Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Radicalized white males who support Trump are pitching a tent in the abyss.

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

She burned that motherfucker down, and I am so here for it. Thank you, Caroline Kennedy.

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Not rolling over. fuck you, make me.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

When tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes duty. ~Thomas Jefferson

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

Their shamelessness is their super power.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

How any woman could possibly vote for this smug smarmy piece of misogynistic crap is beyond understanding.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / For some strange reason it had to be

For some strange reason it had to be

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In case you were wondering whether or not Herman Cain was making a serious run…he’s not:

[F]or the next two days, Herman Cain — the newest front runner in the race for the White House — is bringing his campaign here, to Tennessee, and forgoing those states that will be the earliest to cast ballots to decide the GOP nominee.

[….]

Cain told reporters that the front loading of the primary calendar and the Republican National Committee potentially stripping Florida of half its delegates for setting a primary date that violates party rules will mean other states will play a more influential role in determining the nominee than in the past.

“We believe states like Tennessee, that traditionally would not have had as big a role, are going to be more important,” Cain contended Wednesday after speaking at a Faith and Freedom Coalition rally at Ohio Christian University. “You can’t win Florida and wave the victory flag. You have got to look at some of those other states that are coming after Florida — and Tennessee happens to be one.”

This is Giuliani 2, Electric Boogaloo. Make two of those 9’s into 1’s, swap the folksy drawl for Brooklynese, and there may not be much more than a delegate or two to separate them when all is said and done.

Reader Interactions

103Comments

  1. 1.

    clayton

    Two solid conservatives tell me that nominating a black man against Obama is going to be great.

    What? You’ve never heard of a person proudly calling himself MANCOW or the urbane (read ghey) Urbanski?

  2. 2.

    handy

    @clayton:

    I remember catching Mancow on the local sports radio a few years ago. Is he following in the footsteps of Beck? Going from morning zoo radio to full-bore wingnut wackaloon?

  3. 3.

    cleek

    sounds like someone who wants to be able to say to the presidential candidate “look, i’ve already shown i can win those other states. pick me!”

  4. 4.

    Jenny

    But because Mittens is flip-flopping, robotic bankster who belongs to a Cult, Cain may win by default.

  5. 5.

    Amir Khalid

    More and more evidence that The Hermanator’s campaign isn’t on the up-and-up. If his real plan is to build up his brand for book sales and/or a TV pundit gig, it might backfire on him if he actually does well in the primaries. His momentum might then force him to run for realz. At which point he could either turn serious (I can’t believe I just typed that) or resort to some hilarious acts of self-sabotage i.e. turn into the presidential-candidate version of Alvin Greene.

  6. 6.

    Linda Featheringill

    I have nothing against a couple of black guys running for the same office, whichever that office is, but I don’t see how a race between Herman and Barack would be terrific for the conservatives.

    I must be missing something.

  7. 7.

    clayton

    @handy: yup, though his show is still as fragmented as ever, so he’s now just a wingnut who does morning show stuff as filler for wingnut radio stations in the wee hours.

  8. 8.

    MikeJ

    @cleek:

    sounds like someone who wants to be able to say to the presidential candidate “look, i’ve already shown i can win those other states. pick me!”

    He’s pulling a preemptive Hillary.

  9. 9.

    burnspbesq

    What a lovely way to spend a Friday evening: lined up at UPS with about 300 other people whose iPhone delivery got botched. Brown is not making many friends today. Hearing the same story over and over: “they didn’t ring the bell, they just stuck the form on the door.”

  10. 10.

    clayton

    @Amir Khalid: I’m sure he can’t believe the support he’s getting now. In my experience, when it gets right down to it, wing nuts will not vote for the non-white person, even when the local Republicans installed him or her.

  13. 13.

    cleek

    @Linda Featheringill:
    i’ve heard a lot of “conservatives” say that the only reasons O won were because:
    1. black people are racist and voted their own race
    2. white people voted out of “white guilt”
    3. the “black president” novelty

    Cain would obviously negate all that.

    not sure how widespread that stuff actually is in real life, if at all. but some “conservatives” at least think it’s valid enough to state in public.

  14. 14.

    Cat

    @burnspbesq:

    “they didn’t ring the bell, they just stuck the form on the door.”

    UPS has been doing that forever. The fact they let you pickup your package the same day of the delivery “miss” now almost make me less angry at the BS of having to trudge down to the depot.

  15. 15.

    Mike G

    Faith and Freedom Coalition

    I love the way the Republican authoritarian political cult fetishizes and babbles the word “freedom” at every opportunity — freedom fries, Freedom Tower, they hate our freedom, etc.

    It reminds me of how miserable communist countries would bombastically insert the word “people’s” into everything, as a propaganda distraction from how shitty life was for the average member of the population.

  16. 16.

    The Dangerman

    If he’s not serious, who will be the next Not-Romney? The TP’ers will be lining up behind Romney kicking and screaming, so there’s perhaps time for 1 more Not-Romney to run his or her course.

  17. 17.

    Cat

    @cleek: I would have voted for a hamster that had been left out in the sun to keep it warm over any GOP since the last few decades.

    It would have been able to articulate a more coherent economic agenda at least.

  20. 20.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    @cleek:
    I heard that from admitted neo-cons and PUMAs (BIRM) before the election. Also, Obama isn’t really black so don’t vote for him for any of those reasons.

    But you know, if the GOP has orgottenfay the essonlay it earnedlay in ithway Alan Eyeskay, that’s inefay ithway emay.

    This is Giuliani 2, Electric Boogaloo.

    I warn you now. At the least suggestion that there are photos or vids of Cain in drag I will burn down the Internet, destroy all other methods of transmitting visual media and dance on the wreckage.

    Make two of those 9’s into 1’s

    Hilarious. But I mean it about the burning and destruction.

  22. 22.

    FlipYrWhig

    The Cain campaign is reminding me of Christine O’Donnell’s, basically a scam that started to pick up actual support, thereby messing up the whole point of the scam. It’s like the Curb Your Enthusiasm where Mel Brooks hires Larry David to star in The Producers musical so that it’ll finally tank, only he accidentally becomes decent at it.

  23. 23.

    Jenny

    This is Giuliani 2, Electric Boogaloo.

    I do think this is different because Cain’s positions are diametrical opposite of Guilianni’s (Pro-choice, pro gun control, pro gay, pro amnesty, pro xross dressing, pro divorce, pro adultery, Catholic).

    The corporate media never got into it because they loved America’s Mayor, but the overwhelming reason he did so poorly was his policy positions. He was forced to employed a hop-scotch strategy because his positions were so despised.

    Now, Cain has no money, no organization, and no strategy, but he gives them a steady diet of red meat and he’s not a cultist.

    And here’s an interesting thing, I picked up this week. I’ve heard some wingers say, they’re gonna vote for Cain because they think it will piss off liberals.

    We’ve talked about this many times — wingers will cut off their own noses to spite liberals.

    So if they don’t ultimately run back to Parry, then I think he has a shot at winning the nomination.

  26. 26.

    Spaghetti Lee

    @efgoldman:

    Well, you see, once them black folk have an opportunity to vote for a black guy (a real one, this time), they’ll all switch to Republican en masse and vote for Cain.

    Yep. Heard it on talk radio.

  28. 28.

    amk

    he has a shot at winning the nomination.

    Hope he does. Then I will change my prediction to Obama wins by 15% popular votes (up from 7 to 10%) and 450+ EV’s (up from 350 to 390).

  29. 29.

    catclub

    “Make two of those 9’s into 1’s, s…”

    I prefer, “A noun, a verb, and 9-9-9”

    Cain got 26% of the vote when he ran for senator in Georgia.
    Allen Keyes got about the same when he ran against Obama.

    Obama is amazingly lucky in the opponents he has drawn.

  30. 30.

    amk

    From wiki, this nut has a stellar record of a consistent loser.

    1996 Senior Advisor to Dole/Kemp Campaign

    Cain was a senior economic advisor to the Dole/Kemp presidential campaign in 1996.

    2000 presidential campaign

    Cain briefly ran for the Republican presidential nomination in 2000; he says it was more about making political statements than winning the nomination. “George W. Bush was the chosen one, he had the campaign DNA that followers look for.” However, Cain went on to state, “I believe that I had a better message and I believe that I was the better messenger.”After ending his own campaign, however, he endorsed Steve Forbes.

    In 2004, Cain ran for the U.S. Senate in Georgia and did not win in the primaries. He was pursuing the seat that came open with the retirement of Democrat Zell Miller. Cain sought the Republican nomination, facing congressmen Johnny Isakson and Mac Collins in the primary. Cain and Collins both hoped to deny Isakson a majority on primary day in order to force him into a runoff.[citation needed] Collins tried to paint Cain as a moderate,[31] citing Cain’s support for affirmative action programs, while Cain argued that he was a conservative, noting that he opposed the legality of abortion except when the mother’s life is threatened.[32] Cain finished second in the primary with 26.2% of the vote, ahead of Collins, who won 20.6%, but because Isakson won 53.2% of the vote, Isakson was able to avoid a runoff.

  32. 32.

    suzanne

    @Amir Khalid:

    or resort to some hilarious acts of self-sabotage i.e. turn into the presidential-candidate version of Alvin Greene

    I cannot calculate how much money I would pay to see that.

  35. 35.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    @Omnes Omnibus: Oh no. There will be dancing. Dancing and cackling.

    And you all will find your way to wherever I am and thank me for saving your sanity and your eyesight.

    And Herman Cain is the first successful post-Palin politician.

    Yep. But one of the many eternal questions we must ask about any GOPer is “Is he just fucking around, or does he really believe this stunt has a chance of success?”

    There won’t be any way to tell until he drops out, loses the nom or Obama hands Cain his ass on a silver platter.

    Edit: The stunt in question being an actual campaign. Not a scam to boost book sales/feed the attention addiction disorder.

  37. 37.

    fasteddie9318

    It’s the next big hit on TLC! “Herb Cain and the 9-9-9 Campaign!” This brand new reality series will follow totally serious and in no way fucking around presidential candidate Herb Cain as he visits 9 states in 9 days, and all on $9.00 a day! If he can’t do it, we’ll ship him off to Obiwankenobiflorencehendersonstan, where the president is some dude he’ll Google right before he meets the guy! With special guest star Kate Gosselin in some way, because we’ve got a fucking lawsuit settlement agreement to uphold! We don’t have facts to back this up, but it’s guaranteed to be the breakout hit of the 2012 campaign November sweeps!

  38. 38.

    gocart mozart

    In all seriousness (What! Who said that?) why not Cain? I’m sure that in the beginning his motivation for running was to increase marketability for a talk show. However, I think the teabag party may be looking for a talk show host as President. He could be a Rush with a CV. After all, Reagan would have been a great Fox News personality.

  48. 48.

    Xenos

    The most jarring thing about the comparison of Cain and Giuliani is contemplating how they would govern (I know, some thought experiments are unnatural and ought to be illegal).

    A Giuliani administration would definitely be an extension of the W years – same advisors, backers, bullshitters and ratfuckers, although the rhetoric would be a bit softer on the social side and less Jesusy, a familiar taste of neo-con protfascism would run through all the policies.

    What would a Cain presidency look like? I find it very hard to predict as it might not have the familiar establishment types but could bring in the tea-party equivalent of Earl Butz and such. It would be a godawful mess, but at least we could lay off the warfare for a bit.

  52. 52.

    Warren Terra

    This is Giuliani 2, Electric Boogaloo. Make two of those 9’s into 1’s, swap the folksy drawl for Brooklynese, and there may not be much more than a delegate or two to separate them when all is said and done.

    I think there’s even less to Cain’s candidacy than there was to Giuliani’s (Giuliani did really well in the polls, until he started campaigning), but you’re overlooking the fact that the GOP has largely shifted away from winner-take-all primaries. Anyone who sticks it out long enough will get significantly more delegates than 9iul1an1 did. Cain’s got nothing better to do, got no credibility to lose, and can respectfully play the role of the Washington Generals, making Mitt look good and keeping the craziest part of his party entertained, well into May.

  53. 53.

    Amir Khalid

    @L. Ron Obama:
    The speculation has been that Huntsman is running now to position himself as a contender for 2016. To achieve that, he needs to do decently well in the 2012 primaries. But his humiliatingly low poll numbers indicate he won’t. If the report is true, it might mean he’s also giving up on running in 2016.

  54. 54.

    L. Ron Obama

    Huntsman campaign denies he’s dropping out, but could mean “we’ll deny it until a minute before the official announcement on Monday”.

  56. 56.

    Stillwater

    @Yutsano: Tim McGraw is actually quite liberal.

    Closeted or out? Sure, he covered a Ryan Adams tune, but that’s not a lot of evidence to go on.

  57. 57.

    The Dangerman

    @Xenos:

    What would a Cain presidency look like?

    Other than instead of $16 muffins, there would be $1600 pizzas served?

    Edit: Yes, I know the $16 muffin story was horseshit, but roll with me here.

  58. 58.

    L. Ron Obama

    @Amir Khalid: If the Republicans come to their senses as a party by 2016, then a lackluster primary performance in 2012 may be excused at that point. But dropping out before even the first primary would totally kill his chances in 2016, I think, and thus the only reason to do so is if the money isn’t there to sustain him for the next 2-3 months.

  60. 60.

    Amir Khalid

    @Amir Khalid:
    I should add, it’s hardly surprising that Huntsman’s singularly unpopular candidacy should face such a severe vitamin M deficiency. Who’s going to donate money to a no-hoper?

  62. 62.

    hamletta

    @amk: Alvin Greene wasn’t a Rethug. He was just a poor bastard who was thrust into a losing campaign.

    The man is obviously a bit tetched, if not developmentally impaired.

    I can’t see imputing nefarious motives to such an obviously lost soul.

  63. 63.

    Mnemosyne

    This is Giuliani 2, Electric Boogaloo.

    Nah — Republican voters actually seem to like Herman Cain, which is why he keeps beating Romney in the polls. The more they saw Giuliani talk, the more they hated him, which was why he had to drop out.

    @FlipYrWhig:

    No way out. No way out. No way out.

  67. 67.

    Yutsano

    @Stillwater:

    Closeted or out?

    Stop teasing me. :)

    Actually he’s rather involved with Louisiana Democratic politics from what I understand. They even suggested putting him up for Congress once but he declined.

  70. 70.

    Mnemosyne

    @Stillwater:

    McGraw (and Faith Hill) campaigned for Obama and pissed off a lot of country music fans by doing it. I won’t link to Free Republic, but it’s the first link if you Google “tim mcgraw obama.”

  71. 71.

    hamletta

    @Amir Khalid: A fuckton: Toby Keith, Mr. Boot-In-Your-Ass is a Dem, and Tim McGraw has been threatening to run for Governor of Tennessee as a Dem for years.

    Ralph Stanley, the bluegrass legend from SW Virginia (Appalachia) is a staunch Democrat who has served in local office and endorsed Obama in a robocall. IIRC, he endorsed Howard Dean in the 2004 primary, but I could be wrong.

    Living in Nashville, I get robocalls from Trisha Yearwood. Kathy Mattea is a WV native who works hard for miners’ rights and against mountaintop kablooey.

    Country music is the music of the working people, so the old guard tends toward FDR liberalism.

    Some music biz types started an organization called Music Row Democrats, that sought to break the perceived notion that Nashville was all Republican all the time.

    It didn’t last, but while it did, they booed Harold Ford for being a DLC wanker.

  73. 73.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano: I heard that Tim McGraw is actually really a cool guy. Which is good. It redeems him, ’cause his music sucks.

    Where’s FourLoko? Licking her wounds?

  75. 75.

    Stillwater

    @Mnemosyne: That referenced article is awesome. The Shorter: Before I learned that Tim McGraw supported Obama, I thought really knew what it means to be a man in the world (sigh).

    Ficking twuts.

  76. 76.

    hamletta

    @amk: He won a Democratic primary. Where was the support for the legitimate candidates?

    I figure the state Dem party is as lame in SC as it is here in TN.

  77. 77.

    Stillwater

    Yuts, did you administer yet another beatdown on poor M_C/HGW&#@*hGlIgarble_FourLoko?

    If so, is is there a linky?

  78. 78.

    eemom

    @suzanne:

    no, she’s composing her Apology To You. Working madly to get it done before the deadline. That’s some big time shit for a kid her age — she’s gotta make sure to get it just exactly right, lest your displeasure fuck up her entire life.

  80. 80.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Good country music: Johnny Cash, Hank Williams Sr.

    Shitty country music: Lee Greenwood (I cannot put into words precisely how much I loathe “God Bless the USA”; 10,000 burning suns only begins to quantify the intensity), Hank Williams, Jr.

    Yeah, the grift is in danger if he actually gets close to the nomination, but he seems to be getting advice from sooper-genious Mark Penn, which means he’s doomed.

  82. 82.

    Yutsano

    @Indylib: Brad Paisley also performed an intimate concert for the Obamas. I’m not sure if that’s any indication of his politics, but I thought it was cool.

    @Stillwater: I’ve been busting tax cheats all day. I’m innocent I swear. :)

  83. 83.

    Amir Khalid

    @Stillwater:
    It’s in the Hate and War thread.

    I’m flirting with the idea of extending my nym like some front pagers. Would you guys still lurve me if I became Balloon-Juice House Muslim Amir Khalid?

  84. 84.

    Indylib

    @Yutsano:

    Allison Krauss and Charlie Pride performed with Brad Paisley at that concert. I’m not a huge fan of Brad Paisley, but the song he did was pretty damned good.

  85. 85.

    suzanne

    @Amir Khalid:

    Would you guys still lurve me if I became Balloon-Juice House Muslim Amir Khalid?

    Yes.
    I’d do something similar, but all she ever calls me is fat and stupid, and, frankly, that’s just so passé. Doesn’t have the flair of “House Muslim”.

  86. 86.

    suzanne

    @eemom: It reveals a great deal about the kind of person you are that the two people on this blog that dislike me the most are you and FourLoko.

  87. 87.

    Anne Laurie

    @Amir Khalid:

    The speculation has been that Huntsman is running now to position himself as a contender for 2016. To achieve that, he needs to do decently well in the 2012 primaries. But his humiliatingly low poll numbers indicate he won’t. If the report is true, it might mean he’s also giving up on running in 2016.

    At this point (assuming that he’s not simply coming to his senses & realizing what a snare & a delusion the modern American presidency is), you could make an argument that Huntsman is running for 2016 as the candidate of the yet-unborn “Reasonable Centrist Party”, created from the sane remnants of the Republican Party plus as many Blue-Dog Dems as can be bought. In which case, dropping out before the first primary allows him to campaign on the “Now, don’t you wish you’d paid more attention & not let the drooling zanies take over the entire GOP?” platform… as the guy who was simply Too Good for the 2012 Audience. If Obama wins next year, the pundits will be claiming that voters are “tired of Democrats” by 2016. And if any of the current pack of GOP contenders somehow manages, by dire fate or Diebold, to burgle a way into the Oval Office, well — assuming we still have a functioning government by 2015, That Guy None of the 2012 Repub Voters Liked is gonna look like the smartest man in the room.

    (Heck, I’d put a small wild-card bet on the possibility of President Obama offering Huntsman the VP slot in 2012. It’s certainly more likely than Biden stepping down for Hillary Clinton, and that fever dream is being touted by Very Serious Pundits even as we read!)

  88. 88.

    Peter

    Hey, can someone help a beleaguered Canadian out here? When do these primaries actually start? That is to say: How much longer are we stuck with this speculative bullshit going on and on and on?

  89. 89.

    fasteddie9318

    @Peter: Right now they start in February, but they’ll get pushed up to January soon. By 2016 I expect the early ones will take place about a week after the 2016 election.

  94. 94.

    Warren Terra

    @Peter:

    Hey, can someone help a beleaguered Canadian out here? When do these primaries actually start? That is to say: How much longer are we stuck with this speculative bullshit going on and on and on?

    As already stated, they start in the first week of February unless they move up (in 2008, they started the first week in January because this happened). But the more important date is probably the ballot access filing deadline – which iirc is around November 1 for at least one early state. Romney seems like he should lose to any plausible non-Romney contender who doesn’t stick their foot too far down their throat, but it isn’t clear any such person is in the race, and they don’t have too long to get in if they want to actually be on the ballot.

  95. 95.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    I’d just like to point out that in the UK, emergency calls are made by dialing 999, not 911. As a result they get a lot more pocket-dialed emergency calls, and the dispatchers spend a lot of time saying “Hello? Can I help you? Hello? Sigh. Click.”

    Well they don’t actually say “click” I guess.

    So you know, even there they’d admit that the number was a pretty dumb idea. I think the absolute best response was Michelle Bachman’s though. Did you know that if you turn anything Michelle Bachmann says upside down it actually almost makes sense?

  96. 96.

    Lysana

    @hhex65:

    heh, I wonder what Nixon woulda thought of this pack of clowns.

    Part of me is damn sure he’d take one look at them and turn Democrat. Gods know he’s a freaking progressive in comparison.

  97. 97.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @clayton:

    I never heard of MANCOW until now.

    Could I just say, that website is the Single. Ugliest. Page. I. Have. Ever. Seen. EVER.

  98. 98.

    gnomedad

    @clayton:

    Two solid conservatives tell me that nominating a black man against Obama is going to be great.

    That worked well in the Illiois 2004 Senate rate. Except that time his opponent was a loon with no experience in elective office. Oh, wait …

  100. 100.

    Jose Padilla

    Apparently Cain has been pro affirmative action in the past. I’m surprised Perry hasn’t used that against him, it could kill Cain’s campaign.

  101. 101.

    sistermoon

    @catclub:

    Obama is amazingly lucky in the opponents he has drawn.

    No, the GOP is amazingly stupid in the candidates they choose to oppose him.

  103. 103.

    wonkie

    I think there are lots of Teajadists and wingnuts that would vote for Cain. After all the 27% voted for that guy who ran against Obama for the Senate.

    The Base will proudly vote for their black man. Intheir heads it proves that they are not racists. And racism is different now. Lots of rightwingers are not racist toward nonwhites theyare acquainted with. Wingers hate the Other and the Other is All Those Other People regardless of race who exist to be hated and blamed for everything, the boogeyman under the bed. But they usaully are not racist in their attitudes trowared or treatment of people they know or peole of thier political persuasion. People become conservatives because they have a need to hate and demonize but that need isn’t as tied to skin color as it was fifty years ago. It’s more generic now.

    So yeah he could get the votes of the base. Even in the deep South. Even the votes of people who say Obama is from Kenya. As long as Cai is thier black guy, they will be willing to vote for him.

    Besides he’s the 999 guy, a stupid, simpleminded idea that serves the rich and screws everyoe else and isn’t that what conservatives really love?

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