Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

How stupid are these people?

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

You cannot shame the shameless.

To the privileged, equality seems like oppression.

Republicans want to make it harder to vote and easier for them to cheat.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

If you cannot answer whether trump lost the 2020 election, you are unfit for office.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Their shamelessness is their super power.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

All hail the time of the bunny!

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Open Thread: Large Easy Target

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Back in the spotlight, Newton…

Fort Dodge, Ia. – Same-sex marriage is a temporary aberration that will dissipate, Newt Gingrich said here today.
__
“I believe that marriage is between a man and woman,” Gingrich said. “It has been for all of recorded history and I think this is a temporary aberration that will dissipate. I think that it is just fundamentally goes against everything we know.”

Found out about this from the inestimable Charlie Pierce:

In case you’re wondering how many punchlines are contained in the words “temporary aberration” in the context of Newt Gingrich’s thoughts on the institution of marriage, well, I’m into triple digits and it’s only lunchtime.
__
All I can say is it’s got to be one helluva sturdy petard.

For those among us who are too big-souled high-minded for fat jokes, the key phrases would be “temporary, as with NG’s three-and-counting opposite-sex civil couplings” and “Genuis namesake fueling alternate energy sources via spinning in his grave”…

Reader Interactions

80Comments

  1. 1.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    For those among us who are too big-souled high-minded for fat jokes,

    Are you suggesting Newt is throwing his weight around on this issue?

    EDIT: Thread first reply! Hooray for me!

  2. 2.

    Hob

    Just to be really pedantic: the “sturdy petard” joke doesn’t make sense, because a petard isn’t something you lift things up with; it’s a bomb. In the phrase “hoist with his own petard”, “hoist” meant “blown up”.

  3. 3.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    Just to be pedantic on a Friday afternoon, the origin of the expression is that someone will “turn over in their grave” to turn their back on something exceptionally awful, so awful that, even though they are *dead*, they find the force of will to turn their back on it.

    The turning one’s back on something awful has become so violent and so needful that it’s become “spinning” in one’s grave.

    I bring this up for two reasons:
    First, it’s an interesting tidbit.
    Second, I’m not 100% sure of it, and as everyone knows, the best way to get information on the internet is not to ask a question, it’s to post something wrong.

  4. 4.

    gelfling545

    That whole A man and A woman for “all of recorded history” is not quite accurate. You’ve got the man and any number of women deal right in his own precious Bible – unless he’s admitting that that’s not history.

  5. 5.

    Tom Levenson

    That namesake would, of course, be Isaac Newton who was uninterested personally in the institution of marriage between any combination of genders, and whose commitment to heresy viewed through lenst of Newt’s conversion to a parody of religiosity would disqualify the (much) smarter Newton in the (much) dumber Newt’s eyes.

    (My man Izzy was a serious Arian, anathema to anyone professing Catholicism.)

  6. 6.

    RossInDetroit

    Everything that comes out of Newt’s mouth these days looks like a barrel full of groggy carp with targets on their backs.

  7. 7.

    RossInDetroit

    I figured out why I like Pierce’s political writing. He writes about politics like a sportswriter. He’s entertaining and colorful. Reminds me of the late automotive writer Tom McCahill, who I still read though he’s 35 years and more out of date.

  8. 8.

    chopper

    just to be pedantic, the term ‘punch line’ really refers to the old custom of adding emphasis to a particular part of a joke for emphasis. from the middle english ‘punchen’, etc etc

  9. 9.

    cmorenc

    I’ve concluded that Newt Gingrich years ago realized he had no realistic chance any more, not just as a serious Presidential candidate but as a politician. INSTEAD, he’s launched an extremely successful second career as a performance artist whose shtick is brilliant self-parody. Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin I can truly believe are as witlessly obtuse as they appear; Newt I have a harder time believing is as colossally lacking in self-awareness or as irony-challenged as he superficially appears. It’s more plausible that he’s the Andy Kaufman of right-wing politics, except that he wrestles women in bed rather than in a ring.

  10. 10.

    RossInDetroit

    @cmorenc:

    If only. That would actually be entertaining. Sort of a more straight-faced Colbert.
    More likely he’s just a shameless hustler who has identified rubes to fleece and doesn’t care who sees him doing it.

  11. 11.

    trollhattan

    @cmorenc:

    I’m guessing in the case Frau Newton #3–the Stepford Edition–his second career is that of a non-performance artist, nomsayn’?

  12. 12.

    RossInDetroit

    I think that it is just fundamentally goes against everything we know.

    “We” in this case being straight white conservatives who have been married three times.

  13. 13.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    Not to be pedantic at all, but although a “petard” is indeed a bomb, the root of the name is the Latin/French word for “breaking wind,” so to be “hoist with one’s own petard” is to be lifted into the air by the force of one’s own farts. Which seems peculiarly appropriate for little Newty.

  15. 15.

    RSA

    Just to be pedantic, “the inestimable Charlie Pierce” and “the estimable Charlie Pierce” are almost indistinguishable in ordinary usage.

    (Sorry, all the good pedantry was already taken.)

  16. 16.

    soonergrunt

    Another piece of news on the same sex marriage front–the Pentagon today released a statement that military chaplains may perform civil unions or marriages for military personnel who are in a same sex relationship, either on or off-base.
    The decision is specifically written in such a way that military chaplains are not required to perform acts that violate the tenants of their respective faiths or personal consciences, or local laws.
    So in other words, military chaplains will now deal with same-sex marriage/civil unions in the same way they deal with marriages involving straight personnel.

  18. 18.

    eemom

    I’ve heard of low hanging fruit….shooting fish in a barrel….leading with your chin.

    But this shit? I do believe we’ll have to come up with a whole new cliche to do justice to Newt Thrice-Divorced-Dumper-of-Wives-On-Their-Deathbeds Gingrich, lecturing the rest of the world about the sanctity of marriage.

  20. 20.

    Hill Dweller

    I’m probably late to the party, but the very real possibility(inevitability?) of Republicans taking over the White House and congress in 2013 hit me like a ton of bricks today. These assholes destroyed the country, and have done everything to prevent anything positive from happening since Obama took office, but are likely to be rewarded for it. We have become one of the stupidest country in recorded history.

    For the record, Obama isn’t blameless. I’m not absolving him of anything, but it boggles the mind to think Obama and Democrats are likely to pay the heaviest price for the financial crisis.

  21. 21.

    Zifnab

    We’re going to have to take the Steven Colbert approach to this claim and ask how successful Newt’s been at fundraising before we can confirm or deny the veracity of his statements.

  22. 22.

    Short Bus Bully

    Newt is apparently taking the ignored child tactic of “if I shit in my hands and wipe it on my face will you pay attention to me NOW?” Should pay big dividends.

  23. 23.

    srv

    I’m wondering if I should start watching SNL again. Exactly how could it not be non-stop hysterical without all this material?

  24. 24.

    agrippa

    Gingrich is wrong. Same sex marriage is not going away.

    It seems to me that Gingrich does not want to retire. I think that he has a hard accepting the fact that his political career is over.

  25. 25.

    lamh34

    I always love the Black Snob’s take on things having to do with African American politics and pop culture. She always brings the funny and the relevant posts, IMHO. Check her out if you already haven’t.

    Democrats Pushing For Inquiry on Clarence Thomas

    …I’m not saying Clarence Thomas, through his own mistakes and his wife’s drunk dialing, didn’t re-affix that target on his back. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not saying that because of his sloppiness and his wife’s cluelessness, coupled with the fact that there are many, many, MANY people who would like nothing more for him to disappear from his seat and be replaced by a much more center-left Obama judicial appointee that now he has a cabal of Democrats out to get him, finally having some tangible ammunition to attack him with. That is not what I’m saying.

    Oh, wait.
    That’s totally what I’m saying    …
    …sloppy, mean drunks aside — Can this group of Democrats do anything to actually get Thomas off the bench…
    …but even with proof Thomas falsified financial documents about his wife’s income, I still think they’d have a hard time getting the votes for impeachment unless they find something on him that takes less than five words to explain to a voter.

    …And if the goal is the “shame” Thomas off the bench, good luck. The guy got on the bench after people brought up his sexual habits involving pubic hairs on Cokes and jokes about Long Dong Silver. Shame is not something that can stop this man.

  26. 26.

    MikeJ

    @srv:

    Exactly how could it not be non-stop hysterical without all this material?

    I’m not sure, but based on experience they’re up to the challenge.

  27. 27.

    burnspbesq

    This is all just an unwelcome distraction from what really matters:

    BASEBALL!

    Rays, 6-0 after four innings.

  28. 28.

    MikeJ

    If you’re the kind of person who insists on this or that ‘correct’ use… abandon your pedantry as I did mine. Dive into the open flowing waters and leave the stagnant canals be… Above all, let there be pleasure!

    Stephen Fry

  29. 29.

    Spaghetti Lee

    I believe marriage is between a man and a woman and a woman and a woman, and probably another woman soon enough.

  31. 31.

    Zifnab

    @Hill Dweller:

    I’m probably late to the party, but the very real possibility(inevitability?) of Republicans taking over the White House and congress in 2013 hit me like a ton of bricks today.

    Everything is playing out eerily similar to Clinton’s tenure. I’m not saying that’s an excuse to take it easy and being active, but I think it does say something about the tolerance the general public has for right-wing shenanigans.

    Everyone’s poll numbers are in the gutter right now. That increases the risk of us losing the White House and the Senate, but it also increases the risk of Republicans giving us back the House. There’s a lot of dissatisfaction floating around, and its not all pointed at Obama and the Democrats.

  32. 32.

    lamh34

    This one was so good, I had to post the whole thing.

    Herman Cain Tries To Win Over Black People By Insulting Their Intelligence

    You know? I’ll never get this tactic that is, in my opinion, overused by black conservatives to get their fellow Negroes to cross over to the GOP side. I call it the “All black people are stupid but me” tactic. Which is, by far, the worst tactic to use. Herman Cain, presidential wannabe and Godfather pizza man, recently went on CNN and said the Democrats have “brainwashed” black people into not seeing conservatism and the Republican Party as viable political options. Which … OMG? Really? That old lie that pretends like the 1960s and 70s never happened? But then, maybe Cain wasn’t trying to win over any black people to the GOP with that statement. Maybe that was really about making white conservatives feel better since the GOP is routinely accused of harboring, defending and protecting bigots within their own party, rather than running them out of town…

    …The reason why Cain has to deal with the vitriol is because of all the bigoted things certain members of the GOP have said and done. The fact that he refuses to acknowledge that the GOP welcomed the racist Democrats who refused to reform their racial views with open arms as part of their “Southern Strategy” is insulting. That he believes we should pretend Democrat and former President Lyndon Johnson didn’t say the Democrats would lose the South for decades if they backed things like integration, Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act. That the majority of members of the Congressional Black Caucus are Democrats and the first party to put up a viable, black presidential candidate in the modern era was the heavily flawed but at least able to acknowledge racism is real, Democratic Party.

  33. 33.

    lamh34

    More on Cain from Black Snob.

    Herman Cain Tries To Win Over Black People By Insulting Their Intelligence

    … I have this CRAZY theory that if the GOP gave more black people access, input, jobs and favorable legislation they’d be nicer to Herman Cain and maybe even consider voting for him. But all I ever here is how black people are “brainwashed” into disliking someone who runs with a party that makes excuses for their bigots and routinely sets up what few black candidates they have to fail. I’m sure Cain remembers that NOT-TO-LONG-AGO the GOP burned Michael Steele not once, but twice. First with their lack of funding, organization and support when he ran for Senate in Maryland. Then a second time when they tried to bully him out of running for RNC chairman again AFTER stripping him of some of his powers. Never mind all the times he had to walk back statements about Rush Limbaugh because, heaven-forbid someone say a critical thing about that bag of wind while also being a Republican.

    …So, I’m supposed to pretend like Tom Delay blocking former Rep. J.C. Watts from heading up any committees in Congress, then backing a pro-abortion Republican against Watts in his primary to force Watts out of his seat didn’t happen. And I’m supposed to pretend like all the times Gen. Colin Powell was shoved into a wood chipper by former Vice President Dick Cheney didn’t happen? I’m supposed to pretend like NONE OF THESE THINGS HAPPENED?!

    The GOP barely supports their own, home-grown black conservatives, but you expect black voters to make a huge shift out of “open-mindedness?” Maybe Cain should get into a time machine and talk to himself from back in 2008…

    …It doesn’t look like some black people are brainwashed, but that maybe Herman Cain has been brainwashed, or just maybe, he’s being disingenious and trying to appeal to a segment of white voters who think black people are just making this whole “institutionalized and systematic racism” thing up.

    Pandering is as pandering does.

  35. 35.

    Quaker in a Basement

    @chopper: Good! I see your pedantry and raise you with this:

    from the inestimable Charlie Pierce:

    Mr. Pierce is not inestimable, he is estimable, worthy of our esteem. We are not estimating him.

  36. 36.

    Steeplejack

    @burnspbesq:

    FTFY! They’re playing later, but I thought I’d get that in early.

    Still in mourning for the Braves. But, like the Red Sox, they did it to themselves.

  38. 38.

    piratedan

    @ppcli: i’m sorry, but that’s a grievous insult to William Shatner, who I’ll posit was pretty good in the short-lived series Barbary Coast. Now if you want to claim that he’s a standard-bearer for all things Republican, well then I got no argument with you.

  39. 39.

    Hill Dweller

    @Zifnab:

    Everything is playing out eerily similar to Clinton’s tenure. I’m not saying that’s an excuse to take it easy and being active, but I think it does say something about the tolerance the general public has for right-wing shenanigans.

    Everyone’s poll numbers are in the gutter right now. That increases the risk of us losing the White House and the Senate, but it also increases the risk of Republicans giving us back the House. There’s a lot of dissatisfaction floating around, and its not all pointed at Obama and the Democrats.

    I hope you’re right, but it’s really hard not to become disillusioned right now.

  43. 43.

    RossInDetroit

    Over/under on how long before there’s a same-sex married national politician. Or is there now and I’m forgetting?

  44. 44.

    Amir Khalid

    @ppcli:
    Does Newt Gingrich have the political equivalent of anything like playing the Big Giant Head, let alone James Tiberius Kirk, in his resume? I think not.

  46. 46.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @Hill Dweller: You know, my parents aren’t entirely blameless for how I turned out, but for the most part I blame the party in charge of my life at the time I made certain decisions: me. Ultimately my parents get a lot of credit for how I turned out, and while I would change some things, it would be hard not to vote for them again, given the chance, assuming nothing else about my circumstances would change.

  47. 47.

    kdaug

    Gah. 400 comment threads, Doc Tom’s Izzy ruminations, and plunging the depths of pedantry – this is how we spend a Friday evening?

  48. 48.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @agrippa: I think what he means is that aliens are about to come to earth, and then he and the wingers will start fighting over how marriage is a bond between two humans.

  49. 49.

    FlipYrWhig

    If it’s just a temporary lull,
    Why’m I bored right out of my skull?
    Man, I’m dressin’ sharp and feelin’ dull.

    (Replacements, “I’ll Be You.”)

  52. 52.

    chopper

    not to be pedantic, but the term ‘pedantic’ really comes from the old italian ‘pedante’, meaning ‘teacher’. none of us are actually teachers, so we shouldn’t use the term at all.

  53. 53.

    Anne Laurie

    @Amir Khalid:

    Does Newt Gingrich have the political equivalent of anything like playing the Big Giant Head, let alone James Tiberius Kirk, in his resume?

    As an OG-Trekkie, I have to say: If you think of JTKirk as an histronic narcissist with an ongoing zipper problem whose self-entitled antics led a whole lot of unfortunate underlings into getting themselves killed, while holding the geeks and drones enthralled, then you’ve got a pretty good template for Newton Leroy Gingrich circa 1994. Contract on with America!

  54. 54.

    No one of importance

    @lamh34:

    Pandering is as pandering does.

    I’m sure that nabobs in the GOP are carefully calculating how many white voters they will lose if they have a black man as VP nominee as opposed to how many they will pick up from the black community. Considering the scorn being poured on Cain from black bloggers, I have no doubt the GOP will not come out the winners in that equation.

  55. 55.

    Anne Laurie

    @chopper:

    none of us are actually teachers, so we shouldn’t use the term at all.

    Tom Levenson’s a professor. We know that for a fact, and I believe some of the other front-pagers may be educational professionals IRL as well.

    (But don’t look at me. Closest I ever came was assistant dog-obedience trainer, and never in a paid capacity.)

  56. 56.

    kdaug

    @MikeJ: No, mate. I’m plunging. With a plunger. No boat, think toilet. Don’t care about the depths, just what floats to the top.

  57. 57.

    Matt McIrvin

    Everything is playing out eerily similar to Clinton’s tenure.

    Don’t count on it. There was a real economic recovery well under way by 1996. Obama is not going to be so fortunate; if anything we’ll be well into the double dip.

    In the polls he’s way outperforming expectations based on the grievous economic situation. But to pull it out he’ll have to play Harry Truman and keep pinning it on the other guys. He obviously knows this, judging from his apparent pivot from trying to get legislation passed to making bold proposals that don’t have a prayer of passing. (I think he probably should have started doing it earlier.)

  58. 58.

    Chet

    @burnspbesq: Hear, hear.

    So much for the Rays being worn out after Wednesday night’s comeback against New York. Currently 8-0 in the 9th.

    Just in case anyone is tempted to call these the “playoffs”, I’m going to be pedantic and remind everyone that this ain’t the NFL or NBA. The proper term is postseason.

    Tonight can’t get here fast enough for this Detroiter. Go get ’em, Tigers.

  59. 59.

    Hill Dweller

    @Matt McIrvin:

    Don’t count on it. There was a real economic recovery well under way by 1996. Obama is not going to be so fortunate; if anything we’ll be well into the double dip.

    In the polls he’s way outperforming expectations based on the grievous economic situation. But to pull it out he’ll have to play Harry Truman and keep pinning it on the other guys. He obviously knows this, judging from his apparent pivot from trying to get legislation passed to making bold proposals that don’t have a prayer of passing. (I think he probably should have started doing it earlier.)

    This is more along the lines of what I’m thinking, but I’m not sure it will work.

    I still can’t believe Republicans are on the verge of taking over the government again.

  61. 61.

    Sly

    Marriage was initially a contract between two people of the same gender: the father of the bride and the father of the groom (in some cultures, the mothers). One could make the argument that “same sex marriage” is the oldest social construction in human history, because its not like people who were directly involved in the marriage started out having any say in the matter. You just did what daddy (or mommy) said, and if your intended spouse smelled funny or had a drooling problem… well… sucks for you.

    But that’s all irrelevant, since all Newt wants to do is foster a sense of orderliness and compliance among the masses by eliminating the rights of some, thereby creating a purely artificial unity among the remainder and calling that artifice “tradition”. Demagogues have been doing that since one of the first ones invented religion millennia ago.

  64. 64.

    Steeplejack

    @huckster:

    Parrish doesn’t seem to have been very successful as hitting coach, but this still smacks of scapegoatery.

    The Braves hit .235 in September, a time when more hitting was needed to back up a rotation overrun by rookies. They scored seven runs in their final five games. Had they won even one of those final five, they’d have gotten to play a 163rd game in St. Louis on Thursday. The Braves led 3-1 after three innings of Game No. 162–and worked 10 more innings without a run.

    Not sure the problem was so much with the coaching as with the actual doing.

  65. 65.

    burnspbesq

    @Chet:

    Moore’s performance would have been impressive coming from a 10-year veteran. That was his second major league start.

  67. 67.

    Felinious Wench

    It may be the +2, but this thread is hilarious to me.

    I just keep replacing pedantic with words like pederast and pendant.

  68. 68.

    Southern Beale

    Joe My God had the definitive headline related to this Newt topic:

    “Thrice Married Serial Adulterer Finds Gay Marriage To Be As Temporary As His Ability To Not Fuck Women Who Aren’t His Wife”

  69. 69.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    For those among us who are too big-souled high-minded for fat jokes

    Damn. Just damn. Eemom must be your biggest fan, Anne Laurie.

    “But Michael Moore is fat!” or “Al Gore is fat!”

    I guess that whole line of whatever depends on who’s pitching and who’s catching.

  71. 71.

    Southern Beale

    I love how whenever SNL parodies the GOP debates the first thing they do is ask “Newt Gingrich” if he really wants to be there and he always says no and exits before any questions are even asked.

  72. 72.

    Southern Beale

    So my niece and nephew had a baby last week. My niece’s water broke in the middle of the night and she didn’t want to wake her husband up so she thought she’d wait and well guess what she waited too long and they had the baby at home by accident.

    I thought that was kinda funny.

  74. 74.

    Mike in NC

    Can we please just cut to the chase and have Newt express his undying love for Rick Santorum? They are some manly men.

  76. 76.

    Nicole

    All this pedanting about petards made me look it up and I found out the phrase most likely originated with Shakespeare, in Hamlet “to be hoist by one’s own petard.” So, I could see it being about the bomb (blowing oneself up by one’s own devices) but, seeing as how it’s Shakespeare, it’s just as possible it’s a fart joke.

  77. 77.

    Darkrose

    @Steeplejack: After the Giants’ abysmal August, there were cries to dump Bam-Bam Meulens, the hitting coach. Several people, including former players, pointed out that the hitting coach can’t teach a player to hit. With the kids, maybe he can work with them to break bad habits or correct their stances, but most of the veterans have their stance that’s worked for them for years (I’m looking at you, Aaron “Squatman” Rowand), and they’re not interested in changing anything.

  78. 78.

    SFAW

    none of us are Is BE actually a teachers

    I fart (or petard?) in the general direction of your pedantry, silly Balloon-Juice-commenting person.

  79. 79.

    Kathy in St. Louis

    Nothing clever to add here. I just wonder why, if you are Newt, (awful thought), you would ever mention the institution of marriage in any context. Any other hot button top that resonates with the right, perhaps. Marriage, no. And I’d always heard he was such an intelligent guy.

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