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Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

The revolution will be supervised.

I really should read my own blog.

The republican caucus is already covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Republicans don’t trust women.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

A consequence of cucumbers

This really is a full service blog.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

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I’m sure you banged some questionable people yourself.

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Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

In my day, never was longer.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

You are here: Home / My Daddy’s Hunting Camp

My Daddy’s Hunting Camp

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Back when I was a boy and didn’t know any better and didn’t have any sense and shouldn’t be held responsible for anything I did, said or thought, my daddy procured some land, and we used it for hunting and other manly activities involving guns. On that property, there was a rock that looked an awful lot like a bearded man sodomizing a Irish Setter, and some person from far in the past had painted “Jesus Buttfucking Big Red” on it.

Now, for reasons that are very complicated about the history of the region where I grew up, it was once acceptable to point out that rocks or other objects sometimes looked like our Savior engaging in bestiality with a variety of animals. While I think that’s vile and condemn it, it was also part of the culture of our area, and it’s in the past, and we can all forget about it. Even so, and even though we were just leasing that property and didn’t really own it, which means that rock wasn’t really even ours to change, we definitely painted over that rock as soon as we we got round to it, sometime in the 80’s.

So, I have to dispute the claim by seven different people that it took my family a long time to paint over that rock, written on by others, long ago, that had an “insensitive and offensive” message on it. But, man, you really did have to see that rock to believe how much it looked like the Son of God screwing the pooch.

Reader Interactions

44Comments

  2. 2.

    JGabriel

    mistermix:

    But, man, you really did have to see that rock to believe how much it looked like the Son of God screwing the pooch.

    Sentence of the day.

    .

  3. 3.

    MattF

    Good to know we can all forget about the past. Was wondering about that, just the other day.

  7. 7.

    Glen Tomkins

    We have total confidence in you Mistermix, and totally accept your story as a complete and adequate account of this sad affair.

    I have but two small nits to pick with your account, however. For one thing, it is obvious that you are either not Catholic, or are a sad disappointment to the noble and all-too-long traditions of Catholic education. Because my second point is that I have seen this rock, and it is quite clearly more reminiscent of the Christ having anal coitus with the uncut maiden aunt of the Apostle Paul. Don’t pull your punches.

  11. 11.

    Ash Can

    This made me LOL. (And if this whole sordid affair means that Rick Perry’s 15 minutes really are up, so much the better.)

  14. 14.

    geg6

    Bravo! Masterful, mm. That last sentence should be a rotating tag.

    That said, I really thought, when I first read this story this weekend, that the The Onion had punked everybody again. Unfuckingbelievable.

  15. 15.

    dmsilev

    And of course, Perry and his family ultimately decided to literally whitewash the problem. That’s one of those things which sits in the fuzzy intersection of darkly amusing, highly ironic, and appalling.

  16. 16.

    soonergrunt

    LOL. I will be referring back to this thread several times today when I feel that I need a laugh. Most especially to:
    “Now, for reasons that are very complicated about the history of the region where I grew up, it was once acceptable to point out that rocks or other objects sometimes looked like our Savior engaging in bestiality with a variety of animals” and “But, man, you really did have to see that rock to believe how much it looked like the Son of God screwing the pooch.”

  20. 20.

    Moonbatting Average

    @geg6: The Onion needs to run this headline: “GOP Primary Race Makes Popular Satirical Newspaper Obsolete”

  28. 28.

    Amir Khalid

    @MattF:
    (Facepalm.) The man is governor of a territory that was taken from Mexico by military conquest. If he does become president, you can look forward to his first diplomatic contact with that country. Preferably from a safe hiding place.

  29. 29.

    Elizabelle

    Excellent, mistermix-san.

    I shouldn’t be, but am astonished that a candidate for the presidency in the 21st century could have this in his background, just waiting to come to light.

    The things that candidates (especially Republican candidates) think they can brazen through.

  30. 30.

    Schlimazel

    Since I live by a town called ‘Coon Rapids’ I shall not complain about the occasional defiled canine. However the town was named for a furry four-legged creature not a racist slur. We do have a few ‘Squaw’ names around the State & I know exactly the type of guy who loves to highlight the name since its original meaning has been pointed out.
    Something tells me Mr. Perry is a lot like those guys:
    heyhey . . . niggerhead . . . hehehehehe

  32. 32.

    soonergrunt

    I will say that I have to hat tip to Blue Texan over at Instaputz:

    Just an educated hunch, but when I read this WaPo piece about the Secessionist’s unfortunately-named hunting ranch, I immediately thought of Rover.
    …
    Motive (hates Perry), means (surely hunted there and can name others who did as well) — and opportunity (still has contacts at the Post).

  34. 34.

    wrb

    By the blessed bouncy balls of Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, you should know know that God sez a Christian or a Koch can buttfuck whatever they like, it is only smite-worthy when they gets fucked.

  35. 35.

    Elie

    I personally do not think that Perry was ever truly serious about a run right now. I think that this allowed him to “test the waters” for a future run — to measure himself against the issues and what his reception might be. He found that out and in typical Republican fashion, will make adjustments for the future and run when he has his adjustments in place.

    Republicans are in a different America than the rest of us. Having intelligence and sound policy ideas are not critical for essentially a religious position where the faithful will believe anything you tell them to believe. You just have to be good enough to convince them of your fabrications, and this time Perry wasn’t convincing in his delivery, otherwise he would still be their guy.

    I know folks here think Romney will be the nominee, and right now I don’t see anyone who can beat him being the nominee. That said, he is never going to be President.

  36. 36.

    WaterGirl

    Mistermix, your story was so good that when I got to the end of the comment section, I had to go back and read it a second time.

    Edit: now that I have read the story a second time, I have to disagree with those who think your last line was the best. I think “Jesus Buttfucking Big Red” deserves the top slot.

  37. 37.

    Julia Grey

    @Elie:

    That said, he is never going to be President.

    I don’t know how you can be so sure, given the general madness of the electorate in this country.

    I think Romney has a great chance. Unfortunately. He looks good and has lots of experience in talking a good game. The general electorate, ignorant and dissatisfied as they are, will fall for his act like a ton of blockheads.

  38. 38.

    Joseph Nobles

    Standing O.

    Although I wish more attention was being paid to an emergency $1 million donation to Perry’s last governor campaign from Bob Perry (no relation) that was funneled through the Republican Governors Association. That scandal has a couple of Perry aides facing perjury charges AND has Mitt Romney involved, since he was the head of the RGA at the time and must have signed off on the donation.

  39. 39.

    harlana

    just thot i would note that Perry used to be a Dem, don’t know when/if he switched from R to D but he was D in the 90’s – was his family R or D, I wonder? – and, no, I don’t care enough to use teh google

  40. 40.

    wrb

    I’m dissatisfied w my comment w 34 & would change it if I could.

    I did not intend to insult all Christians and should have used something like “Christianists” or “those thought to members of the tribe”

  41. 41.

    Jenny

    “Niggerhead” and invading Mexico will only help Perry in a GOP primary that largely thinks Obama wasn’t born in the US and is a moooslim.

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