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You are here: Home / My Daddy’s Hunting Camp

My Daddy’s Hunting Camp

by $8 blue check mistermix|  October 3, 20119:45 am| 44 Comments

This post is in: Assholes

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Back when I was a boy and didn’t know any better and didn’t have any sense and shouldn’t be held responsible for anything I did, said or thought, my daddy procured some land, and we used it for hunting and other manly activities involving guns. On that property, there was a rock that looked an awful lot like a bearded man sodomizing a Irish Setter, and some person from far in the past had painted “Jesus Buttfucking Big Red” on it.

Now, for reasons that are very complicated about the history of the region where I grew up, it was once acceptable to point out that rocks or other objects sometimes looked like our Savior engaging in bestiality with a variety of animals. While I think that’s vile and condemn it, it was also part of the culture of our area, and it’s in the past, and we can all forget about it. Even so, and even though we were just leasing that property and didn’t really own it, which means that rock wasn’t really even ours to change, we definitely painted over that rock as soon as we we got round to it, sometime in the 80’s.

So, I have to dispute the claim by seven different people that it took my family a long time to paint over that rock, written on by others, long ago, that had an “insensitive and offensive” message on it. But, man, you really did have to see that rock to believe how much it looked like the Son of God screwing the pooch.

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44Comments

  1. 1.

    Hawes

    October 3, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Well played.

  2. 2.

    JGabriel

    October 3, 2011 at 9:50 am

    mistermix:

    But, man, you really did have to see that rock to believe how much it looked like the Son of God screwing the pooch.

    Sentence of the day.

    .

  3. 3.

    MattF

    October 3, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Good to know we can all forget about the past. Was wondering about that, just the other day.

  4. 4.

    4tehlulz

    October 3, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Man, people will go to extremes to be at the top of Google searches.

  5. 5.

    Scott

    October 3, 2011 at 9:55 am

    That last sentence is a thing of beauty.

  6. 6.

    JGabriel

    October 3, 2011 at 9:57 am

    @4tehlulz:

    Man, people will go to extremes to be at the top of Google searches.

    Finally, skull-fuck a kitten has company.

    .

  7. 7.

    Glen Tomkins

    October 3, 2011 at 9:59 am

    We have total confidence in you Mistermix, and totally accept your story as a complete and adequate account of this sad affair.

    I have but two small nits to pick with your account, however. For one thing, it is obvious that you are either not Catholic, or are a sad disappointment to the noble and all-too-long traditions of Catholic education. Because my second point is that I have seen this rock, and it is quite clearly more reminiscent of the Christ having anal coitus with the uncut maiden aunt of the Apostle Paul. Don’t pull your punches.

  8. 8.

    UofAZGrad

    October 3, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Casting stones? Who amongst us does not have Nigger prominently displayed on our property?

  9. 9.

    Certified Mutant Enemy

    October 3, 2011 at 10:01 am

    I love the smell of blasphemy in the morning…

  10. 10.

    Stillwater

    October 3, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Very well done mistermix.

  11. 11.

    Ash Can

    October 3, 2011 at 10:05 am

    This made me LOL. (And if this whole sordid affair means that Rick Perry’s 15 minutes really are up, so much the better.)

  12. 12.

    Certified Mutant Enemy

    October 3, 2011 at 10:07 am

    @Ash Can:

    Probably, but recent revelations about Perry are likely seen as positives by the Republican rank and file…

  13. 13.

    chopper

    October 3, 2011 at 10:14 am

    this one time, at hunting camp…

  14. 14.

    geg6

    October 3, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Bravo! Masterful, mm. That last sentence should be a rotating tag.

    That said, I really thought, when I first read this story this weekend, that the The Onion had punked everybody again. Unfuckingbelievable.

  15. 15.

    dmsilev

    October 3, 2011 at 10:26 am

    And of course, Perry and his family ultimately decided to literally whitewash the problem. That’s one of those things which sits in the fuzzy intersection of darkly amusing, highly ironic, and appalling.

  16. 16.

    soonergrunt

    October 3, 2011 at 10:31 am

    LOL. I will be referring back to this thread several times today when I feel that I need a laugh. Most especially to:
    “Now, for reasons that are very complicated about the history of the region where I grew up, it was once acceptable to point out that rocks or other objects sometimes looked like our Savior engaging in bestiality with a variety of animals” and “But, man, you really did have to see that rock to believe how much it looked like the Son of God screwing the pooch.”

  17. 17.

    Special Patrol Group

    October 3, 2011 at 10:34 am

    http://whiskeyfire.typepad.com/whiskey_fire/2011/10/spelunking.html

    Also, too from comments there:

    I understand Perry recently changed the name to “Entitlement Blacks Head” out of sensitivity to Herman Cain.

    They’re still trying to decide between that and “SEIU Thugs Head”, ntodd.

  18. 18.

    soonergrunt

    October 3, 2011 at 10:36 am

    @Special Patrol Group: SPG–your link goes to a 404 here on BJ.

  19. 19.

    Special Patrol Group

    October 3, 2011 at 10:37 am

    @soonergrunt, 18: Thanks. Fix’d, apparently.

  20. 20.

    Moonbatting Average

    October 3, 2011 at 10:44 am

    @geg6: The Onion needs to run this headline: “GOP Primary Race Makes Popular Satirical Newspaper Obsolete”

  21. 21.

    arguingwithsignposts

    October 3, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Cool story, bro.

  22. 22.

    Jason T.

    October 3, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Now that there is some fine sarcasm, boy, I tell you whut. /hankhill

  23. 23.

    wenchacha

    October 3, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Full of win.

  24. 24.

    MattF

    October 3, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Hey, when the going gets tough, the tough invade Mexico.

  25. 25.

    thirdeblue

    October 3, 2011 at 11:07 am

    mistermix. Thank You. That is all.

  26. 26.

    TheMightyTrowel

    October 3, 2011 at 11:18 am

    golf clap

  27. 27.

    maya

    October 3, 2011 at 11:25 am

    @MattF: Generalisimo ‘N*ggerhead’ Perry: “Pancho Villa, we are here”.

  28. 28.

    Amir Khalid

    October 3, 2011 at 11:37 am

    @MattF:
    (Facepalm.) The man is governor of a territory that was taken from Mexico by military conquest. If he does become president, you can look forward to his first diplomatic contact with that country. Preferably from a safe hiding place.

  29. 29.

    Elizabelle

    October 3, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Excellent, mistermix-san.

    I shouldn’t be, but am astonished that a candidate for the presidency in the 21st century could have this in his background, just waiting to come to light.

    The things that candidates (especially Republican candidates) think they can brazen through.

  30. 30.

    Schlimazel

    October 3, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Since I live by a town called ‘Coon Rapids’ I shall not complain about the occasional defiled canine. However the town was named for a furry four-legged creature not a racist slur. We do have a few ‘Squaw’ names around the State & I know exactly the type of guy who loves to highlight the name since its original meaning has been pointed out.
    Something tells me Mr. Perry is a lot like those guys:
    heyhey . . . niggerhead . . . hehehehehe

  31. 31.

    Elizabelle

    October 3, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Kevin Drum has a good post on Perry’s not ready for prime time campaign, with suitable photo illustration.

    http://motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2011/10/rick-perrys-spectacular-fall-grace

    Again, it’s astounding to me that people of this ilk quality run. For. President.

    In one party. Show me a “both sides” for this one.

  32. 32.

    soonergrunt

    October 3, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    I will say that I have to hat tip to Blue Texan over at Instaputz:

    Just an educated hunch, but when I read this WaPo piece about the Secessionist’s unfortunately-named hunting ranch, I immediately thought of Rover.
    …
    Motive (hates Perry), means (surely hunted there and can name others who did as well) — and opportunity (still has contacts at the Post).

  33. 33.

    Trinity

    October 3, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    A thing of beauty.

  34. 34.

    wrb

    October 3, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    By the blessed bouncy balls of Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, you should know know that God sez a Christian or a Koch can buttfuck whatever they like, it is only smite-worthy when they gets fucked.

  35. 35.

    Elie

    October 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    I personally do not think that Perry was ever truly serious about a run right now. I think that this allowed him to “test the waters” for a future run — to measure himself against the issues and what his reception might be. He found that out and in typical Republican fashion, will make adjustments for the future and run when he has his adjustments in place.

    Republicans are in a different America than the rest of us. Having intelligence and sound policy ideas are not critical for essentially a religious position where the faithful will believe anything you tell them to believe. You just have to be good enough to convince them of your fabrications, and this time Perry wasn’t convincing in his delivery, otherwise he would still be their guy.

    I know folks here think Romney will be the nominee, and right now I don’t see anyone who can beat him being the nominee. That said, he is never going to be President.

  36. 36.

    WaterGirl

    October 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Mistermix, your story was so good that when I got to the end of the comment section, I had to go back and read it a second time.

    Edit: now that I have read the story a second time, I have to disagree with those who think your last line was the best. I think “Jesus Buttfucking Big Red” deserves the top slot.

  37. 37.

    Julia Grey

    October 3, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    @Elie:

    That said, he is never going to be President.

    I don’t know how you can be so sure, given the general madness of the electorate in this country.

    I think Romney has a great chance. Unfortunately. He looks good and has lots of experience in talking a good game. The general electorate, ignorant and dissatisfied as they are, will fall for his act like a ton of blockheads.

  38. 38.

    Joseph Nobles

    October 3, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Standing O.

    Although I wish more attention was being paid to an emergency $1 million donation to Perry’s last governor campaign from Bob Perry (no relation) that was funneled through the Republican Governors Association. That scandal has a couple of Perry aides facing perjury charges AND has Mitt Romney involved, since he was the head of the RGA at the time and must have signed off on the donation.

  39. 39.

    harlana

    October 3, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    just thot i would note that Perry used to be a Dem, don’t know when/if he switched from R to D but he was D in the 90’s – was his family R or D, I wonder? – and, no, I don’t care enough to use teh google

  40. 40.

    wrb

    October 3, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    I’m dissatisfied w my comment w 34 & would change it if I could.

    I did not intend to insult all Christians and should have used something like “Christianists” or “those thought to members of the tribe”

  41. 41.

    Jenny

    October 3, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    “Niggerhead” and invading Mexico will only help Perry in a GOP primary that largely thinks Obama wasn’t born in the US and is a moooslim.

  42. 42.

    wrb

    October 3, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    @Jenny:

    They want another “niggerhead” mounted outside his ranch.

  43. 43.

    Jenny

    October 3, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    You know, McCain famously used to call his wife a “C*nt” and “Trollope”, and frequently used the word “Gook” and it didn’t hurt him one bit in the primaries.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/raymond-leon-roker/the-real-mccain-might-be_b_136353.html

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    October 3, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    […] it was a place name it therefore was easy to overlook the offensiveness of the name, I give you mistermix at Balloon Juice. Tweet FILED UNDER: Campaign 2012, Steven Taylor, US […]

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