If you read the story about the rock at our ranch, I’m afraid I left one part out — the time that a local preacher came over kill stuff. Well, that guy looked at the rock that once said “Jesus Buttfucking Big Red” and got a bit perturbed, because he could still see the outlines of the lettering under the whitewash we laid over it. (Frankly, I think what really bothered him was how much the rock looked like a Jewish carpenter laying his wood into a fine looking canine, but that’s just my opinion.) Then he talked to some troublemakers who told him about other rocks where Jesus, and in some cases Baby Jesus, were identified as sodomizing a menagerie, and he got even more upset.
We tried to explain to him that we all loved Jesus, and if there were any motherfuckers who claimed that we didn’t, then they were a bunch of goddamn liars. In fact, those people were the ones he should be mad at, since they broke one of the most important commandments — no, not the one about guns, the one about lying — when they played the blasphemy card. Granted, we have some history around here with God’s only son and sexual congress with different wildlife, but a few things that happened twenty or more years ago are no reason to be irresponsible and call us names.
Sad thing is, that preacher just didn’t get it. He went on accusing us of being “insensitive,” if you can believe that. After a couple of weeks without anybody attending services, and no collections in his plate, he changed his tune. He said that he didn’t care about the rock, “end of story”. We still got rid of him, but at least he didn’t cause any more trouble.
Ash Can
…And he went back to being a good house preacher (as opposed to those messy rabbles of field preachers), and did as he was told by his betters, the way God intended for preachers to behave, and everybody lived happily ever after.
Linnaeus
This sentence really is the sine qua non of this post.
Felinious Wench
I hate Rick Perry as only a liberal Texan can, but I’m inclined to call this one stupidity, not maliciousness. And Rick Perry is one of the dumbest mofos you will ever meet in your life. Should any of you have the misfortune, as I have, of attempting a conversation with the man, make sure you’ve had a couple of cocktails. Then it’s surreal rather than infuriating.
Never, ever forget how dead-stump stupid the man is. Don’t ever assume a somewhat normal level of intelligence. There is no there there. Nothing.
We need Molly in these trying times. Man, I miss having her around for this one.
Rommie
Cementing another BJ top-of-Google search I see.
The mistake was the white-washing. Put a tarp over the rock, and a hood on Jesus, since we all want to see Christ’s face looking over those hunting in the woods, and it would have been no problemo.
Uriel
Funny bit of synergy- the big ad right below this post on my browser? Why, none other Mr. Herman Cain. Nothing like having google ads unintentionally supply the graphics for the story.
John Weiss
@Felinious Wench: I miss Molly every day. I miss Ann as well.
Ash Can
@Uriel: The ad I see in the right margin right now is for Green Giant vegetables. It must have been called up by Felinious Wench’s comment @ #3.
Pavlov's Dog
@Felinious Wench: Please don’t tell everyone how stupid Perry is until he gets the GOP nomination. I was pulling for Palin, but Perry will do the trick. I’m a native Texan, and yeah, Perry is a dumb as a stump.
Certified Mutant Enemy
@Pavlov’s Dog:
Stupidity is a virtue in the modern GOP…
Bubblegum Tate
Here’s what the most prolific poster on my favorite wingnut blog has to say about this:
How the fuck is anybody supposed to spoof that?
Big Baby DougJ
@Bubblegum Tate:
Can a brother get a link?
Bubblegum Tate
@Big Baby DougJ:
Here it is. neocon1 is a veritable treasure trove of right-wing crazy. And he clearly has some issues with Black people.
Just Dale
It’s a matter of priorities:
If a coyote offends his dog by looking crosswise at it, Perry personally sends it to coyote heaven with his laser sighted pistol. If there’s a rock by the driveway to some property with a racially offensive word on it, he waits a few years and then calls daddy and asks him to send one of the menservants out with a gallon of whitewash. If had been truly concerned, he would have vaporized the rock using a thermal sighted rocket propelled grenade painted with American flags and Bible verses while wearing cowboy boots.
Just saying.
Redshift
I think a racist name painted over when such a thing became embarrassing but now visible again through the peeing paint is a perfect metaphor for the modern history of the GOP.
Bubblegum Tate
@Redshift:
Game, set, match.
danimal
I love, love, love the anti-Cain vehemence over what was, in actuality a pretty mild indictment of Perry.
Methinks they dost protest too much.
danimal
This deserves to go on the front page. Simple brilliance.
Keithly
@Felinious Wench: Did not Molly Ivins, peace be upon her name, coin the sobriquet “Governor Goodhair”?
russ
Sad as it is, I can actually believe…
“—the time that a local preacher(R) came over kill stuff”
lamh34
I never thought I’d say this, but “I agree with Micheal Steele!”
Here’s what Steele said about Perry and the ranch:
mike in dc
There’s room for black conservatives in the GOP…
…unless and until they say something even mildly confrontational about racism inside the GOP…
…at which point they are promptly excommunicated by the base.
So odd that anyone might think Republicans have issues with race.
wrb
While these are very entertaining stories, ultimately I think this is a stupid issue that is being played up in the wider world to help Romney, so it is bad for Democrats.
Place names imbed history. Often history is politically incorrect. Kids and most adults don’t think about the story behind the name. Squaw Valley, Dead Horse Creek, Traitor’s Bend?
The phrases become, simply, signifiers of places.
The same goes for names learned as part of your trade. You use them to communicate. If you learn that the way to communicate that there is an isolated rock in the sea- that that could wreck you- is to tell someone that there is a niggerhead ahead, you don’t think about derivation. Maybe it refers to black people, but maybe it came from an Indian word meaning lump of dog shit or from something in the Greek. You learn the symbols in use in order to communicate, speculation about derivation comes later, if at all.
Joseph Nobles
Evidently Herman Cain CAN read the writing on the rock.
Felinious Wench
Yes, Molly (may her star shine forever in a tacky heaven) coined Governor Goodhair as well as Shrub. Ann did the “poor George, he can’t help it, he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”
I gotta think they’re together somewhere enjoying the heck out of this. Breast cancer is a bitch.
Enig Mata
Hey, that’s a Grand Teton you got there, Wyoming.