My wife came across this site today, and it gives GOP debate drinking games a delightful twist.
You get to pick the phrase or word that you think the ferociously predictable and repetitive Republican field will cudgel the most. Then you pledge a sum you’ll donate to the Obama re-election warchest for each time Mittster, Goodhair, Crazy Eyes, Pizza Guy or any of them eructate “obamacare” or “fence” or — my favorite — “class warfare.
Because our president is a prudent man, anxious to avoid putting Americans in any more danger than his opponents have already placed them, you can cap the amount you’re willing to risk. We’re down for a maximum of $21 in $3 bets on the aforementioned class warfare.
Anyway, given that we are all brain-washed followers of the Dear Leader…the Kenyan Mooslim Usurper … the Progressive Soshalist Dictator … the forty-fourth President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama — I thought you might want to add a little flutter to the pleasure of your tipple of choice as tonight we watch those for whom this song was written.
Image: Willem Cornelsz. Duyster, Carnival Clowns, c. 1620
lamh34
Good Lord! Another debate huh.
Man I’ll be watching X-factor and following debate moments on twitter (and BJ of course)
harlana
Is it on the teevee? What time?
lamh34
@harlana: it’s a CNN debate. so yeah on tv. I think 7 right??? gotta have enough time for Anderson Cooper to discuss it….meh.
Tom Return of the Pretentious Art Douche Levenson
@harlana: 8 p.m EDT. I’ll try to get the TV info — though I’m being called to a seriously good dinner even as we speak.
SiubhanDuinne
I chose Obamacare, Romneycare, and Class Warfare for 3 bucks per, maxing at sixty. Great idea.
Of course, there’s nothing there saying it can’t also be a drinking game.
Morzer
8 pm ET. There ought to be a live stream here:
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/tab/live#/video/cvplive/cvpstream1
if you feel inclined to watch the Grifter Fantasy Revenge Tour stopping at its latest watering hole. Led by a cornfed blonde* (surprise!) they are currently reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
*Miss Nevada, apparently
JPL
I don’t have cable but I assume I can watch it online but I’m watching Bridesmaids.
I’m in for five dollars each time they mention that Obama is a soc.i.a.l.ist. Another ten for the first mention of a Canadian bus.
Can someone let me know what I owe since I’m not watching?
dmsilev
@harlana: CNN, in just a few minutes. There’s a stream linked off cnn.com as well, but I don’t think it’s live yet.
cleek
i’ll play, but there’s no fucking way i’m going to watch a GOP debate.
i’m not going to help them play their game of “don’t let the media forget about the GOP!”
Baud
@SiubhanDuinne:
Your liver will be saying that if you’re playing with those words.
piratedan
well if you wanna know what “our” side is proposing:
http://cpc.grijalva.house.gov/index.cfm?sectionid=79§iontree=5,79
JPL
Pretentious Tom, I do hope you have a pencil and paper to keep track not only for those of us who aren’t watching but those of us who decided to drink or both.
Morzer
The grand cluster-fuckuriosness begins in about 4 minutes.
Morzer
And apparently Anderson “Silver Fox” Cooper is the MC. Oh for a pitchfork and a strong right hand in the audience.
Morzer
I wonder what would happen if people drank every time Rick Perry was shown looking like an intellectually challenged sloth?
gogol's wife
Oh, God, I can’t believe there’s another debate. Not that I would ever watch it, but it drives my husband crazy when I keep running to the computer to check Balloon Juice and snort with laughter.
dmsilev
The Onion has already identified tonight’s winner.
dmsilev
@Morzer: Epidemic of alcohol poisoning?
JPL
According to CNN
In a city where fortunes are won and lost, there’s a safe bet about Tuesday night’s CNN Western Republican debate: It will influence the race for the GOP presidential nomination.
dmsilev
I like how Gingrich, Paul, and Bachman are “wild cards”, but Rick Santorum doesn’t even rise to that level.
Baud
Is this the first debate in the OWS era? Should be interesting if it comes up.
phantomist
I believe the focus tonight is on foreign policy.
So of course my word is apology.
Cacti
Since the Herminator is the new “front runner” I predict tonight will be about who wants to harm undocumented immigrants in the most vicious and creative ways…
As the GOP works to cement its loss of the Hispanic vote for a generation.
Morzer
At least Rick Perry has managed to pass the all-important “walking onto the stage while apparently conscious” test. That’s progress, I suppose. Sadly, Newt Gingrich still hasn’t busted out the white fur coat and bling, although that ought to be his natural habitat. Burning question of the night: will he manage to marry Miss Nevada during the first potty break?
MonkeyBoy
“with nothing less than America’s future at stake, here is [republican primary debate goes west]”
Actual intro though I may have miss remembered the last part.
The whole thing is coming off like a game show verging on professional wrestling.
JPL
@phantomist: I’ll add exceptional for one (whoops)to my list.
The original amount could cause me to remortgage my home. .
Morzer
@Baud:
Well, working-class America is a foreign country to the GOP plutocrat-rascality. You know – “they do things differently there”.
lacp
@JPL: Christ, that’s like the Firesign Theater’s “a power so great it can only be used for good or evil.”
birthmarker
Post a few of the numbers and I will pick one and donate. I can’t stomach the thought of watching what has basically been a long series of free commercials for the repubs. Are we ending the amount in something clever like .44 to indicate we are BJers?
Morzer
Herbal Cain tells us that his wife has managed to put up with him for 43 years. Must be some mighty good tranquillizers available in that household. Or maybe she just wears earplugs and a fixed smile a lot.
Morzer
Michelle Bachmann has moved on to being a “former” federal tax litigator. Can you feel the winds of redemption blowing?
piratedan
well I expect someone has to push the envelope beyond the electrified fence, so I expect a “Luftstalag Amerika” to be proposed with folks ganging up on Senor Perry for his lack of enthusiasm for death at the border programs. We already have our Commandant Brewer employed with her own Sheriff Schults here in Arizona, all they need is an opportunity for expansion.
Morzer
And tonight starts with a brisk round of sacking the Herbal Cain 999/666 quarterback plan.
Morzer
Santorum: “Hermann’s well-meaning.” (He might even not rape your pets and soc.ial.istically gay marry his illegitimate daughter to your wife, despite being B.L.A.C.K).
Morzer
Michelle Bachmann seems to be channeling her inner theocratic Marxist tonight. Sales taxes very evil. Very very evil! Rick Perry calls Hermann brother and wants to “bump plans” with him. Oxygen for Mr Santorum, stat!
Morzer
Hermann Cain will not permit apples and oranges to mix. Seems kind of bigoted to me.
Morzer
Ron Paul intends to exterminate the income tax. The Bilbo Baggins of glibertarianism strikes again!
Morzer
Herbal Cain: None of my distinguished colleagues understand my super-genius plan!
Morzer
Once again, we learn that Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit from the Hermannator. Mitt Romney’s bushel basket overflows….
Omnes Omnibus
@Morzer: I don’t really think an alcohol I.V. counts as drinking.
JPL
Hey.. So did they not use the soc..ia..list word yet or the exceptional word yet or the Canadian bus yet?
Cacti
@Morzer:
Maybe she offed herself a while back, and they just wheel her around a la “Weekend at Bernie’s” and don’t tell Herb about it.
WereBear
Republican Thunderdome. Are they going to have debates until Romney gives up?
mellowjohn
my money’s on “class warfare.” and just in case anyone missed it, here’s what al franken had to say on the subject:
“In her book, A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous Fourteenth Century, Barbara Tuchman writes about a peasant revolt in 1358 that began in the village of St. Leu and spread throughout the Oise Valley. At one estate, the serfs sacked the manor house, killed the knight, and roasted him on a spit in front of his wife and kids. Then, after ten or twelve peasants violated the lady, with his children watching, they forced her to eat the roasted flesh of her husband and then killed her.
“That is class warfare.
“Arguing over the optimum marginal tax rate for the top one percent is not.”
BruceFromOhio
@Morzer: Was wondering why there’s been so much tequila being consumed of late. Ain’t just ‘im, it’s all o’ ’em.
+4, Jose Cuervo you baaaaad muthahfuckah, gonna have to spellcheck everything tonight…
ETA @mellowjohn: … can’t wait to use THAT one in polite teatard company.
5x5
I went with 999. This is why I don’t gamble.
obamacare Mentioned 14 times
repeal Mentioned 11 times
fence Mentioned 9 times
9-9-9 Mentioned 3 times
amnesty Mentioned 3 times
(de)regulation Mentioned 2 times
romneycare Mentioned 1 time
class warfare Mentioned 1 time
socialism Mentioned 0 times
birthmarker
@5×5: Thanks! I think I will go with fence…
Tom Levenson
@5×5: Dear FSM. Class warfare mentioned only once!
We will still top up our total bet — $21, after all is roughly what we give as a kind of reflex response to the GOP horror du jour. But once?
These guys (and doll) are clearly off their feed if that’s the best they can do when their paymasters are under siege.
Btw: for those that thought that I would be fool enough actually to watch these buffoons warble — truly, life is too short. I place my bet and I goes about my business — in this case, consuming duck legs braised with red cabbage, caramelized onions, apples and prunes.
Tom Levenson
Feh. Double tapped. Got nuthin to add.
JPL
Shocked..no American Exceptionalism crap? I thought that would cause me some problems..
no Canadian bus?
phantomist
@phantomist:
Sober and wealthy! Theoretically
+8
JPL
Pretentious Tom, I do want to thank you even though the candidates disappointed me. Maybe next time I’ll be stupid enough to pick illegal or something.
Tom Return of the Pretentious Art Douche Levenson
@JPL: Truly a scabrous lot.
As LOLGOP tweeted: President Obama just won his 6th GOP debate.