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You are here: Home / Open Threads / We Need to Class Up This Joint

We Need to Class Up This Joint

by $8 blue check mistermix|  July 16, 20119:20 am| 70 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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Let’s start with some poetry:

Doctor Ron Paul
Your life long struggle
Gave us a chance to break our chains

Your fine example
Human being standing tall
For what is right

Every day we soldiers of Liberty
Holding onto the flag of your words
Victory within our hands and hearts

In my heart
You are already elected president

Feel free to add your own literary contribution in this open thread.

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Reader Interactions

70Comments

  1. 1.

    arguingwithsignposts

    July 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Did all you front pagers take pep pills this morning?
    Damn.
    One fine thread after another
    Stomped into the ground
    Flowers of snark
    Cut down in their prime

  2. 2.

    PTirebiter

    July 16, 2011 at 9:25 am

    chalk on the sidewalk
    writing on the wall
    everybody knows it
    I love Paul
    tall Paul, tall Paul
    Ron Paul
    He’s my all

    (Paul Anka?)

  3. 3.

    j

    July 16, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Hmmm, what rhymes with “Nantucket”?

  4. 4.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    July 16, 2011 at 9:28 am

    There once was a doctor named Paul
    Who was the owner of only one ball …

    Shit. Need coffee to finish.

  5. 5.

    General Stuck

    July 16, 2011 at 9:30 am

    I’m just trying to get a few comments in before the small army of energizer troll bunnies go on the march around here.

  6. 6.

    "Fair and Balanced" Dave

    July 16, 2011 at 9:31 am

    I thought poetry that bad was limited to Justin Bieber fan sites

  7. 7.

    NamelessGenXer

    July 16, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Dear Texas,

    Get the fuck out.

    THX.

  8. 8.

    Strandedvandal

    July 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Dear confused gerbil
    Your fangs and claws are not real
    Your life is a waste

  9. 9.

    Ash Can

    July 16, 2011 at 9:39 am

    The “fart noises” app on my husband’s i-Pad is classier than that poem.

  10. 10.

    Bobby Thomson

    July 16, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Roses are red
    Violets aren’t blue
    Sugar is sweet
    And Ron Paul is a lying racist asshole

  11. 11.

    Joey Maloney

    July 16, 2011 at 9:42 am

    @4 –

    There once was a doctor named Paul
    Who was the owner of only one ball …
    __
    Shit. Need coffee to finish.

    Need coffee to finish,
    Or even some spinach
    I’m Ron Paul the crazy man!

  12. 12.

    Yevgraf

    July 16, 2011 at 9:46 am

    That poem is an ode to a guy who would have proudly stood with a crowd clearing out a lunch counter sit in 50 years ago (all while menacingly wielding his axe handle, but at the back of the room).

  13. 13.

    jeffreyw

    July 16, 2011 at 9:46 am

    When Ron Paul says
    Gold Standard!
    Krugman’s eyelid flutters
    butterflies fucking

  14. 14.

    Judas Escargot

    July 16, 2011 at 9:48 am

    How about some Ron Paul/Libertarian-inspired haiku?

    ron paul, physician:
    your stupidity poisons
    my once-great country

    ——————–

    medical doctor
    heal my soul, but first you must
    abolish all tax

    ——————–

    leaf on water, your
    forest is beautiful, let
    me pave it over.

  15. 15.

    John

    July 16, 2011 at 9:52 am

    i hear the voices
    in my head
    i swear to god
    i think that they’re snoring

  16. 16.

    Linda Featheringill

    July 16, 2011 at 9:52 am

    @Strandedvandal: #8

    Oo! Haiku.

  17. 17.

    Southern Beale

    July 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Hah! I have my writer’s group meeting this morning so I’ll save the literary pyrotechnics for that. But I’ve got some garden blogging over at my place; anyone know what this bird might be?

  18. 18.

    mellowjohn

    July 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

    oh, fatherland, fatherland,
    show us the sign
    your children have waited to see.
    a new day is dawning,
    the future is ours.
    tomorrow belongs to me.

  19. 19.

    AliceBlue

    July 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

    I have a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. Or is it a lump in my eye and a tear in my throat?

  20. 20.

    Judas Escargot

    July 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

    Or maybe a limerick:

    There once was a doctor named Paul
    Who preached economic freedom for all
    Converted to gold,
    the Dollar was sold,
    And nobody suffered at all!

  21. 21.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 16, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Ron Paul
    knows fuck all

  22. 22.

    Citizen_X

    July 16, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Twenty college boys
    Ten thousand internet comments
    Fucking Paultards

  23. 23.

    Guster

    July 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

    When hope and change,
    were all the rage,
    the People said, ‘Let him rule us!’
    With Lilly L and a pint-sized stimulus,
    A federal pay freeze and saving GM,
    You run hot and cold, AM and PM,
    You saved us from a Great Depression,
    Right into a Long Recession.
    You never act the bully,
    The tables remain unpounded,
    On the _possible_ you focus fully,
    Proving any fear of audacity unfounded.
    You never berated,
    but always advocated,
    fearlessly,
    peerlessly,
    queerlessly,
    blah blah blah

    I was gonna rhyme mau mau with kowtow …

  24. 24.

    RossInDetroit

    July 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Hmmm, what rhymes with “Nantucket”?

    I want an app that lets me highlight a word and find rhyming words from a pull down menu. It’s the 21st century. Is this too much to ask for?

  25. 25.

    gocart mozart

    July 16, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Every day we soldiers of Liberty
    Holding onto the flag of your words
    Victory within our hands and hearts

    In my heart
    You are already elected president
    In our hands
    Your liberty tree grows exponentially

    Your flag will always fly full staff
    From the longest hardest pole
    May we stroke it gently
    And watch it grow?

    Stronger! Stronger!
    Harder! Longer!
    ‘Till freedom comes.

  26. 26.

    donnah

    July 16, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Southern beale, is it a bluebird?

    http://10000birds.com/bluebirds-for-andrea.htm

    or barn swallow

    http://nationalzoo.si.edu/scbi/migratorybirds/featured_photo/bird.cfm?pix=Barn_Swallow

  27. 27.

    RossInDetroit

    July 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Dear Ron Paul
    Reality called
    You’re badly missed
    We must insist
    Come home, we forgive all

  28. 28.

    jeffreyw

    July 16, 2011 at 10:10 am

    @Southern Beale: Might be a barn swallow, left ya a link in comments at your place.

  29. 29.

    Menzies

    July 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

    *barfs*

    . . . oh. Sorry. I thought you said “vomitary” contribution.

  30. 30.

    lonesomerobot

    July 16, 2011 at 10:11 am

    awwww, Ron Paul is President of his heart… that’s almost as sweet as rough sex with Dagny Taggart.

    Did anyone else notice that the actual author of the poem lives in Canada?

  31. 31.

    Villago Delenda Est

    July 16, 2011 at 10:18 am

    If you follow the link, in the comments there, others have pointed out that this poem is reminiscent of the sort of literary fluffing you find in places like North Korea.

    I’m sure some hack poet of 30’s Germany should find this “legalizeliberty” twit and sue for look and feel theft.

  32. 32.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 16, 2011 at 10:19 am

    @ lonesomerobot:

    Did anyone else notice that the actual author of the poem lives in Canada?

    No, I chose not to delve that deeply (delving too deep can wake balrogs, you know).

  33. 33.

    capt

    July 16, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Paultards are funnier than cartoons!

    lol

  34. 34.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 16, 2011 at 10:21 am

    @ capt:

    Paultards are funnier than cartoons!

    I would say creepier than clowns.

  35. 35.

    tworivers

    July 16, 2011 at 10:23 am

    (Sung to the tune of “Doctor Robert” by the Beatles)

    If you’re down he’ll leave you there, Doctor Ronald
    Take a drink from his special cup, Doctor Ronald
    Doctor Ronald, he’s a man you must believe
    Helping nobody in need
    No one can succeed like Doctor Ronald

    Well, well, well, you’re feeling fine
    Well, well, well, he’ll make you… Doctor Ronald

  36. 36.

    AxelFoley

    July 16, 2011 at 10:32 am

    @NamelessGenXer:

    Dear Texas,
    Get the fuck out.
    THX.

    WIN!

    LOL, I got nuthin’ after this.

  37. 37.

    Violet

    July 16, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Ron Paul
    Standing tall
    Oh, wait…

  38. 38.

    Carl Nyberg

    July 16, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Dick Cheney didn’t wear green
    Didn’t wear blue
    Going to Vietnam?
    He had better things to do

  39. 39.

    PaulW

    July 16, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Rock on, gold dust congressman
    Take your silver spoon
    And dig our graves

    Heartless challenger
    Pick your path and I’ll pray (our nation doesn’t get royally fucked over by you)

    Wake up in the morning
    See your tax rates (revenue levels) to go down
    Lousy leaders, pick apart our way
    But they always whine out loud on the news

  40. 40.

    Strandedvandal

    July 16, 2011 at 10:44 am

    The world is balance
    impotent Paultard raging
    making me happy

  41. 41.

    Danny

    July 16, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I’M RON PAUL
    SON OF A BITCH PROGRESSIVE
    PROGRESSIVE IS PIG
    DO YOU WANT A FEDERAL BANK?
    DO YOU WANT A SOCIAL INSURANCE?
    PROGRESSIVE IS PIG DISGUSTING
    OBAMA IS A MURDERER
    FUCKING NEW DEAL

  42. 42.

    lonesomerobot

    July 16, 2011 at 10:45 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    well it was scary but I needed to know if the “poet” was male or female. Couldn’t tell just by reading the poem…

  43. 43.

    lonesomerobot

    July 16, 2011 at 10:46 am

    @Strandedvandal: wow, ask and ye shall receive, next comment after yours.

  44. 44.

    kindness

    July 16, 2011 at 10:48 am

    More haiku:

    MSM slaves to TB’s
    wingnutz kill economy
    baby Jesus cries

    I’m goin’ with acronyms being one sylable here….

  45. 45.

    Strandedvandal

    July 16, 2011 at 10:49 am

    @lonesomerobot

    That’s some scary timing. Rage on Paultards! :chuckle:

  46. 46.

    Jeffro

    July 16, 2011 at 10:51 am

    gocart mozart @25: I’m dying here

  47. 47.

    lonesomerobot

    July 16, 2011 at 10:52 am

    I want social insurance
    had it when I lived in Australia
    even Australian libertarians won’t get rid of it
    they know it would be a joke
    to even try

  48. 48.

    Sloegin

    July 16, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Hi, I’m Ron Paul
    I want the poor
    The sick
    The elderly
    To curl up and die.
    kthnxbai.

  49. 49.

    cmorenc

    July 16, 2011 at 10:55 am

    @”Fair and Balanced” Dave:

    I thought poetry that bad was limited to Justin Bieber fan sites

    Many of us guys are old enough to remember an egregiously bad poet who made the best-seller lists because of his astounding popularity with the girls, Rod McKuen. This presented us a real dilemma: reading McKuen tended strongly to induce women into romantic snuggle-bunny mode um…with prospects, PROVIDED we could suppress and conceal our barf-reflex long enough to let Rod help us set the mood by reading his drivel aloud…

  50. 50.

    Danny

    July 16, 2011 at 10:55 am

    @41 was for the young whippersnappers among us, btw ;)

  51. 51.

    piratedan

    July 16, 2011 at 10:58 am

    the hum of a thousand scooters
    serve as the chorus
    of the hive mind
    forsaking those formerly lucid
    as they scream in unison
    GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  52. 52.

    d. john

    July 16, 2011 at 10:58 am

    There once was a man named Ron Paul
    Who answered the politic call

    He entered the senate
    and in nary a minute
    began to set fire to it all.

    There once was a man name Ron Paul
    Who had a son as dumb as a wall
    He forsaked the “Plan-B”, and groomed him you see,
    to answer the Tea bagger call.

    And I’m out now – seeing as how I can’t stand most of you obamatrons, demobots and the libertarian morons, and motley crew of trolls.. *waves* hai!… I’m sure the feeling is mutual, but enjoy the stupid limericks in any case…

    need more coffee..
    moar coffee…

  53. 53.

    Joey Maloney

    July 16, 2011 at 11:04 am

    @Ross in Detroit –

    I want an app that lets me highlight a word and find rhyming words from a pull down menu. It’s the 21st century. Is this too much to ask for?

    Here’s what you do: Get the iCab browser. Then add Wikirhymer to its list of search engines, with this url: http://www.wikirhymer.com/search?q=%@

    Bob’s yer uncle.

  54. 54.

    bisquits

    July 16, 2011 at 11:12 am

    [email protected] can
    My teenage daughters put the ifart app on my phonea
    As a stealthy joke. Now, to their horror, checkouts and drive thru windows can become very embarrassing and stressful. Little did they anticipate! Mwa ha ha!

  55. 55.

    Felanius Kootea

    July 16, 2011 at 11:21 am

    @j:

    Hmmm, what rhymes with “Nantucket”?

    Barf bucket?

  56. 56.

    Johannes

    July 16, 2011 at 11:40 am

    ‘Twas many and many a year ago
    In the swampland of DC
    that an orange-hued boner
    and a Randian loner
    would crash our economy.

    The President’s mild reproving aside,
    he positioned to avert a slide;
    but horrid Firebaggers
    and right knuckledraggers
    the realities all denied.

    The end of the play should come any day,
    according to Timmy G.
    But we must place our trust in the man whose cool crust
    is unruffled, says Larry O’D.

    While the stakes are too high for schadenfreude,
    the sensucht nonetheless grips me,
    for watching the right set themselves alight
    is a joy compensatory

    Man, Poe is gonna kill me in the afterlife.

  57. 57.

    Brachiator

    July 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Ron Paul may be gone
    But he left us his son
    So that nuttiness
    Can go on and on

    Semi OT, check out the news stories of Rand holding up the confirmation of the FBI director even though a freakin bipartisan panel long ago gave its approval.

  58. 58.

    NamelessGenXer

    July 16, 2011 at 11:47 am

    @AxelFoley

    Look man, I ain’t gonna be fallin’ for no banana in my tailpipe.

  59. 59.

    policomic

    July 16, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Give me a “C”–a bouncy “C”:

    Oh Ron Paul
    Oh Ron Paul
    You have two first names, and that’s not all
    You like ideas that are old
    Like a currency based on gold
    Your supporters are libertarians
    And white, would-be Rastafarians
    People who couldn’t buy a clue
    Are the biggest fans of the likes of you
    Da, da, da, dee, dee, dee, whatever the hell else you want to put in there…

  60. 60.

    RichardC

    July 16, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Ode to Representative Bachmann

    Michelle, my belle.
    These are words that go together well,
    My Michelle.

    Michelle, my belle.
    Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
    Très bien ensemble.

    I love you, I love you, I love you.
    That’s all I want to say.
    Until I find a way
    I will say the only words I know that
    You’ll understand.

    Poem by… well, modesty prevents me.

  61. 61.

    BGinCHI

    July 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Ron Paul sucks, but Marcus Bachmann blows.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  62. 62.

    jrg

    July 16, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    I am a 21st century Frederick Douglass
    Taxes… pulling the skin from my back
    No, wait
    I’m just like a victim of the holocaust
    Or like Jesus on the cross
    Whatever it is, it’s the worst thing in the world
    Cheetos stain my enslaved fingers
    An echo through my grandma’s basement
    An imprisoned turd.
    A wet shart of fear. Of hope.
    I will succeed
    Getting the bong water out of
    The Persian rug
    Before she gets home from cribbage.
    And she better not bring home generic
    Soda this time
    The bitch

  63. 63.

    JGabriel

    July 16, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Doctor Ron Paul
    […]
    Human being standing tall

    I guess Homer isn’t the only blind poet.

    .

  64. 64.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    July 16, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    “Holding on to the flag of your words”….uh, really, I hate to be nitpicking but that line makes utterly no sense whatsoever. Perhaps “the patriotic vision in your words”, or “the utter ragtime craziness in your words”, or “the John Galt screw everyone in your words…..

  65. 65.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    July 16, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    [email protected]…Now, that’s imagery. Fabulous!

  66. 66.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    July 16, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    [email protected] 59. Ha! Great stuff. I so wish you could meet my ex-son-in-law, the libertarian. From the sound of the poem you wrote, perhaps you have.

  67. 67.

    Jimperson Zibb (formerly Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.)

    July 16, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    I could smear shit all over this thread and it would be more of a “contribution” than that, that, that thing about Ron Paul.

    Since I can’t smear shit in a thread, and since I don’t think anybody else would want me to, I’ll have to settle for a haiku:

    Bury my wool socks,
    Deep beneath the plaid oxen,
    Never to breathe free.

  68. 68.

    TC

    July 16, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Gold, that barbaric relic,
    Another tool of “free market” fools
    Who likewise created the Federal Reserve:
    This ought replace the Fed’s disgrace
    Because credit multiplied it would displace,
    But what of the People, Dr. Paul?

    What of Liberty thus enslaved
    By gold, a most base form of money,
    Would keep the nation from its greatness?
    Ought we not think where Hamilton stood on this?
    Did not father of the First Bank of the United States
    Oppose tyranny, much like you say, Dr. Paul?

    Situate, thus, your barbaric relic,
    In most weighty matters of politic where:
    Justice is established,
    Domestic Tranquility is insured,
    Our Common defence provided,
    And general Welfare promoted foremost.

    Alas, Hamilton secured the Blessing of Liberty
    To ourselves and our Posterity with credit,
    Not by adhering to a tyrants barbaric relic…

  69. 69.

    Catpause

    July 16, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    « Prophète ! — dis-je, — être de malheur ! oiseau ou démon ! toujours prophète ! par ce Ciel tendu sur nos têtes, par ce Dieu que tous deux nous adorons, dis à cette âme chargée de douleur si, dans le Paradis lointain, elle pourra embrasser un fille saint que les anges nomment Ron Paul, embrasser un précieuse et rayonnante fille que les anges nomment Ron Paul. » Le corbeau dit : « Jamais plus ! »

    If it’s going to be poetic it has to be Poe and it has to be in French.

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