“Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn double Percy Foster dies in badger den”
Reader Interactions
89Comments
Comments are closed.
Trackbacks
-
[…] Australia via Balloon Juice, the best headline […]
by John Cole| 89 Comments
This post is in: WTF?
Comments are closed.
[…] Australia via Balloon Juice, the best headline […]
Zandar
…Abort, Retry, Error?
JoyousMN
I tweeted this the other day when I read it. Is one of the funniest lines I’ve seen online since double wetsuits.
Comrade Mary
Shut down the Internet. Just shut it down.
Gozer
Bummer for Percy Foster…but man oh man is that priceless.
I wouldn’t have even imagined that there is a market for lookalike dwarf spank material.
BGinCHI
This is also the title of the GOP jobs plan.
Joshua Norton
Gad! Slap a tiara on Gordon and you’d have Camilla Parker-Bowles.
beltane
I don’t really understand this. It sounds like a scene from Bruno but I could be mistaken.
Redshift
Seems to be something in the air. I’m quite fond of:
“Nicolas Cage awoken by naked man with Fudgesicle”
(via Maddowblog)
MikeTheZ
@Comrade Mary: I heard “Shut it down” in Ramsey’s voice.
Amir Khalid
He had so much to live for! I don’t believe it was suicide.
Loneoak
Not the best way to go, but I suppose it’s better than death by double-wetsuit-ass-dildoing.
Tom Hilton
It’s one of those rare headlines in which each successive word makes the whole exponentially weirder. Truly, a classic.
General Stuck
Just goes to show it ain’t the size of the hole, but the motion of the pole
rb
Oh god, this just seems needlessly cruel. I mean: Ramsey existing in the first place, there being a market for a mini-me, the porn aspect, possible suicide … all of it.
rb
Oh god, this just seems needlessly cruel. I mean: Ramsey existing in the first place, there being a market for a mini-me, the po|n aspect, possible suicide … all of it.
Redshift
And the headline of this one isn’t particularly notable:
“Would-be ‘Gumby’ robber released by police after turning himself in”
But it does contain the a line for the ages:
“Mr Kiss’ Gumby suit was confiscated by detectives.”
cathyx
I can not watch that man’s shows. Too much bleeping. It drives me insane.
Tom Hilton
@Loneoak: I’m reminded of what Clyde Bruckman says to Mulder: “You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can’t think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation.”
Citizen_X
I told you, man: honey badger don’t give a shit!
ABL
That’s way better than “Nicolas Cage Awoken by Naked Man with Fudgesicle.”
dmsilev
@Gozer:
Rule 34. No Exceptions.
KCinDC
My understanding is that the Sunday Sport is like a British version of the Weekly World News. I don’t think people should lose sleep over their lack of sensitivity to the death of a fictional person.
Ash Can
That headline makes more sense than anything said so far in any of the GOP presidential debates.
singfoom
Death by badger den? Even if it wasn’t suicide, that’s some freaky shit.
@dmsilev: I can only hope the material involved kitchens and or food judging during the porn.
Also, it really changes the meaning of the “It’s RAW” phrase Ramsey uses all the time when yelling at people on Hell’s Kitchen.
TooManyJens
@Tom Hilton: God damn, I miss when the X-Files was good.
trollhattan
Speechless, just speechless. Also, too, missing pet posters!
http://www.smosh.com/PC/smosh-pit/photos/16-ridiculous-lost-animal-flyers
Southern Beale
Wait! How come I don’t have a dwarf porn double who can die in a badger den?
* pouts *
MariedeGournay
*spits coffee* I bet the editor is on a two week high after getting to write that one.
Daveboy
Thought this was a joke.
It is not a joke.
Loneoak
How long until someone blames Obama for this?
Hal
Does Soda Stream encrust it’s machines themselves, or is there a business out there that just diamond encrusts whatever you want?
kindness
OMG!!!! Was he fucked to death by badgers?
danimal
This just raises the (ahem) bar for my dwarf porn double. RIP, Mr. Foster.
Amir Khalid
@Hal:
And would you actually use the diamond-encrusted Soda Stream, or merely put it on display?
Hawes
Does anyone else feel like we are engaged in some sort of one ups-manship involving bizarre behavior?
Somewhere, Verne Troyer is covering himself in Fudgesicles and crawling into a hamster cage.
srv
I’m trying to think of a new internet meme based off of this, but maybe Comrade Mary is right, this is just a great example of why we need a kill switch.
Bill in Chicago
Somewhere the teabaggers are cheering …
arguingwithsignposts
@Amir Khalid: WTH is a “Soda Stream”?
sukabi
@singfoom: he was probably down in the badger hole when it was gassed, and was poisoned to death…. that’s the little tidbit of information in the article that’s just slipped in and unremarked on…. the rest of it is sooooo full of WTF?!?!?
joes527
@trollhattan: That led me to this. If anyone asks me the 2 laws of thermodynamics, I have the answer now.
trollhattan
@Amir Khalid:
“Free diamond with every hundredth soda.”
One way to ensure lots of houseguests.
cmorenc
@kindness:
Yes, by the badgers!
He failed to realize that badgers aren’t good at recognizing their partner’s “safe” signal.
Sloegin
@ABL: Question is, was he awoken by the naked man? Or by the fudgesicle?
arguingwithsignposts
Probably a Republican.
licensed to kill time
I just read this post out loud to my Spousal Unit, we laughed; I said “John Cole called it the headline of the decade!”
Spousal Unit: “I guess for a short-order cook it’s a big deal.”
Heh.
Cat Lady
In a world where that makes sense in any way, I either need to get out more or build a bunker. I’m less and less able to tell what’s spoof with each passing day. I may as well blame Obama.
Culture of Truth
we’re down the badger hole here people
piratedan
this is sad news, its a shame that Nancy Grace is committed to DWTS this fall or else this could have been her next big story, post all the Casey Anthony outrage.
Culture of Truth
Foyle’s War was never like this!
Culture of Truth
Tinker Tailor Dwarf-Porn-Doppleganger
trollhattan
@joes527:
Some hellagood cartooning there too! Makes me wish I could see some of Gary Larson’s high school math and chemistry tests.
Amir Khalid
@arguingwithsignposts:
Here’s their website.
geg6
Jeebus. Just…jeebus.
Thanks, Cole. I needed that LOL.
Uncle Clarence Thomas
.
.
@ABL:
Because the fudgesicle makes it racissss. You shoot and you score again, ABL.
.
.
A Mom Anon
@Amir Khalid: I got the husband one for Christmas last year. It’s awesome. It’s a bit expensive on the front end,but alot of places carry the soda mixes and the CO2 cylinders now so it’s not a pain to get the stuff. Kohl’s has the best prices in my neck of the woods,but Bed Bath and Beyond has more selection and they do the cylinder exchanges. We haven’t bought any soda or flavored water in a year,it’s paid for itself now.
wasabi gasp
Sounds painful. All of it.
licensed to kill time
When I read ‘diamond-encrusted Soda Stream’ I just assumed it was some trendy expensive kind of watch I’d never heard of.
kindness
@A Mom Anon: I saw this:
And I thought You bought your husband a badger??? Then I read the rest of your post.
trollhattan
Slight variation has badger eating the li’l fella.
http://twitpic.com/69fxpc/full
penpen
@Uncle Clarence Thomas: lol, weak troll is weak
A Mom Anon
@kindness: LOL,that’s hilarious.
Wag
@licensed to kill time:
I immediately thought of Uncle Frank’s diamond encrusted tweezers. i would link to Montana, but I’m at work.
Tonybrown74
I now know not to read Balloon Juice on my iPhone while riding the T home from work during rush hour.
This post (and subsequent comments) had me bursting out loud on a packed subway car …
Wag
I also wish I could link to the old Soft Cell song “Sex Dwarf”
me
He don’t need no stinking badgers.
Lysana
I also feel for the coroner. Imagine you’re that person. You get a partially eaten chibi Gordon Ramsay wheeled in and you have to figure how how he died. If I were that person, I’d be hitting the pub at record speed that night.
Lysana
@Wag: But I can, being at home. NSFW rough cut of the Sex Dwarf video right here.
Wag
@Lysana:
cool. thanks.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
It’s a funny story in a crazy way but being turned into badger food sounds like a bad way to go. I hope this is just British Tabloids making stuff up.
Thoughtcrime
Can we please hold the next GOP debate in a badger den?
I’d watch that.
jwalden91lx
@JoyousMN:
I thought it was the Second Coming of Double Wetsuit at first.
Thoughtcrime
@Wag:
Movin’ to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
And that’s ZIrcon-encrusted tweezers, my friend.
Cermet
How is making jokes related or about this any different than Ron Paul’s audience cheering about someone dying who couldn’t afford insurance? This is terrible and a tragic death. Jokes are not appropriate or proper. Jesus, people, a man died and in a horrible manner – for that creature to kill him took time and he suffered terribly. Because he was a “double” in X-rated movies and was short his death is a joke?
John Cole – I don’t know why you posted this tragic death but you should have provided context so jokes would not be made.
Omnes Omnibus
@Cermet:
First of all, none of us were calling for his death. Second, no one is cheering that he is dead, but are instead finding humor in the incongruity of it. Third, having you ever laughed when someone feel down, got hit in the balls with a football, or the like? If so, I decry your hypocrisy. If not, you are either lying or the most humorless person on the face of the planet.
JGabriel
@Daveboy:
Exactly.
This poor man, Percy Foster, was born a dwarf and had that — the disability and the discrimination — to deal with for most of his adult life. The only saving grace was that he was well-hung. Then along comes a celebrity chef who looks just like him. So now he has to put up with everyone calling him “mini-Gordon”.
The man got dealt a shit sandwich by life. What would you do if you were a well-hung dwarf who looked just like Gordon Ramsay?
Foster took that shit sandwich, and turned it into lemonade! Fuck it, if that’s what life gave him, then it was destiny, and he was gonna be the best goddamn dwarf porn Ramsay look-alike the world had ever seen. And he was.
And all your laughter can never take that away from him.
Foster was found dead in a Welsh badger den. Some of you are laughing about that. Most of you. Okay, all of you.
You should be ashamed of yourselves. This man’s life makes a Beckett play look like an exercise in light-hearted frippery. It’s fucking tragic, is what it is.
.
Omnes Omnibus
@JGabriel:
I defer to your expertise in dwarf porn Ramsay look-alikes.
Tom Hilton
@TooManyJens: That’s the first four seasons. I think I stopped watching after S5 or S6.
And that episode was written by Darrin Morgan, who also wrote the single greatest episode (Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose is a close second), Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space’.
JGabriel
@Omnes Omnibus: I don’t know what drove Foster to that badger den — despair, humiliation, pissed-off drug dealer — but that’s just a horrible way to go.
.
dead existentialist
It’s a funny ole world . . .
Jay C
@Cermet: @sukabi:
Just BTW, some other (British) tabloid accounts that I have read have reported that while the late Mr. Foster’s remains were found in a badger den, they still don’t know how/when he died, and have theorized that the little guy was killed elsewhere, and his body stuffed down the badger-hole to hide it.
The badgers, AFAIK, haven’t been questioned: they seem just to have been glad of the “short-order” snack…
@cathyx:
Try renting HK on DVD (we got ours from Netflix); they aren’t bleeped, and you get all of Gordon’s, ummm, colorful phraseology right there.
Citizen_X
@JGabriel:
Well, you know what Mel Brooks said: “Tragedy is I cut my finger. Comedy is you fall in an open manhole and die.”
damn good mr jam
It was a poisonous mushroom. That, or a snake.
tfenner
They must have figured it out again.
“There is a theory that if anyone discovers what the universe is for or why it exists, it will immediately transform into something even more bizarrely inexplicable.
There is another theory that this has already happened.”
Douglas Adams
Suffern ACE
@Omnes Omnibus: Nah. This whole post is in poor taste all around. Quit trying to weasel out of that.
Jebediah
@Southern Beale:
Why are you so sure you don’t?
Paul in KY
Alas, I am unable to read the story. Work ‘bad title’ blocking software.
Paul in KY
@Amir Khalid: Looking at those happy women, I can see why he wanted one.
mike
Just when I thought there was no more perfect forkful of batshit than “Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal”, along comes this headline.