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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Because of wow. / Over the Fucking Line, Donny

Over the Fucking Line, Donny

by John Cole|  September 1, 20116:38 pm| 84 Comments

This post is in: Because of wow., Green Balloons

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I’m treating tonight like Friday as this is a four day week-end, so if you expect something substantive from me, move on. I do want to pass on this little tale:

A repeat public indecency offender has been arrested for allegedly engaging in “sexual activity” with a pink inflatable swimming pool raft, according to Hamilton police.

Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, was arrested at his Harmon Avenue home early Sunday after he was spotted in the act in an alley in the 1800 block of Howell Avenue behind a residence, a police report shows.

A male witness, who owns the raft and lives in the home near the alley, told Hamilton Police Officer William Thacker he shouted at the suspect to stop.

Tobergta took the raft and fled, the report states.

When police caught up with him, he admitted to the crime and begged for help, according to police.

Putting aside the sadness factor of him begging for help, I’m not sure what is my favorite part of the story. That he was having sex with a raft, that it wasn’t his raft, or that when he was caught, before running, he made sure to take the raft with him. But wait, it gets better:

According to court records, he has four other public indecency charges in Hamilton Municipal Court and another in Butler County.

In one public indecency case in 2002, he was caught having sex with an inflatable pumpkin that was part of a Halloween display.

What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

And if all you are going to do is tell me I am horrible person and should not be snickering at this, I completely agree. I’m a horrible person.

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Previous Post: « Love it or leave it
Next Post: Everyone is Perfect Until They Fuck Something Up »

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  1. 1.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    I’ll just help you out here:

    An Unexamined Scandal, Balloon Jobs, Because of wow., Clown Shoes, Crock Pot Craziness, General Stupidity, I Hate All of You, I Read These Morons So You Don’t Have To, I wish a motherfucker would!, KMBA, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue, Manic Progressive, OBAMA IS WORSE THAN BUSH HE SOLD US OUT!!, Our Failed Media Experiment, Our Failed Political Establishment, Republican Stupidity, Serenity Now!, Seriously, Somewhere a Village is Missing its Idiot, The Brown Enemy Within, The Failed Obama Administration (Only Took Two Weeks), The stupid speaks for itself, WTF? Both Sides Do It!, Crazification Factor, Decline and Fall, Democratic Cowardice, Fucked-up-edness, Fucksaw, Good News For Conservatives, I wish a motherfucker would!, IOKIYAR, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue, Monkeys flinging poo, Nobody could have predicted, OBAMA IS WORSE THAN BUSH HE SOLD US OUT!!, Our Failed Political Establishment, Republican Stupidity, Republican Venality, Shouting at the rain, Show Us on the Doll Where the Invisible Hand Touched You, Sweet Fancy Moses!, Teabagger Stupidity, The Failed Obama Administration (Only Took Two Weeks), The stupid speaks for itself, WWJBD- What Would Jenna Bush Do?

    ETA: on topic, you didn’t mention what legislative body this republican serves in.

  2. 2.

    fhtagn

    September 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Who would ever have thought that Rick Santorum was really named Edwin Tobergta?

  3. 3.

    harlana

    September 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts: I know it’s a tag, but Fucksaw? 8)

  4. 4.

    Captain Haddock

    September 1, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Hey, whatever floats your boat…

    Oh yeah!

  5. 5.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    @harlana: I just add the tags, I don’t make them.

    Also, at least it’s an ethos.

    I saw what you did there? ;P

  6. 6.

    BGinCHI

    September 1, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Inflatable pumpkin is a gateway fetish inflatable fuck object, obviously.

  7. 7.

    Leadpipe

    September 1, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    I have to figure the raft had more flexibility than a pumpkin.besides he’d have to wait two months for the neighbor to put out the pumpkin

  8. 8.

    BGinCHI

    September 1, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Great title post too. If you can’t hear Goodman yelling it, I feel sorry for you.

    Although technically it was Smokey who was over the line. In a league match, no less.

    I mean, it’s not Vietnam. There are rules.

  9. 9.

    JPL

    September 1, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    @harlana: In fairness, that particular thread didn’t include of the different ways to express fuck.

  10. 10.

    Dennis SGMM

    September 1, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    The pumpkin requested flowers and a candle lit dinner?

  11. 11.

    LosGatosCA

    September 1, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Hey, whatever floats your boat… raft.

    FTFY

  12. 12.

    JPL

    September 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Edwin seems to have a color fetish. First orange and then pink. What’s next a purple flamingo?

  13. 13.

    JenJen

    September 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Living in southwestern Ohio is like having front row seats to a never-ending fail parade.

  14. 14.

    Keith G

    September 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    Obama “caved”?
    /snark

  15. 15.

    Hungry Joe

    September 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Man, an inflatable raft. In an alley. “Smokey, this is not ‘Nam. … There are rules.”

  16. 16.

    gocart mozart

    September 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Not even the courtesy of a reach around . . .

  17. 17.

    gocart mozart

    September 1, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    I bet you it was a boy raft also.

  18. 18.

    inventor

    September 1, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Inflatable pumpkins are the gateway…Don’t let this guy near NY on Thanksgiving.

  19. 19.

    Joshua Norton

    September 1, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    He obviously raised his standards.

  20. 20.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    @gocart mozart: How can you tell?

  21. 21.

    singfoom

    September 1, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    To be fair to the man, the raft was only half-inflated and didn’t even have a cover on. It was asking for it!

    I’m going to imagine this person somehow imprinted on some kind of inanimate object when he hit puberty. Poor guy.

    Don’t covet thy neighbors raft.

  22. 22.

    gocart mozart

    September 1, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    @Keith G:
    In the Obama economy, preverts can no longer afford inflatable pumpkins even.

    [The above sentence has never before been written I’m pretty sure]

  23. 23.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    @gocart mozart: those rafts weren’t laughing.

    ETA, and OT: Apparently, Jack White recorded a song with Insane Clown Posse. WTF?

  24. 24.

    JPL

    September 1, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    @Hungry Joe: Edwin is 32 so is probably thinking nam is a new way to do it. I’m thinking inflatable Santa is next.

  25. 25.

    harlana

    September 1, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Why do I have the feeling that fuckraft is going to be a new tag?

  26. 26.

    General Stuck

    September 1, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?

    Maybe he figured out it ain’t the size of the pumpkin, but the motion of the ocean, or something.

    I once worked in Hamilton as a public health inspector, fucking cesspool, full of enterprising wingnuts and their dubious shenanigans. This guy shoulda married the pumpkin and left town a long time ago.

  27. 27.

    gocart mozart

    September 1, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    By the way you inflate it.

  28. 28.

    John O

    September 1, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    @BGinCHI:

    That’s what I was thinking, only on the rehab side: Just get the dude an inflatable girl and leave him alone.

  29. 29.

    WaterGirl

    September 1, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts: I know I told you this last week, but you are still cracking me up.

  30. 30.

    Judas Escargot

    September 1, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Sounds like this kid could use a Confessor

    ETA: To this day, I can’t hear the phrase “sex with a pumpkin” without thinking of Roberto Benigni.

  31. 31.

    geg6

    September 1, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Jeebus. A raft and a pumpkin, WTF? And seriously, dude, if you’d quit stealing other people’s inflatables to fuck, just buy your own and do it in the privacy of your own home! No one will care. In fact, they make inflatables for that specific purpose. You can buy them on the Internet.

    Another laugh I had today was being called out by name as some kind of mindless Obot in a thread by one of the idiot emoprogs infesting this place. This, on a day on which I was the very first comment in a thread and was about my greatest disappointment with Obama. But I didn’t call him a weakling or call for primarying him, so I guess that kind of criticism doesn’t count. Made me giggle.

  32. 32.

    BGinCHI

    September 1, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    @John O: After being arrested and told this he was probably like,”What? They have inflatable women?”

    Probably Boehner’s district.

  33. 33.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts: Check Cole’s email account for a credenza.

  34. 34.

    gocart mozart

    September 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    @geg6:

    Jeebus. A raft and a pumpkin, WTF? And seriously, dude, if you’d quit stealing other people’s inflatables to fuck, just buy your own and do it in the privacy of your own home! No one will care. In fact, they make inflatables for that specific purpose. You can buy them on the Internet.

    You know a bit too much about this topic. Just saying.

  35. 35.

    Martin

    September 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    And everyone told me there was no market for inflatable kitten skulls…

  36. 36.

    WaterGirl

    September 1, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: I thought credenzas were to be faxed, not emailed.

  37. 37.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    @gocart mozart: Isn’t more knowledge better than less?

  38. 38.

    Martin

    September 1, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    @WaterGirl: Correct. You cannot accurately verify an emailed credenza. Only fax is generally accepted.

  39. 39.

    geg6

    September 1, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    And Cole, I recommend watching the Steeler pre-game tonight (do you get KDKA?). It will probably be better than the game. Word is, not a single starter tonight. Typical of the last pre-season. But they’re showing a good review of last season.

  40. 40.

    Jager

    September 1, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    My Grandfather had guy appear in his court, charged with indecent exposure and intent to endanger. The guy owned a neighborhood tavern, one Saturday he hung a sign outside that advertised “Nickel Taps”. Needless to say, the bar was packed. After about two hours a patron noticed the guy was slipping the beer mugs up under his apron. He was sloshing his dick and balls in the beers just before he served them! He got sentenced to the state mental hospital and lost his liqour license. Grandpa said the guy didn’t say much in court he just sat there with a grin on his face.

  41. 41.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    @WaterGirl: We are talking about a guy who boffs inflatable rafts; I think we should be happy if he simply emails his credenza-god only knows what else he might think to do with it.

  42. 42.

    An Idiot

    September 1, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    How are you even supposed to have sex with an inflatable pumpkin? I mean, drilling a hole in it wouldn’t work too good…

  43. 43.

    pragmatism

    September 1, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    the big lebowski porn parody is allegedly one of the great ones. http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/the-dude-abides-watching-the-big-lebowski-porn-parody

  44. 44.

    wasabi gasp

    September 1, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Poor guy fucking wind chimes doesn’t stand a chance.

  45. 45.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    @An Idiot: There are things which are better left unquestioned, because once answered, they cannot be unanswered.

  46. 46.

    forked tongue

    September 1, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    These rafts ain’t gonna fuck themselves.

  47. 47.

    J. Michael Neal

    September 1, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    @JenJen:

    Living in southwestern Ohio is like having front row seats to a never-ending fail parade.

    Now it speaks the truth.

    Why, yes, I grew up in Ann Arbor. How did you guess?

  48. 48.

    LanceThruster

    September 1, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I think such a fetish is acceptable only if you first don a couple of wetsuits.

  49. 49.

    WaterGirl

    September 1, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: You’re right, the bar needs to be pretty low for someone like that. I’m with singfoon in thinking that the guy somehow imprinted on some kind of inanimate object when he hit puberty. So sad. But I’m still enjoying the hell out of this thread.

    Tonight is the last night the pool is open until 8pm, and I have been looking forward to a solitary swim on a beautiful night, in a pool that is empty except for me, just like it was on tuesday night. Now I see that it’s still 95 (ick) so there will be a million people there (also ick). Oh well, last late night of the pool season, I have to go for it.

  50. 50.

    Bondo

    September 1, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    “Oh my god what are you doing to my raft!?”

  51. 51.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    @An Idiot:
    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Remember the motto of the Bengal Lancers,
    “Don’t ask questions. You’ll only get answers.”

  52. 52.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    @J. Michael Neal:

    Why, yes, I grew up in Ann Arbor. How did you guess?

    Wait, a Michiganer dissing an Ohioan because of fail parade?

  53. 53.

    John O

    September 1, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    @BGinCHI:

    Individual weirdness knows no party.

  54. 54.

    Svensker

    September 1, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    This whole thread is full of win. Oy. I needed a laugh.

  55. 55.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    September 1, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    And this (Hamilton OH) is not too terribly far from where Big Butter Jesus was immolated during a thunderstorm, while the Hustler porn shop across the interstate was unbothered during the storm. Or, what Jen Jen said.

  56. 56.

    PurpleGirl

    September 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    I don’t remember the name of the reality show but an episode I did see (was channel surfing at the time) was about this guy and his inflatable girlfriend and how he bought he clothes, fixed her hair and makeup, etc. He was thinking about buying another one. Frakking insane.

  57. 57.

    Jager

    September 1, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    @Bondo: Too bad the owner of the raft didn’t say “get your own fucking girlfriend, man!”

  58. 58.

    John O

    September 1, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    @PurpleGirl:

    Lars and the Real Girl is one funny movie.

  59. 59.

    DonkeyKong

    September 1, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    I love the also on WAFB.com headline. “Ohio Man facing charges for having sex with a picnic table.” That’s the guy taking a fetish and turning it into an olympic sport.

  60. 60.

    forked tongue

    September 1, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Once you legalize gay marriage, it’s just a step to incest, polygamy, man-on-raft, anything.

  61. 61.

    gocart mozart

    September 1, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    @DonkeyKong:
    Curious but, what would be the crime. Technically, its just masturbation isn’t it? Was it in public?

  62. 62.

    DonkeyKong

    September 1, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    @gocart mozart

    Maybe some family was having a picnic at the table. Pretty um awkward.

  63. 63.

    forked tongue

    September 1, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    My last comment is in moderation, apparently because I edited it to include the word for carnal relations between blood relatives. Meanwhile my previous post, which had the word “fuck”in it, sailed right through. What the fucking fuck?

  64. 64.

    Sad_Dem

    September 1, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Clearly, there needs to be a ban on plastic inflatables. Liberal permissiveness has gone too far. Especially with those sparkly blue seahorse pool floats, which anyone can buy.

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    @DonkeyKong: Someone needed to toss the salad.

  66. 66.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Whatever you do, do NOT look that up in Urban Dictionary.

  67. 67.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    @arguingwithsignposts: I knew what I was doing.

  68. 68.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 1, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Oh yeah, a song for the thread.

  69. 69.

    arguingwithsignposts

    September 1, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: I knew you did. It was more for the rest of the thread.

  70. 70.

    maya

    September 1, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    The Love Raft, it’s all shiny and new….

  71. 71.

    Lynn Dee

    September 1, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Quote: “What happened in the eight years that made him go from a pumpkin to a raft?”

    Merciless! :D

  72. 72.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 1, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    @JPL:

    I’m thinking inflatable Santa is next.

    And from there, it’s only a step to Madame Tussaud’s.

  73. 73.

    Hawes

    September 1, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    You know, I just finally managed to wrap my head around the idea that Furries existed.

    Now I have to understand Floaties, too?

  74. 74.

    honus

    September 1, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    “No wonder you didn’t like it, you picked the ugliest raft”

  75. 75.

    DonkeyKong

    September 1, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    This would never happen under a President Santorum!

  76. 76.

    TrishB

    September 1, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    @JenJen: So please remind me again why I live in this area? Big Butter Jeebus and this, too?

  77. 77.

    El Cid

    September 1, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Those giant inflated gorilla figures in front of car and furniture dealerships must be torture.

  78. 78.

    ploeg

    September 1, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    This is obviously the result of sex-ed courses telling our children to have sex with rubbers.

  79. 79.

    THE

    September 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Well, your honor, I thought I was doing it right.
    In the instructions it said,

    “attach nozzle and pump up the inflatable…. “

  80. 80.

    the fenian

    September 2, 2011 at 12:32 am

    I have every intention of telling you how horrible you are as soon as I am capable of getting off the floor.

  81. 81.

    Another Bob

    September 2, 2011 at 1:42 am

    What, you never knew that the old saying, “The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'” was meant as a completely literal statement?

  82. 82.

    gerry

    September 2, 2011 at 5:18 am

    There is no mystery here, John. Just look at the sensual curves on tha raft, the pumpkin, and you will understand that this poor follow has too much “juice” for his strength to contain. But you…not horrible.

  83. 83.

    bob h

    September 2, 2011 at 7:14 am

    In Japan there is a trend for withdrawn young men to have inflatable dolls as girlfriends.

  84. 84.

    Paul in KY

    September 2, 2011 at 9:36 am

    @El Cid: Never thought of that. You’re right, the poor devil.

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