The family values charade continues in Iowa:
When the Iowa social conservative group The Family Leader unveiled a sweeping pledge on marriage and abortion over the summer, Newt Gingrich was one of the candidates who passed on signing it.
Now, Gingrich has answered the pledge with a lengthy written response, vowing to support a federal marriage amendment, reinstate the Mexico City policy — and, per the stipulations of The Family Leader pledge, to be faithful to his wife:
I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.
Whatever gets you through the election, good Christian voters.
trollhattan
Heh, indoozle. Reworking a standard Newt joke, he can’t wait until the Iowa caucus is over so he can go campaign in a younger, hotter state.
He just lurves his country too much.
John PM
…in bed!
ChrisNYC
Dreading the pundit talk about this. Yesterday Chuck Todd was basically saying, “Look, the guy’s 68 — he’s done with sex.” Gross. I don’t want to hear about Gingrich’s sexual activity even the cessation of it.
chopper
i love it. newtie actually officially declared that ‘this time’ he’s going to be faithful to his wife.
you just can’t make this shit up.
The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik
Again: Consistency is for putzes.
dr. bloor
He’s 68 and built like Jabba the Hut. This should be a breeze, particularly if he tells his doc to refuse his desperate requests for refills of a certain performance enhancing medication until after the elections.
amk
newter is pissing all over the religious wingnuts and they think it’s manna from the heavens. what a country. what a people.
John Weiss
@ChrisNYC: I don’t want to hear about Newt. Time’s better spent with my cats. And my wife. As she reads this blog, not necessarily in that order.
Veritas
Mitt Romney has been married to one woman his whole life–I think that says something.
piratedan
@ChrisNYC: damn straight, he’ll have to find someone else to be unfaithful to, like the Religious Right, the Media, or the American People, hell the possibilities are endless.
cathyx
If Newt took this pledge, then why did his wife forbid him to stay somewhere longer than 1 night?
amk
@Veritas: And yet Iowa wingnuts asked him to FO. You’re a loser all around, willard.
Warren Terra
I think I recall hearing that the current version of the pledge, the version Newt, wil have signed, no longer has that incredible preamble containing (indeed, leading off with) several statements about how Black folks really had it much better under Slavery. Still, if it is the same pledge there were a bunch of unbelievable things a signer committed to, including iirc some ludicrous text about the role of women in society and the military, and a solemn view not to support in any way any candidate who doesn’t sign the pledge themselves.
Paul in KY
I wonder if he cackled while he was signing it or had his current mistress forge his signature.
If I was the Callistabot 9000, I would frame it & hang it over the mantlepiece.
Surreal American
To be fair to The Family Leader, all three of Newt’s marriages meet the pre-Loving v Virginia criteria.
singfoom
I love Iowa. Went to college there. Friendly, awesome people (in the small corner that I lived in for several years) That said, IMHO some of the voters there seem to have their priorities a little out of whack.
Of course, when everything is filtered through whether your all powerful sky daddy would approve or not of what you’re doing, there’s bound to be some weirdness.
Wishing that religion didn’t have to intrude into politics in this country is it’s own kind of faith. (Sigh)
jibeaux
@dr. bloor: Involuntarily, I always think “love child of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man and an unhappy toad.”
amk
another “family values” guy.
http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2011/12/santorum-and-sandusky.html
jibeaux
@jibeaux: With the toad unhappy, obviously, because she thought the toad-marshmallow offspring would result in something so much more productive for society than Newt.
chopper
wot, no exemption for legally-married teh gayes?
jrg
Of course, the religious nuts could support Obama. He’s a Christian family man, who’s only been married once.
…But then they wouldn’t be supporting their deeply cynical, ultra-rich puppet masters, would they?
Deregulation, baby! If Jeebus were alive today, he’d shit in your water supply, too!
Brachiator
Newt sure does love himself some Contracts With America. What a retread.
jibeaux
@jibeaux: I mean, a breakfast cereal for nerdy children, for example — could have been both tasty and somewhat educational.
I think I need more sleep. Sorry, everyone.
tkogrumpy
@piratedan: Nicely done.
Warren Terra
@chopper:
Ah, yes, but this time, he married a a Catholic, meaning that the other two times don’t count. I assume they’ve been annulled (anything else would be rank hypocrisy on the part of the Church, which is of course inconceivable on matters sexual), and so it’s downright boorish for people to so much as mention that he’s been married previously to other women. Never happened, and he’s (probably) got the papers to prove it.
The Ancient Randonneur
So a 69 year old man makes a pledge to be faithful to his wife … What next Newt? You going to pledge to not fly to Jupiter.
chopper
@Brachiator:
yeah, as ‘contracts with america’ go this one’s far less interesting than his last one.
trollhattan
@Veritas:
He got hitched in the maternity ward? I knew Mormons had some off-center practices but really, had no idea how off.
Amir Khalid
@Veritas:
With regard to Mitt Romney’s fitness to be President, the fact that he has had only one wife doesn’t actually say much at all. If I recall correctly, only Newt Gingrich among the Republican candidates has been married more than once, only Noot is known to have been an unfaithful spouse. And as we all know, the incumbent President, Barack Obama is happily married to his first wife.
There are other, more serious objections to Mitt Romney. His inconstancy when it comes to his convictions, the lack of substantial ideas in his policy agenda, the reek of insincerity that he cannot seem to escape, his inability to win over the Republican base no matter how much he panders to them, all come to mind.
jibeaux
@trollhattan: LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION
catclub
Normal people end with “I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse”
but he adds ” and respect for the marital bonds of others.”
Isn’t that an out to play around with unmarried bimbos.
JPL
@jrg: Don’t give the evangelicals any ideas about new mottoes.
Snowball
@Veritas:
George W Bush has also been married to one woman his whole life…
Dave
It’s not the divorce that’s the issue. Good people can get divorced because some marriages simply don’t work. It’s the infidelity – that speaks to a basic character flaw.
amk
@trollhattan: LOL. Joined at the hips at birth? eewww. That gives a totally different meaning. Troolz don’t think before they type, do they ?
joes527
@Paul in KY: This brought to mind the scene from Dangerous liaisons … Newt in bed with a nude Uma Thurman, uses her back as a writing desk to sign the pledge.
… off to find the brain bleach.
dogwood
@Veritas:
Yeah, words like weird, perverted, sick and creepy come to mind when I think about infant matrimony.
piratedan
I’m glad that Mittens found his soulmate…. too bad she never lets Mitt’s soul out of the urn that sits on the mantlepiece…..
dogwood
@catclub:
You got it. That’s why we need a consumer protection agency to help the rubes read the fine print.
Ivan Ivanovich Renko
@jrg:
FTFY.
xian
@ChrisNYC: not to mention that that’s absurdly ageist.
as well as literally stupid, in an age of [redacted] and [redacted] pills.
Paul in KY
@joes527: It wouldn’t surprise me.
Waynski
@Warren Terra: He wouldn’t need annulments for his previous marriages since they weren’t Catholic marriages (and he wasn’t a Catholic then), therefore the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize them as marriages. But your broader point as far as the Church is concerned still holds, since they weren’t Catholic marriages they “never happened”. He’d have to confess to sins out of Catholic wedlock, since that’s how the church would view those relationships, but that’s a lot easier than getting annulments. A couple of our fathers and hail mary’s and you’re done.
Samara Morgan
@Amir Khalid: and also……he is a MORMON.
geg6
@Veritas:
Gee, so has Barack Obama. Guess that says something, too.
dogwood
@xian:
I agree. I guess that’s the excuse the media is gonna go with so they don’t have to inform the public of what a prick he is. Chuck Todd must have drawn the short straw at the RNC Christmas party and got tasked with delivering the message.
Villago Delenda Est
@geg6:
Obama’s nearness nullifies all that only married to one woman stuff.
Schlemizel
@Amir Khalid:
Married, perhaps but you’re forgetting Mr. Cain’s proclivity to help out women in distress.
As for what his marriage says about Willard I will add (as a guy faithful to one woman for 39 years and counting): It says that, even as a handsome wealthy politician, he can’t get himself laid – NOBODY loves Willard, not even for cash.
dogwood
@geg6: @geg6:
I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen the marriage license, but if he says he’s married, I guess I’ll have to take him at his word.
Schlemizel
@Waynski:
Wife #3 for my wife’s father is a Catholic & she insisted that his 2 previous, Protestant, marriages be annulled before they tied the note.
This upset my MIL to no end as she felt that would make her children all bastards. While I’d agree with that about the BIL, I told her “Only in the eyes of the Catholic Church. In the real world they are the same as they ever were.”
shortstop
@dr. bloor: Oh, look, men who hold, have held or are currently in the running for great power don’t have problems finding idiots to sleep with them, no matter what they look like. I wouldn’t bet a buck on Gingrich not cheating on #3 between Monday and Friday of this very week.
Waynski
@Schlemizel: Not sure why your MIL insisted on the annulments. My SIL who was raised Catholic got remarried in the Catholic Church after her first marriage which was not in the Catholic Church. Perhaps it was an abundance of caution on your MIL’s part or maybe the priest was old-school. Still pretty sure it’s not necessary but I could be wrong.
Also, too, sorry your BIL is a bastard.
AA+ Bonds
Well of course he will NOW, he’s old as fuck
AA+ Bonds
@Schlemizel:
Annulment is some of the dumbest bullshit in the Church’s bag of tricks.
More or less a priest digs through your marriage for some lame excuse that means oh, yeah, that marriage never REALLY happened.
All for the consumer experience of getting hitched at a Catholic church (again), which is no doubt what wife #3 was really concerned about. What a fuckin rip-off.
I have no doubt that in fifty years or so, there will be a similarly intrusive process that, if followed to the letter, will allow bishops to declare someone Gay and Okay. I guess that’d be progress?
kerFuFFler
@Veritas:
What, he got married at implantation? (Or conception, depending where he stands this week…)
4jkb4ia
I can’t believe there is no post on the story on Newt and the EMP. That one was made for this blog.
4jkb4ia
I am going to pretend I have the right to write something on topic here. I was saying this very afternoon that it might take Newt and all of his crazy ideas to get the Republican Party out of the pit where he had a large part in putting them. If he is willing to sign this pledge, he is willing to pander to the people who are perfectly happy in the pit.
catclub
@AA+ Bonds: Rip-off indeed. There is _always_ a substantial donation to the church involved in such annulments.
Frankensteinbeck
@dogwood:
Until he produces the marriage licenses for those other marriages he didn’t have, serious questions can still be asked!
Svensker
@AA+ Bonds:
Make no assumptions. We went to visit a 96-year-old friend in the nursing home where he is (not) recovering from a stroke that paralyzed one side. He got very upset because he misses his girlfriend in the old-age home where he was living and he’s hornier than heck (we didn’t tell him she’s died since he had his stroke). After he told us about how horny he was, he grabbed my hand with his one good hand, held on with an iron grip and gave me the lecher’s eye. He would have jumped my bones if he could…fortunately for me, he couldn’t.
chopper
@Schlemizel:
lucky for newtie that he converted after marriage #3 so he didn’t make his own kids into bastards.
SiubhanDuinne
@The Snarxist Formerly Known As Kryptik:
Fixed for better.
Quarks
@Veritas: Since the most popular Republican president in recent history, Reagan, was divorced, I don’t think it says anything at all. Unless you are attempting to claim that something was wrong with Reagan’s by all accounts happy second marriage?
We’ve had bad presidents who cheated on their wives (Harding) and decent presidents who cheated on their wives (Kennedy) and a president who married a significantly younger woman while in the White House (Cleveland) and managed to come back for a second term after an initial defeat. I don’t think the correlation is that strong, and I don’t think many voters are going to care about Gingrich’s marriages. They may care that he’s a complete jerk and a self-described historian who somehow missed that “Palestine” was not a word created by the P.L.O. At least I hope they will if he gets the Republican nomination.
AA+ Bonds
@Svensker:
:( I’m sorry, that’s fucked up
AA+ Bonds
@Quarks:
They’ll care about Gingrich’s marriages if we make them care and considering what Gingrich wants to do to the marriages of a lot of Americans – destroy them – I suggest we all try to make everyone care about Gingrich’s marriages
Svensker
@AA+ Bonds:
Actually, I don’t think it was fucked up at all. I’m sorry he had a stroke and that his girlfriend died, but God grant us all the life force to be horny at 96, even when partly paralyzed and not too compos mentis. Gotta love it.
But I’d prefer to think of my 96 year old friend having sex rather than Newt. Ugh. And ew.
Quarks
@AA+ Bonds: Fair enough. I’m focusing on his general sliminess, the fact that the last time he was in a leadership role we ended up with a government shutdown, the fact that his own party charged him with ethics violations, and the very large sums he collected from Fannie and Freddie Mae. It’s not as if I don’t have enough as it is.
Chuck Butcher
Asking the Teabaggers who couldn’t remember ’08 in ’10 to care about Newt ’94 is pretty silly.
DanielX
Well, Newt has never had any difficulty lying about anything before, written pledge or not. I reckon my inferior understanding and appalling cynicism prevent my belief in the totally sincere promise he’s making THIS time about keeping his neuticles® out of anyone’s grasp except his Stepfordwifeclone…er…Callista.
binzinerator
yeah well the third time’s the charm, as they say…
AxelFoley
@Veritas:
You know who else has been married to one woman his whole life?
That’s right–Bill Clinton.
I think that says something.
A Conservative Teacher
Didn’t you support Bill Clinton? Does it give you a headache sometimes to hold two conflicting standards of allowable conduct, one for GOP and one for Democrats? Try being consistent sometime, you might like it.
4jkb4ia
In the name of corrections, I read today that Newt endorsed the pledge. He didn’t sign it, and nothing in the OP says he did.
4jkb4ia
Sorry John, this poster deserves nothing better than class A shtick.
@A Conservative Teacher:
You obviously were not here in 2008 when John was trying desperately to overcome years of Clinton hatred and be fair to Hillary Clinton. In fact, he left a comment over at LGM about how unfair it was that HRC took Nita Lowey’s Senate seat. Even I didn’t remember that Nita Lowey wanted that seat. That is a sign of the charged facts you remember when you are a Republican coming through and not being able to help yourself. (LGM wiped all their old comments because they were in Haloscan. This killed the “I am aware of all Internet traditions” thread, I think.)
And it is not the same thing. That is a pledge to support marriage between one man and one woman, for one thing. No Democratic candidate would sign, or endorse, that even when Bill Clinton was running. It is code for the religious right that their base fears.