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You are here: Home / Coming Soon To A Bookstore Near You

Coming Soon To A Bookstore Near You

by | 230 Comments

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Analysts predict a run on crayons:

It’s official: Michele Bachmann has a book deal.

Sentinel, a conservative imprint of Penguin Group (USA), announced Monday that the Republican presidential candidate’s memoir will arrive in November and already has been completed. The book, reports of which first circulated in June, is currently untitled. Sentinel declined comment on reports that Wall Street Journal columnist John Fund co-wrote the memoir.

As a member of the House of Representatives, Bachmann is not permitted to receive an advance against royalties.

According to Sentinel, Bachmann will “share previously untold stories” about her private life, “including her roles as a tax attorney, a wife, a mother of five and a foster mother of 23.” Virtually all of the Republicans candidates have published books, a standard for modern presidential campaigns.

I was just musing on that twitter thing which Weekly Standard wingnut would draw the short straw, seeing as how Hayes, Continetti, and the Goldfarb have all been prostituted out, and it turns out the eager participant is none other than investigative “journalist” John Fund. Expect a big section on the New Black Panther Party, and I am sure the parts on fidelity and abortion will be rich. It really is amazing how deep and wide the wingnut bench of fluffers is- it really could have been anyone, but I guess Fund is hacktacular enough to do the deed.

At any rate, you know the drill. Time to come up with a name for Bachmann’s book. I’ll open with “Will and Graceless.”

Reader Interactions

230Comments

  11. 11.

    Rick Massimo

    Vote for Me Or And the Country Gets It: Michele Bachmann’s Plan to Destroy the American Government In Order to Save It.

  12. 12.

    BGinCHI

    Also coming soon to a bookstore (with a cross in the window) near you:

    Marcus Bachmann’s I Just Put It in My Mouth, I Didn’t Suck On It (Sentinel, 2012, $24.95, cloth).

  14. 14.

    WaterGirl

    Am I crazy, or is this a big, fat invitation to any one of possibly 23 unhappy foster kids to speak out?

  17. 17.

    celticragonchick

    It will shoot to the top of the best seller lists since wingnut thinktanks will buy it in bulk and hand it out at CPAC. In truth, I think some folks have realized their lists are being gamed this way and now use an asteric to indicate that a book is being bought in bulk instead of at book stores.

  26. 26.

    Violet

    Is this the third disaster in the Disasters-That-Come-In-Threes?

    Bachmann will “share previously untold stories” about her private life, “including her roles as a tax attorney, a wife, a mother of five and a foster mother of 23.”

    Those stories are not untold.

  37. 37.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @cathyx:

    It’s an impressive number, for sure, but a tad misleading:

    Kris Harvieux, who worked as a senior social worker in the foster care system in Bachmann’s county, said at least some of Bachmann’s placements were likely short term.

    “Some of them you have for a week. Some of them you have for three years, some you have for six months,” he said. “She makes it sound like she got them at birth and raised them to adulthood, but that’s not true.”

    Asked to explain her situation with her foster children, Bachmann said “we took children in as teenagers.”

    Asked how long they lived with her, she said “it varied.”

    Link: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20072121-503544.html

  38. 38.

    fhtagn

    Bride of Twinkie: The Lonely Passion of Michelle Bachmann

    One Hundred Years of Solipsitude

    Around The Bend In 80 Ways

  40. 40.

    celticragonchick

    Betty Davis Marshall Applewhite Eyes: I know What God is Thinking and He Thinks You Have Been Naughty!

    Last Days Press, Dallas, Tx. 2011

  41. 41.

    celticragonchick

    Betty Davis Marshall Applewhite Eyes: I know What God is Thinking and He Thinks You Have Been Naughty!

    Last Days Press, Dallas, Tx. 2011

  44. 44.

    cathyx

    @SiubhanDuinne: After reading that, I’m even more impressed. Taking in teenagers would be very difficult. They certainly would have a lot of issues and anger.

  50. 50.

    Poopyman

    @cathyx:

    Taking in teenagers would be very difficult. They certainly would have a lot of issues and anger.

    Yeah, and the teenagers probably would have the same issues too.

  55. 55.

    Cris (without an H)

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    “Some of them you have for a week. Some of them you have for three years, some you have for six months,” he said. “She makes it sound like she got them at birth and raised them to adulthood, but that’s not true.”

    I can see what they’re saying, that calling yourself a “foster parent” of somebody you have for a couple weeks is perhaps overstated. But still, taking a foster kid for any length of time is no small matter. I’m happy to grant the Bachpersons some credit for their dedication to the foster program.

    And proud we are of all of them.

  57. 57.

    Derf

    Why no arm waving wide eyed posts about the stock market lately Cole? Could it because all your bullshit about how it’s tanking because (insert todays shiny object) was just that. Utter shit?

  63. 63.

    PurpleGirl

    @cathyx: Some (most) of them she had only for a few months or weeks. It was interim care until other arrangements were made.

  64. 64.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @cathyx:

    I’m not disagreeing with you at all. And I can’t say at this point whether I had the impression from Bachmann herself or from the media reporting on the foster kids, but the implication was strongly what the social worker said, that she had taken all 23 in as babies and raised them to adulthood. It has a touch of the “brave little tailor” about it.

    But heck, even if she took in only one child and fostered it for a long weekend, that’s more than I’ve ever done. So I’m not going to be churlish on this point.

    @Poopyman:

    LOL

  67. 67.

    Another Kiwi

    Fostering children is a brave and public spirited thing to do. No matter how long it is done for. 23 kids is an amazing amount.
    So it’s Good things:1 versus crazy arse behaviour: 1 gazillion.
    If she was running on her credentials as a foster parent, she would be a front runner but she is not.
    Her book should be called: Crazy Arse: the spirit of a nation

  69. 69.

    Elliecat

    @cathyx:

    Taking in teenagers would be very difficult. They certainly would have a lot of issues and anger.

    Not to mention, I think it was in the New Yorker piece that I read that most of them were teenaged girls with eating disorders. One young woman was interviewed who said the Bachmanns had helped her a great deal.

  82. 82.

    William Hurley

    Any idea whether the printed copies will ship with “shelf dust” pre-installed?

  89. 89.

    Svensker

    @Cris (without an H):

    I agree. Wish Cole would ban him. He offers absolutely nothing, except irritation and boredom. At least the other trolls sometimes offer a point of view, even if it’s stupid.

    This one is completely pointless.

    Seriously, Cole. Axe him.

  94. 94.

    MazeDancer

    @Margarita:

    The Handmaid’s Fail.

    Very funny. And may fail be how she goes. All too often, the GOP line-up makes Atwood’s original feel like an impending reality.

    Whatever the title, it’d likely to have a Biblical reference. Possibly with a hint of her sacrifice and calling from her diety. Though some Founding Fathers quotish kind of original intent thing would work, too.

    Of course, can’t rule out an alliterative reference to Democrats’ ongoing treasonous poison of liberty. Or combo of all of the above in some T-shirt snappy merchandise-able emblazonment. Merch boosts photo ops.

    Also, it’ll be a great picture of her on the cover. A make Sarah Palin jealous of the great lighting one. That is if she can find someone who knows how to do great lighting – not to mention high-end hair and make-up talent – willing to photograph her.

  95. 95.

    Elizabelle

    OT, but I can’t get into the NYTimes or WaPost website.

    Just me, or has there been any hacking reported? Safari “cannot find the server” consistently.

  97. 97.

    Turgidson

    Seems like this post may be a good candidate for the newly minted “because of wow” tag. I’m sure all of the bullshit claims she makes in her book will be sourced to “because of wow.”

  106. 106.

    JGabriel

    @cathyx:

    Taking in teenagers would be very difficult. They certainly would have a lot of issues and anger.

    Particularly over being exploited and farmed out through some ‘Christian’ placement agency instead of normal channels.

    .

  110. 110.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    @RossInDetroit:

    My Fight by Michelle Bachmann
    __
    Simultaneous publication in German translation.

    First Prize for most subtle Godwinning yet (MikeBoyScout gets Honorable Mention), but it’s still Godwinned.

  111. 111.

    John O

    The idea that an anti-homo crusader and his beard can get any votes pretty much proves the “whimper but not bang” and “decline of the American Empire” theories, IMHO.

  120. 120.

    vonhonkington

    tangentially related: religious folks, in particular, home schoolers.

    i was listening to detroit public radio the other day, and the host was talking about home school organizations around detroit. i can understand wanting to home school in detroit. so the host had 2 or 3 people on to advocate for these things. one question he asked was what the first a parent should do to prepare for homeschooling. the answer without hesitation was “christ”, which was disappointing because i’d hoped they wanted to defend alternative education. when asked to elaborate, this person basically said that christ would lead you to the right decision, but that you definitely need a relationship with the holy dude before you can do anything. the leading-and-following talk was so pervasive, it was as if every relationship (deity-person,teacher-student,$noun1-$noun2) could be boiled down to this.

    what i took away from this is that these people don’t “make decisions”, they are led to them by jesus, which strikes me as irresponsible. two things: a) if i lived like this, would i say that jesus led me to eat a turkey sandwich today? did he lead me to choose green bed sheets? would he tell me what time to get up in the morning? at what point would thinking about your situation enter into this? and b) do people really think like this? or is it an excuse to sound pious?

  121. 121.

    Dennis SGMM

    While we’re on the subject, Bachmann explains the meaning of hurricane Irene:

    “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending.”

    LINK

  126. 126.

    MikeBoyScout

    @109 Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    but, but, but… the topic was provide the title of a book by an aspiring crazy politician with simultaneous delusions of persecution and grandeur while not having an original thought of her own and a tendency to misappropriate history.

  128. 128.

    birthmarker

    @vonhonkington: I once had someone tell me that she was praying to God that someone would give her a purple umbrella for Christmas. This is a true story.

  131. 131.

    Jay in Oregon

    @Dennis SGMM:

    I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’

    Overheard on Twitter:
    @rudepundit: No shit Irene was a message from God, @teambachmann. The message was “Climate change is real, you fucking idiots.”

  142. 142.

    Calouste

    @birthmarker:

    A few weeks back I was in a drugstore waiting for the pharmacist to get my prescription. In came a couple to pick up a prescription for one of them and the woman then started to go off on how they had prayed to Jesus that their pills would arrive and now they had (apparently they knew the pharmacist, who didn’t seem surprised). I was literally thinking why these people were out on the street instead of locked up in an asylum. It’s modern day logistics people, not magic.

  148. 148.

    Ruckus

    @vonhonkington:
    It’s a great way to not be responsible. A child of 6 uses the same excuse when they blame their brother or sister for whatever they get caught doing. (If Danny hadn’t poured water on the cat I wouldn’t have set it on fire to dry it off.) There may be any number of reasons to do or not do something, following some mythical, Joey made me do it construct is childish.

  155. 155.

    Roger Moore

    @vonhonkington:

    what i took away from this is that these people don’t “make decisions”, they are led to them by jesus, which strikes me as irresponsible.

    I think they make decisions because that’s what the voices in their heads tell them to do. They think the voices are Jesus, other people think they’re space aliens. I think there’s a whole book on the subject, The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind.

  159. 159.

    Tonal Crow

    Someone used this one of Palin’s book a few months back, but it’s equally applicable here:

    “The lyin’, the witch, and the wardrobe”

  160. 160.

    MaryRC

    @JGabriel:

    Particularly over being exploited and farmed out through some ‘Christian’ placement agency instead of normal channels.

    I don’t think the placement agency was specifically Christian. The agency was PATH (Professional Association of Treatment Homes) which doesn’t appear to have any religious affiliation. It’s an association of child welfare agencies that finds placement homes for children undergoing therapy or medical treatment, as an alternative to staying in a hospital. The girls who stayed with the Bachmanns were undergoing treatment for eating disorders at the University of Minnesota.

    When Bachmann refers to her 23 foster children, it’s easy to jump to the same conclusion that many have made here: that these were children from broken homes, neglected and lost. It doesn’t seem to have been quite like that.

    These girls apparently had homes, they were staying in Minneapolis for outpatient treatment that wasn’t available closer to home.

    So they weren’t actually “in the system” for years, they just needed a place to stay, in a homelike atmosphere instead of in an institution.

  161. 161.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    @JPL: I got to a wreck on 20 right after it happened and was able to get by it. Five minutes later and it would have been a parking lot. Have you seen the purple signs on the new HOV’s on 85? It’s looking like the rainbow flag out there!

  162. 162.

    JGabriel

    MaryRC: That’s a bit more impressive. I got the impression that she was associated with some sort of shady fostering organization, though I wondered where they were getting the kids from. Your explanation makes more sense. Thanks.

    .

  165. 165.

    Woodrowfan

    providing a temporary place to stay for 23 kids was admirable. Using them to act as if she raised them is scummy as hell.

  167. 167.

    Woodrowfan

    @vonhonkington:
    what i took away from this is that these people don’t “make decisions”, they are led to them by jesus, which strikes me as irresponsible. two things: a) if i lived like this, would i say that jesus led me to eat a turkey sandwich

    today? did he lead me to choose green bed sheets? would he tell me what time to get up in the morning? at what point would thinking about your situation enter into this? and b) do people really think like this? or is it an excuse to sound pious?

    remember, these people are authoritarian followers. they are not comfortable making decisions, even simple ones, and want someone else to make them for them, even if that means making the choice themselves then crediting (or blaming) Jesus.

  168. 168.

    birthmarker

    @MaryRC: I am not trying to take away from the value to these kids having a safe shelter provided to them, but can it properly be called foster care? The kids weren’t in state custody? Seems like an exaggeration to call it foster care.

  169. 169.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Holy God, I skimmed over this post a while ago and chuckled, now I actually read it and see that John Fund is her co-author. That’s freakin’ hilarious. Is that a case of starbursts, or has he had some religious awakening on top of his Reaganism?

  172. 172.

    RossInDetroit

    @birthmarker:

    When I was a kid my parents took in a foster child. She was 15 years old and pregnant. This was in addition to the 8 people already living in our small house.
    She was with us for 6 months until her child was born. That 15 year old is a grandmother now and my mom is still in touch with her. She surprised everyone by marrying the father of her child, divorcing him, marrying him again, divorcing then marrying for the third time. Our lives would be poorer without her.

  176. 176.

    JGabriel

    @Roger Moore:

    I think there’s a whole book on the subject, The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind.

    Oy. Interesting book, but …

    One person I knew thought it had the best explanation of consciousness he’d read (in the first or second chapter, IIRC), another critic called it “the best theory he’d ever read that couldn’t possibly be true.”

    Having read the book, I kind of agree with both of those assessments. One of the more glaring problems I noticed was that the breakdown seemed to require genetic changes in the corpus callosum, but there was no way for those changes to propagate to the Americas in the time frame Jaynes postulated. And I don’t think anyone would claim native Americans don’t possess consciousness.

    On the other hand, you have to love any book that contains the index entry, “Gods, 282-283. See also, Hallucinations.”

    .

  178. 178.

    RossInDetroit

    @0whole1:

    I think you can’t copyright the title of a book. Cory Doctorow keeps writing stories with ‘used’ titles, and he should know.

  179. 179.

    RossInDetroit

    @Roger Moore:

    The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind.

    When I started dating my now-wife 15 years ago she didn’t take me seriously until she saw I had a worn copy full of bookmarks. It’s kinda nuts but Has some good ideas and interesting ways of thinking about consciousness.

  181. 181.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @vonhonkington:

    Yeah. I’m never sure how they reconcile the “everything I do, I do because Jesus led me to do it and I do only what he tells me to do” mentality, and the “personal responsibility, rugged individualism, by your own bootstraps” philosophy.

    (ETA: I use the terms “mentality” and “philosophy” in the loosest possible way.)

  183. 183.

    JGabriel

    @WaterGirl:

    Thank you. We were lucky. So much of the surrounding areas were hit hard, but NYC was spared the brunt of the storm. At least Manhattan was. I hear ocean-facing parts of Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island, and the Rockaways suffered more.

    I have very little patience with the people who are complaining that the city overreacted. The truth is that it was a big-ass storm that did a lot of damage, and we’re just lucky that that some of the biggest, most populous, and most expensive targets in its path (DC & NYC) were spared the worst of it.

    And my sympathies to those who are still cut off from power or suffering other storm-related difficulties. I was just on the phone with my mother a couple of hours ago, who’s not expecting power to be restored, in NE PA, for another 2-3 days.

    .

  187. 187.

    Bruce S

    I noticed that “A First-Rate Madness” is on the NYT’s list. How about “A Third-Rate Madness” from Michele?

    (That leaves me the option of “Second-Rate” if I ever deign to do my own memoir.)

  189. 189.

    MaryRC

    @JGabriel: Yes, the placement agency seems above-board, the social worker assigned to the Bachmanns spoke well of them, so did at least one of the fostered girls …

    It’s just the way that Bachmann plays this up. She has said that she and her husband “raised” these girls. She likes to tell the story that they had so many children in their home at one time that they had to knock down walls to accommodate them all (they were licensed for 3 children at a time and apparently never had more than 2). She has said that she had to buy groceries for her own 5 children and 23 foster children, as though all 28 were living in her home at one time. Her oldest children are in their late 20s and would have either been living away from home or at least old enough to help out when she was fostering these girls from 1292 to 2000 but she gives the impression that her own children needed her care at the same time.

    I think she just likes the way that her stories sound. I think she did the same thing with that story about submitting to her husband’s orders to study tax law even though she didn’t want to. I’ll bet nothing remotely like that happened — she just happened to be talking to a conservative Christian group one day and thought this is what they’d like to hear. No-one has questioned her, until now.

  192. 192.

    Bruce S

    #181- …(ETA: I use the terms ‘mentality’ and ‘philosophy’ in the loosest possible way.)”

    My word-smithing impulse would suggest “pathology” and “nostrum” as more appropriate alternatives.

  193. 193.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @JGabriel:

    Good grief. Julian Jaynes. Haven’t thought about him or the book in years. I think I read it ( or made some kind of attempt) when i was about 35. And I think I lifted my dad’s copy after he died — he was an admirer. I should dig it out and see if it makes more sense to me now than it did close to the same number of years ago.

  194. 194.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Speaking of books, listening to Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson talk about about Despicable Dick, I hope The Sneer gets lots of media over the next few weeks, trying to justify the Iraq War and run down Colin Powell (whom I also despise, but the enemy of my enemy may prove useful).

  196. 196.

    RossInDetroit

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    I was particularly struck by his analysis of Homer. Odysseus as the first completely conscious character in fiction. Able to lie blatantly because nobody saw deception coming.

    And that the structure of logical thought derives from the linear form of verbal communication and not the other way around. The implications of that occupied me for a lot of long nights.

  200. 200.

    WaterGirl

    @JGabriel: They would have complained if there hadn’t been all the hype and planning, especially if the storm had stayed on its expected path.

    Seems to me with these hurricanes and tropical storms that it’s a crapshoot. But anyone who is in the expected path and doesn’t prepare is nuts, i think. I like to think I would be grateful rather than bitchy if where I lived was spared.

    Complainers want to complain.

  201. 201.

    Mike in NC

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I hope The Sneer gets lots of media over the next few weeks, trying to justify the Iraq War and run down Colin Powell (whom I also despise, but the enemy of my enemy may prove useful).

    Caught something on TV tonight about how Deadeye Dick throws Powell and Rice under the bus in his new extravaganza.

  202. 202.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Arclite – August 29, 2011 | 8:35 pm · Link

    @Cris (without an H): Don’t feed the troll, and it will whither and die.

    Um . . . Without an H, please :-)

  203. 203.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @RossInDetroit:

    Okay, that is fascinating, and I’m ashamed to admit I barely remember that. I will certainly go back and reread it (or, more accurately, will probably be like reading it for the first time).

  209. 209.

    Roger Moore

    @MaryRC:

    I think she just likes the way that her stories sound.

    Reminds me of another Republican candidate’s story about flying home to Alaska after her water broke. They like to tell stories that make them sound heroic.

  210. 210.

    Roger Moore

    @Mike in NC:

    Caught something on TV tonight about how Deadeye Dick throws shoots Powell and Rice under in the bus face in his new extravaganza.

    FTFY. I’m sure he’ll be expecting them to apologize for getting in the way of his shot any day now.

  211. 211.

    Arclite

    @Derf: That is quite horrific. What would possess a person to so torture another human. The wife must be psychotic.

  212. 212.

    Arclite

    So many good ones in this thread. Another post or update with the best ones would be a good idea.

  215. 215.

    Southern Beale

    After the spectacular fail that was the Christine O’Donnell book deal, I have to wonder how much longer publishers — even winger ones funded by GOP moneybags — will continue to offer these people book deals.

    Then again, these winger publishing outfits aren’t at all concerned with selling books or making money. They are 100% propaganda organs, just like the Washington Time and Fox News. They’re all about spreading the message, polishing the image, selling the brand. Book deals give authors a chance to appear on the “LIEberal media” and get people like O’Donnell on NPR and CNN … though she was bound and determined to ruin those opportunities. But Bachmann is too smart for that.

    Anyway, it’s all part of the game, just more political theater.

  220. 220.

    schlemizel - was Alwhite

    @cathyx:

    No, what makes it unimpressive it that those who have spoken out say they were sent to public schools while their children where home schooled. Additionally the foster kids got the household chores so their kids could have more time for study and ‘other pursuits’.

    These stories are not untold.

  221. 221.

    kay

    @MaryRC:

    I think she just likes the way that her stories sound.

    Me too. That story doesn’t have anything to do with foster children. Not one thing.

    This is Russell Banks on his mother’s storytelling. His mother lied all the time, which he didn’t figure out until he was a grown man:

    “When people think a story isn’t true, when they believe it’s only a fiction and not about them, they don’t listen to it, they interpret it.”

    We’re (you and I) “treating her story as a clue to her psychology”, because it doesn’t ring true to us.

  222. 222.

    RossInDetroit

    @kay:

    Reagan loved to tell stories. “In Russian there is no word for Freedom” he would say. Then some one would point out that Svoboda (sp?) means freedom in Russian. And he kept right on saying it. There’s an element of truth in fiction but you really should sell it as fiction.

  223. 223.

    satby

    @cathyx: Dead thread, but I did it with 27 kids. Sounds amazing, but the reality is it’s not that hard. Most kids in short term care tend to be on “company” behavior for the whole time. And for short term placements, not all are seriously troubled either. And I’d love to hear from some of Bachmann’s former foster’s too.

  228. 228.

    kay

    @RossInDetroit:

    I interview foster parents all the time and they’re very specific on each child. There’s an active resistance to any attempt at grouping, or generalizing the experience, ie: making it about them as the parent.

    I don’t know why she keeps repeating the number, but I don’t believe it has anything to do with “foster children she has known” or “a child”. I wish she would stop doing it. It makes me cringe.

  229. 229.

    Hawes

    The Needs Help

    Are You There God? It’s Me, Michelle.

    Farewell To Charms

    Everything That Raptures Must Converge

    Me Talk Crazy One Day

    The World According To Harpy

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