Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

A Senator Walker would be an insult to the state and the nation.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

No one could have predicted…

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Second rate reporter says what?

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

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Reader Interactions

58Comments

  1. 1.

    RandyH

    “reportedly” is the operative word.

    Why give the link? That’s what they’re counting on.

  2. 2.

    gnomedad

    That sneaky Kenyan, not saying a word about guns! If he joined the NRA, that would be proof he has a stealth confiscation program!

  3. 3.

    sukabi

    Chuck Norris fact: The more Chuck Norris opens his mouth the greater my chances of getting brain rotting cancer…

    He should stop, before his own head implodes from lack of neural activity…

  5. 5.

    Joe Bauers

    This is still an issue? I thought Obama went door to door and took all the wingnuts’ guns in Spring 2009. I distinctly remember them all screaming about it.

  8. 8.

    scav

    I thought we’d just established we don’t need the NWS and thus their elitist wasteful commie radars any more. What’s he got to complain about?

  11. 11.

    RandyH

    @Joe Bauers:

    I thought Obama went door to door and took all the wingnuts’ guns in Spring 2009. I distinctly remember them all screaming about it.

    That deserves repeating. Also, too. He raised their taxes.

  12. 12.

    c u n d gulag

    Chuck Norris?

    What, was Ted Nugent unavailable? Too busy off somewhere shooting his guns to shoot his mouth off for Politico?

    Was Stephen Baldwin off ministering to his moronic minions for money?

    You’ve got to love the RW celebrity parade!
    Every time you see or hear one of them, the song, “Send in the Clowns” becomes an earworm you can’t get rid of for days.

  15. 15.

    Mr Furious

    It’s really too bad the whole brilliant, often hilarious Chuck Norris meme got wasted on a tool like Chuck Norris.

  16. 16.

    MikeBoyScout

    Dear Politico,

    Will you please post an op-ed from my cat?
    My cat is an astute political observer with views and facts you just won’t hear or learn elsewhere.

    Thanks,

  17. 17.

    Frapalinger

    Amazingly, this piece (of shit) by Norris is better written and more thoughtful than the cumulative and combined oeuvres of Ben Smith and Jonathan Martin.

  18. 18.

    arguingwithsignposts

    I will not click that link, because I am hoping Politiho dies in the same fire that consumes HuffHo.

  20. 20.

    RandyH

    @MikeBoyScout:

    My cat is an astute political observer with views and facts you just won’t hear or learn elsewhere.

    My cat: “Hey, don’t you know my food bowl is empty? Hey. Hey!”

    He makes a better argument than Chuckie Norris.

  21. 21.

    Ken

    I don’t know if I like having community organizations like the NRA registering people to vote. It could increase vote fraud.

  22. 22.

    cmorenc

    @Mr Furious:

    It’s really too bad the whole brilliant, often hilarious Chuck Norris meme got wasted on a tool like Chuck Norris.

    But a big part of the reason why the Chuck Norris meme works so hilariously well is that Norris is so cartoonishly over-the-top about everything that he’s a walking unintentional self-parody…whether as karate-fighting action hero or liberal-fighting political figure.

    He wouldn’t be nearly so funny if he wasn’t such a complete tool that he makes a fool of himself every time he appears in any kind of media for any kind of purpose.

  23. 23.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Ken:

    Well, they’d be registering the right people, wink wink nudge nudge do you know what I mean?

  24. 24.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    So, Politico has just decided to be a wholly owned subsidiary of the Republican Party? Didn’t it, at one time, make the pretense of presenting thought from the entire political spectrum by including truly right leaning Dems on the staff? Have they just given facade up and come out of the closet, so to speak?

  25. 25.

    The Sheriff's A Ni-

    Apparently times are so good at Politico, that they’re resorting to taking in World Ned Daily’s first-stringers. Tomorrow it’ll be Jerome Corsi on the birth certificate and Michael Moriarty railing against flouride in his cereal milk.

  27. 27.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    My cat is an astute political observer with views and facts you just won’t hear or learn elsewhere.

    Cats are totally underestimated in this regard, and underrepresented in the world of op-ed.

  28. 28.

    Sam Houston

    Everyone knows how powerful Chuck Norris is. The fact that we have any gun control laws at all is because Chuck Norris wants them!

  29. 29.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Huh. There are two pictures of Chuck Norris shown, so the google ads or whatever algorithm decides what ad is most relevant has selected one for “Predict Your Baby! Merge two pictures to see your baby!” with two frames for Pic 1 and Pic 2. I am fascinated with how those things work, what factors or elements in the post influence the process.

  30. 30.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @cmorenc: But even Chuck Norris is afraid of Rory Williams. (I would add the facebook page link, but my workplace blocks the site.)

  32. 32.

    GregB

    The truth of the matter is that this op-ed piece was ghost-written by Chuck Norris’ hair piece.

  33. 33.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @Kathy in St. Louis: Maybe, but then they decided that they wanted to be the first place Republicans would go to look for their news. You know, because Fox just doesn’t do it right. And I believe there motto is that they will put a story up to get page views.

  36. 36.

    PanAmerican

    Let me guess. The panic gun buying bubble engendered by the black man in the White House has gone POP. The industry is sending #1 flack out to try and goose flagging sales. Sorry boys, your marks are now fixated on buying gold and burying it in the back yard.

  37. 37.

    Amir Khalid

    I’ve already seen Chuck Norris’ piece debunked in TPM. I would take just as seriously a piece by Kiefer Sutherland about counter-terrorism.

  38. 38.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    Uh. Rust is only an enemy of guns if you’re dumbfuck enough to hide them from the FEMACORN LIEburul Panther Thugs by storing them unprotected in a pile of leaves or your toilet tank or something.

    Christ. If Chuck “Jaw Merkin” Norris handles weapons the way he handles metaphors I have to wonder if his chinlessness is a result of a gun-related accident.

  40. 40.

    Jay C

    @Kathy in St. Louis:

    You’re right: my cat regularly delivers cogent political analyses every bit as relevant as Chuck Norris’s. And she is considerate enough to leave them in one place – a little box of sand in the laundry room – so that they are easy to find!

  41. 41.

    PhoenixRising

    I thought Obama went door to door and took all the wingnuts’ guns…

    Nope, that was Pale Obama, aka Michael Douglas.

    Why do I get the feeling that I wish Obama were scripted by Aaron Sorkin, whereas my wingnut uncle hears Al Sharpton? Not an original observation, I know.

  44. 44.

    Derf

    @Frapalinger: Because guns are for cowards with feelings of inadequacy. I am talking about the sorts of guns these fearful cowards feel so strongly about and are so easily scared into thinking the gov’t is going to take away from them.

    For these fearful cowards it feels like someone is taking away their manhood when they hear that. Which is why they react so strongly to it. Real men don’t feel a need to carry guns and are not fearful of the gov’t taking them away.

    btw, I have owned guns and hunted all my life. So I am not anti gun. At least not the sorts of guns used for hunting. However, I am anti coward and the against the sorts of guns the NRA cowards feel so strongly about protecting their rights to own, without any checks or any good reason to own them or the proper training to use them.

  45. 45.

    Mike in NC

    It’s a real shame we’ll never have President Huckabee, whose Secretary of State Chuck Norris would put the fear of America’s Christian God in those heathen foreign leaders by threatening to kick them in the Adam’s apple.

  47. 47.

    Heliopause

    I cruise over the Politico headline page maybe four times a week, and the pieces marked “opinion” are almost invariably written by politicians or their associated hacks. Soliciting a piece from Chuck Norris doesn’t surprise me, in fact, it’s probably well within the normal curve of what Politico considers instructive discourse.

  48. 48.

    Carol from CO

    Politico’s home page has nothing but articles about republicans and something about gore and eating meat. Can anyone tell me…have the Democrats curled up in a fetal ball sucking their thumbs doing nothing at all? I know politico is the written version of fox news, but this is beyond the pale.

  49. 49.

    JPL

    What’s frightening is the MSM would run with story if Hurricane Irene hadn’t interrupted 24/7 political coverage.
    There is still a chance though.

  51. 51.

    Donald G

    @Jay in Oregon:

    I’ll take Rory Williams over Chuck Norris any day of the week.

    Speaking of Chuck Norris and Doctor Who, in the early 1990’s DW novel, Cat’s Cradle: Warhead (set ca. 2009), Chuck Norris is the president of the US. In the America Chuck Norris leads, the symbol of the Republican party is the American flag with a cross on it. The poor are confined to slums and the rich harvest their organs and corporations have virtual legal immunity. Police cruisers are armed with smart missiles and there’s a children’s cartoon starring a pumpkin-headed serial killer.

    I really need to dig it out of my boxes and give it a re-read.

  53. 53.

    YellowJournalism

    “Monkeys flinging poo” is the perfect tag for this. Whenever Chuck Norris is on TV talking, pretty much all that registers with me is that primal scream accompanied by a lot of jumping up and down with chest beating.

  56. 56.

    Donald G

    @Zagloba:

    You mean this one? Thanks, now I know what to give my girlfriend for her birthday.

    No, I meant the book after that one in the series. Cat’s Cradle: Warhead by Andrew Cartmel. Here’s a link to the cover:

  58. 58.

    Frapalinger

    @Derf:
    I see your point and I’d like to add that I have no problem with gun ownership for hunting and the like. I actually don’t even have a problem with private gun ownership, the thing that makes me mad are these people that want to take them everywhere and enact laws that make it legal to shoot someone if you think they are looking at you funny.

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