Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

Republicans don’t trust women.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / And How Was Your Shopping Experience?

And How Was Your Shopping Experience?

by | 167 Comments

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One of the really nice things about being a misanthropic agoraphobic crank who aspires to be a crazy cat lady is that I never ever ever have to put up with shit like this:

Matthew Lopez went to the Wal-Mart in Porter Ranch on Thursday night for the Black Friday sale but instead was caught in a pepper-spray attack by a woman who authorities said was “competitive shopping.”

Lopez described a chaotic scene in the San Fernando Valley store among shoppers looking for video games soon after the sale began.

“I heard screaming and I heard yelling,” said Lopez, 18. “Moments later, my throat stung. I was coughing really bad and watering up.”

This is why Allah created Amazon Prime (and if you shop at Amazon, click the link below to the left before shopping and this website gets a cut!).

I’m trying to think of what it would take to get me to a Walmart today. I’m coming up blank. There is football. There is basketball. There is hockey. Leftover turkey and fixings. Snuggly dogs. The SWTOR beta test.

Reader Interactions

167Comments

  1. 1.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I fear for this country. This materialistic crap has got to stop. It will destroy us, not only spiritually, but physically as well.

  3. 3.

    Linda Featheringill

    Work today. But I work from home, so it is safe.

    When I tried to log into the company system this morning, the machine would not recognize my signin. I panicked, feeling like someone had changed the locks on my front door.

    I called the help desk and talked with the nice people. We had to wait for Billy to get back from wherever and he would call me. Which he did. Eventually. And I was just about a basket case by that time.

    But Billy fixed the problem. And everyone was nice to me.

    I don’t have a Plan B to keep from being hungry and homeless. Maybe I need to get such a plan.

  9. 9.

    John Cole

    @MikeJ: For fuck’s sake, as I was writing the post, ABL came and cut and pasted a post. It’s not my fault the other front pagers don’t see someone writing a draft before they post shit.

  10. 10.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    I may go shopping today, but I’m thinking more like groceries to supplement Thanksgiving leftovers and not so much with the gift shopping stuff (already gotten the most important gifts taken care of.) Unlikely the store I’m going to will be mobbed, but who knows – it’s a combination grocery and other stuff store so maybe the upstairs nonfood zone will be a madhouse.

    Plus I’m happily able to avoid Wal*Mart and I feel genuinely sorry for people whose competing stores have all been suffocated as though by a nutty shopper’s pepper spray.

  12. 12.

    PurpleGirl

    I have been to a Wal-Mark only twice. After really researching them as a company and seeing how poor the quality of some of the things I bought was, I’ll never shop with them again.

    (I complained to one company which produces crochet/knitting/crafts patterns and tools that a new product was only being offered through Wal-Mark and I don’t buy from them. I felt it was a smack to every one of the independent yarn and crafts stores who carry this company’s products. I got an e-mail back that the item would soon be in other stores. That was back in September and the item is available through some on-line sellers (Amazon and B&N) but not any where else (A.C. Moore, Michael’s)

    In an earlier thread I mentioned I might go out — I did and I went to a B&N store. I bought some magazines.taking the bus to and from B&N, I saw lots of people with large packages coming from the Queens Center Mall or the Queens Mall. Crazy people.

  17. 17.

    brk

    Yeah Amazon is a great company. Maybe after the independent business I work for goes out of business I can get hired by Amazon for $7.00 a hour with no benefits.

  18. 18.

    Cat Lady

    @MattF:

    Vampires have to practice inhuman restraint with mortal girls so as not to kill them/turn them, so they’re probably pretty good at keeping other parts of themselves from prematurely activating, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

  19. 19.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @John Cole:

    Yes. It’s your fault. Other things that are Cole’s fault:

    1. The crucifixion of Jesus of Nazareth.

    2. The defeat of King Harold at the hands of that Norman guy.

    3. The Black Death

    4. The fall of Constantinople

    5. The Defenestration of Prague

    6. Apple falling on the head of Issac Newton

    7. Benedict Arnold’s betrayal of the Colonies

    8. Ford’s Theater’s poor security

    9. The U.S.S. Maine’s unfortunate combustive incident

    10. Prohibition

    11. Someone giving Ronald Reagan a film contract

    12. The grassy knoll

    13. Pat Paulson’s withdrawal from the 1968 Presidential Election, throwing the loon vote to Dick Nixon

    14. The cancellation of Star Trek

    15. The Rise of Grand Funk Railroad

    16. Disco

    17. The attack rabbit that did in Jimmy Carter

    18. Supertrain, the TV series

    19. The curse of the “best new artist” Grammy

    20. The endless September on USENET

    21. George W. Bush

  21. 21.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    @Linda Featheringill: I have a Plan B to keep from being hungry and homeless, or at least homeless: The pop-up camper is paid for.

    Then all I’d need is enough gas money to tow it to some friend’s driveway. Oh, and a friend with a driveway.

  22. 22.

    Phoenician in a time of Romans

    More and more, “Transmetropolitan” is looking like a sober extrapolation…

  23. 23.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    I’m at Rag Tag Cinema (Columbia MO) sitting out in the cafe drinking a Schlafly Winter ESB waiting for the movie to begin. This is how people should be on Black Friday: supporting a local bidness, indie films and a regional microbrewer (Schlafly is based outta St Louis).

  24. 24.

    Studly Pantload, Boy King of Ubekibekibekistanstan

    @Villago Delenda Est: Yes, now it can be told that Cole was just using Fred Silverman as cover to release “Supertrain” on an unsuspecting, peaceful citizenry.

  25. 25.

    JPL

    Left the house at 8 went to Home Depot, Kohl’s, Michael’s, Trader Joe’s and the Pet Shop. Home by 9:45. Bought what I needed and have spent the rest of the day cleaning and consolidating food. I volunteer at the local clothes closet and home store so some gifts come from there. My son’s significant is so excited because she is getting something from there. She feels like a real member of the family.
    I like the holidays. XMas eve I have a buffet for long time friends and neighbors and XMas day we open a our presents and watch movies and play games. We munch most of the day and just veg out.
    Holidays are what you make it not what the news, O’Reilly and Walmart think they should be.

  27. 27.

    Jennifer

    I’m one up on you, Cole. After Thanksgiving, I refuse to go to ANY store other than the following, until after Christmas: 1)grocery store 2)Walgreen’s (if absolutely necessary) 3)locally-owned bookstore 5 blocks from the house.

    I put my family on notice years ago that I was unwilling to subject myself to the great unwashed in the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and so it was incumbent upon them to either A) tell me what they want in time for it to be ordered and shipped or B) accept whatever perfectly good gift I choose for them at the bookstore. This system has worked quite well for over 10 years now.

    I do have these moments of panic leading up to Thanksgiving, where I realize that there’s some necessary item I need to go pick up at Target before the Christmas quarantine gets underway. I went last Saturday to get the cool-weather clothing I needed for my daily walks, shower cleaner refill, & etc. I won’t be setting foot in that place again for the next month.

  33. 33.

    shoutingattherain

    Went to the local Best Buy, consulted with the geeks, and bought a 750G portable hard drive for $60. Gonna need it this winter when I take off for S Thailand in January for a couple months. A. Really. Good. Deal.

    I’m not an anti-shopping snob but I never ever go to Wal-Mart. Except for the pepper spray have no probs w/ Black Friday.

  34. 34.

    harlana

    Don’t know if anyone else noticed the Black Friday WalMart commercials celebrating “competive shoppers” and their awe-inspiring and somewhat threatening superpowers, at least in retrospect, that’s how it seems.

  35. 35.

    schrodinger's cat

    As far as shopping for myself is concerned I prefer the day after Christmas to Black Friday, more and better deals. No shopping on the agenda today. Just some grocery shopping tomorrow.

  38. 38.

    Montysano

    Our local record shop had a Black Friday event sponsored by Record Store Day. I scored The Civil Wars’ limited edition holiday 10″ on white vinyl. The store had 10 copies, 8 of which were gone in 5 minutes, which speaks to a) the resurgence of vinyl, and b) the triumph of true talent which is The Civil Wars (YMMV).

    I requested that the store owner stand in front of the rack so what I could shove her out of the way/trample her, but she declined.

  40. 40.

    Thoroughly Pizzled

    Honestly, it’s a good, presumably unintentional way to dispel the “pepper spray = food” myth.

  41. 41.

    Yutsano

    @schrodinger’s cat: TOS started it all, and Shatner’s ham-handed style still elicits giggles to this day. But my brother and I have gotten into long winding arguments about DS:9 vs Voyager. And I liked the re-boot on its face but not as a part of the Star Trek universe. They of course left themselves a huge loophole for how it was possible, but destroying two of the major worlds of that universe doesn’t spark much for me.

    @JenJen:

    (I hate the Bruins so f’n much.)

    I knew I loved you. :)

  42. 42.

    WereBear

    @MattF: why teenaged girls want to have sex with vampires?

    Vampires have always been sexy. Werewolves now, you can’t take them out in a tank top, but elegance, immortality, and the hint that just kissing them makes you feel reeeeealllly good?

    Best monsters evah!

  43. 43.

    bemused

    No fantastic deal is worth getting up in the middle of the night to stand in line in the cold and then worry about getting trampled or worse when the doors open. oth, getting up at a normal hour in the morning, sipping a cup of coffee while ordering online to take advantage of Black Friday sales Christmas shopping is very satisfying.

  44. 44.

    schrodinger's cat

    Speaking of BF and Walmart, I have only shopped in Walmart on a black Friday once in my life and that’s because our guest from India wanted to experience it. Never again. It was a harrowing experience, some large boxes of TV almost landed on my head and some jerk tried to kill me when he turned left through a red light and I was going straight. It was good for our guest though he got a lot of goodies to take home as gifts for friends and family. So it was all for a good cause.

  45. 45.

    Soonergrunt

    Yeah. The current round of SWTOR beta test is this weekend. That’s why I posted the freeware/shareware utility thread earlier. Which is to say that you won’t see me much this weekend.

  46. 46.

    cathyx

    I had to go to Best Buys for a computer part for my computer, and then to the grocery store. Neither was a bad experience except for trying to find a parking space.

  48. 48.

    Yutsano

    @schrodinger’s cat: Each one is derivative of the next, and they all refer and cross over into each other until Enterprise, when the whole thing fell apart. The last episode of Enterprise worked only because it had little to nothing to do with the actual series.

  54. 54.

    The Thin Black Duke

    Creatively speaking, I thought Voyager was the Beginning of The End. (Although I always wondered what would have happened if Genevieve Bujold didn’t leave…)

  55. 55.

    Yutsano

    @gwangung:

    (DS9 was a decent 60% and Voyager at 20%)

    Our resident Emissary may want a word with you. :)

    And I HATED that they made Harry Kim such a wuss on Voyager. Sulu was never that wishy-washy.

  56. 56.

    Anne Laurie

    @JasonF: Pepper Spray Food Product would be a great name for a garage band…

    (Back in the day, they’d’ve been bought by a major label, had their moniker corporatized to PSFD, and 30 years later there would be multiple competing websites explaining the ‘real’ reasons behind the acronym. Yes, I am old. And feeling it.)

  57. 57.

    gbear

    I’ve got two black friday shopping traditions: The Electric Fetus black friday sale (I bought CDs and vinyl records, but where else are you going to find a great price on your Christmas bong?), and The Purple Door pottery sale at a Greek Orthodox church in south Minneapolis. No big box or national chain stores today.
    Edit: didn’t get pepper sprayed today, but everything I bought at The Fetus smells like patchouli. The scent just follows you home from the store.

  58. 58.

    gnomedad

    My biggest disappointment with Enterprise was when they “explained” smooth Klingon foreheads. In the awesome DS9 “Tribbles” ep, Worf had a better explanation: “We do NOT speak of it!”

  59. 59.

    cathyx

    Ok, got to weigh in on the Star Trek talk. Loved, loved, loved the original until I saw The Next Generation. That was heads and tails above the original. The writing was top notch and the show themes really made you think. I could never get into Deep Space Nine, I didn’t find the characters likable enough. Then Voyager, hated, hated, hated Janeway, but liked the rest of the crew. But the premise of it was bad, that they would never get back home was too depressing and if I were on that crew, I would die of loneliness.

  60. 60.

    Soonergrunt

    @Yutsano: DS9 was flat out the BEST Trek EVER. It was also some of the best sci-fi ever.
    William F. Nolan, who wrote Logan’s Run, once said that the best science fiction was primarily social fiction. And DS9 did that better than anything else. Babylon 5, as good, and sometimes great, as it was, wasn’t consistently as strong as DS9.

  61. 61.

    Studly Pantload, Boy King of Ubekibekibekistanstan

    @Anne Laurie: Don’t forget the multiple “farewell” tours, followed by various “re-united for one night only” gigs.

  62. 62.

    khead

    Shopping? Ha… ha…. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….

    Whew. Almost died laughing there for a second.

    Gonna finally get into Skyrim here in a bit.

  63. 63.

    gnomedad

    In one respect, Star Trek experienced its own “singularity”: the technology got so whack that the writing got out of control. Enterprise had an advantage there. Good thing the movie Trek reboot didn’t do stupid shit like making the transporter too powerful. Oh, wait …

  64. 64.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Yutsano:

    Yeah, Harry Kim was like jello thrown against a wall.

    Voyager had such great potential (boldly going, etc) but they tossed it out the window when it was obvious it was too hard to live with the logistical constraints of being 70,000 miles from the nearest Star Fleet supply depot. Also, too, the total wussification of the Maquis on the ship, which had promised to provide a great deal of conflict, contrary to the “yes, we can all just get along” blandness that sometimes affected TNG.

    The fact that Kira was on Sisko’s case from day one of DS9 made it interesting.

  65. 65.

    CaseyL

    I promised myself a walk around Greenlake if the weather was nice, and it was/is. So I did that this morning. (Gorgeous sunny not too cold November day in Seattle = rare!)

    I have no other plans. I should try to get my beading/crafting area organized, so that I can actually do some beading/crafting, but I need a peg board, which means going to Home Depot, and I just want to stay away from all big box stores this weekend.

    The nice thing about getting a good walk done in the morning is that I don’t have to do anything else in order to feel like I’ve accomplished something today :)

    MikeJ, Yutsano, and other Seattle BJers: How about another get together?

  66. 66.

    gwangung

    @Yutsano: They wussified EVERYBODY on Voyager; way too nice and blanderized for what should have been a simmering cauldron of ill feelings, overcome only by twin loyalties to Janeway and the ideals of the Federation culture. And DS9 got better when they stopped blanderizing the characters and allowed more sharp edges and actually explored the implications of Federation politics.

  67. 67.

    S. cerevisiae

    As for hockey, I say GO WILD! Today you have the young D of the Wild vs. the young offense of the Oilers – should be a good one. Just wait until Granlund and some of the other talent in the pipeline come up in the next couple of years, the Wild will be a force in the west.

  70. 70.

    Gustopher

    I’m trying to figure out how to convert from secular Christian Athiest to secular Jewish Athiest, to cut down on expectations from friends and family.

    Nothing will compel me to go to the malls or big box stores this year.

  71. 71.

    Svensker

    Also, too, being in Canukistan they don’t have Black Friday, except for our Salvation Army, which had 50% off day and man was it crowded. No pepper spray, though.

  72. 72.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Svensker:

    Actually, I cribbed it from a Clinton era list of all the various crimes he was responsible for, as seen through the lens of the utter morons of FreeRepublic.

    Clinton was at the grassy knoll!

  73. 73.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Gustopher:

    I’m trying to figure out how to convert from secular Christian Athiest to secular Jewish Athiest, to cut down on expectations from friends and family.

    Let me know how that works out for ya.

  75. 75.

    The Thin Black Duke

    Imagine DS:9 as Casablanca in outer space.

    Plus, it was the only Trek spinoff that was openly skeptical of Gene Roddenberry’s gooey “Happy Happy, Joy Joy” ideology.

    The reboot? Well, I still recognized the classic archetypes from the original series, so that was O.K. Everything else? Not so much.

  76. 76.

    Joel

    A friend of mine posted a link to Decide.com (via NYT) on Facebook, and I’m going to repeat it. I’m not an early adopter or really much of a gadget buyer, but for anyone who is, it’s basically Farecast (same creator) for electronics. General take home: Don’t buy on Black Friday.

  78. 78.

    Yutsano

    @CaseyL:

    MikeJ, Yutsano, and other Seattle BJers: How about another get together?

    I’m out of town until Monday, however next weekend I have nothing special to do. And MikeJ owes me bread. And dollared still owes me a drink. :)

    @gwangung: The very best episodes of Voyager are when Janeway is allowed to express some real huevos, like making a tough decision or actually settling in for a fight rather than running off. For a female character that was so beyond the pale at the time. And that wasn’t even twenty years ago.

  81. 81.

    cathyx

    My daughter and I watched the whole Next Generation series one summer. We could get them from the library. She loved them too. My favorite character was Q, and those shows were the best ones.

  82. 82.

    S. cerevisiae

    Trek Talk! I grew up with TOS but mostly in reruns and I really like TNG. DS9 had great writing but I just never got into the Cardassians that much, not sure why. Voyager was best for 7 of 9 in spandex. Haven’t seen the new movie and not sure if I want to if it messes with the whole universe.

  85. 85.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Hmmm. I posted this story in a comment on Soonergrunt’s thread at 10:55 this morning. What took y’all so long?

    Did anyone hear/see that story that a woman in California pepper-sprayed twenty or so people waiting in line to get into a Wal-Mart early this morning? Combine “Sergeant Pepper-Spray Everything” with the escalating insanity that is Black Friday, and this is the result.

  89. 89.

    jnfr

    Nothing on this green earth could get me into a store today. I did order a couple things online, which is where we get all the gifts for family, etc. We made enough food yesterday to feed an army, so probably won’t venture out until Monday. And even then we’ll avoid all malls and big box stores.

  90. 90.

    MikeJ

    @Yutsano: I imagine at some point we can arrange another meet up.

    I watched a few eps of TNG, but they killed off the only likeable character on the show. I hated everybody else on the ship and wanted them all to die. Everybody was so fucking nice. In TOS, Kirk believed in the mission but had no trouble with being a raging asshole when it was called for. You could have kicked everybody on TNG in the balls, including the Klingon, and every one of them would have exhibited superior self control to show you who *really* won. Kirk would have pulled a switchblade and started force feeding you choice bits of your own anatomy.

    Never watched another Star Trek think after that.

  91. 91.

    schrodinger's cat

    @S. cerevisiae: You didn’t like Garak? What about Dukat and Damar? How about Kai Winn?
    Not a Cardassian but what a deliciously evil character. Kira kicks ass, also too.

  92. 92.

    cathyx

    What was so great about the movie was I hadn’t seen the original show for years, although I had seen each episode many times. So watching that movie was like seeing all the old episodes in a flashback of time, so on each scene, I was saying to myself, “oh yeah, I remember that”.

  94. 94.

    khead

    Kirk would have pulled a switchblade and started force feeding you choice bits of your own anatomy.

    And then have cheap sex with your girlfriend/wife.

  97. 97.

    S. cerevisiae

    @schrodinger’s cat: See, I liked a lot of the characters, maybe because one of the things I liked about Star Trek was the flying around the galaxy part. I loved all the ones that involved Q, or parallel universes or time travel or anything “mind bending”. It helps to have fresh green herbs.

  98. 98.

    licensed to kill time

    I watched most of the Star Trek Original series in real time. It was on kind of late-ish(?) as I recall, so most of the episodes were watched in a smoky basement room with a few choice friends. We didn’t think the special effects were hokey because there was nothing better to judge them against. It was just cool to have a science fiction show on to watch at all.

    ST:Next Generation was even better, not so hammy. I am still amazed at how many things that only existed on Star Trek back in the day are now part of our everyday lives….Video phones/chats? …those slabs of plastic they used to pretend to type on that we now use as iPads and tablets? Even the communicators or those badges they used to tap on their uniforms….bluetooth earpieces, anyone?

    I can’t wait for the holodecks and my own personal Data. And the food replicator, of course.

  99. 99.

    Cliff in NH

    In case it hasn’t been mentioned, all that trek stuff is available for streaming with amazon prime…

  101. 101.

    gelfling545

    @MattF: I suspect that it’s the whole deal about them not being, well, real. It’s about wanting to do a real thing without the real consequences.

  102. 102.

    CaseyL

    @Yutsano: Next Saturday would be best, but Sunday works,too.

    Star Trek: TOS is the favorite of my heart, because that’s the one that started it all. TOS gave us the command crew that defined starship command crews from that point on, the characters that became not just icons but archetypes, the ships themselves, and a milieu that opened the galaxy up for everyone. Without TOS, none of that would exist. Plus, some of the episodes stand up pretty well, and some of the others are unparalleled campy fun.

    I like TNG well enough, once it emerged from the ghastly first 2 seasons into something watchable. Once TNG hit its stride, it had some amazing stories to tell. My favorites were the mind-fnck stories, where things were not what they seemed at all.

    But my critical fave is DS9, because it was the most realistic, in terms of people not all getting along and conflicts being real and foundational, rather than minor disagreements because “we all want the same things.” Actually, no: sometimes different people/species do NOT all want the same thing, bucko, and how do you deal with that?

    I have a special love for TNG-DS9 crossover episodes, like the Cardassian War arc.

    Voyager I couldn’t make it through the first season, and Enterprise I couldn’t make it through the first episode.

    I loved the reboot, thought the new timeline twist was sheer brilliance (in terms of having a whole new canvas to work with, and subtlely different versions of the characters), and eagerly/anxiously await the sequel.

  103. 103.

    Anoniminous

    @Montysano:

    I requested that the store owner stand in front of the rack so I could shove her out of the way/trample her, but she declined.

    Damn LIE-bruhls destroying our American Holiday Traditions.

    I blame Gay Marriage.

  104. 104.

    Anne Laurie

    @MattF: Heh, I am currently re-reading Northanger Abbey, where Jane Austen makes fun of teenage girls’ affection for the new fad of “horrid” Gothic romance novels. Two centuries later, sensible people are still making fun of teenage girls’ reading choices, and yet, Twilight.

    I originally read Northanger Abbey when I was 12 or so, after my English-teacher mother was disappointed that I couldn’t appreciate how “romantic” Jane Eyre’s Rochester was. Along with making me a lifelong Janeite, Northanger did help me understand, if not appreciate, my schoolmates’ obsessions with Harlequin paperbacks and that new hip vampire soap opera, Dark Shadows.

    Obviously there is a niche in our culture where teenage girls want stories about older, more experienced potential lovers who will initiate a sensitive, wise-beyond-her-years maiden into the mysteries of Romance without all the gross off-putting side issues of potential pregnancy, mutual inexperience, having to explain one’s choices to unsupportive parents/peers — even for teens outside the monotheistic religious imperatives of “just say no” to sex outside marriage. (Heck, part of the vampire “romance” is that, even within the scenario, his “victim” can escape the relationship just by going outside during the day. And you don’t have to worry about a vampiric Hot Older Guy growing fat & gross & impotent & expecting you to take care of him.)

    Twilight is a really evolved-down-a-blind-alley offshoot of the “classic” myth, tailored to modern Mormon tastes — a pseudo-sophisticated young girl who really really wants to Do It with the sparkly-in-the-sunlight guy who’s been cherishing his own virginity, waiting just for her, for over a century. Even though she knows that Doing It will not only destroy the furniture and leave her bruised all over & instantly pregnant with a carnivorous entity that nearly destroys from the inside out, not to mention separating her from her family and all the rest of her world. “Fortunately”, Sparkley Old Virgin is such a Mormon gentleman that, although he introduces her to his giant extended family of fellow cultists, he won’t Do It until she’s (a) eighteen and (b) graduated from high school. Because if you’re going to spend eternity as a professional wife & mother within a tightknit, much-misunderstood cult, it’s important to abide by the customs of the local tribalists…

  105. 105.

    licensed to kill time

    @cathyx: He must have been a future-dreaming psychic, because it’s all happening.

    I hope they invent warp drive pretty soon and solve all our energy problems. Or find a huge stash of dilithium crystals.

    Also, I love Galaxy Quest.

  106. 106.

    Suffern ACE

    No shopping for me until payday. There was going to be some shopping, but the plumber I needed to call this morning decided to charge me . Who knew they weren’t a charitable organization? Thank goodness for leftovers that will last me through the end of the month.

  108. 108.

    cathyx

    I would take a replicator and transporter right now. I hate long trips. Every time I have to drive somewhere far away, I say to myself, if I had a transporter, I would be there by now.

  109. 109.

    cat48

    A shopper in SC almost made it to her car early today in Myrtle Beach, but was shot in the foot in the Walmart parking lot. It was crossfire from a robbery taking place. My parents were probably right; nothing good happens after Midnight (at least at Walmart).

  110. 110.

    burnspbesq

    @Soonergrunt:

    And DS9 did that better than anything else. Babylon 5, as good, and sometimes great, as it was, wasn’t consistently as strong as DS9.

    Not sure I agree with that. DS9 was better acted, but the B5 story was engrossing.

    I missed the opening credits of the first DS9 episode I ever saw, and when I learned who was playing Sisko my reaction was “Wait, that’s the same guy who played Hawk??? No way.” Avery Brooks has some serious acting chops.

  111. 111.

    Yutsano

    @licensed to kill time:

    I hope they invent warp drive pretty soon

    Know that whole neutrino breaking the speed of light possibility? Yeah…might be one step closer there.

    solve all our energy problems

    We have a great almost infinite source for that in the sky. And we’re getting better at doing what plants have done for millions of years.

  112. 112.

    Loneoak

    As a friend said today on the Facebook: “The only thing sad about some Black Friday shoppers being pepper sprayed is that it wasn’t all the Black Friday shoppers being pepper sprayed.” I concur, with a dash of empathy for all the workers that have to deal with this shit. My very first job was at a mall bookstore, and I started on Black Friday.

  113. 113.

    noodler

    Jc noone seems to have noticed, or commented on your little click through amazon deal but good on monetizing the site, a little sumpin sumpin for the effort, you see. Heck if you get a penny each time, ill click through and wait the half a second longer it takes to get to amazon :-).

  114. 114.

    noodler

    Jc noone seems to have noticed, or commented on your little click through amazon deal but good on monetizing the site, a little sumpin sumpin for the effort, you see. Heck if you get a penny each time, ill click through and wait the half a second longer it takes to get to amazon :-).

  115. 115.

    gelfling545

    @Svensker: Here across the Niagara River the Canadians have been celebrating Black Friday since Thursday. Good thing too as we’d have no economy to speak of without the Canadian shoppers.

  116. 116.

    AxelFoley

    @John Cole:

    @MikeJ: For fuck’s sake, as I was writing the post, ABL came and cut and pasted a post. It’s not my fault the other front pagers don’t see someone writing a draft before they post shit.

    LOL, you mad, bro?

  117. 117.

    burnspbesq

    @Montysano:

    I requested that the store owner stand in front of the rack so what I could shove her out of the way/trample her, but she declined.

    Typical of those damn hippies at Amoeba. Love the place, but even Fry’s has better customer service.

  121. 121.

    burnspbesq

    Central Florida came from down 17 to beat UConnvict. Muy dulce!

    ETA: Marcus Jordan, whose father may be known to you, led the Knights with 20 points.

  123. 123.

    cathyx

    @S. cerevisiae: It’s true there has been a few transporter deaths, but I’ll bet more people die in car accidents. Although, I never heard of anyone having their head put on backwards in a car accident.

  124. 124.

    quannlace

    \Need more evidence that the ‘liberal’ media is completely corporate owned and controlled. How else to explain the non-stop coverage of Black Friday in the news for the past few days. This bizarre insistence to enshrine it as a new American holiday. And do we need to add the latest noxious tweak. Opening stores on Thanksgiving itself or at midnight. Forcing your employees to give up one of their few precious holidays to allow people to buy more cheap Chinese crap.

  125. 125.

    Anne Laurie

    @khead:

    So what you’re saying, then, is that if Mitt really wants this President thing he should become a vampire?

    Become a vampire? As a certified HBS-MBA vulture capitalist, Willard Romney went vampire years ago, for all the good it might’ve done him. Why do you think his former company was called “Bane”?

    (Okay, Bain, but that’s just a lesson taken from Wolfram & Hart in the Buffyverse…)

    Also, teenage girls fail as a voting bloc. They’re not even very influential on other peoples’ votes.

  126. 126.

    Admiral_Komack

    People are getting pepper-sprayed or shot in order for some persons to get bargains on Black Friday, and now ows pulls this stupid shit:

    SAN FRANCISCO—Anti-Wall Street protesters are taking their message about corporate greed to Black Friday shoppers, staging demonstrations in shopping areas around California.
    In San Francisco, a few dozen people gathered in Union Square to tell shoppers that they should spend their money on education rather than buying clothing and electronics.
    Many of the protesters were from the Occupy movements in San Francisco and Oakland.
    They clashed with police when they briefly blocked cable cars Friday afternoon, until officers pushed them out of the street.

    http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_19412228

  127. 127.

    JPL

    @Raven: Thank you for linking to the article. I remember reading his columns but haven’t read any of his books.
    Mayor Daley’s wife died yesterday at 68. She had been treated for breast cancer since 2002 and didn’t let it slow her down. She was quite popular in Chicago for her work and passions and The Tribune has several articles about her.

  128. 128.

    Violet

    No shopping for me today. Well, I did go to the supermarket, which was practically empty, but otherwise I’m avoiding shopping. I don’t get the whole Black Friday thing at all. I dislike shopping tremendously, so doing it in a crush of people at times most people are asleep in hopes of getting one of a very few items at a slightly reduced price seems like the very definition of Hell.

  130. 130.

    AxelFoley

    @Yutsano:

    @schrodinger’s cat: TOS started it all, and Shatner’s ham-handed style still elicits giggles to this day. But my brother and I have gotten into long winding arguments about DS:9 vs Voyager. And I liked the re-boot on its face but not as a part of the Star Trek universe. They of course left themselves a huge loophole for how it was possible, but destroying two of the major worlds of that universe doesn’t spark much for me.

    DS:9 owns the fuck out of Voyager.

  131. 131.

    licensed to kill time

    @Yutsano:

    Know that whole neutrino breaking the speed of light possibility?

    Yep, read about it….interesting, veeeerrrrrry interesting.

  133. 133.

    slag

    @quannlace:

    Opening stores on Thanksgiving itself or at midnight. Forcing your employees to give up one of their few precious holidays to allow people to buy more cheap Chinese crap.

    Welcome to the United States of Gimmickry (TM).

  134. 134.

    WereBear

    @licensed to kill time: Also, I love Galaxy Quest

    So do I. I’ve seen it about 20 times and it still makes me laugh.

    TOS rules, but that’s because I first saw it as an 8 year old. AND because what else was out there, science fiction wise?

    Well, there was Lost in Space. Old reruns of Commander Cody, if you were lucky, or Buck Rogers, on the UHF channel, with aluminum foil on the rabbit ears. Yes, Twilight Zone was great, and so was Outer Limits, but they were anthology shows; there wasn’t anyone to get attached to.

    As far as the rest of the franchise, DS9 really had chops and Avery Brooks; TNG had lots of mind-blowing episodes and Captain Picard, second best Captain evah.

    Gene Rodenberry might have sold TOS to the network as “Wagon Train to the stars”, but he also hired real science fiction writers, and people who became real science fiction writers, and for every “Spock’s Brain” there was a “City on the Edge of Forever.” For the 8 year old me, it was the first mind-blowing stuff I’d ever encountered.

    Also, (for the win,) Tribbles.

  135. 135.

    Admiral_Komack

    41: Yutsano:
    My two cents:
    I like Star Trek: TOS: I like Jim Kirk.
    I like Star Trek: TNG, and Jean-Luc Picard and I liked Will Riker more after seeing “Star TrekInsurrection”.
    I love Kathryn Janeway.
    I like Ben Sisko (when I get my hands on some gold-pressed latinum, I’d like to purchase “Star Trek: DSN), however, I see him more as a religious figure than as a man.

  136. 136.

    Nutella

    @Anne Laurie:

    Northanger Abbey has one of my favorite Austen sentiments:

    “That is, I can read poetry and plays, and things of that sort, and do not dislike travels. But history, real solemn history, I cannot be interested in. Can you?”
    __
    “Yes, I am fond of history.”
    __
    “I wish I were too. I read it a little as a duty, but it tells me nothing that does not either vex or weary me. The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars or pestilences, in every page; the men all so good for nothing, and hardly any women at all — it is very tiresome: and yet I often think it odd that it should be so dull, for a great deal of it must be invention. The speeches that are put into the heroes’ mouths, their thoughts and designs — the chief of all this must be invention, and invention is what delights me in other books.”

    My reaction to many books and articles is to roll my eyes when I see that they’re about good for nothing men and hardly any women at all.

  137. 137.

    JPL

    @slag: Yesterday someone wrote an opinion piece that stated on holidays there should be a national sales tax on shoppers. The thinking was that people would wait rather than pay the additional tax. If there weren’t shoppers, the stores wouldn’t open. I was raised in MA when they had pretty strict blue laws.

  138. 138.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @WereBear: The scene in Dracula (1979) with Frank Langella and (can’t remember her name) female in front of the fire, was sexy as all get out.

  139. 139.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    As I said yesterday I would rather roll around in nettles than go shopping on black friday, I mean why would you do that?

    OT – I have a gay cat, or perhaps two, not sure what to think about that. Ellie Wyatt (yes I know its a girls name but I named him before I could catch him and figure out what sex he was) is actively trying to mate with Pootle (who is also a boy) who doesn’t actually seem to mind. I could understand if all of the other female cats in my home were fixed but I actually have one unfixed female right now (I know, I know I am getting to it), who you would think would be the object of the boys desire but apparently she isn’t. Very strange.

  140. 140.

    JPL

    @SiubhanDuinne: Here’s a headline in the AJC that you might be interested in
    Atlanta weather | Snow on Sunday and Monday?

    The article then says maybe a few snowflakes.
    Have a good and safe trip home.

  142. 142.

    licensed to kill time

    @WereBear:

    @licensed to kill time: Also, I love Galaxy Quest
    …
    So do I. I’ve seen it about 20 times and it still makes me laugh.

    Me, too. Alan Rickman practically choking on those ‘By Grabthar’s hammer’ lines, and then in the end speaking them from the heart, Tim Allen losing his shirt at every opportunity like Kirk did, and Sigourney Weaver commenting wryly upon same, Sam Rockwell as the expendable crew member…I could go on and on but I won’t.

    Just see it if you haven’t, Star Trek fans.

  143. 143.

    Soonergrunt

    @Litlebritdifrnt: It’s not mating. It’s domination. Establishing pecking order. Even animals that have been together for a while will do it if there’s a female in heat around.

  145. 145.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Soonergrunt: The two of them are as we speak snuggled up in a laundry basket together. (Sleeping on clean laundry of course, why would they sleep on dirty laundry, ewwwwwwww)

  146. 146.

    AxelFoley

    @burnspbesq:

    Central Florida came from down 17 to beat UConnvict. Muy dulce!
    ETA: Marcus Jordan, whose father may be known to you, led the Knights with 20 points

    NICE! I actually like UConn, but happy MJ’s son lead the way to victory, since I’m the biggest MJ mark known to man.

  147. 147.

    Anne Laurie

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Of course, humping is also a ‘dominance behavior’, so depending on age & assertiveness your Wyatt may just be trying to show Pootle who’s in charge.

    Our two boy dogs & one girl dog are all fixed, which doesn’t stop Gloria from humping the Spousal Unit’s leg (she’s a very take-charge kinda girl, is our Gloria, who also lifts her leg when she pees). Zevon, who didn’t get ‘tutored’ until he was five, is an incurable pillow-humper, which confuses the heck out of Sydney, who lost his balls as a young puppy. But lately Syd, out of an excess of enthusiasm, has taken to humping Zeev (never Gloria, whom up with that sort of behavior would *not* put) during the daily Group Tap-Dance of Joy & Gratitude that greets SUPPERTIME! ! ! It’s definitely an attempt at dominance by Sydney, now that Zevon’s turned 10 and is slowing down a bit…

  149. 149.

    licensed to kill time

    I should say it was Sam Rockwell who said ‘Oh, that’s not right’.
    Tony Shalhoub lurved him some tentacles ;)

  150. 150.

    Larkspur

    Y’all haven’t forgotten WalMart’s Black Friday of Death, have you? Back in 2008, a 34 year-old clerk got trampled to death. You’d think this incident alone would be enough for stores to avoid describing their Black Friday sales as “Door Busters!”. It’s like the bulls at Pamplona in reverse, or upside down or something.

    I just saw a small news article stating that “Twilight” and “The Muppets” topped the movie revenue list. Now I want to see “A Very Muppet Twilight”. That makes me think of “Smile Time”, that Angel episode that contained actual Muppets. Evil ones.

  151. 151.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @licensed to kill time:

    Allan Rickman can’t help it. He steals every single scene he’s in on film. He’s a scene kleptomaniac.

    He’s one of the few actors I will bother to check out in anything, just because he’s always good.

  152. 152.

    Dr. Morpheus

    I still can’t believe the number of people who actually like TNG. It was an utter crapfest! Wooden acting, atrocious scripts, not to mention that their “best” episodes were typically remakes of TOS episodes. And why the hell is a Frenchman speaking with a rolling British accent? It not like Patrick Stewart couldn’t do a French accent.

    DS9 was very good, it took a bit of time to hit it’s stride but once it did it was tremendous. Voyager and Enterprise had a lot of promise but fumbled pretty much from the get-go.

  154. 154.

    licensed to kill time

    @Villago Delenda Est: Oh, I agree.

    What I loved about Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest was his willingness to poke fun at himself and his craft. He (not surprisingly) has a gift for comedy. Lurching around with that rubber alien head mold thingy half falling off…

  155. 155.

    dcdl

    My Walmart was dead, but I didn’t go at 10pm Thanksgiving day. Of course that meant there was nothing there. I think next year I’ll just order stuff online from Walmart. I ended up going to some other stores like Kmart and Fred Meyer’s. They weren’t that bad. I kind of liking going by myself on BF. I also don’t get up crazy early. More like whenever. It’s what you make of it. There is nothing like getting shoes, socks, and underwear for half price.

  156. 156.

    quannlace

    Allan Rickman can’t help it. He steals every single scene he’s in on film. He’s a scene kleptomaniac.

    Eight curtain calls!
    ******

    Lurching around with that rubber alien head mold thingy half falling off…

    And what was so funny, earlier in the film. When he’s on the phone with Sigourney’s character, complaining about the ‘Captain’ taking himself so seriously. And he’s still wearing that rubber head prothesis. In his own apartment.

    I too grew up with the original Trek. And had high hopes for TNG. I tried to like it. I really did. But when they went to that damn holodeck for the umpteenth time, I finally tuned out. Lazy story-telling.

  157. 157.

    Larkspur

    @Villago Delenda Est: Oh yes. I loved Truly Madly Deeply on account of him (and also Juliet Stevenson, who is wonderful even though she is not glamorously beautiful, because things is different in the UK). I also found Dogma to be surprisingly affecting, in part because of Rickman, but also Linda Fiorentino, who should really have more work, but things is different in the U.S.

    I have had no turkey for weeks now, let alone gravy. This is my excuse for sounding more peculiar than usual.

  158. 158.

    Schlemizel

    @licensed to kill time:
    Galaxy Quest is one of my all time favorites! It takes some well-earned shots at SF geekdom (and that bloated gasbag Shatner) but never does so without great humor.
    Rickman: I played Richard III.
    Shalhoub: Five curtain calls…
    Rickman: There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I won’t go out there and say that stupid line one more time.

    Gosh, I’m doing it. I’m repeating the darn computer.

    Did you guys ever WATCH the show?

  159. 159.

    licensed to kill time

    @Larkspur: Oh, yes…Dogma! Alan Rickman as Metatron, the snarky Voice of God angel with no genitalia.

    Bethany: What’s he like?
    Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He’s got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There’s nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
    Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
    Metatron: The way I understand it, it’s mostly a joke down here, too.

    That’s another movie that can be watched again and again, IMHO.

  160. 160.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    I’ll post it here because it belongs here, even though I was so busy i didn’t get to post it when people would read it: Here in Rockwall, TX, a woman in the Wal-Mart line here attempted to fake labor in the hope that she would distract enough people that her parter could get in the doors near the front. For reasons the cashier explaining it to us did not understand, her partner had a crowbar with him.

  161. 161.

    licensed to kill time

    @Schlemizel: This was one of my favorites, when Sigourney Weaver and Tim Allen have to negotiate the chompers in the middle of the ship:

    Gwen DeMarco: What is this thing? There’s no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!
    Jason Nesmith: Gwen—
    Gwen DeMarco: No! I mean, we shouldn’t have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?
    Jason Nesmith: Because it’s on the television show.
    Gwen DeMarco: Well, forget it! I’m not doing it! This episode was badly written!

  163. 163.

    Tommy D

    Sure, shop at Amazon and the site gets a cut. Who doesn’t get a cut is the State of California (and most other states where the Amazon stuff gets delivered) because Amazon doesn’t pay taxes here. This amounts roughly to a ten per cent discount over the prices charged by people who live, work and pay taxes in my neighborhood. Amazon can afford to share a tiny bit of that discount with enablers, like this site. Doesn’t make it right.

  164. 164.

    redshirt

    DS9 for life. If you’re in any way a Trek fan and have not watched it – I bet there are many – get to it. And be patient.

    TNG is awful in spots. It was also transcendent in others. The movies got progressively worse, however, ending in the Trek Apocalypse – the release of “Nemesis” and the airing of “Enterprise”. Double tap.

  165. 165.

    Amir Khalid

    The TNG movies were uniformly disappointing to me. Movie-scale production values, but not even TV-scale dramatic ambition.

    The reboot movie seems more like a prologue. I’m waiting to see what else they do with this iteration of Star Trek.

    @Anne Laurie:

    (never Gloria, whom up with that sort of behavior would not put)

    Who, not whom; Gloria is the subject, not the object, in this relative clause.

    We all have our little vices, and grammar pedantry is one of mine.

  167. 167.

    Bend

    Belatedly, a question:
    Long ago I changed my amazon link to be your affiliate one. I spend a gajillion dollars on Amazon and am hoping you’ve gotten some percentage of that.
    My question is: what percentage? Can I feel good about myself for donating to the cause?

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