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You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2012 / If I Go There Will Be Trouble, If I Stay It Will Be Double

If I Go There Will Be Trouble, If I Stay It Will Be Double

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The Trump/Newsmax debate and Newt Gingrich are putting Mitt Romney in a really fascinating bind. When sure losers Huntsman and Paul declined and made noises about the dignity of the Presidency, it looked for a minute like the whole thing was off. But Newt came in to save the day when he cheerfully accepted, saying, “How could you turn down The Donald?” and that he’s going for the “sheer entertainment value”.

Now Mitt is in a real double bind. First, Newt just signaled that a genuine smile and a sense of humor are going to be required, and Romney has neither. He’s one of the stiffest and most humor-deprived politicians we’ve seen since maybe John Kerry or even Richard Nixon. There’s a real possibility that a little ribbing by Trump and Gingrich will give America an opportunity to get a good look at the stick rammed firmly up Mitt’s ass. We had a tiny glimpse of it during last week’s Fox News interview, and it wasn’t pretty.

Second, his whole strategy is based on attracting Republicans who are disgusted with the Tea Party but don’t want to vote for Obama, while at the same time pandering just enough to be a palatable choice for 27 percenters who know in their hearts that Bachmann or Gingrich just can’t win. The former don’t want Mitt in the same part of the country when the Trump debate is happening. The latter will consider it a condescending snub and evidence of high-hatting if Mitt blows off Trump.

I really can’t predict what Romney will do. My guess is that he’ll manufacture some kind of scheduling conflict, and promise a Trump/Romney event sometime next year. But the latest ugly polls showing Newt crushing him might just cause the ever-calculating Mitt to throw caution to the wind, accept the invitation, and try to memorize a few jokes. Either way, it’s going to be fun to watch.

Reader Interactions

67Comments

  3. 3.

    losgatosca

    Romney needs to turn up his pandering to 12. He needs to announce that his family – and all his ancestors – have converted to Southern Baptists. Preferably this would be during a baptism in the River Jordan in Israel after which he goes to a Jewish settlement in the West Bank where he demonstrates his skill with an automatic weapon on patrol the Wall to keep out the Palestinians and announces his commitment to build the same thing in Arizona. If that doesn’t work he needs to denounce his Muslim er, Mormon, wife. That should get the Theo-con vote, otherwise it’s seppuku and join Harry Caray.

  4. 4.

    Mark S.

    If I were Mitt I wouldn’t go. Who the hell is going to watch this thing (Dec. 27 on ION Network(?)), especially if the only participants are Newt and Santorum? Why on earth does anyone give Donald Trump the time of day? Does he have any constituency?

    This is the weirdest primary ever.

  5. 5.

    RossInDetroit

    I think Romney needs to go just because Trump is a celebrity in his own right and snubbing him would send the wrong message. A message that Trump would be sure got across. This isn’t ordinary presidential politics, it’s show time and all of the performers have to hit their marks.

  6. 6.

    4tehlulz

    Mitt needs to go full birther now.

    I don’t see why he doesn’t; it’s not like he’s principally against…anything.

  7. 7.

    SensesFail

    If I Go There Will Be Trouble, If I Stay It Will Be Double

    This makes me (and Herman Cain) think of a few “poets”:

    “Prepare for trouble!
    Make it double!”

    (Anyone who gets this reference is awesome btw.)

  9. 9.

    Schlemizel

    @losgatosca:

    If Willard somehow prevails I expect him to pick Huckabee in an effort to rinse off the cult smell for the Christianists.

    Maybe its my age or my situation but this whole freak show has stopped having any entertainment value for me. No matter what you think the odds are there is a chance one of these bozos could be running the country in 2013. Nothing I have seen convinces me that the majority of the voting public is as repulsed by these clowns as we are. I also think the lack of reality on their part has made for a lazy, sloppy Democratic Party. Why risk offering progressive solutions when warmed over Reagan bullshit still makes you better than the alternative?

  10. 10.

    MattF

    The catch is that the 27 percenters are persuading themselves that Gingrich is the one who will show that Kenyan pretender what a real intellectual is like. It’s lose-lose for Romney, or maybe lose-lose-lose-lose-lose. We’ll see.

  12. 12.

    Linda Featheringill

    @MattF:

    The catch is that the 27 percenters are persuading themselves that Gingrich is the one who will show that Kenyan pretender what a real intellectual is like.

    Why? To defend white supremacy? Obama is probably smarter than you and me put together. Newt doesn’t come close.

    Smart isn’t everything, of course. Courage and wisdom are important qualities, too.

    Gingrich displayed courage and wisdom when he . . . . . .

    [crickets]

  13. 13.

    Comrade Javamanphil

    @Mark S.:

    This is the weirdest primary ever.

    Oh sure, unless you are insane. Or not a member of the media. The former are loving it and the latter are politely refusing to see the candidates rubbing the pot roast all over their chests. Interesting times.

  14. 14.

    Mark S.

    Now if Vince McMahon decides to moderate a debate I think Mitt will have no choice but to accept. He’s got to get those WWE dads.

  18. 18.

    amk

    Didn’t the other mormon in the race ask trumpsta to go suck an egg ? Come on willard, grow some balls fer chrissake.

  19. 19.

    Jim Pharo

    Left out of so much of the thinking about Wank-Fest ’12 (a/k/a the GOP Primary), is the idea that IT HASN”T EVEN STARTED YET. There’s an unspoken and probably wrong premise that the GOP field will resolve itself so that just one or two remain. But the campaigns of Bachmann, Huntsman, Santorum, Ginchrich, Paul and Romney (am I leaving anyone out besides Perry, who I think is in fact toast already) are filing their forms for tons of actual, you know, elections.

    Why is it the case that these people won’t be duking it out down to the wire? Who says the nominee will be decided before the convention?

    Of course, the longer and more ‘poo-fling-y’ this thing goes the better for the Dems, so this is probably a bit of ‘rose-colored glasses’ thinking by me. But a girl can dream….

  22. 22.

    beltane

    Romney should not only attend Donald Trump’s debate, he should do so while wearing a silly costume. They should all wear silly costumes to this debate.

    I also like the idea of a Vince McMahon moderated debate. Then they can all wear spandex pants and hit each other over the head with folding chairs. Too bad Chris Christie is not in the race, people would pay good money to see him in spandex pants wielding a folding chair.

  23. 23.

    Hal

    Some days I am truly stunned this bunch is what’s running for President? I realize Repubs have been ratcheting up the nuttiness for some time, but what the hell?

  24. 24.

    David

    Romney should go wearing a Donald Trump-wig.

    Somebody needs to look up the television ratings for that last GOPer debate. I’m sure less than .000000000000001% of the population watched.

  25. 25.

    Quincy

    Romney should at least wait to see who else commits. Cain is out, Paul and Huntsman said no. If Perry passes and Gingrich, Santorum and Bachmann are the only ones committed to this thing, I think Romney has to refuse. The media-endorsed, (arguably unwarranted) veneer of electibility/centrism/seriousness are his only major advantages over Newt. I know those things are a turn off to the 27 percenters, but everything about Romney is a turnoff to those folks. His best bet is to look like the only serious candidate in the race. Lumping Newt in with Trump, Santorum and Bachmann is a great way to do that.

  30. 30.

    amk

    @fuzed: wasn’t wsj fluffing that ny mayor guy whatshisname for the much feared ‘oh, no, third party’ run just last week ?

    looks like those wsj guyz too don’t know what the fuck to do come 2012.

  31. 31.

    RossInDetroit

    @fuzed:

    Wow, Krugthulu came with the Bazooka today/yesterday

    His columns for the print edition have become much more direct and assured. He’s in political commentator mode on Sunday. The blog is for wonkier economics stuff, global issues and I-told-you-so carping.
    Without calm, assured Krugman on one side and Charles Pierce on the other with his hair on fire politics would be a lot drearier.

  32. 32.

    Napoleon

    @fuzed:

    That right there is what Mitt can hang is hat on to turn down the invite. “I am a loyal Republican and always have been. If Mr. Trump can not state that he is not going to run against the candidate that the GOP picks then I can not in good conscious attend his event.”

  33. 33.

    RossInDetroit

    Of course Trump is mulling a 3rd party run. It’s in his DNA to be attracted to anything that draws attention to him. All vanity, all the time.

  35. 35.

    PaulW

    You just declared a GOP debate to be “fun to watch”.

    No. No. NOOOOOO.

    GOP and “fun” do not go together. The phrase “DOES NOT F-CKING COMPUTE” comes to mind.

  36. 36.

    MattF

    @RossInDetroit: Another possibility is a tacit alliance between Noot and Donald. Noot’s major problems are money and organization, Donald has both. OTOH, Donald’s problem is that no one takes him seriously, and Noot can help with that.

  38. 38.

    Suffern ACE

    @fuzed: Oh, plase make it so. He should even drop the tag line “Vote for the person, not a party.” Buddy Roemer has already said that he wants that “No Labels” nomination. I hope Donald does to. I’d laugh if the best the No Labels folks could produce in their quest for a candidate is another version of the Republican clown car without the primaries. Perferred candidate = Bloomberg; candidate you hear about = Trump.

  39. 39.

    RossInDetroit

    @MattF:

    Another possibility is a tacit alliance between Noot and Donald. Noot’s major problems are money and organization, Donald has both. OTOH, Donald’s problem is that no one takes him seriously, and Noot can help with that.

    I wonder how Newt would tolerate that. He’s so smug and superior, and Donald’s a complete vulgarian with an ego rivaled only by Newt’s own. If they play nice and get along at the debate instead of clashing then they’re up to something for sure.

  42. 42.

    Patrick Phelan

    “To protect the world from devastation!”
    “To unite all peoples within our nation!”

    Can’t work. Newt immediately slams Team Rocket as a bunch of amnesty-promoting immigrant lovers, and Mitt has to chime in that their crazy environmentalist views will just punish the all-important Job Creators. Denouncing the evils of truth and love sounds fun, but too much anarchy just offends one’s Wall Street backers.

  45. 45.

    Ken

    @Mark S.: This is the weirdest primary ever.

    Not really, but it’s probably the weirdest since television got involved. At least we don’t have candidates directly bribing the voters, or handing out free whiskey and sandwiches. Well, except the Ames straw poll.

  46. 46.

    Samara Morgan

    I really can’t predict what Romney will do.

    But we CAN predict what Pelosi will do.

    “I like Barney Frank’s quote the best, where he said ‘I never thought I’d live such a good life that I would see Newt Gingrich be the nominee of the Republican party,’” Pelosi said in an exclusive interview Friday. “That quote I think spoke for a lot of us.”
    __
    Pelosi didn’t go into detail about Gingrich’s past transgressions, but she tipped her hand. “One of these days we’ll have a conversation about Newt Gingrich,” Pelosi said. “I know a lot about him. I served on the investigative committee that investigated him, four of us locked in a room in an undisclosed location for a year. A thousand pages of his stuff.”

  47. 47.

    Villago Delenda Est

    My sympathy for OvenMitt can be found in the dictionary, between two words.

    Suffer, asshole.

  50. 50.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @4tehlulz:

    Mitt needs to go full birther now.

    I don’t see why he doesn’t; it’s not like he’s principally against…anything

    The Mittens would never do something like that. The basic truth about Rommeny is Rommeny never takes risks. He panders he stakes a possition and risk offending someone. Mitten’s don’t want that.

    Mittens will be there at the Ion Debate laughing at Trumps bad jokes.

  52. 52.

    Paul in KY

    @Napoleon: Good out there. Before The Donald vomited his latest, I thought he had to go, that Gingrich had sorta shamed him into it.

    Now though, he can opt out like you said.

  55. 55.

    RossInDetroit

    I’d be very afraid of a debate with Newt and The Donald without Mitt. Gingrich and Trump together represent a critical mass of ego that could tear space-time and cause a rift in reality. Mitt is like the damper rods in a nuclear reactor, his boringness absorbing excess ego particles to prevent runaway vanity.

  56. 56.

    Origuy

    I’ll be at my sister’s on the 27th. I don’t think they keep whiskey in the house, so I won’t be watching.

  57. 57.

    Mike in NC

    It’s difficult to imagine Newt and The Donald in the same room together: both would demand 100% of the oxygen and withing two minutes they’d come to blows.

  58. 58.

    handsmile

    @Quincy: (#25)

    Your assessment is shrewd, and I believe it will prove correct.

    Donald Trump is a buffoon, a freak show for the media carnival barkers. Romney realizes this, and knows full well that he has no chance of obtaining the votes of those who would tune into a Trump-moderated “debate” for the content. He will appear even more of a fraud baying for their attention.

    Of course, for this event, Trump may present an innovation adopted from the boxing world: before each question, one of his Miss Universe contestants (that pageant is a Trump production after all) will parade across the stage holding up a number.

    The Mormon former governor of Massachusetts has the bankroll, the campaign organization, and the implicit support of the board of directors of most publicly-held media organizations to withstand his early defeats in Iowa and South Carolina.

  59. 59.

    carpeduum

    Jesus titty fucking christ on a stick. First we had to tolerate your annoying as fuck “Cain could win it all” horseshit opinionating. Now we gotta put up with your “the Trumpster is so important we gotta seriously talk about it over and over from every angle” crap.

    You seem to hang of every bullshit catch phrase these idiots throw out there. News flash mistermix, you are being played like a piano. They want you to talk about their every word, their every move. They know people like you will because you are a fool. You do not realize everything they say and do is coreographed theater. You are watching a manufactured version of reality and you get sucked into believing it’s real….every….single….time.

  60. 60.

    different-church-lady

    You kidding? This is a no-brainer: Mitt declines, leaving the spotlight to Newt. Effectively it winds up as Trump interviewing Gingrich: hot Ego on Ego action! What could possibly blow up in that scenario? They both end up looking like fools, Gingrich makes at least three unforced errors, and Mitt comes back a week later looking like the only sane one.

    And since it’s a no-brainer, it’s very unlikely to happen that way.

  62. 62.

    different-church-lady

    @Mark S.:

    Who the hell is going to watch this thing (Dec. 27 on ION Network(?)), especially if the only participants are Newt and Santorum?

    The pundits. Who will be very very glad to tell the rest of us what it all meant.

  63. 63.

    different-church-lady

    @Comrade Javamanphil:

    the latter are politely refusing to see the candidates rubbing the pot roast all over their chests.

    It doesn’t get really interesting until they start building cages with her bones.

  64. 64.

    Cap'n Magic

    With the NewsMax-sponsored fellating and felching forum debate shows is that those who ‘govern’ the United States has sold their souls and can no longer be redeemed, and we deserve whatever happens come 2012.

  65. 65.

    Judas Escargot

    @different-church-lady:

    They both end up looking like fools, Gingrich makes at least three unforced errors, and Mitt comes back a week later looking like the only sane one.

    Possibly, but it could go the other way, too: Newt, when compared side by side to Trump, could end up looking like the Elder Statesmen Genius he’s convinced he truly is.

    MSM doesn’t seem to be ‘in the bag’ for any one of them just yet– they’re like minor gang members, making sure not to overly offend any of them until they know for sure which one will be The One. If Newtmentum continues past xmas, I’d expect MSM to fall in line in the usual manner.

  66. 66.

    Brachiator

    Second, his whole strategy is based on attracting Republicans who are disgusted with the Tea Party but don’t want to vote for Obama

    Who are these mythical Republicans disgusted with the Tea Party? How many are there? Two, three dozen?

    The GOP has fully internalized all the goofball Tea Party principles, and moderate Republicans were run off long ago.

    @mistermix

    I really can’t predict what Romney will do. My guess is that he’ll manufacture some kind of scheduling conflict

    You should have stopped at “really can’t predict.” Sometimes it’s pointless to play crystal ball punditry. It will provide enough fun watching what Mittens actually decides to do.

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