Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Thanks for reminding me that Van Jones needs to be slapped.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

This blog will pay for itself.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

He really is that stupid.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

As long as McCarthy is Speaker, the House will never be in order.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Republicans in disarray!

Ah, the different things are different argument.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

It’s a doggy dog world.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Tunch Is Missing

Tunch Is Missing

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Last night at midnight, I let the dogs out for the last potty, and Tunch was hiding in the curtain and skirted out with them and would not come back in. I said to hell with it, he will be fine, that is why I have a fence.Somehow, the fat bastard must have scaled the fence though, and he did not come back this morning.

I don’t want everyone freaking the fuck out, because I am doing a solid job of that on my own. But if maybe you could collectively think “Tunch, go home” it will resonate and he will get the message.

Reader Interactions

106Comments

  4. 4.

    Arclite

    *telepathic message commencing*

    Go home, boy! If you don’t, no more mojitos for you!

  7. 7.

    wvng

    This is what cats live for, making their “master” nuts with worry by staying away for a bit too long. However – “Hey Tunch, give John a break and go home please. He’s got treats!”

  8. 8.

    Mr. Poppinfresh

    I sense Tunch is hungry. This will lead him home on his own.

    All will be well because Tunch is too fat to go far. QED.

  9. 9.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    Don’t make me come over there. Get thee the hell home, Tunch. STAT.

  10. 10.

    Violet

    Sending Tunch thoughts of home. Mmmmm…kitty treats….go get them, Tunch. Go home to John.

    Hope he shows up soon.

  12. 12.

    Jennifer

    Calm down. First of all, there’s never been a fence built that will keep in a cat that wants to go gallivanting.

    Tunch is gallivanting, and if it’s hot, chances are good he’s found a cool shady spot to nap away the heat of the day and will re-appear when evening rolls around and things start to cool down.

    The advantage you’ve got with your boy is his obvious love of food. That will bring him home within 24 hours. Until then, stop worrying.

  13. 13.

    beltane

    This happened to my similarly large male cat a couple of years ago. He eventually returned smelling of perfume. We think our elderly neighbours were feeding him. My guess is that Tunch is taking a nap under a tree somewhere; he should wake up and return home.

  14. 14.

    fleeting expletive

    OH NO! Keeping fingers crossed for his safe return.

    I called my hideously right-wing congressman, Cole of OK, I promised myself I’d stay polite, although very firm. The staffer said he’s getting a call every 10 seconds and they are running 50-50 on debt ceiling, pro and con.

    Considering it’s Oklahoma, I take that as a positive sign.

  15. 15.

    JCT

    Tunch — stop fucking around and go home. I’ll bet John has some albacore waiting for you and if you don’t hurry, ROSIE will get it.

    Actually wondering where our cat is, he provoked a skunk last night and haven’t seen him yet today.

    Some sort of universal cat wandering holiday?

  17. 17.

    Elie

    He’ll come home looking nonchalant — like “what you uptight about, I’m cool”

    I am thinking positive and the above is what has happened before when Buddy is on the lam…

  18. 18.

    Amir_Khalid

    Tunch will come back when he’s hungry enough, or when he decides he’s missing the joy of bossing you around. I’m sure of it.

    Tunch, you have an unsupervised John Cole waiting at home! Go back!

  23. 23.

    Jeff Boatright

    First, let your neighbors know by going door to door and knocking. You may be surprised at how quickly a search network gets up and running. Our little block has found and returned lost pets often this way.

    Next, post to neighborhood email lists and web sites, if such exist. The response to lost pet notices via our local sites and lists has been fantastic.

    Next, do the regular things of posting hard copy signs in the neighborhood and at the local vets. I’ve turned in pets at the local vets and their owners have called for them that day.

    Finally, call animal control and the local shelters. Depending upon how draconian the local ordinances are, calling the pound to let them know not to kill your cat might be the first thing to do.

  24. 24.

    JGabriel

    Tunch, phone home!

    I’m sure he’ll turn up by the end of the day, John. In the meantime, all my sympathies with your worries and concerns.

    .

  26. 26.

    pika

    Tunch, when you get home you better have the world’s biggest helping of smells-to-heaven sh** on you to distract John. Also, I think it’s sweet that Adam Serwer cares enough about Tunch to tweet about him. He’ll be back (Tunch, not Adam).

  28. 28.

    MomSense

    My cat Sneakers did this two weeks ago and I was beside myself. He finally came home–took a severe thunderstorm but I was never more happy to see that soaked, scraggly kitty.

    I am telling Tunch to get his hungry self home right now!!!

  29. 29.

    Culture of Truth

    Some sort of universal cat wandering holiday?

    could be – mine tried to get out last night – I think he thought he could escape the heat

  30. 30.

    chopper

    that fat fucker can actually scale a fence? if you can find real evidence of it happening, we may need to adjust our theories of gravitation.

  31. 31.

    JGabriel

    @Elie:

    He’ll come home looking nonchalant—like “what you uptight about, I’m cool”

    Didn’t Tunch come home all pissy last time this happened, like it was Cole’s fault he’d gone exploring and it had been less than comfortable?

    .

  33. 33.

    James Hare

    Tunch, go home. You’re now making hundreds of people who don’t know you frantic about your absence. Making dramatic shows is for Congress, not kitties.

  34. 34.

    Legalize

    Go home, Tunch. Don’t worry; both of my shit-fer-brains indoor cats have flown the coup for a little while. They always come back – angry at me for whatever reason.

  36. 36.

    Bulworth

    Oh no. I know this feeling all too well. My precious Grant is still on the lose going on two months.

    May Tunch hurry home, plz.

  37. 37.

    MikeBoyScout

    John, Go to HADES!

    Who cares about you? What about the children?
    Tunch is obviously gallivanting around the neighborhood terrorizing small children and stealing their ice cream cones.

  38. 38.

    Nylund

    My cat likes to do this about once or twice a year. She always comes home. Sometimes it takes a day (or more), but she does. I hope Tunch is the same way.

  39. 39.

    JenJen

    Even old cats find new tricks. My 18 year-old housecat Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo somehow escaped last week while I was letting the dogs out, and disappeared for two sleepless nights. When I finally found him, he was curled up outside in a little cubbyhole between my fence and the neighbor’s firewood pile. I was so relieved that I started crying, and Joey just looked at me, all “what?”, meowed, I scooped him up and all was right in the world again.

    Thinking happy and good thoughts for Tunch’s return. Don’t give up.

  40. 40.

    JGabriel

    @chopper:

    that fat fucker can actually scale a fence?

    Time to install a backyard video cam, John. If you had video of Tunch climbing a fence, you plaster that sucker on youtube and become rich from the viral love! Rich, I tell you!

    .

  41. 41.

    artem1s

    I’m sure he’s just out calling his Congresscritter. He will be back soon.

    Time to go home, Tunch! JC has freaked out enough. Don’t torture him any more.

  42. 42.

    Violet

    John, You’ve probably already done this, but make sure you let all your neighbors know he’s missing. The fence is new since he’s last escape and it might throw Tunch off a bit when he decides to return. Also, it might be easier to scale from the inside (nearby table, tree, etc.) than it is from the outside. Neighbors who are aware that he’s missing might recognize Tunch if they see a white cat on their side of the fence trying to get back in.

  43. 43.

    bk

    My cats would come home when they heard (and then smelled) a can of tunafish being opened. Hoping for a good result!

  44. 44.

    PurpleGirl

    You did have Tunch chipped? Right?

    If good thoughts from Queens can reach down your way… consider my thoughts going out starting now.

  45. 45.

    jrg

    Try leaving a buffalo carcass wrapped in bacon on your lawn.

    But seriously… Tunch, go home.

  47. 47.

    atlliberal

    Don’t forget to look up! The last time my Garfield disappeared for two days, he was chased up a tree in a neighbor’s yard.I could hear him crying from my back yard, but the neighbor three houses away didn’t hear him and had no idea he was five feet outside her kitchen window. This is the same cat who disappeared for 8 days and came back with three bullets in him, and survived two urinary blockages. We call him the golden cat, but it doesn’t have anything to do with his color.

  48. 48.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    Damn, I wish I could email you the smell of this fresh shrimp head stock I’ve got on!

  49. 49.

    Rosali

    I had an indoor cat run away in Brooklyn once. He came back 3 months later and was as big as a pony. I was amazed that he knew where he lived since he had never been allowed to roam outside.

  52. 52.

    Poopyman

    An adrenalin bolt of sympathetic shock when I read the title, but I think Jennifer @12 nails it. It’s not Tunch’s first trip around the block, so to speak. And even if it IT is his first time through this particular neighborhood, well, he’s a cat. I doubt he’s gone far, and he’s wearing a fur coat. It’s still in the upper 80s out there in WV, I see. He’s chilling out. Do your best to do the same until 6:00 or 7:00, then start calling him.

  53. 53.

    opal

    I’ve often heard it said that cats don’t need us, they just like us.

    Tunch will come home when he’s finished with his backlog of investigations.

  54. 54.

    eastriver

    Tunch is on his way to DC. He’s going to eat hisself a coupla them tea-baggers.

  55. 55.

    dr. bloor

    Put his litter box on the front porch to give him a scent to work with.

    Blanket your neighborhood with fliers with a recent photo.

    Tunch, dude, you got some ‘splaining to do when you get your big white booty home.

  56. 56.

    Liberal Sandlapper

    TUNCH, GO THE FUCK HOME RIGHT GODDAM NOW!!!!!!

    There. I hope that helps.

    Somebody on Twitter scared teh fuck out of me by saying, “John I’m sorry to hear about Tunch,” and I just about died.

  59. 59.

    eemom

    Get thee to the Colery, thou capacious capricious feline.

    Don’t worry John. Recall the wise words of Snoopy to his friend Woodstock: “If you get lost, you can always follow a cat. Much as I hate to admit it, cats always know where they’re going.”

  60. 60.

    Southern Beale

    GAH. As I recall, Tunch is a rather large kitty, right? He’s probably close to home somewhere, it’s not as though big kitties are big travelers. I bet he’s under something: a porch or whatever. Maybe locked in a garage or shed? Or, possibly, hiding somewhere in the house?

  61. 61.

    hitchhiker

    Tunch. Go the fuck home. Now. Thank you.

    John, pls keep us updated, eh? We’re all invested here.

  64. 64.

    Linda Featheringill

    @fleeting expletive: #14

    The staffer said he’s getting a call every 10 seconds and they are running 50-50 on debt ceiling, pro and con.

    In Oklahoma? I’m impressed. A call every 10 seconds? 6 a minute and 360 an hour x however many hours. Wow.

    You go, Okies! [I was raised in OK and so am allowed to use that term. It’s my reward for surviving my time there. :-)]

  65. 65.

    David Hunt

    Thoughtwaves sent. Best hopes on the whole thing. I’m not going to tell you to keep calm, because I’ve been there and I know that it isn’t possible. Instead I’ll give you the equally useless advise of “Try to think positive.”

    Also, given my talent for attracting cats that just show up on my doorstep, I’m tempting fate by sending out thoughts like that. So if mooch #5 arrives from the ether, I’m blaming you.

    p.s. Go home, Tunch!

  66. 66.

    AlphaLiberal

    Wait until he loses his hearing, like my beloved dog. It gets extra special special, then.

  67. 67.

    trollhattan

    Waddle, skip, prance, sashay, jogscamper home, Tunchy. Vittles and the Furminator await. Mrrraw.

  70. 70.

    Poopyman

    @CoT:

    Some sort of universal cat wandering holiday?

    could be – mine tried to get out last night – I think he thought he could escape the heat

    Lily tried to make a run for it last night and I barely managed to stop her with a hand on her neck like a hockey goalie. May indeed be something in the air that cats sense.
    She hasn’t tried that since mid-winter.

  74. 74.

    Zyla

    Tunch probably is cussing out our Orange Speaker right now and he’ll be back for dins.

  75. 75.

    M-Pop

    Shaking the bag of kitty treats by the front door always lured my cat from whatever dense undergrowth she was hiding in.

    Go home, now, Tunch! (shake, shake)

  77. 77.

    MojoQuestor

    I just get a mental image of Tunch in a bandanna and a Che Guevara T-shirt, leading a marauding band of raccoons on raids of local grills.

    Having said that, sending out thought-signals for Tunch to come home ASAP. Cats do this kind of thing, but it doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking for their staffs.

  79. 79.

    BombIranForChrist

    Oh man, I am so sorry. I am a little confused on the whole Higher Power thing, but I will send some good energy out there.

  80. 80.

    PurpleGirl

    Arclite @ 68: he posted a comment a few days ago (yesterday?); his 8 year old nephew had told his wife that he (the nephew) was pretending to be a dead fish.

  86. 86.

    Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony

    Go home, Tunch, or we feed all your treats to the evil Rosie.

  87. 87.

    Tonal Crow

    Tunch fears that the teatards are going to force a depression, so he’s decided to learn to hunt mice.

    Get ready for a porch-full of little presents…which might come in handy soon.

  88. 88.

    Keith

    He’s big and he’s a cat, so I am guessing he will be OK. I’ve had my indoor lardass cat get stuck outside for 8 days while I was in the hospital, and he still found his way back within an hour of me getting home (a wailing companion cat helped). Now, after 18-24 hours, I start putting up signs and getting worried.
    On the fence thing, yeah, even the big ones can run up a fence…I have had 1 out of 5 unable to scale a 6 ft fence, and that includes 2 18 lb’ers

  90. 90.

    pragmatism

    he heard the lockout is off and is going to go to stillers training camp to play center. his name is his destiny. also too, has the requisite girth and nasty attitude.

  91. 91.

    Elie

    John, not to question your sanity, but you are sure he actually got out and isnt hiding some place in your home in a special hiddy hole, looking at your running around making a fool of yourself.. (just suggesting — that’s happened to me, by the way)

    Also, check any holes or possible hazard places around the house that he could be trapped in.

    I still go back to my original thought. He’ll show up tonight or sometime today and look at you as though you are nuts…

  92. 92.

    Trollenschlongen

    I just sent feline-oriented vibrations into the cosmos. Has he walked in the door yet?

  93. 93.

    RossinDetroit

    I had a nasty freakout yesterday. Got an email from my SIL that my brother was about to have his appendix out. No big scare there so far. Then 90 minutes later a phone call from my dad, who was supposed to be 10 miles out in Lake Mi killing salmon at the time.
    My heart was in my throat. False alarm this time, but I do NOT want dad to call right after my sibling has an organ removed. That could mean all kindsa bad things.

  94. 94.

    eemom

    maybe he’s off on the Appalachian trail with his South American girlfriend — oh wait, he’s not a republican governor.

  95. 95.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    Tunch, you moran. Come to your senses and realize how good you got it and get thee home forthwith.

  100. 100.

    yeahyeahwhatevs (Studly Pantload, once upon a time)

    I once had an indoor kitty get out of my apt. in the middle of the hustle and bustle and heavy traffic of Denver’s densely-populated Capitol Hill. Didn’t see her for months, feared the worst. But then late one hot night I happened to step out for a breath of fresh air, and there she was. She’d gone a tad feral, but responded to the sound of my shaking a box of cat food. Had a slight infection, but was otherwise no worse for wear.

    Now, I’m *not* suggestion Tunch will be gone for weeks or months. But take heart, those stories about nine lives exist for a reason.

  101. 101.

    peej01

    Tunch, go home!!!

    I have one possible roamer and one scaredy-cat. The roamer is too busy protecting the back yard from the tuxedo cat that has decided to hop the fence and pay an unwanted visit every day for the past week.

  102. 102.

    jayjaybear

    @eemom:

    oh wait, he’s not a republican governor.

    No, he only LOOKS like Chris Christie.

  104. 104.

    catclub

    Thoughtcrime @ 97 : “Mr. Tunch Goes to Washington.

    Debt ceiling crisis solved.”

    Debt ceiling collapses.

  105. 105.

    SRW1

    Some sort of universal cat wandering holiday?

    Maybe they’re all off to The Animal’s Conference, because it’s obvious by now that humans can’t get things sorted.

    He’ll be home at first light tomorrow. You hear, Tunch!

  106. 106.

    TaMara (BHF)

    I echo everyone who says it looks like running away is in the air, because at various times in the last couple of days I’ve had one or more of my furry beasts try and make a run for it. My tuxedo is even yowling at the window – enough to make me throw things at him. Who knows, maybe the alien ships from their home planets are arriving and they don’t want to miss the reunion.

    Regardless, Get Thee Home Tunch!

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