Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

I’m sure you banged some questionable people yourself.

I was promised a recession.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

I really should read my own blog.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

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Reader Interactions

152Comments

  1. 1.

    J

    Please, don’t. It’s rather nice without her bizarre, overwrought and visually annoying OMFG I am a drama queen who loves BOLD AND ALL CAPS posts.

  2. 2.

    Trainrunner

    The most abject of the category:

    “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield.

    Talk about co-dependence!

  12. 12.

    Anne Laurie

    As I understand it, ABL (Imani) was “taking a break” because she’s got a new, paying gig at thegrio.com — shouldn’t we be pleased she’s got a wider audience?

    Or do you know something the rest of us don’t? I’m sure she’s still got the keys to the dashboard, and Cole hasn’t taken her address off the right-hand column (which I think she’d insist on, if she didn’t intend to come back here in her own good time.)

  19. 19.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @lamh32:

    That show with Terry Gross that is the aural equivalent of mainlining valium. On NPR. I do listen and like it, but man it is drama-free.

  23. 23.

    Corner Stone

    so I’m making this a regular feature until ABL comes back.

    Why can’t you get it that she just sucks balls?
    And not in a good way.

  29. 29.

    Tom Levenson

    Not a song, but the first lines to 12th night work pretty well.

    If music be the food of love, play on;
    Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
    The appetite may sicken, and so die.
    That strain again! it had a dying fall:
    O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound,
    That breathes upon a bank of violets,
    Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
    ‘Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
    O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou,
    That, notwithstanding thy capacity
    Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
    Of what validity and pitch soe’er,
    But falls into abatement and low price,
    Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy
    That it alone is high fantastical.

    Come back ABL! You are missed!

  30. 30.

    Svensker

    It’s not “come back” but it’s the most intense “please love me” song ever. Layla, of course.

  31. 31.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @Violet:

    The fact that Sting is the anti-Christ or at least the anti-Elvis almost makes it that much sweeter. I hate that fucker.

  33. 33.

    Heliopause

    What are your favorite beg-you-to-take-me-back songs?

    Bell Bottom Blues is pretty much it. In fact, the above referenced LP pretty much ended history for the genre.

  35. 35.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @lamh32:

    I make fun of it a lot, but it’s worth checking out. “American Routes” is awesome, I can’t recommend it highly enough. It may be American Public Media or other non-NRP thing that is just like NPR, I can’t keep it all straight. Whatever it’s on, it redeems the whole medium.

  36. 36.

    lamh32

    As to ABL, I liked her commentary, I follow her on Twitter and I follow her blog, I thought she was great.

  39. 39.

    Violet

    @trollhattan:
    This guy had more music than anyone could count. It was his thing. Like the guys in “High Fidelity”, I guess. Making mixes for me was his way of communicating, I think. At the time I was too young to get it, but it’s so obvious now.

    I did get a lot of good music out of it!

  42. 42.

    different church-lady

    @Anne Laurie:

    As I understand it, ABL (Imani) was “taking a break” because she’s got a new, paying gig at thegrio.com—shouldn’t we be pleased she’s got a wider audience?

    At this point I’m just happy anyone in this country is actually getting paid to do anything.

  43. 43.

    Yutsano

    ABL will continue to be ABL. And people will continue to be annoyed at that. Which means she must be doing something right.

  44. 44.

    Steeplejack

    This is an old favorite of mine: Tyrone Davis, “If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time.” Plus it has that old-school soul realism that I think ABL would like. And it reminds me of Smoove B. at The Onion.

    Check this verse at 0:52:

    Oh, darlin’, I can’t hold out much longer
    But the pain is getting deep, the hurt keep gettin’ stronger
    But if I had just one more try
    I would be yours alone until the day I die
    And we would have a love so fine
    If I could turn back the hands of time

    His line reading on “the hurt keep gettin’ stronger” is awesome.

  49. 49.

    joel hanes

    [Layla] Bell Bottom Blues is pretty much it. In fact, the above referenced LP pretty much ended history for the genre.

    While I loves me some Derek and the Dominoes, I begs leave to differ. Yes I does.

    Dave Mason, Bring It On Home To Me

  50. 50.

    SiubhanDuinne

    By the way, that picture? At the top? Why does that girl have all those cauliflowers in her head?

  51. 51.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @Redshift:

    Henry Rollins: I think [“Lovefool”] was a combination of pretty girl with a neat hook, and when you see a pretty girl sing “tell me you love me”, when does it ever really happen in your wretched life? Never.

  58. 58.

    Redshift

    @Big Baby DougJ: Heh. I loves me some Henry Rollins, but I think the lyrics are a little more clever than that. And while the Cardigans may have been a one-hit wonder, they did have cult hits like the awesome team-up with Tom Jones to cover “Burning Down the House.”

  60. 60.

    Paul

    Stones – Miss You.

    Also, “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” by REM is a great passive-aggressive come back to me song.

  65. 65.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @Paul:

    Also, “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” by REM is a great passive-aggressive come back to me song.

    I love that song. Michael Stipes is a friend of a friend and I think that song captures him perfectly.

  69. 69.

    Sam Houston

    I will leave you with this I heard on NPR a loooong time ago. Ice-T was talking about the Blues and he said (paraphrasing from memory) when you get down to it there are only three kinds of blues songs:

    1) Baby I love you.
    2) Baby I love you, don’t leave me.
    3) Baby don’t leave me, but if you do don’t take the car.

  73. 73.

    TaMara (BHF)

    @Yutsano: Amen brother. And I do miss her. I suppose I could add another blog to my rss feed, but a girl does have to get some work done.

    @Corner Stone: And Corner Stone, honey, you can go suck some big hairy ones, ’cause that seems like your style. If you don’t like her, don’t fucking read her posts. It’s amazing how simple it is…if your head isn’t up your ass.

  75. 75.

    fuckwit

    I liked her posts. They were funny rants. I like funny… and comic relief is useful in times like these.

    She’s kind of like BJ’s version of Hunter from the GOS. I love Hunter’s stuff for the same reason: over-the-top, funny, screaming rants are useful every once in a while.

    Gotta blow off steam somehow. Unlike the teabaggers, we have words, not guns, for that purpose.

  78. 78.

    Cap'n Magic

    Oh, man, where to begin…

    “Since The Last Goodbye”, “The Very Last Time” – Alan Parsons
    “Since you’ve been gone” – Rainbow
    “Twenty Four Hours A Day” – The Partridge Family (yes, I’m going there, and I’m being gentle here-don’t make me bring out the Terry Jacks heavy ordinance on y’all….)

    and for those who are of the “don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you” mindset:
    “I Hope I Never” – Split Enz
    “Shacked” – Vertical Horizon
    “Salt In My Tears” – Martin Briley

  79. 79.

    Stephen1947

    Not having time to scroll through all the responses (as much as enjoy it), I hope I’m not the only one who mentioned Blink-182 playing “Always.”

  81. 81.

    dww44

    @cleek: you got that right.
    Oops, I’m supposed to be lurking, not commenting. But, I, too, didn’t know that ABL had departed this blog.

  83. 83.

    Uncle Clarence Thomas

    .
    .
    @Corner Stone:

    Grifters gonna grift.

    Can a backroom deal with Miss Jane Hamsher be far behind? I’m monitoring her IP address closely and will report anything suspicious.
    .
    .

  84. 84.

    Arclite

    The one “come back to me” song I can’t stand is Sinead O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2 U.

  86. 86.

    Keith G

    @Yutsano:

    ABL will continue to be ABL. And people will continue to be annoyed at that. Which means she must be doing something right.

    Dick Cheney annoys the fuck out of me.

    Just saying.

  87. 87.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Keith G:

    Dick Cheney annoys the fuck out of me.

    My guess is that Dick Cheney actually pisses you the fuck off. It’s different.

  91. 91.

    Uncle Clarence Thomas

    .
    .
    @Corner Stone:

    Uncle Clarence Thomas, please let us all know post motherfucking haste if a new IP shows up in dissent.

    I certainly shall. I have it on good authority that she may be using the moniker “Grand Funk Railroad” – because of her basic honesty, of course.
    .
    .

  92. 92.

    worn

    @Big Baby DougJ: Hey Doug –

    Michael didn’t write that tune.* Mike Mills did. I’d say it’s quite the feat that he so perfectly captured Mr. Stipe with an autobiographical song. [/snark]

    That said, it’s one of my faves from the jangly years. And I remember when Radio Free Europe broke locally in ’81…

    *The ‘tell’ is that it’s lyrics are concrete and comprehensible, at a time when Micheal wasn’t particularly know for either.

  93. 93.

    Corner Stone

    @Uncle Clarence Thomas: Uncle Clarence Thomas, things happen, events run their course, and the sheer weakness of the spirit of humanity embodied by weak people like TaMara shine so dimly it’s sometimes hard to see.
    Please stand vigilant in our stead.

  95. 95.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @worn:

    I’d say it’s quite the feat that he so perfectly captured Mr. Stipe with an autobiographical song.

    Yet he does!

    It always sounds to me like it’s sung to another man, not to a woman. Don’t you think?

  96. 96.

    Wag

    @worn:

    My favorite era for REM. First time I saw them couldn’t understand a thing out of Stipe’s mouth, but what a voice.

    Pale Blue Eyes fits the bill for come back to me songs quite nicely

  97. 97.

    Samara Morgan

    i’ll summon her for u
    /draws blood pentagram on monitor

    ABL! ABL!
    send the firebaggers all to hell!

  100. 100.

    Cap'n Magic

    Mahler Symphony No. 10 (Mazetti realization) Final Movement – the last six movements are about as affirming as the come.

    “Wind’s Nocturne” – Jenny Stigle (song was used in the Flash Animation “Shi’s Story”)

    “Take My Hands” – Yoko Kanno

  101. 101.

    TX Expat

    Not really a come back to me song, but this is one of my all time favorite love songs. Now that I think of it, this encapsulates John’s longing for his baby momma well.

    Anything anything

  105. 105.

    worn

    @Big Baby DougJ: Well you know, I never thought about it that way. Now I’m gonna have to queue it up with some different ears on.

    But truth is, it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me way back in the day for I was, um, a whole lot less enlightened on matters of teh gay.

  106. 106.

    J

    Sorry DougJ, I don’t listen to NPR and don’t know of this “Fresh Air” of which you speak and which other commenters describe.

    and I love Yutsano’s Broder-esque defense of ABL. Hilarious.

  107. 107.

    Big Baby DougJ

    @worn:

    Also, you know, Athens has a very active gay culture in a way that Rockville probably doesn’t. Waste another year, in the closet in nowhereville. The song really works on that level.

  108. 108.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Wag:

    First time I saw them couldn’t understand a thing out of Stipe’s mouth, but what a voice.

    Heh. Perfect description, especially the early stuff. Not too long ago somebody posted the clip of their first appearance on Letterman, when Stipe went off and sat at the back of the stage when Dave came out to chat with the band.

  110. 110.

    cg

    “Is no word from you at all the best that you can do? Never meant to push or shove you, do you know how much I love you–no you don’t, but I do.” Hal Ketchum, “Past the Point of Rescue.”

    I miss ABL on this site also, too.

  111. 111.

    Cliff in NH

    I want more angry black lady.

    Gimme More. (pretty please with pizza on top.)

    ps, ABL gets to pick the toppings when she reappears!

  112. 112.

    Uriel

    @Big Baby DougJ:

    That show with Terry Gross that is the aural equivalent of mainlining valium.

    Hey! I like Fresh Air!

    On the other hand, now that I think about it, I do vaugely recall being rather fond of valium in my youth as well…

    Never mind.

  116. 116.

    Matt Mangels

    This BJ reader is certainly not missing ABL one bit. Also, I find the “if she has all these enemies she must be doing something right”argument pretty funny. As if the more enemies a person has correlates to their virtue. George W. Bush should become a front page poster if that’s the case.

  119. 119.

    Cliff in NH

    @Matt Mangels:

    If you can’t tell the difference between a troll and a fact, I feel for you ..

    ok..

    Ha. Ha

    No I can’t feel that at all.

    Bush, Really?! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!

  122. 122.

    eemom

    Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone.

    You know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know

    Don’t you, Uncle Clarence?

  123. 123.

    ABL

    What?! No Ben Folds Five?

    Give me money back
    give me money back, you bitch
    And don’t forget to give me back my black t shirt

    (thanks doug and those who aren’t still living the dream being resident BJ dickwigglers.)

    ::cough::

  124. 124.

    Bago

    ABL is what blogging is all about. Ranting, invective, and letting one’s freak flag fly. On a blogging site named Balloon Juice.

  126. 126.

    The Moar You Know

    Crawl on the floor? For her?

    Fuck that. Glad she’s gone and hope she stays gone. She contributed absolutely nothing but drama and butthurt.

    I’d rather see Four_Loko made a front-pager than see her back here again.

  131. 131.

    Yutsano

    @ABL: Moi? I didn’t do nuffin’. Well except give suzanne nightmares for another week or so. You’ll recover.

  140. 140.

    Laertes

    I hadn’t noticed she was gone, but now that you mention it, I suppose she hasn’t done her drama queen thing in a while. Can’t say I miss her. She had a way of making the entire blog all about her.

    She loves attention too much to stay away for long. She’s the kind of person who likes to piss in the punchbowl and then laugh at the “trolls” who complain about it. But it’s nice while it lasts, anyway.

  143. 143.

    Lojasmo

    I follow her in FB where she remains redidculous as always.

    I miss her here because she makes all the trolls paint targets on their nuts and anuses.

  146. 146.

    NobodySpecial

    The stamping ground
    The stamping ground
    All your old friends still hang around
    Coming in with the same blokes
    Going home with the same jokes
    If you ever go missing, I know where you’ll be found
    The stamping ground

  149. 149.

    kideni

    I’m always so late to these things. Kent, “Romeo återvänder Ensam” (“Romeo Returns Alone”l fan video here). If you don’t know Swedish (what, you don’t? I don’t either), here are the lyrics, but it seems to be about returning to the site of a summer romance, but it’s winter and everything’s boarded up, snowed over, wrecked, and washed out to sea.

  150. 150.

    Svensker

    @les:

    Great show; and for years I’ve heard it as “American Roots.” Duh.

    It’s not? It’s “routes”? Well, double duh.

  151. 151.

    LanceThruster

    Though probably not suited to the tiff with ABL, I feel the ultimate in sour grapes songwriting is Tonio K’s H-A-T-R-E-D (with the closing line – “But then agiain maybe with the help of counseling we can work this out.”)

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