homer isn’t the only blind poet.

    .

  64. 64.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    “Holding on to the flag of your words”….uh, really, I hate to be nitpicking but that line makes utterly no sense whatsoever. Perhaps “the patriotic vision in your words”, or “the utter ragtime craziness in your words”, or “the John Galt screw everyone in your words…..

  68. 68.

    TC

    Gold, that barbaric relic,
    Another tool of “free market” fools
    Who likewise created the Federal Reserve:
    This ought replace the Fed’s disgrace
    Because credit multiplied it would displace,
    But what of the People, Dr. Paul?

    What of Liberty thus enslaved
    By gold, a most base form of money,
    Would keep the nation from its greatness?
    Ought we not think where Hamilton stood on this?
    Did not father of the First Bank of the United States
    Oppose tyranny, much like you say, Dr. Paul?

    Situate, thus, your barbaric relic,
    In most weighty matters of politic where:
    Justice is established,
    Domestic Tranquility is insured,
    Our Common defence provided,
    And general Welfare promoted foremost.

    Alas, Hamilton secured the Blessing of Liberty
    To ourselves and our Posterity with credit,
    Not by adhering to a tyrants barbaric relic…

  69. 69.

    Catpause

    « Prophète ! — dis-je, — être de malheur ! oiseau ou démon ! toujours prophète ! par ce Ciel tendu sur nos têtes, par ce Dieu que tous deux nous adorons, dis à cette âme chargée de douleur si, dans le Paradis lointain, elle pourra embrasser un fille saint que les anges nomment Ron Paul, embrasser un précieuse et rayonnante fille que les anges nomment Ron Paul. » Le corbeau dit : « Jamais plus ! »

    If it’s going to be poetic it has to be Poe and it has to be in French.

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