Lord only knows how I stayed married this long without such expert advise.
Also: if you’re a complete wanker then wank about religion, because it’s not like anyone is going to prove you wrong.
by Tim F| 54 Comments
This post is in: Open Threads
Lord only knows how I stayed married this long without such expert advise.
Also: if you’re a complete wanker then wank about religion, because it’s not like anyone is going to prove you wrong.
Comments are closed.
Villago Delenda Est
Put your partner’s needs before you own.
The love you make will be equal to the love you take.
This is pretty straightforward stuff, but so many just don’t get it. “Make me a sammich, woman!”
Amanda in the South Bay
He quoted Rod Dreher? Jesus motherfucking Christ what a hack. Seriously, the guy has made an ass out of himself as an Orthodox Christian for the past several years, ironically defending many people within the Orthodox Church in America who are guilty of moral crimes, the kind he routinely bashes the RCC for.
Egg Berry
i bet he does.
GregB
Word is out that Newt Gingrich is calling for amnesty for Jonathan Pollard.
Newt is soft on treason.
Baud
Hmm, so if that’s their advice for a happy marriage after the children arrive, I wonder what their advice is for childless marriages.
PIGL
Stop it. Just stop it. Andrew Sullivan is a pathetic, pretentious old queen who does not know when to take his final bow now that the Konservative Kabaret is coming to its decadent and inevitable end. You can almost hear the machine gun squads goose-stepping down the street.
His one saving grace, the old public-school parsiflage, which Americans mistake for sophistication, is 10 years past its Use By date. Leave him to his tea and memories, and stop reading his wankery. Or at least, if you must, please stop telling us about it
scav
‘Tis the season for cheap hallmark pronouncements or is he shoring up the CV for a secondary career as a ghostwriter for tacky (and prolix) card interiors? I thought that study might be at the depths of it. Can’t wait for Bobo’s extended Barbie and Ken doll Mystery Play on it.
uila
I’m just going to assume “back rub” is a conservative euphemism for “hand job”, and then nod approvingly.
beltane
You’d think that Sully would be too caught up in today’s antics involving David Cameron to be dispensing marital advice.
Mnemosyne
@Amanda in the South Bay:
How many different religions has Rod Dreher been at this point? His poor kids probably can’t even keep track of when goddamned Christmas is supposed to be, or if they’re even celebrating it anymore.
(Speaking of Orthodox Christmas, I remember David Sedaris saying once that he was convinced his mother was willing to raise them Greek Orthodox so she could save money by buying everything after “real” Christmas.)
Lev
A lesson he’ll no doubt apply to his imaginary marriage to Paul Ryan, no doubt! Too bad Ryan’s hetero, I guess.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@PIGL:
Pretty much.
Post needs a tag: Show us on the doll where Sully touched you, and you liked it. Because you can’t quit him, can you?.
Litlebritdifrnt
I tend to say “always put your spouse first” if both spouses do this then it equals a happy marriage. In some instances this does not work, where one spouse has a particularly demanding job (when it comes to time that is), the other spouse just has to get with the program. My advice to a new Band Director’s wife was “go with the flow” after a couple of months I spoke with her and she said that she was having problems because she was “needy”. You don’t marry a marine if you insist on them coming home for dinner every night, same thing with a High School Band Director (or police officer, or fire fighter, or EMT, or whatever). Know what you are getting into, and then deal with it. There is nothing worse than thinking you can “change him”.
Amanda in the South Bay
@Mnemosyne:
I expect him to go off the (traditionalist) Orthodox deep end before long (we’ll see what happens when the OCA implodes). Either way, he’ll probably end up going off that route, and TBH I expect him to be writing about agnosticism or atheism 10 years from now.
Brian S
@Amanda in the South Bay:
I hope by all the gods I don’t believe in that you’re wrong. It’s bad enough having Christopher Hitchens on my team. I don’t need Sully too.
Lev
@Mnemosyne: That’s a hilarious story! Sort of like my dad’s Serbian community, though his dad left the Serbian Orthodox church because he said there were too many Communists there. Still kept the late Christmas, though.
I sort of wonder how anyone can read Rod Dreher for more than a week. I subscribed to his blog for about that long around 2009 before I had to leave. Who has time to read long, boring denunciations of homosexuality and exultant praise of Whole Foods (combined, ~90% of his output)? Fuck that, I’m a liberal who doesn’t want to spend $9.00 on a salad.
Punchy
Tim, I advise you to employ a grammar check. Take my advice.
srv
Perhaps we should bring back Civility Thursday and espouse how awesome everyone here we hate is. If we were just more loving towards each other, the trolls would be happier.
Lojasmo
God may or may not exist? /wank
Yutsano
…And:
PARTY ON DUDES!!
Amanda in the South Bay
@Brian S:
Hehe, no, was referring to Dreher, but agreed about Sully too.
Villago Delenda Est
@Lojasmo:
Well, it’s like those weapons of mass destruction being somewhere to the north, east, south or west of Baghdad, you know.
Someplace around here, somewhere.
JGabriel
Also from The Daily Beast, it seems like occasional guest star in John Cole’s dreams and BJ reader Patton Oswalt is now an Oscah(tm) Contendah.
Eh, whatever. Break a leg, dude.
.
JGabriel
@Lev:
I’m with ya … if by “week” you mean, like, five minutes.
.
Arclite
Who knew that Bill and Ted had the secret to a successful marriage 23 years ago? I guess they must have learned it visiting the future in their time machine.
Scott Alloway
@Punchy:
Thank you. I was going to comment on advise.
nalbar
I really believe Thor (with Loki a strong #2) is the most awesome God. I mean let’s face it, he could kick Baby Jesus ass with that hammer.
Plus…. Six pack!
.
dance around in your bones
You should marry/partner with someone who is intelligent, engages you and makes you laugh. Someone who will forgive your minor transgressions, and even (occasionally) your major ones. You should travel with them first to find out if you can live with each other under the stress and sometimes cruddy food or sub-standard accommodations.
Hopefully you will like the same music (in general, even better if specific) and the same type of literature (nice if you can turn each other on to new and different stuff) and the same values, in general – so one of you isn’t lusting for the latest BMW while the other is perfectly content with the old Volvo, as long as it keeps running.
As far as kids go, a light but consistent touch is invaluable; a sense of humor is imperative; an ability to ignore the often gross exudate of children is essential; if you are going to introduce religion it ought to be the most benign and accepting of religious faiths (love thy neighbor, you fuckheads! DUH!!) and celebrate the fun parts w/o getting all hung up in the hellfire parts (like, never!) and actually follow through ( not just SAY it, DO it) and …what else?
Love each other, through thick and thin, don’t sweat the small and stupid things (because they really don’t matter in the long run) and remember, you are in this TOGETHER for a reason – it’s easier with two people…two people who are in it for the long run and will stand by each other through the good times and the bad.
This is my perspective from someone who was married for 40 years and just lost that partner a couple weeks ago. Really – love and enjoy each other while you still have each other, because it could end at any moment. And THEN you’ll be sorry you weren’t nicer to each other.
I have no idea what Andy Sullivan said, because I didn’t read him, and won’t bother. We are all individuals and we all have our own solutions and no one old dude’s advice fits all. Make your own solutions. Make them work for you and your partner.
That’s all. Except, I miss my guy, a LOT. Be grateful for what you have, right now.
bin Lurkin'
@dance around in your bones: Sorry for your loss, love what you have to say..
SiubhanDuinne
@dance around in your bones:
I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful tribute you’ve given him in this comment. Thank you.
dance around in your bones
@bin Lurkin’: Thank you, I get so pissed at people who think their one-size-fits-all solutions work for everyone. Not. at. all. It’s like the definition of hubris.
@SiubhanDuinne: He deserved it. You really never know what ya got ’til it’s gone, to quote Joni Mitchell.
Really, folks – love the one you’ve got. Even if they piss you the hell off once in a while..
handy
@Arclite:
I thought that was Abe Lincoln.
Schlemizel
I thought we agreed some time back that we were not going to pay attention to this artificial fart.
Omnes Omnibus
@handy: when time machines are involved, it becomes hard to determine who said what first.
Schlemizel
When looking for a partner notice how they treat people who can’t do anything for them.
Are the demanding, demeaning or dismissive of the wait staff? Are they abusive to the counter kid at the coffee shop? You can pretty much bet that they will treat you the same way once they are comfortable with you.
handy
@Omnes Omnibus:
Good point. And I for one welcome our TARDIS-wielding retconning Overlords.
stormhit
@dance around in your bones:
There’s something amazing about the fact that you wrote multiple paragraphs while at the same time thinking it’s not worth your time to read a three sentence link.
Omnes Omnibus
@stormhit: There is something amazing about the fact that you read her comment and chose to be shitty about it.
Raven
@Omnes Omnibus: You are always so much nicer to the fucking assholes than I would be.
Omnes Omnibus
@Raven: I hope my point was made.
Angela
@dance around in your bones: Sorry for your loss, thanks for what you wrote.
Scamp Dog
@stormhit: Apparently you’re unfamiliar with Sully’s material. Not reading Sully is another example of @dance around in your bones‘s wisdom. Every so often I forget to follow her example, and find out again that, yes, Andrew Sullivan is indeed a wanker.
dance around in your bones
@stormhit: Ah, dude/dudette-I have a long history with reading/being disappointed in Sully’s output.
Also, thanks for the empathy…a quality some people are sorely lacking in. Cheers.
handsmile
@dance around in your bones: (#28)
A wise and beautiful reflection on love and partnership. Thank you for offering this to to us here, as you cope valiantly with your own loss.
Let me also say that your new “nym” is wryly chosen. I’ll look forward to seeing it more.
flukebucket
Once I told my wife I would do anything to please her and she said well get the hell out of here.
dance around in your bones
@handsmile: Thank you, it’s a part of a song that I have always loved :
“It ain’t no sin, to take off your skin, and dance around in your bones”
I’m going to dance around in my bones as much as I can in the time I have left. What else can we do ;) ?
Moonbatting Average
@dance around in your bones: I had what I considered to be a monstrously shitty day today, and it resulted in a totally unnecessary argument with my partner. Your comment gives me some much-needed perspective, so I’d like to thank you for that and offer you my condolences. I wish you the best.
Moonbatting Average
@stormhit: YouTube commenters think you were a bit of a dick with that one.
Ruckus
@dance around in your bones:
Very nice living advice.
Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you enjoyed his company which is all I think one can really ask for in this life. Everything else is just icing.
dance around in your bones
@Moonbatting Average: I’m glad it gives you some perspective-really, so much of what we think is life-changing/horrifically important turns out to be small potatoes in the overall scheme of things.
@Ruckus: You know, that was always the best part of his company-he made me laugh. For years and years, he made me laugh. I just think that’s invaluable. I miss him terribly for that-his humor.
ornery
Oh sully said something thank you so much for the very valuable information.
slightly_peeved
Came here for Sully saying stupid shit; stayed for dance around in your bones saying lovely stuff.
My condolences on your loss.
Kathy in St. Louis
@dance around in your bones: Fantastic insight. I’ve been with the same dear man for 47 years. I can only add one thing, the thing I tell me married children. Sometimes you’ll be mad together, sometimes you’ll be glad together. You will fall in and out of love, if you stay together long enough. But, if you work at it, you can fall in love again and again. All it takes is forgiveness and determination.
Paul in KY
@dance around in your bones: Really nice comments. Hope you are holding up well.