Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

You cannot shame the shameless.

The willow is too close to the house.

I really should read my own blog.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Not all heroes wear capes.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2012 / Open Thread: “In Republican campaigns, the difference between an “issue” and a “distraction” is whether the Koch Brothers have busted out the checkbook yet.”

Open Thread: “In Republican campaigns, the difference between an “issue” and a “distraction” is whether the Koch Brothers have busted out the checkbook yet.”

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Wherein I once again give thanks to whatever aspect of Murphy, the Trickster God, inspired the NYTimes– owned suits busily destroying the last worthwhile parts of the Boston Globe to give Charles P. Pierce his freedom. The un-mealy-mouthed precincts of Esquire and the boundaryless generosity of regular blogging have given him the chance to produce wonders:

Serious Republicans have become concerned. By Serious Republicans, I mean the people who would like to forget how much their party has profited politically over the past 50 years by allying itself with Bible-thumpers, sexual bigots, the sad detritus of American apartheid, the black-helicopter crowd, and people who would like the federal income tax to be as flat as they believe the earth is. By Serious Republicans, I mean the likes of Jeb Bush, Haley Barbour, David Frum, John Podhoretz, and Karl Rove.
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(Yes, for the purposes of argument, Karl Rove is a Serious Republican, and not just an unusually successful ratfker who, at one point or another, has used all the above-listed constituencies to win elections. Just play along, okay?)
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The Serious Republicans have become concerned over the 2012 Republican presidential field in general, and over Rick Perry in the specific. The other day, Podhoretz, showing the true loyalty to self of the career Legacy Hire, took to the pages of that deeply serious newspaper, The New York Post, which will publish anything written by a conservative that is not written in bodily humours, to moan about the quality of the help his party is being asked to hire…

Read the whole thing, and improve your mood. Unless, of course, you are a paid ReThug troll, in which case, sucks to be you.)

Somewhere, Finley Peter Dunne is smiling.

Reader Interactions

39Comments

  3. 3.

    MattF

    Great stuff. I think, though, that the problem Serious Republicans are actually worried about is Perry’s abject stupidity. Y’know, the, um, gravitas problem.

  4. 4.

    RossInDetroit

    The biggest thing that the GOP establishment should be worried about is the down ticket consequences of having an uninspiring candidate. Perry and Mitt have short coat tails.
    This could cost seats in the House and Senate, as well as affecting state races.

    ETA: And yeah, Pierce is the real deal. I love having someone on our side who’s not afraid to get pissed off and holler.

  5. 5.

    Cat Lady

    If MSNBC were smart (yeah, I know), they’d put Charlie on Morning Ho. I’d love to see him fillet Mike Barnicle who, on his best day while writing his columns for the Globe, (when he wasn’t plagiarizing George Carlin) couldn’t have touched Charlie’s jock. I think the Villagers ignore Charlie at their peril, although their inability to get their heads out of their asses seems to be the only thing they do well.

    ETA: When that mofo J-Pod is rending his garments over the Frankenstein moron they’ve created, you know the teatard party is over.

  7. 7.

    Omnes Omnibus

    Pierce is like one of those bands that has been touring and honing its craft on the college town club circuit for years and then suddenly breaks big. It’s about time, also too.

    ETA: Esquire is a great home for him as well. National distribution. Willingness to be “edgy.” Excellent.

  8. 8.

    Hmmm....

    Conrad Black, convicted felon, was another conservative complaining about the quality of the GOP field in a recent column written from his prison cell.

    I think the wingnuts justify all this vicious attack stuff with the Watergate scandal, when in their view, poor Richard Nixon did no wrong but was unfairly hounded out of office by a vicious media.

    Thus, “sadly”, the right “has had to resort to using the same tactics”.

    Paranoia is one of their defining traits, and that is why they will never, ever abandon peddling this kind of shit.

  9. 9.

    Seanly

    As a Murphy, I take great delight in being called a trickster god. Thank you for recognizing our awesomeness.

  12. 12.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Pierce is like one of those bands that has been touring and honing its craft on the college town club circuit for years and then suddenly breaks big. It’s about time, also too.

    No offense, but outside the leftosphere, where is Pierce breaking big? How many people actually read Esquire online for the politics?

    This:

    @Cat Lady: I think the Villagers ignore Charlie at their peril

    is just “Fuck Yeah!” nonsense. If they wouldn’t listen to St. Molly of Ivins, His Holiness Hunter S. Thomson the First, or Lord Kthuglu, etc., etc., another writer who can turn a good phrase isn’t going to make a bit of difference.

    Get back to me when one of those village idiots is having to pawn his/her laptop to make next month’s heating bill.

  14. 14.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @arguingwithsignposts: If you would prefer me to limit the statement to Pierce breaking big within the “leftosphere” and noting that the band is a alternative rock band that will achieve wider success only among fans of that genre rather than playing sold-out shows at Wembley, then, fine, please assume those limitations on my statement.

  15. 15.

    smintheus

    This is a pretty good measure of Herman Cain’s lack of judgment. A few years back Cain described his ideal presidential candidate in an op-ed: Tiger Woods.

    Tiger will be 40 years old in 2016. The Republican Party should begin grooming him now for a run at the White House. His personal attributes and accomplishments on the golf course point to a candidate who will be a problem solver, not a politician.
    Tiger’s success on the golf course, which will translate to success in the White House, is a product of his character, discipline and leadership by example.

    Ha ha ha.

  17. 17.

    scav

    @Omnes Omnibus: If the supply and distribution channel is this broken this early in the game we better start working on it. This is serious. Fund research into home made substitutions? MacGyver it with things commonly found under or near the sink? Lemon Juice with Vinegar (Balsamic or otherwise) and Mouthwash? A five-spice mixed with curry-powder snuff?

  18. 18.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I’m not even going to attempt to fix the fucked-uppityness of the attempted block quote in my #16.

  20. 20.

    RossInDetroit

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    No offense, but outside the leftosphere, where is Pierce breaking big? How many people actually read Esquire online for the politics?

    This is actually his second stint at Esquire and I’ve been waiting for him to come back. After subscribing for years I now read Esq only for the politics. Tom Junod is pretty good as well.
    It is an odd place to have quality political blogging. This is the magazine with: “Cargo Pants: Yes or No?”, “Justin Timberlake Wears Brown Shoes With a Blue Suit!” and advice on neckties.

  21. 21.

    Cat Lady

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Perhaps. Molly was regional and syndicated and now long dead, Hunter was easily dismissable as gonzo and now long dead. K-Thug is wonky. Wolcott’s dismissable as too limousine liberal elitist artsy fartsy. Pierce has a pretty nice sniper’s perch there at Esquire, and he’s got dead eye aim. I’m as cynical as the next person here, but he’s got his mission now and the pen is mightier than the sword.

  24. 24.

    Mark Down

    The Serious Republicans built the politics that now so embarrass them, so it’s a little late to be overcome by the vapors at the unseemliness of it all.

    I think Pierce actually has it a bit wrong. The serious Republicans are proud of the politics they built. They’re just bewailing the fact that the new wave of candidates doesn’t understand the concept that the candidate has to stay clean while the unofficially sanctioned smear groups spread the poison. This brave new wave of candidates was spawned from the lagoon of suckers who actually drank the Atwater/Rove slime. They don’t understand the grift.

  26. 26.

    Cat Lady

    @catclub:

    I’m talking about targeting the Villagers, not the Republicans, which of course will make no difference to Republicans who are all shameless psychopaths. Charlie is tangentially calling all of the SCLM out to ask the obvious questions about the blatant hypocrisy he’s pointed out in his post, and by enumerating all the ways in which the lying scumbags get away with pulling this shit year after year, he’s framed the debate to include the Village whores who have let them get away with it year after year. IMHO. YMMV.

  27. 27.

    smintheus

    @Villago Delenda Est: Turns out that was just another thing Cain says he was joking about…in a published op-ed.

    “That was a joke, okay? Tiger – I – that was a joke,” the presidential hopeful said. “Americans got to learn how to have a sense of humor, okay?”

  32. 32.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    The picture he’s posted alone is worth the trip.

    From Turdblossom on birtherism: “…and don’t associate yourself with sort of this nutty fringe group.”

    So now we know. Groups that claim gays and lesbians are going to destroy civilization just by breathing, women shouldn’t have control over their bodies and/or everyone who doesn’t believe in a specific brand of Christianity will spend eternity in horrible torment, have worked hard to make their beliefs the law of the land and have done a fair amount of damage to living breathing human beings along the way are not nutty or fringey. But if you think the President of the United States was born in another country – OMG THAT’S CRAZY TALK, GET AWAY!

    I assume according to Rove’s The Math(TM) there’s a negative correlation between the amount of crazy and the amount of cash.

    @Mark Down: Exactly. It would also explain the increasingly shrill wails about the Liberal Media. It’s gotten to the point where it is impossible to find a coherent soundbite from a campaign speech that isn’t laden with political poison. In their minds the media should overdub the offensive comment with something less provocative.

    Frankly I’m surprised they haven’t attempted to outlaw YouTube and cell phones with recording capabilities.

  33. 33.

    Chris T.

    Since this is the most recent “Open Thread”, let me put in a quote I just heard on last night’s local TV news:

    In 1971, Richard Nixon declared a war on cancer, by establishing the National Cancer Institute … back when Republicans apparently believed in science.

    What is remarkable about this quote is not that it is correct, but rather, that it came from Jon Huntsman, who was giving a speech in front of the Huntsman Cancer Institute.

    [Edit: oops: not most recent open thread, there’s a new one, guess I’ll copy it there]

  35. 35.

    Jay C

    …how much their party has profited politically over the past 50 years by allying itself with Bible-thumpers, sexual bigots, the sad detritus of American apartheid, the black-helicopter crowd, and people who would like the federal income tax to be as flat as they believe the earth is

    Unfortunately, those selfsame Serious Republicans have given their “media” lackeys free rein to promote the notion that the above are the Only Real Ordinary Americans – and a minimum “53%” majority or whatever, to boot – and the only ones whose political opinions count, or ought to count. Usually based on their loudmouthed pietism religious grounds just to reinforce the fundamentals of their sense of victimization.

    And even more unfortunately, thanks to the epistemic closure of today’s right-wing media (i.e., most of it), they never get any contrary information.

  38. 38.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @dollared: Hey, I started with plain English, but objections were raised. Once challenged, I retreated into the world with which I was familiar. In other words, it’s not my fault; it was a setup; I was framed, I tells ya!

  39. 39.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    Frankly I’m surprised they haven’t attempted to outlaw YouTube and cell phones with recording capabilities

    Last week, Google refused official requests to take down videos of the Occupy Oakland incidents. And it is illegal in some states to videotape police (several cases at the moment, at least one in Illinois).

    So it’s not like they aren’t trying.

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