Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

People are complicated. Love is not.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

T R E 4 5 O N

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

The revolution will be supervised.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Let there be snark.

Bark louder, little dog.

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101Comments

  2. 2.

    Jerry

    which was an epic struggle to see who could suck the most.

    Sounds like the Winnipeg Jets/Carolina Hurricanes game I was at last night. The answer? The Hurricanes. #momustgoagain

    The Ohio State/Michigan game better be on my broadcast TV today. I don’t care if they’re both not very good right now, it’s still the best rivalry out there.

  3. 3.

    Raven

    Tech starts with a jr high play and then chop blocks on the second. Chicken shit motherfuckers as usual.

  6. 6.

    Loneoak

    Go Blue! Beat Ohio!

    The Ohio State/Michigan game better be on my broadcast TV today. I don’t care if they’re both not very good right now, it’s still the best rivalry out there.

    Michigan is quite good this year. What are you talking about? They lost a couple they shouldn’t have, but next year will probably be top ten once they’ve matured a little.

  7. 7.

    Arm The Homeless

    Battle in the Swamp? Why, yes! Thank you very much. This is an odd year where both UF and FSU are both sucking hind-teat. It should be fun right after about the 5th beer.

  9. 9.

    burnspbesq

    USC-UCLA was drained of some significance yesterday when lowly Colorado jumped up and upset mediocre Utah, thereby handing the Common Little Adults the Pac-12 South championship and the right to be mauled by either Oregon or Stanford in the conference championship game.

    Despite this, we will look in periodically to monitor the progress of the Spoiled Children as they attempt to stomp the crosstown rival.

    We will also look in on Duke-Carolina from time to time. Depending on how this game comes out, Duke will either be the best 3-9 team in America, or a very good 4-8 team, and Carolina will still be worthless scum.

  13. 13.

    Alison

    I am going to take the “open” label perhaps a bit too far and talk about that OTHER football, the real kind, because I am super pleased that my Newcastle came away with a point at Old Trafford this morning. As good as they’ve been this season, I was pretty much expecting to get walloped, so a 1-1 finish feels pretty awesome.

  16. 16.

    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)

    @Raven: All the more reason you should be at the beach instead, stuckinred. (She said, jealously.)

  18. 18.

    Alison

    @Raven: Tell me, why are non-soccer fans so obsessed with making sure soccer fans know how much they dislike the game? I’ve really never understood that…

  20. 20.

    donnah

    I went to high school with the Hoke boys and it’s cool to see Brady doing so well as a coach. He graduated the year after I did. My brother-n-law and he were friends.

    And even though I’m from Ohio, OSU is not my school, so I am not obligated to root for the Buckeyes. My sons went to Ohio U and Wright State U, and I went to Miami of Ohio, so it’s kind of easy for me to cheer on Michigan.

  22. 22.

    The Dangerman

    #momustgoagain

    Mom must go? What did she do?

    Where is the UCLA/Oregon massacre going to be played? Neutral site? Hope the local hospitals stock up on their blood supplies.

    Edit: Well, shit, it will be in Eugene; maybe all of Oregon’s first and second strings will get busted for pot and it could be a game.

  25. 25.

    Alison

    @Raven: Well, that was a joke, obviously, based on the fact that soccer is actually played with your feet, whereas American football is almost hands-only. I’m certainly not the first person to note the oddity of calling it “football” and I’m sure even hardcore gridiron fans can agree it seems a misnomer.

  27. 27.

    Amir Khalid

    @Alison:
    Good to hear from a Magpie. Yes, that was a good away result at Manchester United, especially since Newcastle United didn’t resort to parking the bus in front of goal. Lord Ferg is bitching that Rio’s tackle was clean so it shouldn’t have been a penalty, but that kind of luck evens out over a season.
    My team, Liverpool (You’ll Never Walk Alone!) play Manchester City tomorrow.

  28. 28.

    Raven

    @Amir Khalid: That’s funny, on ESPN they run scores on the crawl with teams with names like the one’s you mention but it’s called “soccer”. I wonder what they mean?

  29. 29.

    Amir Khalid

    @Alison:
    Plus, the post headline never actually specifies “American Football Open Thread”, so feel free to talk about our kind of football.

  31. 31.

    Amir Khalid

    @Raven:
    There is one sport that most of the planet calls football, and there’s another sport that only Americans call football. The ESPN we get in Malaysia calls the former “football”.

  33. 33.

    JWL

    “Tell me, why are non-soccer fans so obsessed with making sure soccer fans know how much they dislike the game”?

    I’ve been guilty of posting the occasional snide comment about soccer, but I don’t dislike the game. Really. Rather, it bores the hell out me, and for that reason I simply cannot understand its universal appeal.

    I often find myself on the receiving end of the same attitude about baseball. I love that game, but it puts a lot of people to sleep. Unlike (American) football, strange to say. I love that game, too, but those who don’t tend not to be bored by it, so much as repelled by its inherent violence (the wusses).

  34. 34.

    Raven

    @Amir Khalid: And it is not going to change. I repeat, so what? Talk about football talk about soccer I just don’t see the point of this constant nomenclature argument.

  35. 35.

    Amir Khalid

    @Arm The Homeless:
    I don’t even know what that means in English.

    On to, um, football. Arsenal are down 0-1 at home to Fulham. By an own goal. Scored by defender Thomas Vermaelen, from 35 yards out. It’s difficult enough to score from 35 yards out on purpose.

  37. 37.

    Amir Khalid

    It’s a little after 03:10 here. I don’t have a job anymore (medically retired; bum ticker, other health issues) so I get to keep really strange hours.

  40. 40.

    Amir Khalid

    We used to have little spats over “football” vs. “football” back when Randinho was posting regularly on round football. A few American football partisans would post comments on his threads mocking our football — strange, boring, hooligan fans etc. — stuff which could be said, at least as justifiably, about the gridiron sport as well. Whereas, to my recollection, you never saw any mockery going the other way on John Cole’s American football threads.

    Oh, by the way: Arsenal’s Thomas Vermaelen has now scored for his own team as well, and the Gunners are level at 1-1 with Fulham.

  41. 41.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    I would like to publicly thank the Ohio State AD for screwing up the football team for your poorly timed pursuit of Urban Meyer and your public throwing of Luke Fickel under the bus. God I am going to miss the “Days since Michigan beat Ohio St” tab in the Columbus Dispatch.

  42. 42.

    burnspbesq

    @Joel:

    Not this year, not next year, not ever.

    BTW, how does that 1-4 record in men’s basketball feel? Seriously, Loyola Marymount? Middle Tennesee State? I guess I should put a bet down on Penn when I’m in Vegas next week.

  43. 43.

    Spike

    UK-Tennessee bringing a whole new meaning to suck. UK leads 3-0 in the 3rd quarter with a WR playing QB Tebow-style.

  45. 45.

    burnspbesq

    @bk:

    I’ll check back with you next Sunday when you’re watching Duke or Wake play for the NCAA championship in the sport that has defined excellence at Carolina for the last quarter century.

  46. 46.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    Off topic it looks like the NBA lockout is over. Trying to save whats left of their season, as if anybody in America cares. (do you care Portland, OKC, Memphis?)

  47. 47.

    burnspbesq

    Listening to the new Trombone Shorty record. Whatever school you root for, I guarantee that you will hear your band playing this stuff next season. “Buckjump” sounds like it was written with the Spirit of Troy in mind.

  48. 48.

    Arm The Homeless

    In a sad, yet unfortunately not unheard of act, FAMU’s world-famous Marching 100 is catching deserved hell for what is looking more and more like a hazing death at a game in Orlando. I don’t see an easy way out of this one, especially with the Penn St. scandal making university administrators painfully attuned to PR disasters. Oh, yeah, and dead students too, FWIW.

  51. 51.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    A wild life park outside of Blacksburg had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very agitated and difficult to handle. 

Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time intern from nearby Virginia Tech, responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. 

Ed, like most Hokies, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. 

The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer but only under three conditions: 

’First,’ he said, ‘I don’t want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I don’t want to be responsible for any children that may result from this union.’ The park administrators quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. 

’Well,’ said Ed, ‘You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.’

  52. 52.

    Raven

    I always wonder why my wife and her family hate those arrogant fruitcakes from UVA. I’m starting to get it.

  57. 57.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @Raven: we’ll see. A lot of football left to play. Tech fans are just like A&M fans (I went to UT as well and can attest). Can’t get over their own self-imposed inferiority complex and are always squawking about how much they hate big brother. Meanwhile, in both cases big brother hardly gives a hoot.

  62. 62.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @khead: the tie wearing set is a pretty small contingent these days (a relative handful of fraternities mainly – it was much bigger when I was there in the early 90s – the football team was a lot better then – hmmm…).

    There was a big movement in the late 90s to switch to wearing the colors (t shirts, sweatshirts etc), which is pretty obvious if you are watching today’s game.

    At any rate, it beats the overalls and straw hats you see at home games in Blacksburg.

  67. 67.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @Raven: you are just babbling now. Must be the shoe polish whiskey you are drinking… Holidays at the in-laws can be rough!

  69. 69.

    khead

    @Gordon, The Big Express Engine:

    Meh. Blacksburg is still a step up from southern WV. I loved the place.

    If I had gone to WVU I would’ve taken 6 years to get a B.S. in Couch Burning and I’d probably be a Magic Mart manager somewhere outside Logan – or maybe Beckley.

    London turned out to be a hell of a hire, but we still own your ass. So far at least…. 14-0

  72. 72.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @khead: See, Raven, here is a man of civility. Who told whom to go fuck themselves? You are the loudmouth.

    khead – I like the London hire as well, he is doing a lot will the little that Groh left him. You guys have owned us in football. No argument there. I like where we are headed though. We are at least two wins better then where I thought we would be. A lot of it is Rocco. He rally has settled in after some shaky early games this year.

  75. 75.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @Raven: So touchy… Get over yourself. Jokes like that are what rivalries are all about. And, for the record, I did not completely cut and paste that. I had to make some careful edits to convert it from a joke about Texas A&M to a joke about Va. Tech.

  76. 76.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @Raven: Wait, you are not telling that joke is actually based on a real story and you are in fact Ed, are you? That would explain a lot.

  78. 78.

    khead

    @Gordon, The Big Express Engine:

    It’s easy to be civil up 2 TD’s. :D

    And also when I get to take shots at the home state. WVU should’ve lost last night and Marshall is gonna lose today I think.

    Agreed on (at least) two wins better than expected. My best friend tried to tell me there would be a big turnaround this year. He lives in Va Beach and thinks very highly of London based on his work at Richmond. But after the Southern Miss and Idaho games I was skeptical as hell. Turns out he was right. Plus, the Miami game made me some $$$.

    Still, I liked it better when you had no hope.

  80. 80.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    @khead: I have friends who wager quite a bit and UVA has been money for several weeks now. They scored big on FSU – the line was FSU -17!

    I liked what he did at Richmond too. He used to be a RIchmond PD police detective. Interesting background for a football coach.

  83. 83.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    Halftime. Good banter even if Raven has some lingering butthurt over who knows what…

  87. 87.

    burnspbesq

    What the heck was that? The Turtles gave up HOW MANY points to the Woofies In the fourth quarter? Thirty-five? Unreal.

  90. 90.

    khead

    It’s a Va Tech ass whoopin now.

    Can’t believe the Maryland score. Maybe Edsall can blame “Ralph’s kids” again like he did earlier this year.

  93. 93.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    Good win by the Hokies. The better team won. It will be more of a game the next two years.

    @Raven – what is pathetic is your sad hanger-on fueled commentary. Get a sense of humor.

  101. 101.

    burnspbesq

    Umm, anyone seen Joel, the guy who was woofing about the reign of the Spoiled Children being over?

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