Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Fani Willis claps back at Trump chihuahua, Jim Jordan.

Motown is Joe-Town!

The gop couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

I was promised a recession.

“Cheese and Kraken paired together for the appetizer trial.”

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Biden: Oh no. We’ve upset Big Pharma again.

The words do not have to be perfect.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about it’s history.”

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” is supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Crock Pot Craziness / Domestic Terra: Four Crazy Coots Plan Killing Spree at Waffle House

Domestic Terra: Four Crazy Coots Plan Killing Spree at Waffle House

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Waffle House LogoAdam Serwer has an amusing-slash-scary story about four senior citizens who, while dining on food items that were surely “smothered and covered” in some manner, plotted to go on a killing spree.  Why?  To save the Konstatooshun, of course:

Four senior citizens walk into a Waffle House planning to go on a killing spree in order to “save the Constitution.”

That’s not the beginning of a joke, it’s the scenario outlined by the FBI in a criminal complaint filed against four Georgia men yesterday who allegedly sought to use the online novel of a frequent Fox News guest named Mike Vanderboegh as a model for a terrorist plot against US government officials. The four men, Samuel Crump, Frederick Roberts, Ray Adams, and Dan Roberts, who named themselves “the covert group” (subtle!) allegedly fantasized about dispersing the toxic agent ricin over Washington DC and Atlanta, and hoped to ultimately obtain botulinium toxin, which Adams believed could kill millions of people in small doses.

“We need somebody to back us with some damn money so we can make that other shit,” Crump said at a Waffle House in Toccoa, Georgia. according to the criminal complaint. Crump added that botulinium toxin was “worse than anthrax.”

What was the ostensible purpose of all this killing? Saving the country of course. “There is no way for us, as militiamen, to save this country, to save Georgia, without doing something that’s highly, highly illegal: murder,” Thomas reportedly said. “When it comes time to saving the Constitution, that means some people have got to die.” The FBI also alleges that “Thomas, Roberts and others discussed the need to obtain unregistered silencers and explosive devices for use in attacks against federal government buildings and employees, as well as against local police.”

This story hits all the marks.  Crazy?  Check.  Southern?  Check. Fox News tie-in?  Check.  An unhealthy lust for the Constitution?  Check.  Waffle House?  Look, I’m going with “check” on this one. A lot of weird shit goes on at Waffle House. Remember the Florida legislator who wanted to bring back firing squads, Old Sparky, or “death by tossing a mofo over a bridge” because he was “so tired of being humane.”  Where’d he get that idea?  That’s right, it was a Waffle House.

Waffle House justice isn’t a joke, people.

Trust.

[via Mother Jones]

[cross-posted at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]

Reader Interactions

124Comments

  2. 2.

    flukebucket

    Toccoa? Ain’t that the town where the cops accidentally shot a preacher because they thought he was a dope dealer? Damn.

  6. 6.

    Amanda in the South Bay

    I think we’ll all agree that they should be indefinitely detained in Gitmo, right John Yoo?

  8. 8.

    Brian S

    Have the wing nuts started screaming that these guys were nowhere near to actually pulling this off yet and that this is the thought police run wild? Free the Waffle House Four!

  10. 10.

    Poopyman

    Ah! So this is what Raven was referring to earlier this AM.

    If only they’d gone to IHOP their nefarious scheme would still be a secret!

  11. 11.

    scav

    or wait, shouldn’t the Waffle House being calling in the police and shutting their doors because protesters have entered the building?

    Seriously, they’re going to get quite the rep though. “Come for the Waffles. Stay for the Sedition.”

  12. 12.

    ned

    Seriously, next time the South secedes, let’s just build a wall. With a moat in front of it. And sharks with frickin laser beams in the moat.

  13. 13.

    Judas Escargot

    If only Bill Hicks were still alive. He might have been by himself, reading, over in the next booth.

    Waffle Waitress: “What you readin’ for?”

    Hicks: “Well, for one thing, so I don’t end up being a f_cking waffle waitress.”

    Trucker: “Looks like we got ourselves a reader!“

  14. 14.

    Villago Delenda Est

    As I pointed out last night, when this story broke, these four guys CANNOT be terrorists. Why?

    1. White.

    2. Not Muslim.

    I rest my case.

  15. 15.

    ed drone

    @Brian S:

    Have the wing nuts started screaming…?

    Well, the folks on “Fox and Friends” considered it, but waffled when it came time.

    Ed

  16. 16.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    I suppose it is reassuring in a way that it was a bunch of total idiots that were coming up with such a vile plot.

  17. 17.

    Poopyman

    At least one of them realized that murder is “highly, highly illegal”. No word on whether any of them thought it might be, uh, “wrong”, is there?

  18. 18.

    Surly Duff

    It’s not a coincidence that these things go on in Waffle Houses, it is just that every small town in the South has at least two of them located in each town, often on opposite sides of the same exit ramp. There aren’t many other places where you can get a bottomless cup of cofee necessary for plotting the violent overthrow of the gubmint now-a-days. That, and their hash browns are tasty.

  22. 22.

    kerFuFFler

    Would-be reapers meeting at Der Waffle House? Why am I not surprised? Did the “covert group” have any post-its?

  23. 23.

    Brian K

    I think the initial review of License To Ill was something like “three idiots create a masterpiece.”

    From a comedic standpoint, I think we just need to change it to four.

    btw, I’m from Ohio originally and Waffle House was an occasional favorite. Their waffles are the perfect size to be filling but not make you sick. Plus the menu demands no sharing on the double waffle, which I always loved.

    btw, also too, my friends and I were told once by a Waffle House waitress that they referred to the potatoes with all the covered and smothered and what have you as the “train wreck” which is just awesome.

  24. 24.

    catclub

    @Dr. Squid: I remember it as hometown of ‘worlds strongest man’ who lifted a table with 6000 pounds (back lift).

    I read that in a 1970’s guinness book, so it may be out of date.

  27. 27.

    Poopyman

    @Poopyman: Ah, shoulda read the MoJo article first:

    … So how much more operational was this plot than your average FBI sting involving some hapless al-Qaeda fanboy? That’s not really clear. While the group demonstrated an ability to independently manufacture ricin, which is made from widely available castor beans, the criminal complaint begins with a meeting surveilled by an FBI “confidential human source” in March. While the FBI recordings showing the four men expressing an eagerness to kill large numbers of people in pursuit of their political goals will likely preclude any entrapment defense, there’s no way to know from the criminal complaint what level of involvement the FBI’s confidential human source had in putting together the whole plan, or even the existence of the group itself, or whether the source came upon the plot by other means.

  28. 28.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Ya left out one:

    #3 Republican

    Cuz we all know the only patriotic, USAlovin’ ‘Murkins are all Republicans. The rest of us should be deported at best, shot at worst.

  30. 30.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    The Fox affiliate here in the Dallas Ft Worth area has decided it’s their job to prove how dangerous the Occupy Dallas group is by taunting them.

  33. 33.

    RSA

    Clueless yahoos.

    “We need somebody to back us with some damn money so we can make that other shit,” Crump said at a Waffle House

    They’re eating at a Waffle House and they’re at a loss for a source of biological weapons?

  34. 34.

    The Moar You Know

    I’m sure all four will get a speedy ticket onto Georgia’s Death Row for this heinous act of terrorism.

    Why are you all laughing?

  36. 36.

    cleek

    Definition of “Domestic Terrorism”:
    http://www.ratical.org/ratville/CAH/Section802.html#802

    `(5) the term `domestic terrorism’ means activities that–

      `(A) involve acts dangerous to human life that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State;

      `(B) appear to be intended–

        `(i) to intimidate or coerce a civilian population;

        `(ii) to influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or

        `(iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination, or kidnapping; and

      `(C) occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States.’.

  37. 37.

    DBrown

    These loons could just claim that asswipe General ‘Lee’ was their inspiration, hero, mentor and guiding light so all was well – the south and being a terrorist/traitor who commits mass murder of Americans is a tradition taught deeply into their single operating neuron as their god given right – heritage of hate is all they have left.

  38. 38.

    MikeJ

    DC and Atlanta huh? I’ll bet anybody who has been subjected to the “joke” about what MARTA stands for can tell you what demographic similarity those two places have.

  39. 39.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    @Poopyman: I posted it last night too. Toccoa is where Curahee Mountain is as well. That’s where the 101st trained for their D-Day jump.

  42. 42.

    flickeringlamp

    Step 1. Indiscriminant murder via chemical weapons.

    Step 2. ?

    Step 3. Constitution saved!!!

  43. 43.

    stinkwrinkle

    God, I love Waffle House.

    I’m all for nukin’ the South, but we gotta save Waffle House deliciousness technology for future generations.

  46. 46.

    burnspbesq

    I’m setting the over/under on how many hours before Eric Cantor threatens to cut the FBI’s budget at 36. And I’m taking the under.

  47. 47.

    General Stuck

    Lots of historic saving shit revolution type stuff was hatched at Waffle House. Storming the Bastille, The Muppet’s Take Manhattan, and of course the huge wingnut fav, Ernest Saves Christmas. No surprise in this story.

  48. 48.

    Poopyman

    @stinkwrinkle:

    I’m all for nukin’ the South, but we gotta save Waffle House deliciousness technology for future generations.

    I’m confident that Waffle House food-like products are as nuke-proof as cockroaches.

  49. 49.

    burnspbesq

    If you ever want to know what it feels like to be an outsider, walk into a Waffle House anywhere in North Carolina wearing a Duke t-shirt and carrying a copy of the New York Times. In order to get the full effect, specify “no grits” when your order is taken.

  52. 52.

    RareSanity

    As a resident (and native) of Atlanta, it warms the cockles of my heart that these 4 south Georgia hicks, wanted to kill me, my family, my extended family, my friends and every other resident of the city, because they fancy themselves “sacred defenders of the Constitution”.

    Whether or not they could have actually pulled it off, especially thinking that botulinium toxin is worse than anthrax, if these 4 hicks exist, there are others. It only takes one nutjob, to be in the same place that me and my family happen to be, to cause us harm, with any type of weapon. Firearm, explosive or chemical.

    But I guess OWS and budget deficits are really the worse problems that affect our country.

  55. 55.

    burnspbesq

    Waiting to hear that Viet Dinh and Paul Clement have agreed to represent the defendants pro bono.

  56. 56.

    RossinDetroit

    How many more times does this have to happen before we give up thinking that terrorists are all brown and say Allah every third word?

    That many? Wow!

  59. 59.

    ed drone

    @efgoldman:

    What? No security escort to make sure I clear the building and have turned in all keys and other property? Sloppy procedures here, I must say. I’m glad I’m leaving — I don’t want to work in such a poorly-run business anyway.

    Ed

  60. 60.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    It’s funny, we have an old line lefty here in Athens who writes a column in the local rag and his hangout is the Awful Waffle!

  61. 61.

    Thoughtcrime

    These words were overheard in another waffle house:

    The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvy4YH9–Vw&feature=related

    http://losangeles.citysearch.com/profile/35457/los_angeles_ca/roscoe_s_house_of_chicken_n_waffles.html

  65. 65.

    John Weiss

    @Thoughtcrime: Why do think that the crazy christian religionists are so fond of the old testament? I think that they’re fond of the fire and blood. You?

  66. 66.

    Tom Johnson

    I think you’re overstating the significance of the Waffle House locale for plots of this nature. The key variable in this might not be the Waffle House itself, so much as it is the fact that Waffle House’s food is a sure cure for hangovers. Thus, people in the foulest of all humors go there to eat loaded hashbrowns and pork patties while swilling coffee.

    Things like cold-blooded murder make a lot of sense when you’re hungover. Who among us hasn’t considered killing a child for the sin of clinking spoon against cereal bowl, a spouse for running a vacuum cleaner, or a beloved next-door neighbor for starting his lawnmower? It’s not that big a leap to contemplate shooting a federal judge or throwing a convict off a bridge, really.

    So its probably not the Waffle House itself that’s the problem. We just need to get southerners to start drinking a better quality of booze, and maybe taking a couple of aspirin before they go to sleep. Do that and I’m guessing the incidence of domestic terrorism will plummet.

  67. 67.

    Sanjuro

    It’s a shame they didn’t dine at the nearby Cracker Barrel. It would have been a much more fun term to classify this as the Cracker Barrel Rebellion.

  70. 70.

    Joel

    @Chet: Botulinum toxin is correct. Botulism is the disease caused by infectious botulinum bacteria. It’s why canned goods have a pop lid.

  71. 71.

    shoutingattherain

    “We need somebody to back us with some damn money so we can make that other shit,” Crump said…

    Funding your plot to destroy the government with your Social Security checks just isn’t enough nowadays. Apparently this Band of Botherers din’t think this all the way thru.

  72. 72.

    Chet

    I’ll cop to being wrong, but in 20 years of reading about biological weapons this is the first time I’ve heard it called “Botulinium toxin.” But, it passes autocorrect so it must be right.

  73. 73.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    @Tom Johnson: Son, they got booze up there that won’t quit. It’s just a hop skip and jump from the Chatooga where Deliverance was filmed.

  76. 76.

    beergoggles

    there’s no way to know from the criminal complaint what level of involvement the FBI’s confidential human source had in putting together the whole plan, or even the existence of the group itself, or whether the source came upon the plot by other means

    The FBI, making Americans afraid of themselves since 1908.

  77. 77.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    @Thoughtcrime: Tarantino worked in a video store in Manhattan Beach and was familiar with all kinds of locations in that area. Many of the bars, eateries and even the Del Amo Mall were used in Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown.

  79. 79.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    The article isn’t clear about how these yayhoos expected killing a bunch of people to help. Had they thought about that part? Or was it just if you kill everyone in the gummint the Constushun will pop back up and take over?

  83. 83.

    burnspbesq

    @Poopyman:

    Typical fact-free MoJo innuendo, of which you should be highly skeptical.

    If these idiots were entrapped, they can offer it as a defense at trial. But that defense almost never works. The FBI has gotten very good at not crossing the line.

  84. 84.

    j low

    I wonder if any of the polling outfits that have measured Tea Party Derangement Syndrome have ever asked how many of their respondents are Waffle House regulars?

  86. 86.

    The Dangerman

    OK, it appears that the South will have to be burned to the ground again; this time, how do we disinfect it afterwards?

  92. 92.

    Mnemosyne

    @Roger Moore:

    Whoops. That was a major faux pas, as I’m sure you figured out upon walking in.

    I’ve been to two Roscoe’s (Pasadena and the one on Manchester). IIRC, I went to the one on Manchester after going to a club with a (black) friend of mine, so I didn’t get any dress code related stares.

  93. 93.

    Roger Moore

    @The Dangerman:

    OK, it appears that the South will have to be burned to the ground again; this time, how do we disinfect it afterwards?

    I suggest we take off and nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  94. 94.

    SenyorDave

    One of these guys should just file to run for the GOP nomination. He’d probably be leading in SC by now.

  97. 97.

    Gus

    i’d be this falls into the same category as the assclowns in Miami who were planning on taking down the Sears Tower.

  98. 98.

    eugene

    “We need somebody to back us with some damn money so we can make that other shit,”

    That’s the kind of plain talk that coastal elites despise.

  99. 99.

    Speedy

    Seems the ringleader was a poster and commenter at RedState.

    Looks like Eric’s Trike Force is short 4 members , and I wonder how much scrubbing is going on in Freeper Land?

  100. 100.

    JGabriel

    The four men, Samuel Crump, Frederick Roberts, Ray Adams, and Dan Roberts, … hoped to ultimately obtain botulinium toxin, which Adams believed could kill millions of people in small doses.

    They’re gonna Botox(tm) ’em to death!

    .

  101. 101.

    M-pop

    @Brian K: I wish I could give your post a thumbs-up like on Wonkette – thanks for sharing your Waffle House lore.

    On the topic, I’m pretty shocked by the lack of regard these asshats have about the human cost of this fantasy.

  103. 103.

    Peggy

    Is IHOP a safe place?

    Ricin is unfortunately very easy to come by- I won’t post how to do it.

  104. 104.

    Raven (formerly stuckinred)

    Atlanta — Authorities say at least two suspects accused of plotting attacks involving deadly biological toxins are former federal employees.

    Court records state that one suspected member of a Georgia militia group worked for the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

    Authorities said another man who was arrested worked for a contractor at the federal Centers for Disease Control.

    Prosecutors said that 65-year-old Ray Adams used to work as a lab technician for a USDA agency known as the Agricultural Research Service.

    Court documents state that CDC officials confirmed that another suspect, 68-year-old Samuel Crump, worked at the CDC in the past for a contractor that did maintenance at the Atlanta-based agency.

    Prosecutors say the men were part of a group that tried to obtain explosives and aimed to produce ricin, a lethal toxin.

  106. 106.

    El Cid

    @Gus: Except these guys were openly yelling “I INTEND TO MURDER PEOPLE” and “WE NEED TO BLOW UP BUILDINGS WITH FEDERAL WORKERS IN THEM LIKE TIMOTHY MCVEIGH DID” without FBI informants luring them to agree to some subtle indirect statement. Not to mention one of them was a lab tech for USDA and was trying to obtain castor beans to make the ricin.

    Prosecutors must have been stunned at how clearly these guys indicted themselves.

  108. 108.

    Menzies

    @Speedy:

    Please. Like Erick Son of Goat F***ing Child Molester would find this objectionable.

    He already got hired by CNN, he’s never going to have to care again what anyone on RedState says.

  110. 110.

    Elizabelle

    Poor Waffle House.

    I haven’t seen corporate publicity like this since that Segway company dude went over a cliff on one of his vehicles.

  111. 111.

    AnotherBruce

    Don’t waffle irons often make 4 waffles at a time? And there were 4 men plotting to kill millions?

    I don’t really know where I’m going with this.

  112. 112.

    Michael

    I’ve visited Toccoa three times — twice to raft the Chattooga River, where “Deliverance” was filmed and another to scope out the steel cable stretched across the quarter-mile-wide Tallulah Gorge, which Karl Wallenda walked across.

    A pleasant little town a few decades ago. Then again I didn’t eat at the Waffle House.

    Something tells me we’ll soon hear “Dueling Banjos” as the theme for a Jon Stewart send-up of these Waffle House Wackos as well as a clever reference to “squeal like a pig.”

  113. 113.

    scav

    Poor old guys were just called “morons” by their hero Mike Vanderboegh for taking him seriously. (ChiTrib) MV’s going with the defense that “his online posts are all about avoiding violence against the government.”

  114. 114.

    Mnemosyne

    @scav:

    Given that these guys seem to have been proposing violence against their fellow citizens and not the government, I’m not sure that’s as strong a defense as MV seems to think.

  117. 117.

    Susanna K.

    This surprises me not at all. These 4 are only slightly more extreme than all the other old, white, male Tea Party activists around here. I live in Aiken, SC just across the GA border, and I expect that there are many folks in my county thinking to themselves, “Those guys were right on the money.”

  119. 119.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @scav:

    From that link:

    The four gray-haired men — Frederick Thomas, 73; Dan Roberts, 67; Ray Adams, 65; and Samuel Crump, 68 — appeared in federal court Wednesday without entering a plea and were jailed for a bail hearing next week. They apparently had trouble hearing the judge, some of them cupping their ears.

    I wonder if they were at the Waffle House yelling at each other…

    Redneck #1: We’ll have to take that building down like Timothy McVeigh did!

    Redneck #2: What?

    Redneck #4: cupping ear: Speak up, I can’t hear you!

    Redneck #1: I said, we’ll have to take that building down like Timothy McVeigh did!

    Redneck #3: Why is everyone staring at us? Could you pass the syrup please?

  120. 120.

    Evolving Deep Southerner (tense changed for accuracy)

    @flukebucket: That is indeed the town. My home town. And Dan Roberts got charged for throwing a rock at a school bus during a “bring back the stars and bars to the state flag” rally.

    As they used to say on TV:

    “Hee-Haw salutes my hometown, Toccoa, Georgee, population 6,000 and falling … SAAAH-LUTE!”

  121. 121.

    Evolving Deep Southerner (tense changed for accuracy)

    @catclub: Paul Anderson. There’s a park there with his name on it now. With a big bronze statue that looks like Fred Flintstone.

    This story has been like Old Home Week.

  122. 122.

    Evolving Deep Southerner (tense changed for accuracy)

    @Raven (formerly stuckinred): James Brown spent some of his formative years (well, the ones where he wasn’t in prison) there, and several members of the Famous Flames are from there.

  123. 123.

    Slobyskya Rotchikokov

    Actually, all that the geriatric four needed to do was tell the arresting officers that they were all muslim; then they would have been freed, sent on their way with much fanfare, ass kissing by local government reps, lawyers from CAIR helping them file lawsuits, and calls from Hilary Clinton to apologize for their lost time.
    Oh and maybe they would have been invited to the White House for a halal meal with the muslim-in-chief.

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