Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

“woke” is the new caravan.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Bark louder, little dog.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Everybody saw this coming.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

People are complicated. Love is not.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

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64Comments

  2. 2.

    Brachiator

    At least he’s not shooting at anybody, a la Gov Perry.

    And although it’s cheezier than Bill Clinton playing the sax on Arsenio, it’s in the same territory.

  3. 3.

    Tom Johnson

    On the other hand, CEOs of struggling companies do all kinds of things to pull together and motivate their teams. Performances like this are supposed to be cheesy. I saw a very, very serious CEO dress up as Elvis for a staff party, and another ride into the room as rootin’ tootin gunslingin’ cowboy atop a hobby horse.

    So, you know, it’s no big deal, really. Also, he has a pretty nice voice. Maybe he could get a spot in John Ashcroft’s barbershop quartet.

  4. 4.

    RareSanity

    Since this feels like an “open-ish” thread, I want to be the first to recognize Dougerhead, for his outstanding leadership during SpamfilterGate last night.

    The BJ DEFCON level rose as high 2 before Doug got the situation under control…

  5. 5.

    Corner Stone

    I loved this video, and I don’t even much care for Herman Cain. It’s supposed to be parody. If I were he, I’d embrace it as this plays to his “realness” that normal “real” people find likeable about him.
    I wonder if while CEO he ever had a pizza deal where you bought the pizza and got the sexy breadsticks for free?

  7. 7.

    Corner Stone

    @RareSanity:

    Since this feels like an “open-ish” thread,

    And since it is indeed an open-ish thread I just wanted to say, “Goddamn! Some multi-nymmed jackal has been fucking up this joint!”

  8. 8.

    kindness

    If John Lennon was alive he would kick Cain’s ass but good on that, then he’d get his lawyers to sue the dumb fu** for every penny his shitty pizza ever made him.

  9. 9.

    Samara Morgan

    Cole, why dont you make a front page post titled IS ROMNEY ELECTABLE?
    i guarantee pageclicks.
    :)

  12. 12.

    RareSanity

    @Corner Stone:

    I don’t even know how Doug tracked down the exact offending comment, while constantly removing comments from the spamfilter and approving moderation queue.

  15. 15.

    PurpleGirl

    I wonder if he got permission from either the record label or from the Lennon Estate to use the Imagine tune for a parody? It is copyrighted.

  17. 17.

    Ben Cisco

    You’re right, it is pretty cheesy. But 1) it was a pizza place, so if one were ever going to be cheesy on purpose, etc. and 2) there’s way too much to seriousy smack him around on just now, from playing overseer for El Rushbo and the gang to Plan 999 from Outer Space. I’ll give him a pass on this one.

  20. 20.

    superking

    @PurpleGirl:

    I think parodies generally fall fair use, and given that he is wearing some sort of gown, you have to wonder if he was trying to make any money off this.

    Anyway, based on this performance, I’d vote for the guy. But I enjoy using my franchise as a joke.

  21. 21.

    Librarian

    I assume he changed the lyrics, otherwise he’d be singing lines like “Imagine no religion” and “imagine no possessions.”

  22. 22.

    Corner Stone

    @Ben Cisco:

    2) there’s way too much to seriousy smack him around on just now, from playing overseer for El Rushbo and the gang to Plan 999 from Outer Space. I’ll give him a pass on this one.

    Haven’t read any of it yet, but I’ve seen a couple headlines questioning Cain’s links to the Koch Bros.

  23. 23.

    Samara Morgan

    @Corner Stone: you asked me for an analysis of the AfPak conflict by one of my shayyks.
    i am not going to give you any live links, sry….stalkers abound, lol.
    But one of my shayyks is Dr.Ghamidi and he linked this by Dr.Khan, who was killed last year.

    Not rising above one’s own self and biases is often the biggest hurdle in drifting away from the truth and in being unable to rationally analyze an issue a person may be facing. One of the gravest issue being faced by the Pakistani nation is the situation in the northern areas. Much has been said for and against the people who are involved but from each analysis we can either smell hatred for the US or a bias towards the (so called) freedom fighters/mujahideens.__
    Dr. Farooq Khan is one person who has always tried to rise above the situation to get a rational view. On the occasion of his first death anniversary, we have uploaded an exclusive audio/video program in which he has expressed his understanding of the above issue nearly a year before his death. Although these are his personal opinions but will surely provide viewers a good insight to what is happening in that part of Pakistan.

  25. 25.

    The Moar You Know

    He’s not a bad singer. Seriously. Got a nice baritone and knows how to use it.

    Can’t stand “Imagine” in the first place, so to my ears this is nothing but a vast improvement.

  27. 27.

    The Moar You Know

    I wonder if he got permission from either the record label or from the Lennon Estate to use the Imagine tune for a parody? It is copyrighted.

    @PurpleGirl: Doesn’t need it – works of parody are not affected by copyright law.

    It’s considered good form to get permission, but it is not required.

  28. 28.

    Roger Moore

    @maya:

    Parody is exempt from copyright infringement. Or else Al Yankovic would be in deep cop car poop.

    That’s not quite correct on either point. Parody is considered to be a form of criticism, which gives it enhanced standing under fair use considerations, but it isn’t a get out of infringement free card. But winning on fair use is a complex consideration, and other things- like whether Cain was trying to profit from his version- would also come into effect. Also, too, Yankovic avoids problems with copyright infringement by getting permission to do his parodies, at least when he’s using somebody’s music rather than parodying their style.

  29. 29.

    Brachiator

    @RareSanity:

    The BJ DEFCON level rose as high 2 before Doug got the situation under control…

    Wow sounds like I missed some fun. Or extra crazy with a side of whack.

  30. 30.

    JGabriel

    On the one hand, one can make a case for a politician / CEO willing to mock himself by re-jiggering a classic song into a parody paean for the source of his fortune, pizza.

    On the other hand, the execution of it made my eyeballs melt and sent my brain into anaphylactic … twitch twitch arrggh … help me, I’m dying!

    (Author falls out of his chair, curled into an unconscious ball on the ground, blood streaming from his eyes, ears, and nose.)

    .

  36. 36.

    Roger Moore

    @Samara Morgan:
    And you can trust a Rasumusen poll about as far as you can throw it. They have a strong pro-Republican slant in all their polls- at least in part because of a bad voter model- and far away from election time tend to act more like an organ of the Republican party than an independent polling firm. Don’t just take my word for it, either; check out what Nate Silver has to say about them.

  38. 38.

    Skippy the Wondermule

    Half way thru it, I started having an out-of-body experience. Did I come back to America in 2011 or the madhouse of Kubla Khan?

    Is it both?

  39. 39.

    Rick Taylor

    I googled through youtube to find the first Republican presidential debate shortly after it came out. I played it, and when it opened introducing some guy Cain as the former CEO of godfather pizza, I wondered if I’d accidentally found some Onion parody of the debate instead. Since then, nothing’s changed my general impression of Cain.

  41. 41.

    slag

    @RareSanity: Yeah DougJ was good. But really, the fastest way forward would have been to look at what anomalies were happening on the blog around the time the wackiness ensued. Those comments in the Santa Rosa thread were the more obvious starting point (Steeplejack!). That said, Dougj was busy trying to both minimize the damage and search for the cause, which took a lot of skill and effort. So, in that sense, he did do a really good job.

  42. 42.

    JGabriel

    @Samara Morgan:

    i invented rasmussen statistics.

    (A single bleeding eye pops open on JGabriel’s prone comatose form)

    Rasmussen Statistics : Statistics :: Fox News : News.

    (Slumps back into coma.)

    .

  43. 43.

    chopper

    @Samara Morgan:

    I’m not the one constantly making demands, sorry. if you’re so obsessed with who posts on the FP and what Cole etc post, why don’t you just get your own blog and be done with it?

  45. 45.

    chopper

    @Samara Morgan:

    it’s cole’s garden, actually. you’re that annoying visitor who’s constantly demanding that the gardener plant the flowers you like and WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ORCHIDS LIKE I LIKE ORCHIDS??

  48. 48.

    Samara Morgan

    @chopper: nope, im the annoying visiting herbologist that points out THAT SHIT WONT GROW HERE.

    @Roger Moore: and Nate is my homeslice.
    dintcha kno?
    we both say demographics is destiny.

  49. 49.

    chopper

    @Samara Morgan:

    well, you got the ‘annoying’ part right. as a gardener i’ve had plenty of annoying self-righteous douchebags who don’t grow shit at all tell me ‘you can’t grow that here’. as much as i enjoy proving them wrong, it’s better that they just shut the hell up in the first place. analogy over.

  54. 54.

    Samara Morgan

    @chopper: so you like dig having glibertarian front pagers wasting spacetime here?
    i suppose you are planting okra in Alaska too.
    :)

  56. 56.

    Effin' Effie

    Do you suppose he’s running for the presidency just so he can make people listen to him sing?

  57. 57.

    Roger Moore

    @Samara Morgan:
    Actually, rec.sport.baseball is turning out to have been a really cool place to have been in the mid nineties. There was a regular troll there who made fun of all the people who cared about statistical analysis, making nasty comments about how they were a bunch of computer geeks who didn’t really know anything about sports. Now about half of the regular posters he was criticizing are working somewhere in the sports business, either working as statistical analysts for major league teams or publishing Baseball Prospectus. Nate went from Prospectus to analyzing elections on 538 to working for the NYT. It’s like the revenge of the stats drunk computer nerds.

  60. 60.

    Lysana

    I couldn’t listen through due to the lyrics and delivery style, but I agree with asiangrrlMN. He should’ve stuck to singing. Get some of that lounge-act crap knocked out of him and he’d make a fine gospel or soft rock singer.

  61. 61.

    JGabriel

    Lysana:

    Get some of that lounge-act crap knocked out of [Cain] and he’d make a fine gospel or soft rock singer.

    Yeah, Cain could have been the Republican Al Green.

    I feel like, having written that sentence, there must now be matter and anti-matter universes that just came into contact with each other and exploded in a fiery multi-verse apocalypse at that very same moment I coupled the word Republican with the name Al Green.

    .

  62. 62.

    El Cid

    I think it’s pretty funny — it’s the sort of thing you might see at some company Christmas thing or church fun night or some such.

    Cain’s not weird ’cause of this — it’s his batshit craziness when it comes to anything having to do with public life.

  63. 63.

    Samara Morgan

    @chopper: lol! of course you do.
    or you wouldn’t bitch so much, you’d ignore me.

    @Roger Moore: i have a song for that.
    i fight dragons– the geek will inherit the earth.

    Nate blew me away with his 2008 election analysis– stats on steroids.
    when i was a stats TA my students called it sadistics.
    Statisticians get no respect.
    Rasmussen is like FOXnews. The Right didnt like the results they were seeing so they made up their own.

  64. 64.

    Samara Morgan

    @Roger Moore:

    and far away from election time tend to act more like an organ of the Republican party than an independent polling firm.

    yeah! totally spoofs their wingnut readers.
    Colorado cell phone demographics really screwed their model in Colorado in 2010.
    Ras predicted Tancredo and Buck….but then they hadn’t seen the viral youtube of Buck railing against gubmint loans for college students….it went viral at CU and CSU and students mailed the link to their parents. :)
    It will be interesting to see the cell phone demographics in 2012….there are more no-landline households every year.

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