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You are here: Home / Politics / Crazification Factor / Michele Bachmann Believes in Liberty for Light Bulbs but Not for Women

Michele Bachmann Believes in Liberty for Light Bulbs but Not for Women

by Imani Gandy (ABL)|  November 7, 201111:56 pm| 45 Comments

This post is in: Crazification Factor, Crock Pot Craziness, Republican Stupidity, Teabagger Stupidity

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<blank stare>

Concerned that her platform of All Batshit Craziness All the Time — the components of which includes (1) Obamacare is an extinction-level event; (2) Jesus is my co-pilot; (3) HPV vaccines will mess up your brain and/or turn your daughters into ladies of the night; and (4) never look directly into a camera or else the terrorists win — is not batshit enough, Michele Bachmann has decided to dial up the batshit craziness to a whole notha level.

In a speech to the Family Research Council, some word-like sounds escaped Bachmann’s face-hole, and long story short, Michele Bachmann is concerned that some of her co-candidates are socialists. Not Obama-level socialists, mind you, but cheapskate or “frugal” socialists.

Speaking to the conservative Family Research Council, the Minnesota congresswoman explained that President Barack Obama was engaging in a “massive redistribution of wealth and a politics of Occupy Wall Street envy to achieve his purposes.”

“The president’s economic policies — most notable of which is Obamacare — represent the most ambitious social economic engineering project in this history of the United States,” Bachmann charged. “Contrast that with the 10th Amendment — I’m sorry the 10th Commandment — which teaches that we should not covet that which belongs to our neighbor.”

“Socialism means failure and socialism kills a growing economy. … Because socialism is a principle that I will reject, and I will work to eradicate socialism all across the United States government. Unfortunately for too many Republicans, they also aspire to be frugal socialists. … We can’t preserve liberty if the choice a year from now is between a frugal socialist and an out-of-control socialist.”

Politico’s Reid Epstein later asked the congresswoman which “frugal socialist” Republicans she was referring to.

“Well, you see, that’s part of the puzzle that you figure out,” she replied. “But good try.”

At one point in her speech, Bachmann complained that Congress had improperly applied the Constitution’s Commerce Clause to regulate efficiency standards for light bulbs.

“In response, I championed the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act,” she explained. “I believe in liberty for light bulbs.”

But when it came to the issue of abortion, the candidate declared she was in favor of strict government regulation.

Seriously.

Thankfully, Michele Bachmann is a non-factor in the Republican primary because she is dumber than a bag of really stupid hammers. The words she strings together don’t make any sense at all. It’s as if she crafts her speeches using those word magnets that one can find on refrigerators in college dorm rooms across America. She has no fucking clue what she’s talking about. She has no clue what socialism is. And she apparently has no clue how ridiculous and hypocritical it is for her to advocate freedom of choice for lightbulbs, but not for women.

It’s mind-numbing. This woman numbs my goddamn mind.

Light bulbs, y’all.

LIGHT BULBS.

[via Raw Story]

[cross-posted at ABLC]
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Reader Interactions

45Comments

  1. 1.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    November 8, 2011 at 12:00 am

    “Well, you see, that’s part of the puzzle that you figure out,” she replied. “But good try.”

    That’s so Dan Quayle!

  2. 2.

    Jenny

    November 8, 2011 at 12:08 am

    5th woman come forward against Cain

    http://campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com/article/fifth-woman-raises-questions-about-cains-behavior

    And now Cain will hold a presser tomorrow afternoon. Way to keep stirring the pot Team Cain.

  3. 3.

    LM

    November 8, 2011 at 12:09 am

    The dumbness she unleashed with this is balanced by the fun of reading your post. This was a particularly good one, I thought.

    Reps need to find stupider hammers and smaller sacks if they want to stop losing the dumbness contest.

  4. 4.

    Paul

    November 8, 2011 at 12:10 am

    How many Constitutional Conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  5. 5.

    Yutsano

    November 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

    @Paul: None. Do it yourself you lazy moocher!

  6. 6.

    Wag

    November 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

    Conservatives don’t screw in light bulbs. They screw in Men’s Room stalls

  7. 7.

    The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik

    November 8, 2011 at 12:16 am

    @Paul:

    Why change it when you can break the other lightbulbs and then blame it on the next door neighbors until the landlord throws them out for it?

  8. 8.

    suzanne

    November 8, 2011 at 12:16 am

    Speaking of Quayles, did y’all see that Mama Quayle called our xenophobic moron of a Governor to complain that her sexist douchebag of a son was now going to actually have to work for his Congressional seat?

    I’m studying for the Structural Systems ARE, but I need a break. I’m such a masochist that my “break” involved reading FourLoko’s bullshit. What is wrong with me?

  9. 9.

    Yutsano

    November 8, 2011 at 12:19 am

    @suzanne: Umm…you’re a masochist?

    Today life literally kicked my ass by 10AM so I told work to snog off. My reward was watching a thread descend into madness and illogic. And talking to a Marine stoned out of his gourd on pain meds.

  10. 10.

    FlipYrWhig

    November 8, 2011 at 12:22 am

    @Paul: Light bulb screws in you! No, wait, that’s a different totalitarian austerity regime.

  11. 11.

    suzanne

    November 8, 2011 at 12:25 am

    @Yutsano: That fuckin’ thread was a wretched hive of scum and villainy. That Kola Noscopy fucker should be banned forever for the assertion that the kid may have enjoyed being raped.

  12. 12.

    Shade Tail

    November 8, 2011 at 12:26 am

    @Paul:

    Two, but they need to be really small.

  13. 13.

    Calouste

    November 8, 2011 at 12:29 am

    @Jenny:

    the USAID paid Cain to deliver a speech to businessmen and women in Egypt in 2002, during which an Egyptian businesswoman in her 30s asked Cain a question.
    __
    “And after the seminar was over,” Donella told The Washington Examiner, “Cain came over to me and a colleague and said, ‘Could you put me in touch with that lovely young lady who asked the question, so I can give her a more thorough answer over dinner

    So Cain was paid by the US government, and USAID at that, to hold a speech for a Muslim audience?

    I guess that:
    a) Herman Cain thinks that USAID is good for something if they’re sending them checks.
    b) Herman Cain thinks Muslims are not good enough to put in his cabinet, but they’re good enough to shag.

  14. 14.

    Hunter Gathers

    November 8, 2011 at 12:38 am

    Fucking light bulbs. How do they work?

  15. 15.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    November 8, 2011 at 12:39 am

    Michelle Bachmann is a patriot. If she is not the nominee, our armed forces will be engaged in an epic struggle to rid the world of tyranny as depicted here.

  16. 16.

    Ron Beasley

    November 8, 2011 at 12:41 am

    I don’t really think she’s dumb but history gives us many examples of intelligent + bat shit crazy = bad news.

  17. 17.

    jl

    November 8, 2011 at 12:41 am

    @Gordon, The Big Express Engine: The link leads to the tyranny of the ‘page not found’. And I think that horrid abomination is worth fighting against.

    But is that the link you meant?

  18. 18.

    Yutsano

    November 8, 2011 at 12:44 am

    Is it just me or are links not working in this thread?

  19. 19.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    November 8, 2011 at 12:48 am

    (sigh) Here we go again.

  20. 20.

    Martin

    November 8, 2011 at 12:51 am

    @Hunter Gathers: I think she knows how light bulbs work. It’s sex and reproduction I’m not sure she’s so clear on.

  21. 21.

    Suffern ACE

    November 8, 2011 at 12:52 am

    @Calouste: Donella, who no longer works for USAID, said they were suspicious of Cain’s motives and declined to set up the date. Cain responded, “Then you and I can have dinner.” That’s when two female colleagues intervened and suggested they all go to dinner together, Donella said.

    Cain exhibited no inappropriate sexual behavior during the dinner, though he did order two $400 bottles of wine and stuck the women with the bill, she said.

    As far as outrages go, number 5 needs a little work.

  22. 22.

    jl

    November 8, 2011 at 12:55 am

    @Ron Beasley: I have no idea how Michelle Bachmann thinks.

    I read her Wikipedia bio, and no telling how accurate that is, and how much is PR from her campaign. I see it is semi protected, for obvious reasons. So maybe broad outlines are true.

    So assuming the stuff in Wiki is semi accurate, seems like Bachmann is a person with good intentions and who has done some good things (I assume the foster kids are treated well).

    I can see some one converting to strong anti abortion views because of the trauma of a miscarriage.

    But deciding to change your whole political perspective because Gore Vidal wrote mocking things about the founding fathers? First Vidal mocks almost everything. Second, who in the world would consider Vidal any kind of representative or spokesperson for the Demccratic party?

    Frankly, to me, some of her Wiki biography reads like a descent into madness. If that’s what it is, I guess the bright side is that there is a chance she will snap out of it.

    But I read that quantum physics says anything can happen, and I the chances of her snapping out of it are about the same of a pile of gold coins spontaneous materializing under my pillow.

  23. 23.

    S. cerevisiae

    November 8, 2011 at 1:00 am

    She looks amazingly like BatBoy in that picture.

  24. 24.

    dead existentialist

    November 8, 2011 at 1:01 am

    60 watts of liburty & freadums for all. We’ve crossed over into Daylight Savings, foax.

    And for some mood music

  25. 25.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    November 8, 2011 at 1:02 am

    @S. cerevisiae: Have you heard of ‘Bat Boy: The Musical“?

  26. 26.

    jl

    November 8, 2011 at 1:03 am

    @S. cerevisiae: Is Batboy the official logo of Weekly World News?

    I heard it has gone downhill, but heck, if it has the endorsement of Batboy, then I’ll start reading it.

  27. 27.

    ABL

    November 8, 2011 at 1:09 am

    @suzanne: my jaw dropped when i read that. little timmy is sick in the head.

  28. 28.

    Villago Delenda Est

    November 8, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Yes. Obama is behind a massive conspiracy to undo the last thirty years of redistribution of wealth from people who actually do productive things to vile parasitic drones. Like Michelle Bachmann and Rethugs and 1%ers in general.

  29. 29.

    Yutsano

    November 8, 2011 at 1:17 am

    @ABL: Special Timmeh earned himself a holiday with that exposition of depravity.

  30. 30.

    suzanne

    November 8, 2011 at 1:20 am

    @ABL: Mine, too. I mean, I’m used to a certain level of douchebaggery, but that’s fucking horrifying.

    Timmy? Is that someone we know? The Tim who posts here?!

  31. 31.

    The prophet Nostradumbass

    November 8, 2011 at 1:21 am

    @suzanne: Kola Noscopy has been known by several other names, including “Tim, Interrupted”.

  32. 32.

    suzanne

    November 8, 2011 at 1:24 am

    @The prophet Nostradumbass: Sounds like a lovely human being.

  33. 33.

    Cris (without an H)

    November 8, 2011 at 1:38 am

    @S. cerevisiae: http://totallylookslike.icanhascheezburger.com/2010/10/19/michele-bachmann-bat-boy/

  34. 34.

    Mnemosyne

    November 8, 2011 at 1:44 am

    @suzanne:

    Sorry, I deleted that. That was way too much information for people I only know electronically.

    Instead, enjoy this synopsis of the Pulitzer Prize winning play How I Learned to Drive to get the point across without TMI on my part.

  35. 35.

    amk

    November 8, 2011 at 1:49 am

    so timmeh aka that head in the ass guy has been booted out then ?

  36. 36.

    gocart mozart

    November 8, 2011 at 1:58 am

    “Contrast that with the 10th Amendment — I’m sorry the 10th Commandment — which teaches that we should not covet that which belongs to our neighbor.”

    Isn’t that the entire bedrock value of the American capitalist system founded by Jesus and Washington over lunch one day? What would America be without covetousness? Is Michele some kind of communist?

  37. 37.

    ABL

    November 8, 2011 at 2:02 am

    @Yutsano: Oh good.

  38. 38.

    gocart mozart

    November 8, 2011 at 5:00 am

    @Wag:
    I’d give you my internet but I’m still using it.

  39. 39.

    YellowJournalism

    November 8, 2011 at 7:55 am

    At least stupid hammers are useful.

    And what’s up with that puzzle bullshit? There’s no puzzle, lady! You threw it out there and obviously have someone (or two) in mind, so it’s perfectly legitimate to ask who you mean. Fucking statements, how do they work?

  40. 40.

    kerFuFFler

    November 8, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Bachmann and Batboy, separated at birth?
    http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1067&bih=667&tbm=isch&tbnid=_K70aZz70c9E8M:&imgrefurl=http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/gay-icon-of-the-week-aliens.htm&docid=8vKBGvgWYm_okM&imgurl=http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/news_batboy_2.jpg&w=1024&h=768&ei=Cj65TpHPGYXg2QXo44XbCA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=378&vpy=188&dur=2355&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=241&ty=49&sig=109096945008971364802&page=1&tbnh=125&tbnw=162&start=0&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0

  41. 41.

    Rick Massimo

    November 8, 2011 at 11:22 am

    “Well, you see, that’s part of the puzzle that you figure out,” she replied. “But good try.”

    “HAH! You’re not gonna trap ME into explaining what I’m actually talking about!”

  42. 42.

    DougL

    November 8, 2011 at 11:29 am

    @Paul:
    None. The constitution made no mention of light bulbs.

  43. 43.

    DMcK

    November 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    I used to think the light bulb thing was pretty funny, in a fringe loony sort of way, but it’s definitely been incorporated into the mainstream conservative consensus these days. It sounds insane to…well, sane people, but she knows her audience well.

  44. 44.

    RalfW

    November 8, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    @jl:

    Frankly, to me, some of her Wiki biography reads like a descent into madness…I guess the bright side is that there is a chance she will snap out of it.

    Somehow, the voters in Minnesota’s 6th district, even when given chances to start climbing out of the madness, keep descending, seeming to enjoy the ride to utter madness.

    And, I gather, horrible constituent services, utter lack of regard for district or state problems, etc. What looks like a bug to voters in most districts appears to be a feature for Michele’s co-residents in the asylum.

  45. 45.

    mitch cohen

    November 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    You’d be more believable if you dropped your annoying slang. You’ve taken a position against a powerful woman, so it behooves you to do it with some class.

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