Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

You would normally have to try pretty hard to self-incriminate this badly.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

When we show up, we win.

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

There are no moderate republicans – only extremists and cowards.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

That meeting sounds like a shotgun wedding between a shitshow and a clusterfuck.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

We are learning that “working class” means “white” for way too many people.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

The National Guard is not Batman.

They want us to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Focus. Resist. Oppose.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Also, are you sure you want people to rate your comments?

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Consistently wrong since 2002

We know you aren’t a Democrat but since you seem confused let me help you.

You are here: Home / Politics / Politicans / David Brooks Giving A Seminar At The Aspen Institute / Centrist Orgasm

Centrist Orgasm

by | 97 Comments

This post is in: , , ,

There needs to be some kind of name for the genre of centrist fantasy porn embodied by this latest “effort” from the Mustache of Understanding, in which he imagines Obama, Boehner, Pelosi, Reid, and McConnell come to a “GRAND BARGAIN”:

At that point, all five leaders shook hands and retreated into the Oval Office. It was exactly 9:29 a.m. One minute later, the New York Stock Exchange opened. The Dow was up 1,223 points at the open — an all-time record.

What’s sad is how much this is a fantasy and how easily — with just a little political will — it could be a reality.

Friedmankakke?

For a man who has made a career publishing deeply, deeply silly things, this one takes the cake.

Reader Interactions

97Comments

  1. 1.

    aimai

    Can I be the first to say to Friedman “Fuck off and Die in a Fire?” Probably not. I’ll probably just be the 350th

  5. 5.

    Mike Goetz

    “What’s sad is how much this is a fantasy.”

    Ah, the bourgeois. Such rich internal lives have they.

  8. 8.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    The term is masterbation. Just because it involves a mustache doesn’t change that fact.

  10. 10.

    Mike Goetz

    Does Friedman get around to mentioning which side is cock-blocking his Penthouse-letter reverie?

  11. 11.

    Captain Haddock

    Just imagine if a nameless taxi driver from Mumbai joined in! The DOW would open ata gazillion points!!!!

  13. 13.

    MikeJ

    And of course the only way to judge that something is really good is if the Dow opens up 1200 points.

    If you re instituted slavery you’d probably get 5,000.

  15. 15.

    Zifnab

    @Mike Goetz:

    Does Friedman get around to mentioning which side is cock-blocking his Penthouse-letter reverie?

    The Democrats, clearly. If they’d just do everything the Republicans wanted (rather than a measly 98%), we’d have reached consensus ages ago.

    Of course, Freidman might get a better understanding of the markets shortly. With the way the DOW keeps tanking, I’m sure a lot more investment bankers will be finding new jobs as taxi cab drivers shortly.

  17. 17.

    cat48

    Msnbc is concern trolling Obama & still wants him to make Congress come back to work. Also, many unnamed Dems wish they had picked Hillary instead! Also, “progressives are very upset with Obummer’s actions in the debt deal & they want him to fight”; etc, etc, etc. Well, the prez said the Press gets all “wee wee’d up in August” and he was right! Guess they’re bored with Congress in recess, slow news day, Dow’s down 3.30%, etc., etc, Sigh

  18. 18.

    LittlePig

    If they’d just do everything the Republicans wanted

    That was Alberta Darling’s take in WI last night: “Now this foolishness is over we can all come together in getting you good Cheeseheads into work camps…”

  19. 19.

    SenyorDave

    Does he mean a centrist like Congressman Hensarling, who was appointed by Boehner to the supercommittee? Here’s some highlights od his record:

    ontheissues.org/TX/Jeb_Hensarling.htm

    It sounds like the Congressman would like to go back to the 50’s, not the 1950’s but the 1850’s when life was perfect and those uppity types knew their place and women were seen and not heard.

    This guy doesn’t even seem human based off his voting record. How the hell could anyone negtoiate with a shitbag like this.

    He was one of the guys who got schooled by Obama when he met with the GOP at Annapolis. He tried to pass a lie about debt, and Obama ripped him a new one.

  23. 23.

    Culture of Truth

    Then they all a shared a cab to Georgetown, where the driver applauded their willingness to stop bickering and get things done. They gave Jeff Gannon the biggest tip he got all day.

  24. 24.

    Davis X. Machina

    @SenyorDave:

    This guy doesn’t even seem human based off his voting record. How the hell could anyone negtoiate with a shitbag like this.

    He’s on the committee precisely to not-negotiate.

    Everyone’s heading for the triggers.

  25. 25.

    Caz

    Actually, you take the cake!

    If a million Coles tapped away on a million keyboards for a million years, they might create a single, relevant, wise post for juicetard nation. Maybe.

  26. 26.

    jl

    Dean Baker has good columns in his Beat the Press blog on the centrist push to save steal the peoples’ money out of Social Security, and save, continue the lethal US health care system ripoff and cut Medicare benefits.

    Dean Baker
    CEPR, Beat the Press blog
    Wed Aug 10
    cepr.net/index.php/beat-the-press/

    I won’t give links for individual posts, so as not to upset Mr. Moderation.

    As a goodie, on post requests the NY Times immediately relive Friedman of his column, with a suggested headline and announcement.

  28. 28.

    Mike M

    And yet nobody here seems to notice that Reid has produced a centrist dream team for the Super Congress (or whatever the idiots are calling it these days) to go against some of the most conservative members to ever be elected to the legislative branch. I guess the difference is that Friedman has no power.

  29. 29.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    Good lord, was Freidman even listening during the budget debate – the GOP spent more time negotiating with the GOP than they did with Obama.

  30. 30.

    Dave

    Friedman’s wrong here: the stock market would be up a BAJILLION points, John McCain would suspend his campaign forever, Levi and Bristol would re-ignite their love, the dead would rise from their graves, Indians would work their call centers for FREE, and the North and South Poles would kiss each other at the equator, rendering the Earth completely flat. VERTICALLY flat.

    It would all be a very Zen tryst. [rimshot]

  31. 31.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @Mike M:

    And yet nobody here seems to notice that Reid has produced a centrist dream team for the Super Congress (or whatever the idiots are calling it these days) to go against some of the most conservative members to ever be elected to the legislative branch. I guess the difference is that Friedman has no power.

    So it’s going to be a repeat of the Debt Cealing – the Dems will be all open minded and the Repugs will just scream no a lot and the press will tsk tsk how both sides are the same.

  32. 32.

    NonyNony

    And how much does the New York Times pay Friedman for his Congressional/White House slash-fanfic?

    And why do they think the rest of the world is more interested in it than some random Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy slash fanfic off the Intertoobs?

    (And hell, the Potter/Malfoy slashfic is probably more realistic than the scenario that Freidman came up with).

  35. 35.

    TooManyJens

    @NonyNony:

    (And hell, the Potter/Malfoy slashfic is probably more realistic than the scenario that Freidman came up with).

    I was gonna say. I’ve read stories that at least make Harry/Draco believable.

  38. 38.

    Ira-NY

    Freidman has had a rough couple of years. He married into the Bucksbaum family. In 2007 the Bucksbaum Trust had assets of over $4 billion. Last year it filed bankruptcy. It was the largest real estate bankruptcy in US history.

    Although no one will be holding a dance for the Friedman family any time soon, I am sure this has impacted his view of the world.

  39. 39.

    jrg

    “But I have to acknowledge that, over the years, our party has contributed to this debt burden and government spending binge.”

    God, Friedman is a fucking moron. I guess it never occurred to him that the entire reason for the Tea Party’s existence is so that the GOP could avoid having this conversation with the toothless mooks that vote for them.

  41. 41.

    jl

    Also too, with

    the ten year US bond bouncing around between 2.1 and 2.16 today,

    and shorter run US bond real rates negative,

    and all the Very Serious People announcing their plans to keep the US economy in a chronic state of deficient aggregate demand,

    besides saving Social Security and Medicare stealing the lesser people’s money,

    I think it is time we all learn how to do our economic analysis, so we can send ideas to Kthug. Here is all you’ll need for the next one two five ? years

    Schaum’s Outline of Macroeconomics by Eugene A. Diulio

    Schaum’s Outline of International Economics by Dominick Salvatore

    Schaum’s Outline of Statistics and Econometrics, Second Edition (Schaum’s Outline Series) by Dominick Salvatore and Derrick Reagle

    Schaum’s Outline of Mathematics of Finance, Second Edition (Schaum’s Outline Series) by Robert Brown and Petr Zima

    yes, kids, for less than 50 bucks (cheap!), you can get these books and work through the problems, and you will have all the tools you need to figure macroeconomic stuff out, and understand where the misery comes from.

    Amaze your friends! Confound Very Serious Person predictions! Talk back to GOP economists!

    Order now!

    For it’s 1939 forever, in our Keynes/Hicks world.

  43. 43.

    debg

    Whenever I need a good belly laugh, I re-read Taibbi’s takedowns of Friedman’s writing. Works every time.

  46. 46.

    RosiesDad

    Friedman didn’t listen when they told him not to drop the brown acid at Woodstock; this was his flashback.

  47. 47.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Mike M:

    nobody here seems to notice that Reid has produced a centrist dream team for the Super Congress

    John Kerry, Patty Murray, and Max Baucus are a “centrist dream team” now? Of those Baucus is the only one I’m nervous about, given the way he oversold his ability to cajole Republicans on the health-care Gang Of Whatever. The “centrist dream team” would be something like Mark Warner, Claire McCaskill, and Ben Nelson.

  49. 49.

    Roger Moore

    At that point, all five leaders shook hands and retreated into the Oval Office. It was exactly 9:29 a.m. One minute later, the New York Stock Exchange opened. The Dow was up 1,223 points at the open — an all-time record.

    At 9:31 a.m., the Tea Party Caucus pitched a fit because they didn’t get 110% of their original bargaining position and refused to go along. Boehner and McConnell immediately backed out of the deal, and the Dow crashed down 1500 points.[/reality]

  50. 50.

    artem1s

    slightly OT,

    msnbc.msn.com/id/44084236/ns/health-behavior/

    There is one interesting piece of evidence showing that many rich people may not be selfish as much as willfully clueless, and therefore unable to make the cognitive link between need and resources. Last year, research at Duke and Harvard universities showed that regardless of political affiliation or income, Americans tended to think wealth distribution ought to be more equal. The problem? Rich people wrongly believed it already was.

  51. 51.

    FlipYrWhig

    Also, centrist wonk-wank produces the sensation of Friedsson. Friedman + frisson, a shudder of pleasure or awe.

  52. 52.

    Djur

    @Mike M: I don’t know about that. Reid chose Patty Murray, John Kerry, and Max Baucus. I’m worried about Murray’s ties to Boeing, but she’s otherwise a good liberal. Kerry is likewise a pretty solid liberal when he wasn’t running for president. I’ll agree that Baucus isn’t great, but not including a Senate Blue Dog would have been a bad idea, and Baucus is the least awful and preening of these (it could have been Nelson or Manchin).

    And you need to balance that not against the entire Republican delegation but just against McConnell’s. The Republican Senate delegation is Jon Kyl, Pat Toomey, and Rob Portman. Kyl is a shitbag, but as I understand he’s been one of the more accomodating Republicans in the Senate this time. Toomey is, well, Toomey. And Portman is supposed to be moderate, isn’t he?

    With all the picks so far, this seems less like a recipe for Democratic capitulation than a setup for another ‘historic’ but ultimately shallow deal, like the budget deal and the debt ceiling deal.

  53. 53.

    TenguPhule

    Where is our local doughy pantsload who was crowing about the dead cat bounce yesterday?

    Poop? Poop, where are you?

  55. 55.

    Jay in Oregon

    I’m not going to waste my beautiful mind reading that tripe, but does Friedman address the part when the “GRAND BARGAIN” goes down in flames in the House because of the Tea Party howler monkeys who were elected precisely to smear their shit all over the walls?

  57. 57.

    Zifnab

    @Mike M:

    And everybody here will loudly shout down anybody who dares to complain because all together now THIS IS THE BEST WE CAN DO.

    You get the government you voted for. Republicans control the House, and they are more than able to drive the country off a cliff.

    Getting mad at the Democrats is, ultimately, pointless. We wouldn’t even be having these stupid debates if we’d held our majorities back in ’10. You know that. I know that. Everyone who paid five seconds of attention in the last four years know that.

    If you want to fix the US, you need to elect more sane politicians. That means we primary out the bad Dems and we general out the bad Republicans. Whining about Obama being worse than Bush doesn’t do anyone any good. The guy isn’t the best of all possible Presidents and he’s no Dennis Kucinich on the liberal’o’meter, but he’s a damn site better than McCain or Romney or *shudders* Bachmann and he’ll happily sign strong liberal reforms if Congress can just get them to his desk.

  58. 58.

    NonyNony

    @Djur:

    And Portman is supposed to be moderate, isn’t he?

    Let’s recall that Portman was George W Bush’s Budget Director. It’s not like he’s going to cross the aisle to make a deal with Democrats.

    With all the picks so far, this seems less like a recipe for Democratic capitulation than a setup for another ‘historic’ but ultimately shallow deal, like the budget deal and the debt ceiling deal.

    To me it looks like a recipe for Democrats presenting a solid set of things they’re willing to give away, the Republicans demanding that it’s not enough, the Democrats refusing to give much more, and the triggers getting pulled. (I expect that tax code reform to lower the corporate rate in exchange for closing loopholes will be one of the Democrats demands and that Republicans will balk at it because it will be projected to raise revenues – and they’ll demand spending cuts to offset those increased revenues.)

    And then the Republicans will blame Obama and the Democrats for cutting Defense/Homeland Security spending while there are three wars going on and terrorists under everyone’s bed. And also for cutting farm subsidies and whatever else was on the non-defense discretionary spending triggers.

    ETA: I’d like to see what’s in those triggers, actually – I haven’t found a good source for what programs the triggered cuts are going to cut. It may be that the triggers are targetting things that the Serious People have long wanted to cut but have found it politically impossible to do – Defense projects that span all 50 states, farm subsidies, etc. If so then I’ll double down on my bet that the triggers get pulled because it gets rid of that spending without anyone having to specifically vote against it.

  59. 59.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Djur:

    Portman is supposed to be moderate, isn’t he?

    Portman sounds somewhat reasonable (for a Republican, which is damning with rather faint praise) in this piece in the Dartmouth Alumni magazine. Maybe he’s a Republican Baucus, a colorless dude who’s there to crunch numbers.

    Toomey is a crazy ideologue, and the only good that can come of his involvement is that his profile gets raised — so that he gets voted down in ’16. I kind of hope he gets a VP nod so that he can be removed from the political scene even sooner.

  62. 62.

    FlipYrWhig

    @NonyNony:

    (I expect that tax code reform to lower the corporate rate in exchange for closing loopholes will be one of the Democrats demands and that Republicans will balk at it because it will be projected to raise revenues – and they’ll demand spending cuts to offset those increased revenues.)

    Good call. I can easily picture that happening.

  63. 63.

    P-Dog

    They say a broken clock is right twice a day. Unless your name is Thomas Friedman, in which case you would be a broken LCD clock.

  65. 65.

    sherparick

    The NY Times was very depressing today. Not only was there this latest abomination from Friedman, but Helen Cooper had story completely consisting of concerned “troll” narratives about how Obama, if he wants to a truly great President, even if just a one term President, he needs to demolish Medicare and Social Security to make the country safe for a tax rate of 15% on all incomes and corporations. Dean Baker does a good job of shooting this column up, as does James Kwak at Baseline Scenario baselinescenario.com/2011/08/10/barack-obama-and-harry-potter/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium…

    But it is still all very sad. Only a few thousand will read Baker and Kwak while hundreds of thousands, including the New York and Washington elite and the VSPs around the country will read Cooper and Friedman and nod sagely to themselves about how everything would just be peachy if we can raiload the Democrats to deep-six Social Security and Medicare. And Harry Reid puts on the gang of 12 committee one Max Baucus, who is committed to that very meme himself. The best I can hope for in December is that they will come out with a program that will progessives will be able to vote with the Tea Partiers who will vote against anything to defeat the proposal which I fully expect will be entitlement “reform” with most of the Bush tax cuts and corporate tax cuts becoming permanent.

  67. 67.

    sherparick

    @artem1s: As was said on A Tiny Revolution last month, these people have been firehosed with money the last 30 years and just believe everyone else was also and have no imagination or empathy to realize no, they have not.

  69. 69.

    FlipYrWhig

    @P-Dog: @Villago Delenda Est: My dad used to have a digital alarm clock that spoke the time when you pushed a certain button: “The. time. is. eight. . thirty. seven. p.m.” Like that. Once we had a power outage, and when the electricity came back on, the clock started talking, without anyone pushing the button: “The. A. The. A. The. A. The. A.” And it wouldn’t stop. That’s Friedman.

  72. 72.

    FlipYrWhig

    @sherparick:

    these people have been firehosed with money the last 30 years and just believe everyone else was also and have no imagination or empathy to realize no, they have not.

    Do they presume that everyone who “worked hard” got the firehose, and if you didn’t, it’s your own fault? Or that the firehose soaked “welfare recipients,” and they’re ungrateful? I’m always curious about whether they think people who say they’re suffering, “losers,” if you will, are lying, or that they think the losers deserve that pain. The Santelli view seems to be that if you’re struggling it’s your own damn fault. Then there’s a contrary Tea Party view that no one is really suffering, they’re just whining.

  73. 73.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Bulworth: “Democrats grudgingly presented several options for how the shit might be cut as neatly as possible, while Republicans countered that they weren’t going to touch the shit at all.”

  76. 76.

    Elizabelle

    @Davis X. Machina:

    [Hensarling is] on the committee precisely to not-negotiate.

    Everyone’s heading for the triggers.

    Davis: thank you for explaining that.

    It makes the GOP selections more comprehensible. (And does it explain Baucus as well, aside from his being Senate Finance chair??)

    The GOP choices are:

    Senators chosen by Mitch McConnell: Jon Kyl (retiring AZ senator), Pat Toomey (hello there, Club for Growth), and Rob Portman (former GWBush budget director, hello there “we create our own reality.)

    AP story:

    Boehner, R-Ohio, announced Rep. Jeb Hensarling’s selection on Wednesday. At the same time, he named Reps. Dave Camp and Fred Upton, both of Michigan, to the committee. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., named Republican Sens. Jon Kyl of Arizona, Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania and Rob Portman of Ohio to the panel.

    Hensarling will provide a conservative counterweight to the Democratic co-chair, Sen. Patty Murray of Washington, in what is shaping up as another debate in which Democrats will fight to protect entitlement programs while Republicans will adamantly oppose tax increases.

    WRT last sentence, might this not be a winner for Democrats, overall?

    Because public is solidly behind taxing the wealthy more fairly, and Medicare — if not Medicaid — is sacrosanct.

    nytimes.com/aponline/2011/08/10/business/AP-US-Debt-Super-Committee.html?hp

  78. 78.

    Gaardian

    A speech I would like to hear, a la Friedman style.

    Date January 21st, 2009.

    Minority Leader Boehner appears with Mitch McConnell. Boehner steps up to the microphone:

    “Wow, our party seriously, seriously, messed things up. Seriously, our bad. It’s time to seriously reconsider how we as a party and a movement got to this place where were in two wars, and presiding over the biggest economic collapse since Herbert Hoover. This nation is in a crisis and it’s time to do something.

    Let me promise you this. We may disagree with this President, but at this crisis we will not merely exist to royally screw up the levers of government. That’s not what the American people want, and we can’t afford it.”

    McConnell interupts:

    “I’d just like to echo my colleague’s statements but also add one more thing: It’s important in this time of national crisis to do something. Because of that, I will not support any unecessary filibusters in the Senate. The American people have spoken and this is a majority rules country. That’s how it’s always been. We may vote no, but the crisis is too urgent to do nothing. Also seriously, almost 100% our fault on the whole lost decade thing. Our bad. ”

    Then cap and trade, health reform, unemployemnt extensions, debt ceiling raises, EFCA, and financial reform all pass through Congress by the end of 2009 and the President gets to sign them. His acheivements get to be judged by an American people. America gets a President who isn’t kneecapped at every turn by the rump of an insane minority party.

    What’s sad is how much this is a fantasy and how easily — with just a little political will — it could be a reality.

    End Snark.

  82. 82.

    TenguPhule

    This is not the Poop you’re looking for.

    Sorry, looking for the slimy white poop Derf, not the regular brown poop.

  84. 84.

    Howlin Wolfe

    @Caz: In other news, Caz drowned when he inhaled his own drool, thought he had the hiccups, and drank a lot of water, which finished him off.

  85. 85.

    kansi

    @SenyorDave: Hensarling looks like a real dick. What struck me, though, was how few votes were listed from 2011. What the hell have these guys been doing anyway? And where are the JOBS?

  89. 89.

    fhtagn

    What’s sad is how much this is a fantasy

    What’s sad is how much Tom Friedman believes in this fantasy.

  90. 90.

    liberal

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Portman sounds somewhat reasonable…

    Right, but I thought I’d read that he’d signed the Grover “no tax increases, no increases in revenue” pledge.

  95. 95.

    BombIranForChrist

    Dear god, if there’s a phrase more hilarious than the “moustache of understanding”, i haven’t heard it.

Comments are closed.