I had a friend who used to say that the problem with communication in relationships is that once you started communicating, you realized how little you had in common and how much the other person pissed you off. I thought of my friend when reading the FAQ at theicebreak, a new relationship site that fuses components from Facebook, Internet gaming and Yahoo Finance:
- What are Icebreakers?
- Icebreakers are questions designed to spark conversation between you and your partner. You can answer them and send your answers to each other privately, as well as see anonymous responses from other couples.
- What are Moments?
- Moments are a way to share a bit of your day while you’re apart from each other. Use our prompts or your own imagination to capture something that catches your attention, then send a message or a photo to your sweetie and make a connection. All of your moments are saved on a shared wall that only you two can see, creating an online scrapbook of your relationship that you can enjoy later.
- What are Stats?
- theicebreak asks you to rate your satisfaction with a few key areas of your relationship each week. Your answers over time can help you see how you’re doing compared to previous weeks and to the stats of similar couples.
- How do I earn Date Night Coins?
- You earn them by capturing Moments, answering Icebreakers and updating your weekly status.
I’m not the world’s biggest romantic, but even I can see that plotting my feelings for my one true love on a candlestick chart and turning dates into a way to cash in on gold farming just might take some of the spontaneity and thrill out of a relationship.
Fuck, that is awful. Whoever came up with that should be thwapped upside his stupid head (or her but I doubt that).
Also, great title. DougJ-worthy.
You just love me for the Date Night Coins!
“So…how am I doing, on a scale of 1 to 10?”
“You should die in a fire you pretentious bastard!”
“So..I’ll put that down as a five?”
This scheme should be fed to this dragon:
The Other Bob
Now if someone can invent devices that hook to our computers and then hook to….well, our “devices”, couples will be able to have sex and not even have to live in the same city.
The person who came up with this idea is the kind of person who uses the word “monetize”.
“I whip out my Wizard hat and…”
@Worked2Death: Haven’t had enough coffee. I read that as “I whip out my lizard…” and realized something was wrong.
This sounds like something David Brooks would approve of.
@The Other Bob: Teledildonics. The future is now.
Funny. We’ve had a couple of posts that deal with the monetization of romance already. Looking at love as an economic opportunity reminds me of marriage before the modern times. This is another thing the Wall Street guys and social conservatives have in common.
Whole new category of paraphilia.
Anything to make a buck.
@Worked2Death: A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end.
Gin & Tonic
The missing last question: How many Date Night Coins do I need to get a blow job?
@Gin & Tonic: Use an Icebreaker to find out.
I looked around the site and there’s nothing about what one can do with Date Night Coins. So I Googled it. According to Mashable,
Deals? WTF? Is this some kind of love-based Groupon or something? “Save 50% at the Applebee’s salad bar! Only 20 Date Night Coins!”
Equating the score your real-life relationship gets on Theicebreak with its actual strength and viability sounds very much like someone we all know equating her IQ test score with the level of intelligence she actually displays in her comments.
McArdle is a testimonial on the limitations of IQ tests.
I’m pretty sure the only response I’d ever get from my partner would be along the lines of: “I put on my robe and wizard hat.”
Paul in KY
@Amir Khalid: Better watch out, that kind of comment might trigger whatever software she uses to know when someone’s talking about her (or DeBore/Kain have posted something).
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
couples compete in the meatspace to be more coupley than other couples all the time. this is just the online equivalent of matching outfits, tattoos, and shiny jackets with dragon prints that continue from one jacket to the next.
@Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: If you know couples who do this you should stop knowing them. I certainly don’t know any couple over age 13 who would go anywhere in a matching outfit. If I did, I would only be aware of them through a red haze of scorn and derision.
If that becomes a popular site, then I think global warming should just hurry up and kill us all quick.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN)
@Amir Khalid: You clearly just hate Muslims.
@Shinobi: Except for costume parties and airports, where matching or coordination in clothing can be essential.
Actually, HerrDoktor and I and WarriorGirl have a few matching T-shirts, usually commemorating local weirdness. Like French Toast Alerts, LiteBritePanic, or the Aquapocalypse.
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym (JMN):
(Sigh.) She seems to think so.
This reinforces a realization I had during the opening five minutes of The Social Network: social networking sites are for people who can reduce their social interactions to one of six pulldown menu items.
Or if not can reduce, want to reduce – which is a whole nother can of worms.
A small, but not insignificant, percentage of the population using the internets need to turn off their computer
and kill themselvesand Get. A. Life.