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You are here: Home / Open Threads / I’m a Godfather!!!

I’m a Godfather!!!

by John Cole|  December 14, 20111:47 am| 78 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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My really good friend Ryan just called to inform me that his son was born at 11:30 central time, weighing in at almost 8 lbs, 19″ long, and with good color and vitals. His name is Cole (sort of after moi- they just loved my last name as a first name for a kid). I’m stoked.

Welcome to the universe, Cole!

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Reader Interactions

78Comments

  1. 1.

    asiangrrlMN

    December 14, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Congratulations, Cole! Welcome to the world, little Cole! ::throws confetti in the air::

  2. 2.

    Warren Terra

    December 14, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Congratulations to them, and to you.

    Don’t you have to promise to make sure he grows up as a good Christian to be a Godfather? Or is this a more informal honor?

    In any case, weren’t you already the godfather of the Balloon Juice family, John Cole(one) being an obvious rhyming pseudonym for Don Corleone?

  3. 3.

    Joey Maloney

    December 14, 2011 at 1:50 am

    מזל טוב!

    and, ראשון!

    …or not.

  4. 4.

    sherifffruitfly

    December 14, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Does “pics or it didn’t happen” apply to babies?

    :) Congratulations!

  5. 5.

    elmertfudd

    December 14, 2011 at 1:53 am

    Congratulations to all! And don’t leave horse heads in any beds…

  6. 6.

    Warren Terra

    December 14, 2011 at 1:55 am

    Gads, I’d not have thought my Hebrew, which is not so much rusty as the faint hint of a red stain where once it stood, would be good enough to recognize Joey’s second line, which in context seems to be special congratulations on the occasion of a firstborn.

  7. 7.

    sfinny

    December 14, 2011 at 1:57 am

    Mazel tov and all that. Cole is a very nice name, but they wouldn’t go for Tunch?

  8. 8.

    Lysana

    December 14, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Woohoo! Hurrah for you and little Cole!

  9. 9.

    Debbie(aussie)

    December 14, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Wonderful news. For you John and for your friend and his partner. Congrats all round.Welcome little Cole.

  10. 10.

    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason

    December 14, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Congrats!

    My firstborn one day came into the house claiming he had seen God the Father. We were, of course, somewhat excited. Turns out, he had seen his Godfather (good friend of ours), who lived on the same street, driving by, and waving at him.

    A story which is recalled every time we see our friends.

  11. 11.

    Fluke bucket

    December 14, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Congratulations! You gotta be proud. Welcome to the machine Little Cole.

  12. 12.

    Joey Maloney

    December 14, 2011 at 2:01 am

    which in context seems to be special congratulations on the occasion of a firstborn.

    You’re overthinking. It was just, “First!”

  13. 13.

    Big City Mary

    December 14, 2011 at 2:03 am

    Uh, this is a very BIG DEAL. You need to read up on this and be prepared to raise the child if anything should happen to the parents.

  14. 14.

    KRK

    December 14, 2011 at 2:08 am

    Congrats!

    Did anyone think to warn the kid that someday, and that day may never come, you may call upon him to do a service for you Tunch?

  15. 15.

    Jebediah

    December 14, 2011 at 2:23 am

    Groovy! Congratulations to all!

  16. 16.

    Villago Delenda Est

    December 14, 2011 at 2:29 am

    OK, time for you to put out your own 999 plan for young Cole.

    9 bucks in the education fund
    9 Dr. Seuss books
    9 month subscription to WoW

  17. 17.

    Yutsano

    December 14, 2011 at 2:33 am

    OMEDETO GOZAIMASU YO!

    Where’s our cigars? :)

  18. 18.

    Jebediah

    December 14, 2011 at 2:35 am

    @Villago Delenda Est:
    Or just one 999 album. A totally not-made-up and wise-but-humble cab driver told me that all infinks really love late-70’s English punk. Helps them sleep. Or something.

  19. 19.

    jacy

    December 14, 2011 at 2:37 am

    Congrats all around! Now of course comes the hard part.

    (And good choice on the name, my oldest is named Cole)

  20. 20.

    bend

    December 14, 2011 at 2:51 am

    Congratulations!
    As the godfather it’s your job to ensure that the boy get’s circumcised. It’s a covenant with God, John.
    Just kidding!
    It’s for hygenic reasons…

  21. 21.

    Anne Laurie

    December 14, 2011 at 3:02 am

    Congratulations, John! Welcome to the neighborhood, young Cole ver.2.0!

    Given your history, John, perhaps your first baby gift should include safety equipment… along with the biggest white plush cat toy you can find…

  22. 22.

    freelancer

    December 14, 2011 at 3:10 am

    Congrats, John.

    Being a Godfather is pretty cool. You get to smile and be admired, and you get to hand the little shit back to his parents when he starts to freak.

  23. 23.

    Yutsano

    December 14, 2011 at 3:18 am

    @Anne Laurie: Is this like Sleeping Beauty where the three good fairies show up to bestow blessing and in the middle Malefecent shows up? :)

  24. 24.

    something fabulous

    December 14, 2011 at 3:28 am

    Nice! Sweet gig, too! Enjoy!!

  25. 25.

    stibbert

    December 14, 2011 at 3:34 am

    cheers for the new Cole, let’s hope the multiverse cuts him some slack ’til he’s able to cope.

    best wishes to his mum & da, also too.

  26. 26.

    Anoniminous

    December 14, 2011 at 3:49 am

    Congratulations and Best Wishes to All.

  27. 27.

    Wrye

    December 14, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Wonderful news! But…”Cole” and not “Tunch”? Better not let The White Anvil find out, or his vengeance will be terrible to behold….

  28. 28.

    JGabriel

    December 14, 2011 at 4:35 am

    OT, but from today’s Times:

    THE unilateral decision last week by Kathleen Sebelius, the secretary of health and human services, to block the Plan B One-Step contraceptive pill from being sold to adolescents without a prescription is shocking in more ways than one.
    __
    […]
    __
    The only solution, then, is to make the F.D.A. truly independent. Americans have already done this, through the Federal Reserve, to protect our money supply from political meddling; it’s time to do it for drugs.

    While I can see an argument for this … dude, no one is going think making anything more like the Federal Reserve is a good idea right now. The right hates the Fed, while the left thinks the Fed leans right and that its reputation for being apolitical is highly overrated, and even independents think the Fed is overly solicitous to the banking and financial industry.

    Try looking for a better analogy.

    .

  29. 29.

    JGabriel

    December 14, 2011 at 4:49 am

    @bend:

    As the godfather it’s your job to ensure that the boy get’s circumcised. It’s a covenant with God, John.

    And to ensure he gets a thorough religious education so he can go to heaven. If Catholic, that’ll include making sure he receives communion and confirmation. Furthermore, you’ll be expected to adopt if the kid’s parents die.

    It’s an enormous responsibility and commitment in the Eyes of God, John. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?

    .

  30. 30.

    dance around in your bones

    December 14, 2011 at 5:12 am

    ♫ ♬ Happy, happy, birthday baby
    Although you’re with somebody new
    Thought I’d drop a line to say
    That I wish this happy day
    Would find me beside you.

    Happy, happy, birthday baby
    No, I can’t call you my baby
    Seems like years ago we met
    On a day I can’t forget.

    ‘Cause that’s when we fell in love
    Do you remember the names we had for each other
    You were my pretty, I was your baby
    How could we say goodbye?

    Hope I didn’t spoil your birthday
    I know I’m acting kinda crazy
    So I’ll close this note to you
    With good luck and wishes too.

    Happy, happy birthday baby
    Do you remember the names we had for each other
    You were my pretty..I was your baby
    How could we say goodbye?

    Hope I didn’t spoil your birthday
    I know I’m acting kinda crazy
    So, I’ll close this note to you
    With good luck and wishes too.

    Happy, happy, birthday baby ♫ ♬

    P.S. This is just what came to mind, besides, all the good Godfather jokes were already taken. Plus, I think Cole is a pretty neat name for a happy happy birthday baby!

    Congrats ;)

  31. 31.

    Johannes

    December 14, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Many congrats, Cole and Cole!

  32. 32.

    SRW1

    December 14, 2011 at 5:24 am

    Congratulations.

    Please be careful with the bundle. At this stage they are kind of fragile.

    ETA: I see Anne Laurie already touched on the sensitive topic.

  33. 33.

    SGEW

    December 14, 2011 at 5:59 am

    You know, “Cole” is a pretty good first name.

    Congrats to all involved!

  34. 34.

    Kevin K.

    December 14, 2011 at 6:04 am

    It would have been awkward if they named the kid “Balloon Juice.” I’m glad they went with Cole. Congrats, John.

  35. 35.

    harlana

    December 14, 2011 at 6:05 am

    congrats, John!

  36. 36.

    RedKitten

    December 14, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Wonderful news!!! I eagerly await the first sweet toddler utterance of “DIAF, you asshole.”

  37. 37.

    Kristine

    December 14, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Congrats!

  38. 38.

    max

    December 14, 2011 at 6:19 am

    But is Ryan’s last name John? Since then you would have reverse John Cole, potentially a great super villain. (Or super hero.)

    max
    [‘Congrats.’]

  39. 39.

    HRA

    December 14, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Congratulations to the parents and to the godfather.

    Welcome to Cole with wishes for a long and healthy life.

  40. 40.

    sarah in brooklyn

    December 14, 2011 at 7:26 am

    Lucky kid!

  41. 41.

    R-Jud

    December 14, 2011 at 7:30 am

    @RedKitten: Little Cole should get a “John Cole Action Playset”: Terrible Towel, set of three plush animals, Little Feat albums, lifelike hospital bill, mop (costume not necessary).

  42. 42.

    SiubhanDuinne

    December 14, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Welcome, little Cole! Your godfather and his minions are all working hard to give you a good world.

  43. 43.

    JGabriel

    December 14, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Ravi Somaiya, New York Times on the latest revelations regarding James Murdoch’s Blackberry:

    But the new documents appear to add fuel to a controversy that has severely damaged the reputation of the News Corporation …

    Personally, I think “confirmed” would have been a more accurate choice than “severely damaged”.

    .

  44. 44.

    noodler

    December 14, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Congratulations JC, that’s sweet. (Father of 2 boys)

  45. 45.

    Hawes

    December 14, 2011 at 7:53 am

    Here’s what you say at the christening.

    “I can do this thing for you. But one day – and that day may never come – I will ask you to do me a favor.”

    And then you kill the heads of the Five Families. Plus, Mo Green, because nobody hits Fredo Rosie like that.

  46. 46.

    Omnes Omnibus

    December 14, 2011 at 7:56 am

    @Hawes: You don’t kill anyone. They all just happen to be killed during the the baptism. Total coinkydink.

    ETA: Congrats, Cole.

  47. 47.

    Raven

    December 14, 2011 at 7:57 am

    @Hawes: I know it was you

  48. 48.

    RSA

    December 14, 2011 at 8:00 am

    Congratulations, John and Cole!

    Welcome to the universe, Cole!

    BTW, this would make a good BJ tagline.

  49. 49.

    JPL

    December 14, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Congrats to the newest member of the balloon juice family to Ryan and Mrs. Ryan and baby Cole.

  50. 50.

    Soonergrunt

    December 14, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Wonderful news, John! Congrats to all, especially young Cole.

  51. 51.

    Amir Khalid

    December 14, 2011 at 8:19 am

    And tahniah from me too, to big Cole and little Cole both.

  52. 52.

    JCT

    December 14, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Ditto Joey Maloney — saved me from having to dig up my rusty hebrew.

    Welcome Little Cole — so, John, are you in charge of choosing his first pet?

  53. 53.

    JasonF

    December 14, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Congratulations to you, Ryan, Mrs. Ryan, and most of all, to baby Cole!

  54. 54.

    Libby

    December 14, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Well congrats proud Godpop and to the happy family.

  55. 55.

    RedKitten

    December 14, 2011 at 8:59 am

    @R-Jud: Not to mention a tiny container of Hola Fruta and a Subaru.

  56. 56.

    emma

    December 14, 2011 at 8:59 am

    FELICIDADES!!!

  57. 57.

    Carnacki

    December 14, 2011 at 9:02 am

    In West Virginia it should be spelled “Coal.”

  58. 58.

    Cacti

    December 14, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Since you’re a Godfather, does that mean we all need to kiss your ring now Don Coleone?

  59. 59.

    MomSense

    December 14, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Congratulations!!

    Have you broken the news to Tunch yet?

  60. 60.

    dance around in your bones

    December 14, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I don’t want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright? …

    No particular reason, just love that line. The Godfather is a goldmine of quotes, como Pulp Fiction tambien.

    only youse gotta say da Godfadda; tho I liked Libby’s Godpop.

  61. 61.

    dance around in your bones

    December 14, 2011 at 9:19 am

    frick, I forgot that the word tam.bien contains the am.bien drug moderation time-out. cwap.

  62. 62.

    PaulW

    December 14, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Started writing a homage to the Baptism scene from The Godfather, but realized it would be in poor taste, especially for the Theocon jerk who gets the Moe Greene Special. My apologies.

  63. 63.

    kay

    December 14, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Congratulations!
    It means you have to buy him a car when he turns 16. It’s in there. Read the fine print.

  64. 64.

    Gregory

    December 14, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Mazel tov!

  65. 65.

    Librarian

    December 14, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Does that mean you hold Tunch in your lap while you’re consulting with your consigliere?

  66. 66.

    Culture of Truth

    December 14, 2011 at 10:17 am

    It’s your job to instill in him good values by getting him a job as a janitor in ten five years.

  67. 67.

    Paul in KY

    December 14, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Congratulations, Patron.

    Are you maybe dispensing favors on this most special day?

  68. 68.

    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker

    December 14, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Mazel tov!

  69. 69.

    Violet

    December 14, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Congratulations, John! Being a godparent is excellent fun. You get to be the one who sends the presents that makes lots of noise and get the kids hyped up on sugar before you drop the back off with their parents who get to deal with the aftermath.

  70. 70.

    Admiral_Komack

    December 14, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Congratulations!
    Be there for your godson.
    You are going to have fun!

  71. 71.

    Admiral_Komack

    December 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

    @Violet:

    (ahem)…there is that, too…(hee, hee!)

  72. 72.

    IrishGirl

    December 14, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Congrats to you and the parents! Cole is a wonderful first name….Now we want to see a pic of you holding the baby….please! I now officially have baby lust. ;)

  73. 73.

    gogol's wife

    December 14, 2011 at 11:18 am

    Congratulations! I’m a godmother to a lovely young woman in Moscow, and it is really a great thing. Especially when you don’t have any of your own (if you don’t count all the 18-21 year-olds whose hands I hold as part of my job).

  74. 74.

    robertdsc-iPhone 4

    December 14, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Welcome to the world, little one. We share a birthday.

  75. 75.

    chrome agnomen

    December 14, 2011 at 11:29 am

    cole? at 8 lbs, should have named him tunch.

  76. 76.

    A.G.

    December 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Welcome to the world, Little Cole!

    Sending waves of positive vibes to the newborn. And congrats to Ryan, his family and you, John.

  77. 77.

    Brachiator

    December 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    @John Cole:

    So, as could be said about the famous soul singer, “Say it loud, You’re the Godfather of Cole!”

    Congrats.

  78. 78.

    Carrie

    December 14, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Congrats, you’re gonna love being a godparent.

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