Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

If you don’t believe freedom is for everybody, then the thing you love isn’t freedom, it is privilege.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

The current Supreme Court is a dangerous, rogue court.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Just because you believe it, that does not make it true.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Rupert, come get your orange boy, you petrified old dinosaur turd.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

There are times when telling just part of the truth is effectively a lie.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

American history and black history cannot be separated.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

GOP baffled that ‘we don’t care if you die’ is not a winning slogan.

Washington Post Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

the 10% who apparently lack object permanence

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

You are here: Home / Economics / C.R.E.A.M. / Got no love for players without dubs

Got no love for players without dubs

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A seamless transition between hippie punching and winger fleecing. Griters gonna grift:

HANNITY: I went back and I looked at some of the charges against Bill Clinton, Juanita Broaddrick, Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey, et cetera, et cetera. You know, and there was so many things, Eleanor Smeal for example, president of the Feminist Majority Fund said at the time. We’re trying to think of the bigger picture, think about what’s best for women. This is why they didn’t go after Clinton. So, if you are pro-choice, if you are democrat, you get a pass, right?

MORRIS: Well, go back to 1990, ’92 when Bill Clinton was first running for president. He got a black woman fired from her job in Arkansas and got flowers hired in that job instead. And after he left office, the civil rights commission ruled that it had been illegal. And the only reason they didn’t rule, it was harassment was that they didn’t know that he’d had sex with her, which he later admitted he did.

HANNITY: And you are doing a children’s book.

MORRIS: That’s right.

HANNITY: “Dubs Goes to Washington?”

MORRIS: That’s right. My dog Dubs, our golden retriever, and my wife Eileen McGann and Clayton Liotta who did the illustration. What we want to do Sean was that, we — there is no book that kids can buy that shows our heritage and our heroes in a positive light. Everything is P. C. So, what we do in this is we take the like the Iwo Jima Memorial, and we have a poem attached to it, which is the battle was won by the U.S. marines in one of history’s most famous scenes and when we meet the men who kept insured the freedom never fails, people say thanks and dogs wag their tails.

HANNITY: Very good.

Reader Interactions

73Comments

  4. 4.

    Nevgu

    So you are gonna quote Hannity and Morris now? Must be a slow gloom porn day eh?

    May as well quote Victoria Jackson and Chuck Norris.

  7. 7.

    Hunter Gathers

    The chapter where Dubs gets caught sucking on a hooker’s toes while at the Vietnam War Memorial should be very interesting.

  11. 11.

    Mark S.

    I think the only sentence Morris says in that entire passage that makes any goddamn sense is “That’s right.”

    I am shocked that “there is no book that kids can buy that shows our heritage and our heroes in a positive light.”

  17. 17.

    Spaghetti Lee

    @soonergrunt:

    Oh come now, don’t despair! Sarah Palin hasn’t actually run for any office since 2008, yet we got a whole 3 years of mockable baloney.

  19. 19.

    Nutella

    @Hunter Gathers:

    The chapter where Dubs gets caught sucking on a hooker’s toes while at the Vietnam War Memorial should be very interesting.

    Especially since he promises it will not be PC.

  21. 21.

    Wag

    I’m pissed that soonergrunt beat me to Cain’ newest idiocy.

    I hope we have Herman to kick around for years to come, but don’t have my hopes too high.

    Additionally, I hope the snow falling tonight makes the roads here in Denver slick tomorrow, purely out of spite.

  22. 22.

    Jenny

    Oh yeah, tricky Dick Morris has a kid out of wedlock, which is what Bobo is currently blaming for the collapse of financial system.

  24. 24.

    West of the Cascades

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    A hooker who knows a guy who’s good for quite a bit of hush money?

    But she co-authors books with him, too? I can’t see any self-respecting hooker doing that.

  26. 26.

    scav

    The PC war on tail-wagging has been one of the significant triumphs over recent decades. Wars on Christmas, Easter, Groundhog Day, not so much but stomping out the little canine butt-wiggle of joy? Hasn’t been seen in years.

  28. 28.

    Jenny

    I always thought Karl Rove was vastly over rated. And this is a great example. Yes, Howard Fineman is on the fainting couch over the sexual embarrassment claims, but the Teatards are rallying around Cain, thinking this is some liburel hit job.

  30. 30.

    Short Bus Bully

    Saw that Dick Morris was in this post with Hannity and threw up in my mouth a little then actually read the post and said FUCK IT and threw up fucking everywhere.

    Thanks for that.

  31. 31.

    JGabriel

    People say thanks and dogs wag their tails.

    That should join the Balloon-Juice rotating banner database.

    .

  32. 32.

    Little Boots

    doug, just so you get it, you know I like teasing you, and I love that you put up with that. just so you know.

  35. 35.

    Jenny

    I love Bobo. I love how he’s blaming the collapse of Wall Street on fat people, red states, and Bristol Palin’s hooch.

  41. 41.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    @piratedan:

    well remember, Morris has a firm grasp on the intellectual level of his audience, so naturally its a children’s book.

    I’m sorry, but children’s books are actually harder to write than ones for adults; children see through bullshit much more easily. This, of course, means that Morris’s book will be a steaming pile of shit.

  42. 42.

    Joel

    @soonergrunt: I was out in Xi’an last year. Right across the road from an ancient emperor’s burial ground (Hanyanling) is one nuclear power plant, with two more under construction. They’re replacing three (currently active) coal burners. The haze around there was so nasty you couldn’t see 50 feet in front of you. Mind you, in Xi’an you often can’t see the sun on a cloudiness day. I’d say nuclear capacity there is a good thing.

  43. 43.

    West of the Rockies (formerly Frank W.)

    Can’t stand Hannity, he of the omnipresent smirk. I wonder how long he spends in front of a mirror each day exercising his eyebrows.

  44. 44.

    Rich2506

    And the only reason they didn’t rule, it was harassment was that they didn’t know that he’d had sex with her, which he later admitted he did.

    Now, if Clinton got some poor, efficient and effective woman fired because he wanted to put his sweetheart into a position (I believe the evidence showed that he did indeed “do it” with Flowers, but just once), I can certainly see that as sex-related, but not really clear that “harassment” was an issue at all as both Clinton and Flowers were very much both willing partners. Is it harassment to fire someone who’s just doing her job so you can hire your sweetheart? I guess that might be their meaning, but that appears to stretch the meaning of the word “harassment” awfully far.

  45. 45.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @soonergrunt: It is a pretty funny flub, though. Tomorrow he’ll be stating he was misunderstood, and he probably just used the wrong word, but it is still funny.

  47. 47.

    suzanne

    @Jenny:

    I love how he’s blaming the collapse of Wall Street on fat people, red states, and Bristol Palin’s hooch.

    To be fair, I blame Bristol Palin’s cootch for many of our social ills.

    Except Levi. Levi is a national treasure.

  50. 50.

    Suffern ACE

    I am shocked that “there is no book that kids can buy that shows our heritage and our heroes in a positive light.”

    When the transmission of our civilization is left to the likes of Dick Morris, it isn’t worth saving any longer. The Chinese can’t get nukes soon enough. Cripes. At list point, I for one would welcome our new Belizian overloards. If they would even want us.

  52. 52.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @James:

    Um, these guys are white. They can’t POSSIBLY be terrorists.

    They probably also say “Praise Jeebus” or something similar.

    Terrorists are brown, and speak of “Allah”. EVERYONE knows this.

  55. 55.

    Roger Moore

    @suzanne:

    He’s like FourLoko back when she was funny.

    I think you’re relying on selective memory. She’s still funny sometimes now, and she was definitely annoying a lot of the time before.

  57. 57.

    srv

    The first black president had sex with a black woman and then fired her and hired a white woman so that was harassment? Except if he was having sex with her too?

    And this is all in a children’s book?

  59. 59.

    srv

    Also too, is Dick saying it is legal to have sex with dogs at the Iwo Jima memorial as long as you’re reciting P.C. poetry?

  61. 61.

    TuiMel

    A seamless transition between hippie punching and winger fleecing.

    ANYONE who buys anything written or supposedly written by Icky Dick Morris deserves what he / she gets. Such people are the living proof that “a fool and his money are soon parted.”

  62. 62.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: Hockey players are…different. Depending on offence or defence. Defencemen are all beasts. Or at least they want you to think that.

  63. 63.

    jefft452

    @Jenny:
    I don’t think Rove leaked it, I think Cain did
    Think about it, Cain sees 2 possible futures:

    1) The next Rick Lazio – The great conservative hope against the most evil person in history. The conservative hope is guaranteed to win in our center right nation because Rush says everybody hates the evil liberal, but somehow he gets beat so bad that even ditto-heads don’t believe it was voter fraud. After a decade he might get the occasional guest spot on MSNBC as a punching bag

    2) The next Robert Bork – The brave conservative who was unjustly denied his spot in the sun by those vicious left-wing smear merchants, who can command whatever speaking fees he wants at any gathering of wingnut rubes from now till he dies

  64. 64.

    Donald G

    @Mark S.:

    Wait until he finds out that the French are seeking nuclear capability as well. Only Cain can stop that dastardly de Gaulle!

    “But,” in the words of the Tom Lehrer song, “they’re on our side…I believe.”

    Of course, “we’ll try to stay serene and calm…when Alabama gets the bomb.”

  65. 65.

    Donald G

    @James:

    Rightwing militia group. All old guys.

    The youngest of the four men is 65, the oldest is 73. As someone who remembers his septuagenarian grandfather believing everything Pat Robertson told him about politics and religion and ranting about it long afterwards, I make this heartfelt plea:

    Old people, for the sake of your sanity and for your loved ones, turn off your radios and teevees, especially if most of your viewing consists of an angry guy going on and on about everything that’s wrong with the world. Following those bozos will only get you into trouble and bring sorrow to yourself and your loved ones.

  66. 66.

    Another face in the crowd

    Has anyone ever seen Dick Morris and Oswald Cobblepot together? Same guy, I’m telling ya…

  68. 68.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Donald G: Weird, in my family, until you start getting to first cousins once removed and beyond, no one over 65 is conservative. Of course, no one under 65 is conservative either. I have one non-political uncle, but that’s about it.

  69. 69.

    Donald G

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Weird, in my family, until you start getting to first cousins once removed and beyond, no one over 65 is conservative. Of course, no one under 65 is conservative either. I have one non-political uncle, but that’s about it.

    Well, to be fair, my grandfather did pass away 24 years ago, just a few months shy of his 81st birthday, and he was raised Southern.

    Grandma was scarily religious, but had no use for Pat Robertson and his ilk. She also had a deep distrust and contempt for rich people.

  71. 71.

    Liberty60

    Re: winger fleecing;

    I read that Goldline is under indictment, and while I normally become enraged by white collar crime, in this case I wish I could be on the jury if only to acquit them on the grounds of “justifiable fraud”.

  72. 72.

    EconWatcher

    I can never forgive the Big Dog for giving Morris the power he did. It says a lot about Clinton, and nothing good.

  73. 73.

    JWL

    My uncle had a lifelong friend who led a platoon on Guam and lost his leg on Iwo. That man went on spent the rest of his life as a union organizer and labor leader in Hawaii.

    [Dog’s tail wags furiously].

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