I can’t even.
1) Florida (sorry Floridians1, but FAIL!);
2) Republican (obvious FAIL!);
3) introduced legislation to bring back “Old Sparky” and if that doesn’t work, to provide prisoners with “a lead cocktail.” (FAIL!, FAIL!);
4) He’s tired of being humane (This is redundant; see item 2);
5) Would throw prisoners off a bridge if he could (Seriously?!);
6) Got the idea from some asshole at Waffle House (Yes, seriously.)
So yeah, I laughed.
And I’m not talking “how droll” laughter; I’m talking “these people are nuts; we’re all gonna die” laughter:
Florida state Rep. Brad Drake (R) is angry that Valle’s execution took so long. So angry, in fact, that he introduced a bill yesterday to eliminate lethal injection as a execution method altogether in favor of electrocution or the firing squad. “I’m sick and tired of this sensitivity movement for criminals,” Drake declared.
Drake got this ingenious idea to bring back electrocution and firing squads from an equally ingenious place: a Waffle House. Overhearing a constituent call for such methods, Drake said he decided to file the bill. After all, “if it were up to me we would just throw them off the Sunshine Skyway bridge,” he said:
In a Waffle House in DeFuniak Springs, Drake said he heard a constituent say, “‘You know, they ought to just put them in the electric chair or line them up in front of a firing squad.’” After a conversation with the person, Drake, 36, said he decided to file the bill.
“There shouldn’t be anything controversial about a .45-caliber bullet. If it were up to me we would just throw them off the Sunshine Skyway bridge and be done with it,” Drake said.
Under his bill, electrocution would be the standard method of executions, but inmates could opt for an execution by firing squad. This bill “end[s] the debate,” Drake said. “We still have Old Sparky. And if that doesn’t suit the criminal, then we will provide them a .45 caliber lead cocktail instead.” Of course, Florida’s electric chair “Old Sparky” is nowhere near humane. In the late 1990s, “Old Sparky” left one inmate “alive for moments after the electrocution, and sparked a fire on another inmate’s face during the execution.”
What am I even supposed to say to this?
I got nothin’.
1 Oh hush. Some of my best friends are from Florida.
[via Think Progress][cross-posted at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]