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You are here: Home / When It Comes to Love I Want a Slow Hand

When It Comes to Love I Want a Slow Hand

by John Cole|  September 7, 20116:06 pm| 54 Comments

This post is in: Assholes, Our Failed Media Experiment, Republican Crime Syndicate - aka the Bush Admin., Sociopaths

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Apparently Dick Cheney has emerged from his undisclosed location/hyperbaric chamber and is still wowing the usual suspects with his wit and charm and gravitas:

Why are they still interviewing this guy? Why is he on my tv every night? He’s a disgrace. Someone mentioned this delightful post in the comments the other day, and I think it is relevant when discussing Tricky Dick Two, Electrocardiograph Boogie:

Fibbers’ forecasts are worthless. Case after miserable case after bloody case we went through, I tell you, all of which had this moral. Not only that people who want a project will tend to make innacurate projections about the possible outcomes of that project, but about the futility of attempts to “shade” downward a fundamentally dishonest set of predictions. If you have doubts about the integrity of a forecaster, you can’t use their forecasts at all. Not even as a “starting point”.

Stop interviewing him. Putting aside the fact that he is completely irrelevant, he presided over the worst eight years of governance this country has ever seen. On top of it all, he’s a liar. What exactly does someone have to do before they are disgraced enough that the bobbleheads will ignore them?

Personally, I don’t want to hear Dick Cheney’s name ever again, unless the words “obituary” or “war crimes tribunal” are in the same sentence. And I don’t care if that gives Sullivan or any of the other beltway boys the vapors (MOORE AWARD! MOORE AWARD!)

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54Comments

  1. 1.

    singfoom

    September 7, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    They are still interviewing this guy because he refuses to be irrelevant. Oh, and because someone decided that we should look forward, not backward.

    If we had looked backward, I suspect he’d be in prison, and not likely to be available for interviews.

  2. 2.

    Mustang Bobby

    September 7, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Why are they still interviewing this guy?

    They let him out while they’re upgrading his Borg regeneration alcove.

  3. 3.

    Chris

    September 7, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Perhaps Cheney’s angling to be the next Wise Old Man character, Robert McNamara style, of Washington politics.

  4. 4.

    4tehluz

    September 7, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    If we had looked backward, I suspect he’d be in prison

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Cheney wishes he was so lucky. He’d be rich from being a right-wing cause celebre and would be free to spend it after that hung jury lets him walk.

  5. 5.

    beltane

    September 7, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    Dick Cheney is a PUMA? Who knew.

    Being that his fears of being Pinoched were not founded in reality, and that he will never face justice even in token form, I just have to laugh at this because what else am I going to do.

  6. 6.

    KG

    September 7, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    they still turn to him because he’s been a creature of DC for decades. Both Bush Administrations, Congress, Ford Administration, probably somewhere in the Reagan Administration… they go to him because they don’t know who else to go to.

  7. 7.

    Earl Butz

    September 7, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Why are they still interviewing this guy?

    Hey, it’s not every day you get to speak to a honest-to-gosh member of the undead classes here in America. I’d interview him too.

    And you’ve got to admit that it’s kind of neat that he, for real, doesn’t have a heart anymore.

  8. 8.

    Svensker

    September 7, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    Cheney is theoretically one of the “sane” Republicans. I’d guess he loathes the Bachmann/Palin/Perry wing of the party. It’s just that he’s an evil bastard without any redeeming qualities whatsoever, so who cares?

  9. 9.

    singfoom

    September 7, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    @4tehluz:

    Cheney wishes he was so lucky. He’d be rich from being a right-wing cause celebre and would be free to spend it after that hung jury lets him walk.

    Perhaps. I think it’s difficult to say how that would play out. Me, I’d like the normal forms of justice followed even if they would give a bad result, instead of just ignoring them.

    But to each their own, I guess…

  10. 10.

    Cris (without an H)

    September 7, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    I’m not seeing the Pointer Sisters connection here.

  11. 11.

    pragmatism

    September 7, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    the wingers love the “unintentional” innuendo. “ramming it down our throats”, “lays the hammer down”, etc.

  12. 12.

    General Stuck

    September 7, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    Best Cheney smackdown from a former Bush admin. insider, and with questions asked by an anchor that should be asked. Anchor also mega hot with the smarts.

  13. 13.

    Geoduck

    September 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    I’ll admit a ghoulish curiosity as to who he thinks is worthy to follow in his footsteps.

  14. 14.

    Elizabelle

    September 7, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    He should be in jail.

    Does anyone know if he’s ever left the country since leaving office?

    Cannot think of a better weasel to be Pinocheted.

    (And David Addington and John Yoo belong on the docket at The Hague too.)

  15. 15.

    geg6

    September 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Jeebus. I could almost see Rick Klein fapping away as he tweeted. That last tweet was covered in Santorum. Ew.

    Fucker should have the same end as Jodl at Nuremberg. A girl’s gotta dream.

  16. 16.

    Hunter Gathers

    September 7, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    What exactly does someone have to do before they are disgraced enough that the bobbleheads will ignore them?

    Nothing. For the Villagers, the Bush Administration was the good old days. Tax cuts, dead Muslims and a POTUS who gave them Frat Boy nicknames and a VP occasionally leaking them intel that made them feel like they were right there with Bush, leading the charge against that nefarious Saddam Hussein and all the other evil Muslims. Not to mention the attention they got when they outed CIA agents, and the media circus that surrounded the Scooter Libby trial. It was a who’s-who of Villagers.

    What do they have now? An ungrateful half-breed who won’t cook them BBQ, give them shitty nicknames like ‘Stretch’, won’t hold daily press conferences telling them to shit their pants because of a ‘general threat’, wants to raise their taxes, won’t blow Paul Ryan during half-time at the Super Bowl and worse of all, he refuses to get angry when they want him too. They are all chomping at the bit to write the ‘See, I told you he was nothing more than an angry nigger’ piece that will maybe, just maybe, get the Conservative Movement to stop calling them Liberals.

  17. 17.

    Alex S.

    September 7, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    There are the crazy people and the mean people. The crazy people believe that God speaks to them directly and is the reason for everything on this world, such as natural disasters and the economy. Bachmann and Perry are crazy people.
    The mean people are those that pull other people down without having any redeeming qualities of their own, such as Cheney and Palin.

  18. 18.

    Alex S.

    September 7, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    @Geoduck:

    a ghoul, probably

  19. 19.

    Lolis

    September 7, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Maybe if he slept with a man, he would be shunned. That seems to bd the only thing that gives you the boot in the Republican Party.

  20. 20.

    KCinDC

    September 7, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    What exactly does someone have to do before they are disgraced enough that the bobbleheads will ignore them?

    Be a liberal, obviously.

  21. 21.

    licensed to kill time

    September 7, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    I saw Cheney being interviewed by Wolfie and he was showing off all his hardware that keeps him alive. His pockets are stuffed with batteries and spares. He unhooked one from his heart machine and it started beeping real loud.

    I was kinda hoping for an on-air cataclysmic system failure, but no such luck. It was pretty creepy. He’s like the Evil Million Dollar Man.

  22. 22.

    wrb

    September 7, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Brain bleach isn’t strong enough for what is summoned by this post’s combination of subject and title

  23. 23.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 7, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    @geg6:

    Fucker should have the same end as Jodl at Nuremberg. A girl’s gotta dream.

    I’ll settle for how the Italians dealt with Mussolini, myself.

  24. 24.

    MattF

    September 7, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    I suppose the producers of the political shows think the display of a soul enveloped by Satanic forces is entertaining. Maybe,… but maybe not.

  25. 25.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    September 7, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    @Alex S.:

    a ghoul, probably

    Specifically, either one of his daughters, pragmatically speaking the straight one, though I gather Mary is his favorite. I was never good with genetics: Does being the spawn of Dick and Lynn make you twice as evil as either? Or is the evil balanced out since there’s two of them? I guess we shouldn’t assume human/earthly principles apply.

  26. 26.

    JWL

    September 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    “Why are they still interviewing this guy”?

    Because impeachment was declared “off the table” in December of 2006. Because the Obama Justice Department chose to ignore the war crimes of the Bush/Cheney administration. Or, as I see it, its bald faced treason.

    That’s why, Cole. The explanation is not complicated.

  27. 27.

    jaywillie

    September 7, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    @singfoom: Yes, it’s President Obama’s fault that the media is paying attention to the disgraced former Vice President and not at all a reflection of our atavistic media and political cultures, which certainly have no history of inflating vapid tits like Snooki to celebrity status or promoting Kodiak grifter queens to Twitterati guru.

  28. 28.

    Silver

    September 7, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Maybe, one day, we can bury Cheney and Mr. Fucking Fifth Column close enough so that I can piss on both their graves at the same time.

    I would like that.

  29. 29.

    DonkeyKong

    September 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    Listen, and understand. That Cheney is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until Politico reports every burP, fart or grunt that comes out of it.

  30. 30.

    kindness

    September 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I will one day take a vacation to Darth Cheney’s grave where I will drink a 6 pack (of fine beer) and pee all over it.

    Childish? Yes. Satisfaction…yea.

  31. 31.

    scav

    September 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    @kindness: We’ll take up a collection — but you have to agree not to do it if it’s on fire at the time.

  32. 32.

    Southern Beale

    September 7, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Why are they still interviewing this guy? Why is he on my tv every night?

    Because he has a book to sell.

    Duh.

  33. 33.

    Jay in Oregon

    September 7, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    @JWL:

    Exactly! If Cheney had gone to prison, we’d never hear from him again.

    Just like G. Gordon Liddy.

  34. 34.

    hamletta

    September 7, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    @kindness: Why waste good beer? Make it Falstaff.

    And use it to wash down a plateful of asparagus.

  35. 35.

    trollhattan

    September 7, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Speaking of Cheney, Haliburton did a shabby job sealing Colorado fracking wells for a company with Murdoch ties.

    http://mediamatters.org/blog/201109020018

    When do we discover Emperor Palpatine runs the whole lousy joint? They’re well beyond satire.

  36. 36.

    singfoom

    September 7, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    @jaywillie: All I was saying is that the guy would have a hard time getting interview requests if he was in jail.

    The implication that you took from my comment that Obama is responsible for our media landscape was generated in your mind and was not part of my comment at all.

  37. 37.

    trollhattan

    September 7, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    @kindness:

    Mister Multideferals will likely weasel his way into Arlington (probably booting some Tuskgegee Airman in the process) and have a 24-hour guard posted, just to prevent such shenanigans. True Patriots(tm) deserve nothing less.

  38. 38.

    Jenny

    September 7, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Stop interviewing him. Putting aside the fact that he is completely irrelevant, he presided over the worst eight years of governance this country has ever seen. On top of it all, he’s a liar. What exactly does someone have to do before they are disgraced enough that the bobbleheads will ignore them?

    What are you talking about? That’s how the liberal media works. Even YEARS after WATERGATE, they could never stop sticking a microphone in Nixon’s face.

  39. 39.

    KCinDC

    September 7, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    @kindness, you’re assuming you’ll outlive him. I figure he’ll just keep replacing parts as needed for another century at least. Besides, even if he ever goes, we’ll still have Liz on TV constantly.

  40. 40.

    jaywillie

    September 7, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    @singfoom:

    Oh, and because someone decided that we should look forward, not backward.

    So you didn’t actually type that? Just window dressing? No implication that because the President didn’t have Cheney garroted in the Rose Garden it allowed Cheney to “refuse to be irrelevant” by exploiting himself through the media? Why say it then? Why not just say what you did in the reply, which was much more direct and relied less on an attempt to be clever? Why in a thread about why the media continues to treat Cheney like a celebrity/political wiseman even say, “because someone decided that we should look forward, not backward,” unless your intent was to extend blame to a certain someone? Even your reply suggests as much: “If only SOMEONE had put him in jail…” You’re clearly displacing the media’s culpability with a need to also make this the fault of Someone.

  41. 41.

    Larv

    September 7, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    “…Tricky Dick Two, Electrocardiograph Boogie…”

    Just a minor quibble, but shouldn’t it be boogaloo, not boogie?

  42. 42.

    TG Chicago

    September 7, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Since you referenced Sullivan and there hasn’t been an Open Thread in a bit, check out this bit of nonsense. Martin Wolf points out that borrowing money for stimulus makes a lot of sense, given the bond market. And he points out that letting people suffer is “immoral”. Sullivan replies:

    But isn’t some suffering good for the sake of moral hazard? Is it not important to learn that gamely sucking prosperity from the future into the present and then whining loudly when the future arrives deserves some kind of penalty?

    He actually believes that the suffering we are experience is in some way related to “moral hazard”. It isn’t. The people who could theoretically learn from “moral hazard” have gotten away without any suffering.

    And the second sentence is pure nonsense. It’s the whole 9/11 : Iraq :: Great Recession : deficit. And much like Sully fell for the first half of that analogy, he’s all in for the second one as well.

    In fact, much like 9/11, which made him and others decide that we need to make somebody somewhere (doesn’t matter who) Suck. On. This., he thinks that because the banksters destroyed the economy, it’s a “moral hazard” unless somebody somewhere (doesn’t matter who) suffers.

  43. 43.

    LTL-FTC

    September 7, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Personally, I don’t want to hear Dick Cheney’s name ever again, unless the words “obituary” or “war crimes tribunal” are in the same sentence. And I don’t care if that gives Sullivan or any of the other beltway boys the vapors (MOORE AWARD! MOORE AWARD!)

    This is classic.

  44. 44.

    JWL

    September 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    “Just like G. Gordon Liddy”.

    Jay: You’ve got a point. Still, Liddy has been rendered infamous in the history books, and no amount of his subsequent bullshitting will efface that rude truth. He’s currently bankrolled by (what I deem) domestic enemies of our Republic, that’s all. He’ll die, and soon. But his infamy will go marching on.

    In no small part because he was brought to trial, and convicted.

  45. 45.

    Sam Houston

    September 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    How easily people forget Reagan’s last days in the Whitehouse. The incessant screaming for BRAINS.

    Not long for Cheney now. You eat too many brains you get that mad cow thing.

  46. 46.

    Comrade Kevin

    September 7, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    They keep interviewing him because the media have all drunk the Tricky Dicky Screwdriver: one part Jack Daniels’, two parts purple Kool Aid, and a jigger of formaldehyde from the jar with Hitler’s brain in it .

  47. 47.

    cckids

    September 7, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    @4tehluz:

    Cheney wishes he was so lucky. He’d be rich from being a right-wing cause celebre and would be free to spend it after that hung jury lets him walk.

    This. Plus, all of Pres. Obama’s one term would have been consumed by the trials plus the insufferable showboating martyrs of the holy RIGHTWING. Honestly, do people truly believe justice could ever be done to W & The Dick? Way too many people are uninformed/misinformed/don’t give a shit about how horrifyingly illegal so much of what they did was. Look at Ollie North & St. Ronnie of Reagan. They subverted the Constitution, lied about it & profited by it. And they are heroes to a huge group of people.

  48. 48.

    cckids

    September 7, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    @Hunter Gathers:

    What exactly does someone have to do before they are disgraced enough that the bobbleheads will ignore them?

    . . . be a Democrat. Duh.

  49. 49.

    singfoom

    September 7, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    @jaywillie: I’m sorry that you’re so upset by my comment, but I stand by my words.

    There was a decision made by the highest levels of Democratic leadership, including President Obama and Nancy Pelosi as well as others to not attempt to prosecute the Bush administration.

    If they had done so and if Cheney had been convicted, he wouldn’t be popping up again since he would be in jail.

    My humble apologies that that revelation is so discomforting to you. I said nothing nor placed any blame about the specifics of our media landscape on anyone. What’s the problem?

  50. 50.

    Ben Cisco

    September 7, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    Rick Klein was commenting on Coultergeist/Erick Son Of Erick, et al, and their sudden distaste for Mooselini, on the Twitter earlier today. He actually engaged me when I said that THEY were part of the problem: http://chirpstory.com/li/2464 .

  51. 51.

    Triassic Sands

    September 7, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    What exactly does someone have to do before they are disgraced enough that the bobbleheads will ignore them?

    Die. That would be a basic requirement, but it still wouldn’t cause the drones to immediately ignore Cheney. First, there’d be the huge nation outpouring of grief (real or more likely imagined), the funeral, the eulogies, the remembrances, the endless appearances by family members, the biographies,etc. Then, maybe, they’d begin to ignore him.

    The only other possible route I can imagine would be if Cheney somehow became poor. They’re not going to pay attention to a poor person.

  52. 52.

    redski

    September 8, 2011 at 12:21 am

    not dying might be Cheney’s alpha-jerk move. he’s probably–ok, clearly safe from accountability in this country (i don’t even mean prosecution)…but, let’s just say i’ll put my last $20 of the night on a Spanish judge. “c’mon Balthalzar!”

    in fact, that’ll be a whole hurricane of hooey–cheney really is the face, the embodiment of the dirty, bloody mess of the last 10 or so years (oh and the whole pump-and-dump on mother earth. that shit was fucked up). he’s undoubtedly among the most culpable. when he goes, people will be talking some shit…who will come to grips with this mess? will former allies and underlings sell old dick up the river? could he be redeemed? who knows?! there are no limits–just look at Reagan!

  53. 53.

    MoeLarryAndJesus

    September 8, 2011 at 12:36 am

    I want to see Dick Cheney’s name in headlines that talk about the discovery of a massive cache of snuff films being found in his bunker.

    I used to say “lesbian snuff films” but I’m guessing he isn’t as picky since he left office.

  54. 54.

    russell

    September 8, 2011 at 8:41 am

    take that motherfucker to the hague.

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