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… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Because of wow. / Over the Fucking Line, Donny

Over the Fucking Line, Donny

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I’m treating tonight like Friday as this is a four day week-end, so if you expect something substantive from me, move on. I do want to pass on this little tale:

A repeat public indecency offender has been arrested for allegedly engaging in “sexual activity” with a pink inflatable swimming pool raft, according to Hamilton police.

Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, was arrested at his Harmon Avenue home early Sunday after he was spotted in the act in an alley in the 1800 block of Howell Avenue behind a residence, a police report shows.

A male witness, who owns the raft and lives in the home near the alley, told Hamilton Police Officer William Thacker he shouted at the suspect to stop.

Tobergta took the raft and fled, the report states.

When police caught up with him, he admitted to the crime and begged for help, according to police.

Putting aside the sadness factor of him begging for help, I’m not sure what is my favorite part of the story. That he was having sex with a raft, that it wasn’t his raft, or that when he was caught, before running, he made sure to take the raft with him. But wait, it gets better:

According to court records, he has four other public indecency charges in Hamilton Municipal Court and another in Butler County.

In one public indecency case in 2002, he was caught having sex with an inflatable pumpkin that was part of a Halloween display.

What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

And if all you are going to do is tell me I am horrible person and should not be snickering at this, I completely agree. I’m a horrible person.

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Reader Interactions

84Comments

  1. 1.

    arguingwithsignposts

    I’ll just help you out here:

    An Unexamined Scandal, Balloon Jobs, Because of wow., Clown Shoes, Crock Pot Craziness, General Stupidity, I Hate All of You, I Read These Morons So You Don’t Have To, I wish a motherfucker would!, KMBA, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue, Manic Progressive, OBAMA IS WORSE THAN BUSH HE SOLD US OUT!!, Our Failed Media Experiment, Our Failed Political Establishment, Republican Stupidity, Serenity Now!, Seriously, Somewhere a Village is Missing its Idiot, The Brown Enemy Within, The Failed Obama Administration (Only Took Two Weeks), The stupid speaks for itself, WTF? Both Sides Do It!, Crazification Factor, Decline and Fall, Democratic Cowardice, Fucked-up-edness, Fucksaw, Good News For Conservatives, I wish a motherfucker would!, IOKIYAR, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue, Monkeys flinging poo, Nobody could have predicted, OBAMA IS WORSE THAN BUSH HE SOLD US OUT!!, Our Failed Political Establishment, Republican Stupidity, Republican Venality, Shouting at the rain, Show Us on the Doll Where the Invisible Hand Touched You, Sweet Fancy Moses!, Teabagger Stupidity, The Failed Obama Administration (Only Took Two Weeks), The stupid speaks for itself, WWJBD- What Would Jenna Bush Do?

    ETA: on topic, you didn’t mention what legislative body this republican serves in.

  7. 7.

    Leadpipe

    I have to figure the raft had more flexibility than a pumpkin.besides he’d have to wait two months for the neighbor to put out the pumpkin

  8. 8.

    BGinCHI

    Great title post too. If you can’t hear Goodman yelling it, I feel sorry for you.

    Although technically it was Smokey who was over the line. In a league match, no less.

    I mean, it’s not Vietnam. There are rules.

  10. 10.

    Dennis SGMM

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    The pumpkin requested flowers and a candle lit dinner?

  14. 14.

    Keith G

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    Obama “caved”?
    /snark

  19. 19.

    Joshua Norton

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    He obviously raised his standards.

  21. 21.

    singfoom

    To be fair to the man, the raft was only half-inflated and didn’t even have a cover on. It was asking for it!

    I’m going to imagine this person somehow imprinted on some kind of inanimate object when he hit puberty. Poor guy.

    Don’t covet thy neighbors raft.

  26. 26.

    General Stuck

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    Maybe he figured out it ain’t the size of the pumpkin, but the motion of the ocean, or something.

    I once worked in Hamilton as a public health inspector, fucking cesspool, full of enterprising wingnuts and their dubious shenanigans. This guy shoulda married the pumpkin and left town a long time ago.

  30. 30.

    Judas Escargot

    Sounds like this kid could use a Confessor

    ETA: To this day, I can’t hear the phrase “sex with a pumpkin” without thinking of Roberto Benigni.

  31. 31.

    geg6

    Jeebus. A raft and a pumpkin, WTF? And seriously, dude, if you’d quit stealing other people’s inflatables to fuck, just buy your own and do it in the privacy of your own home! No one will care. In fact, they make inflatables for that specific purpose. You can buy them on the Internet.

    Another laugh I had today was being called out by name as some kind of mindless Obot in a thread by one of the idiot emoprogs infesting this place. This, on a day on which I was the very first comment in a thread and was about my greatest disappointment with Obama. But I didn’t call him a weakling or call for primarying him, so I guess that kind of criticism doesn’t count. Made me giggle.

  32. 32.

    BGinCHI

    @John O: After being arrested and told this he was probably like,”What? They have inflatable women?”

    Probably Boehner’s district.

  34. 34.

    gocart mozart

    @geg6:

    Jeebus. A raft and a pumpkin, WTF? And seriously, dude, if you’d quit stealing other people’s inflatables to fuck, just buy your own and do it in the privacy of your own home! No one will care. In fact, they make inflatables for that specific purpose. You can buy them on the Internet.

    You know a bit too much about this topic. Just saying.

  39. 39.

    geg6

    And Cole, I recommend watching the Steeler pre-game tonight (do you get KDKA?). It will probably be better than the game. Word is, not a single starter tonight. Typical of the last pre-season. But they’re showing a good review of last season.

  40. 40.

    Jager

    My Grandfather had guy appear in his court, charged with indecent exposure and intent to endanger. The guy owned a neighborhood tavern, one Saturday he hung a sign outside that advertised “Nickel Taps”. Needless to say, the bar was packed. After about two hours a patron noticed the guy was slipping the beer mugs up under his apron. He was sloshing his dick and balls in the beers just before he served them! He got sentenced to the state mental hospital and lost his liqour license. Grandpa said the guy didn’t say much in court he just sat there with a grin on his face.

  41. 41.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @WaterGirl: We are talking about a guy who boffs inflatable rafts; I think we should be happy if he simply emails his credenza-god only knows what else he might think to do with it.

  42. 42.

    An Idiot

    How are you even supposed to have sex with an inflatable pumpkin? I mean, drilling a hole in it wouldn’t work too good…

  47. 47.

    J. Michael Neal

    @JenJen:

    Living in southwestern Ohio is like having front row seats to a never-ending fail parade.

    Now it speaks the truth.

    Why, yes, I grew up in Ann Arbor. How did you guess?

  49. 49.

    WaterGirl

    @Omnes Omnibus: You’re right, the bar needs to be pretty low for someone like that. I’m with singfoon in thinking that the guy somehow imprinted on some kind of inanimate object when he hit puberty. So sad. But I’m still enjoying the hell out of this thread.

    Tonight is the last night the pool is open until 8pm, and I have been looking forward to a solitary swim on a beautiful night, in a pool that is empty except for me, just like it was on tuesday night. Now I see that it’s still 95 (ick) so there will be a million people there (also ick). Oh well, last late night of the pool season, I have to go for it.

  55. 55.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    And this (Hamilton OH) is not too terribly far from where Big Butter Jesus was immolated during a thunderstorm, while the Hustler porn shop across the interstate was unbothered during the storm. Or, what Jen Jen said.

  56. 56.

    PurpleGirl

    I don’t remember the name of the reality show but an episode I did see (was channel surfing at the time) was about this guy and his inflatable girlfriend and how he bought he clothes, fixed her hair and makeup, etc. He was thinking about buying another one. Frakking insane.

  59. 59.

    DonkeyKong

    I love the also on WAFB.com headline. “Ohio Man facing charges for having sex with a picnic table.” That’s the guy taking a fetish and turning it into an olympic sport.

  60. 60.

    forked tongue

    Once you legalize gay marriage, it’s just a step to incest, polygamy, man-on-raft, anything.

  63. 63.

    forked tongue

    My last comment is in moderation, apparently because I edited it to include the word for carnal relations between blood relatives. Meanwhile my previous post, which had the word “fuck”in it, sailed right through. What the fucking fuck?

  64. 64.

    Sad_Dem

    Clearly, there needs to be a ban on plastic inflatables. Liberal permissiveness has gone too far. Especially with those sparkly blue seahorse pool floats, which anyone can buy.

  71. 71.

    Lynn Dee

    Quote: “What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?”

    Merciless! :D

  73. 73.

    Hawes

    You know, I just finally managed to wrap my head around the idea that Furries existed.

    Now I have to understand Floaties, too?

  79. 79.

    THE

    Well, your honor, I thought I was doing it right.
    In the instructions it said,

    “attach nozzle and pump up the inflatable…. “

  80. 80.

    the fenian

    I have every intention of telling you how horrible you are as soon as I am capable of getting off the floor.

  81. 81.

    Another Bob

    What, you never knew that the old saying, “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'” was meant as a completely literal statement?

  82. 82.

    gerry

    There is no mystery here, John. Just look at the sensual curves on tha raft, the pumpkin, and you will understand that this poor follow has too much “juice” for his strength to contain. But you…not horrible.

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