Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Good lord, these people are nuts.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

No Justins, No Peace

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Reader Interactions

167Comments

  2. 2.

    blondie

    A cliche, only because it’s true, volunteer at the nearest place that serves food to the poor or buy gifts that could be given to children who eat there. It will break your heart and simultaneously make it grow 3 times its size.

  4. 4.

    dmsilev

    You could enlist in the War Against Christmas. I hear the ObamaGestapo is recruiting for foot soldiers to go beat up mall Santas. Good benefits, too; free gay abortions for all new recruits!

  5. 5.

    BGinCHI

    Recommended in this order:

    1. Vodka.

    2. Volunteering and/or Big Brother Program.

    3. Convert to Judaism.

    4. Steal cop car and go on wild crime spree.

    Note: If you go right to step 4, do NOT skip step 1.

  7. 7.

    cathyx

    Another volunteer opportunity is to bring your dogs to an old folks home or shelter to help cheer up the residents.

  8. 8.

    cathyx

    I usually need a trip to a warm climate about February to recharge my batteries. Even if it’s a long weekend it makes all the difference. If you start to plan it now, you’ll be amazed how much it perks up your mood.

  11. 11.

    draftmama

    We haven’t done Christmas for years – don’t shop for junk to support corporate retailers who treat their employees like crap – just get together and cook and eat lots of wonderful food because we have two days to recover.

  12. 12.

    Schlemizel

    Kick the crutch out from under an invalid! Have a beggar arrested! Mock some charities! Then wait around until you are visited by 4 dead guys who will show you how great life used to be & what a dick you have become & what is in store for you in the after life if you don’t shape up.

  14. 14.

    sherifffruitfly

    3 things are keeping me upbeat:

    1) Bought me a laptop, have had it for a week or so now. love it.

    2) Going to see Prince tonite in concert.

    3) Got a date with a smokingly hawt girl tomorrow.

    #winning

  17. 17.

    Kola Noscopy

    John, just celebrate or observe the holiday at whatever level you feel like, even if that means not at all.

    I enjoy the holiday season a lot more since I focus on celebrating in at my chosen level and pace; ignoring the societal pressure to be all “happy/joyful/whatever/buy shit” 24/7.

    fuck that

  18. 18.

    FFrank

    John,

    Next year, I’ll invite you to Santarchy Pittsburgh. 200+ people dressed up as all sorts of crazy holiday costumes.

    We make the days of lil kids, mess with adults minds, hit the strip bars and the gay bars, sing dirty carols to Scientologists, ride boats across the river to the steelers stadium and get vera, vera (the scotsman in me) drunk. It brings back the spirit of the season including the suicidal hangover.

  20. 20.

    Amir Khalid

    The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year is the Christmas song that reminds me of the Cigarette-Smoking Man from The X-Files. He too had problems getting into the Christmas spirit.

  24. 24.

    Sloegin

    Nieces and nephews are my Christmas lifeline; after they get older it’s off to volunteer somewhere.

  27. 27.

    IrishGirl

    I am in a funk this year too! I usually don’t care if I am alone during the holidays but this year it is bothering me for some reason. At least I have my rugrats part of the time and they will be blissed out in gift heaven, so I can vicariously experience some the joy of the season through them. I was considering volunteer work at a soup kitchen, something for you to think about, maybe?

  28. 28.

    schrodinger's cat

    Put antlers on Tunch. Then photograph him. Upload the photograph for your loyal commenters. Keep a first aid kit at hand, just in case.

  29. 29.

    cathyx

    I have a banner add at the top of this page that advertises A Free Ann Coulter column every week. She has to give the milk away for free to get anyone to read it.

  30. 30.

    Comrade Dread

    Stop watching cable news. Stop reading about politics on the internet. Complete blackout.

    For that matter, avoid Christmas Carol type stories. It’ll just get you thinking about how society in 2016 will reflect the Dickensian dramas.

    If all else fails, Egg Nog.

    Heavy on the Nog.

    By which I mean booze.

  31. 31.

    Dave

    A bottle of Basil Hayden, pets at hand and funny Christmas movies on a loop (two of which should be Elf and A Christmas Story).

  32. 32.

    Jennifer

    It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

    Heh. Perhaps you should check out the Cthulhu carols from the HP Lovecraft Historical Society. I’ve posted the one that parodies the song you reference in your title here.

  33. 33.

    Punchy

    Jump on Match.com and find yerself a lady like the rest of us did. Holidays are INFINITELY more fun with a chick.

  34. 34.

    JGabriel

    OT. This is a little weird. Probably not important, but we’ll see.

    There’s a new website with a petition for Hillary to run for President in 2012, runhillary2012.net. Note that I’m not linking it. The forum has about four members … yes, 4. That was about an hour ago, so maybe it’s up to five or 6 now.

    So far, just your typical no-hopers supporting a fantasy candidate.

    So how did I even hear about this obscurity? Telemarketing. Someone recorded a message to tell people about this website and PAID to have it robocall people … where? Here in NYC? All over the country? I don’t know.

    The message was left on my voicemail around 9:40am. GOP ratfucker or deluded, persistent, PUMA? Anyone else hear from these losers?

    .

  35. 35.

    Violet

    Take your dogs for a walk and then volunteer somewhere where folks are much less blessed with the good things in life than you are. Helping kids who aren’t going to have a good Christmas have a better one can do wonders for your holiday spirit too.

  36. 36.

    schrodinger's cat

    @Comrade Dread: And chocolate, that always helps me. Mr cat got me some great chocolate pecan clusters when he went to Philly last weekend. They were so good!

  37. 37.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Eggnog. Spiked with rum. Or tequila. Or bourbon. Or Seagram’s Seven. Or Everclear.

    DO NOT MIX WITH SCOTCH OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED BY SOME BERZERK SCOTSMAN.

  42. 42.

    Raven

    A full slate of NFL on xmas eve and even a Bear-Packer game Christmas night. What else could you ask for?

  44. 44.

    JGabriel

    John Cole:

    I don’t know what I am going to have to do to get out of this holiday funk.

    You’ll do the same as the rest of us: suffer.

    Eventually it will be over, and then there will be something new to be miserable about.

    I’m thinking of changing my userid to “Sunshine”.

    .

  45. 45.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @BGinCHI: Why do want him to convert to Judaism before he goes on a drunken crime spree? So it will be bad for the Jews? A schande vor die Goyim? Oy

    @JGabriel:

    The forum has about four members … yes, 4. That was about an hour ago, so maybe it’s up to five or 6 now.

    The usual suspects can now write articles about a growing anti-Obama movement.

  50. 50.

    Schlemizel

    @JGabriel:
    Probably a rodentialy intercourse inclined person hoping to catch basins of tears. If I were a Republican I would have already started trying to peel any unhinged voters from Obama. Certainly the 3rd way bullshit that popped up on the net is in that vein.

    You know you can’t beat him one on one with a bozos you have so you have to cut into his support & hope you 27% loonie bin can carry the day.

  57. 57.

    rikyrah

    sit in a mall and watch the kids going to see Santa. Did that yesterday while waiting for my niece . just seeing the kids perked me up, especially the ones that were all dressed up.

    that, and a Christmas music marathon always help me.

  59. 59.

    NobodySpecial

    Cole: Modern Warfare 3. You can pretend all the bad guys are whoever. Then you can pump them full of virtual lead, your stress levels will fall, and unlike a Hitchens exercise in warmongering, no one gets hurt.

  62. 62.

    Brian S

    @rikyrah: I’m working in retail for the first time in 15 years this year. My job is a Christmas music marathon. Some observations:

    Duke Ellington’s “Sugar Rum Cherry” is the coolest Christmas music I’ve ever heard.

    Julie Andrews manages to sing “Jingle Bells” like she has a rod jammed up her ass.

    I will never get used to hearing Neil Diamond singing Jesus-y Christmas carols, not because he’s Jewish, but because he sounds like he’s trying to fuck me with his voice the whole time.

  63. 63.

    Violet

    Hey, look! Here’s a column that’s relevant for soooo many people in America. How to talk to your kids about money if you’re rich. An excerpt:

    “So, how about us?” he asked. “Are we the 99 percent or the 1 percent?”
    __
    I said that we were part of the 99 percent, but that we were incredibly fortunate. “We’re more like the 5 percent,” I said (without divulging exactly how much we earn).

    No one will cop to being in the 1%. Thank you New York Times for providing such insightful and relevant commentary.

  64. 64.

    TooManyJens

    I just typed up a whole rant about the inconvenience of the RSS feed for Charlie Pierce’s posts that was so whiny and spoiled that I can’t even bring myself to post it here.

    (But it’s still inconvenient.)

  65. 65.

    eemom

    Just as uninterested in Christmas as I have ever been.

    yeah well, count your blessings bucko. I’m not interested in it either — in fact I fucking HATE it — but I still have to knock myself out with decorating and shopping and shit — even while I am totally stressed out at work right now — because I have kids and I can’t let them down.

    I hate Christmas more than eleventy infinity Grinches plus two.

  69. 69.

    Punchy

    Eggnog. Spiked with rum. Or tequila. Or bourbon. Or Seagram’s Seven. Or Everclear.

    Te-kill-ya? Peeps Nogg with Cuervo?

  71. 71.

    TooManyJens

    @Violet: I didn’t think it was so bad, really. The mom didn’t tell her kid that they have a lot of money because they just work harder than other people or they’re the “job creators” or some bullshit like that. She told him that they were very lucky, and that most people don’t have the good fortune they do even though they work extremely hard. She then encouraged him to empathize with other people. You’re right, it’s not a very relevant column (although it is to the Times’ target market), but I don’t have a problem with the content.

  72. 72.

    piratedan

    go and become a Walmart Layaway Angel, take an amount of money as you determine useful and go and payoff as many layaway items as you can for complete strangers….

    volunteering is also a great idea, you like to create in the kitchen, bake or create something for a local nursing home or homeless shelter.

  73. 73.

    carpeduum

    No worries, I’m sure another opportunity for firebaggers to soil their diapers is just around the corner and your prozac will be kicking in any time now.

  75. 75.

    Maude

    After someone dies, you prolly don’t feel like doing high kicks. Celebrate it another time when you feel like it. I’ve done that and it works.

  76. 76.

    Butch

    We decorated like crazy because it’s our first holiday in our Upper Peninsula farmhouse, but made the few presents we’re giving (baskets of homemade ice cream toppings). People seemed to appreciate the handmade stuff.

  78. 78.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Cripes, Chunky BoBo is such a vile shitstain, the term “vile shitstain” is really too mild to adequately describe him.

  79. 79.

    merrinc

    Like our bloghost, I also have a holiday funk. But I thought surely, the smartest commenters on the Intertoobz would have helpful advice. 65 posts later and while I am somewhat amused, I am still uninterested in Xmas. Thanks a lot, people. You all suck.

  80. 80.

    dslakter

    It could be worse: My wife of six years has had an affair, and we’re getting divorced. Happy holidays!

  82. 82.

    dslak

    Things could be worse: My wife of six years has had an affair, and we are now getting divorced. Happy holidays, indeed!

  83. 83.

    handsmile

    @Jennifer: (#43)

    A brilliant suggestion and a very worthy charity! For the past several years, the handsmile household has been adding to its livestock “portfolio”, and we’ve now donated several shares for a heifer, goat, and sheep. Honeybees (in lamentable decline) will be added this year.

    @Raven: (#48)

    Another related book you may enjoy, and one I cannot recommend highly enough: The Battle for Christmas: A Cultural History of America’s Most Cherished Holiday by historian Stephen Nissenbaum.

    It is an engrossing and delightful account of the evolution of the holiday in the United States; among the subjects addressed are the outlawing of Christmas by Massachusetts Puritans, the triumph of Clement Moore, the reception of Dickens in this country, and Christmas celebrations in the antebellum South. A cultural history of the very first order.

  84. 84.

    cat

    Everyone took my sugestions:

    Become a Layaway Angel or try to cure your SAD by taking 2,000IU of vitaminD and get a 5000k+ color lightbulb to illuminate the room you spend the most time in the morning in.

  85. 85.

    cat

    Everyone took my sugestions:

    Become a Layaway Angel or try to cure your SAD by taking 2,000IU of vitaminD and get a 5000k+ color lightbulb to illuminate the room you spend the most time in the morning in.

  87. 87.

    srv

    I don’t know what I am going to have to do to get out of this holiday funk.

    You need a house project, something without ladders.

  90. 90.

    South of I-10

    My office adopted a family this year, and I am about to deliver $650 in gift cards (and a pillow pet cause the little girl wanted one).

  92. 92.

    srv

    I was thinking you need to raise the requirement for posters.

    How about all new front-pagers each year must participate in a podcast and sing their favorite Christmas Carol? It could be the Annual Balloon-Juice Enduring the War on Christmas Special.

  94. 94.

    Cassidy

    Oh I know…you could take in a few strays from the dorms that are kicked out during the holiday season. Feed them and make them feel at home. If they happen to be young, curvy and curious….that’s just the Christmas Spirit telling you you’re doing it right.

  95. 95.

    Crusty Dem

    1) stop arguing about shit you can’t fix on the Internet.
    2) find small children in full christmas wonder mode
    3) engage in hilarious Xmas-related things with them.

    My wife’s favorite Xmas eve activity is hiding bells around the house and shaking them and telling the kids she thinks she hears santa’s reindeer. Even my powerful inner bah humbug is completely eradicated by little ones running around the house, looking out windows, looking for flying reindeer..

  97. 97.

    jibeaux

    One of my friends, who has gotten into geocaching, said that her funk was cured by finding a cache full of fake moustaches. You’re probably more normal than that, though, so how about housecleaning naked?

    Seriously, what helps me, although I don’t like cleaning, is to use something that smells really nice, get the house nice and clean, maybe burn a holiday candle or bake something that smells really yummy, and put out cheesy handmade holiday soaps in the bathroom, the kind they they must make in bricks and then slice so they’re clear but they have holly leaves or whatnot in them? So festive, really.

  98. 98.

    dslak

    Thanks for the kind words, Cassidy and TooManyJens. I’m thankful at least to have close friends and family I can depend on, to help me through this.

  99. 99.

    waratah

    @joeyess: Thank you, I loved this. We had lots of Aussie beer and for Dad scotch along with the wine. Most Christmas days can be very hot so we generally had cold sliced ham, salads and fresh tropical fruit salad. Some we packed everything up and went to the beach. Only thing served hot was Christmas pudding and custard.

  100. 100.

    MonkeyBoy

    I thought maybe some naked elves might cheer you up so I did a google image search. However there is a porn site called naked-elves and porn sites like the keyword “elves” so it is quite hard to turn up stuff that is not standard porn. I did however find the song, Naked Elves in Cowboy Boots.

    Naked elves in cowboy boots
    Chasing me wherever i go
    Those naked elves in cowboy boots
    They won’t leave me alone
    A jigglin’, gigglin’, boingy, boingy, boingy
    Running down the road i see
    Naked elves in cowboy boots
    They just won’t let me be
    I’m hiding at the corner bar
    And they’re waiting outside for me
    Five beers, ten beers, twenty beers later
    I look outside to see
    I peek around the corner across da street
    Guess who’s spying on me
    Those naked elves in cowboy boots
    Making funny faces at me
    __
    Bridge:
    I’m a gonna write a letter to santa
    I’m a gonna give him praise
    I’m a gonna tell him that he’s neat
    And that i’ve changed my ways
    Da whole town of republic’s gonna see
    I’m not a scrooge no more
    Then maybe those ole’ naked elves
    Won’t chase me ’round no more
    __
    Quarter after two da bar’s closing up
    And woo die’s asking us to leave
    I tell him there’s naked elves out there
    He looks at me like i’m crazy
    He gives me a kick, out the door i go
    A bouncing on my bum
    That’s when i hear their little boots
    I think i better run
    __
    Naked elves in cowboy boots
    Chasing me all the way home
    Some teens loitering at the citgo gas
    Ask me what i’m running for
    I tell ’em, “celebrate christmas in every way”
    “’cause if your a scrooge, you’ll have to pay”
    Here comes those naked elves in cowboy boots
    I hope i get away

  101. 101.

    srv

    And so it begins:

    Iraq’s Judicial Committee issued an arrest warrant Monday for Vice President Tariq al-Hashimi, who is accused of orchestrating bombing attacks.

    Will suck to be a Sunni from here on out.

  103. 103.

    Cassidy

    @dslak: Well, just remember this little tidbit of wisdom: going out and having an epic bender and a one night stand or two will not make it better. It might be awesome at the time, but the only thing that makes it better is the eventual letting go of anger and pain. Good luck

  108. 108.

    Mnemosyne

    @South of I-10:

    Our office does that every year, and it’s so much fun. We have an office wrapping party to wrap all the presents and then drop them off with the volunteer center. (I work for a Giant Evil Corporation, so we have a whole set of people who coordinate volunteer opportunities.) There was so much Christmas spirit this year that the mother of my (Jewish) co-worker donated a $100 gift card.

    The company goes through a family services organization, so we get people who are having a hard time in addition to being poor. A couple of years ago, we had a family with a chronically ill child. This year, the father of four children died unexpectedly (brain aneurysm) and the mom just wasn’t up to doing Christmas by herself, so we helped her out.

  111. 111.

    DanielX

    If you can get WFBY 102.3 out of Morgantown, turn on Little Steven’s Underground Garage tonight at midnight. Or look up what other affiliates carry the show…good for the heart, good for the soul.

  112. 112.

    WaterGirl

    Cole, order this from Amazon right now – there are only 4 left:

    Guaranteed to lift your spirits, it’s a very happy smell. I give it to people all the time when they are down, after surgery, whatever.

    Be sure to order through the Amazon link so balloon-juice gets a cut of your purchase. :-)

  115. 115.

    scav

    For extra Dickens (Scrooge & Generic) / History of Christmas / / Pipey Voices stuff, there is a Dickensxmas2011 Youtube subscriber/channel/jargonIdon’tknow gizmo that’s up til the end of the month (the The Battle for Christmas mentioned above got me started down this path). It’s also got a Blackadder version for those wishing a slightly less traditional spring of holly to stick in their eyes and/or puddings. Speaking of Christmas’ Past, is there an elf-bowling site somewhere?

  117. 117.

    dslak

    @Cassidy: My Ph.D. dissertation is due at the end of this month, so benders and one-night stands were never on the menu. I’ve mostly come to the acceptance stage, but sometimes I wake up from dreams where everything has worked out, and I feel like I’ve slipped back a bit.

  118. 118.

    JPL

    John, We need a food and drink thread. I need help with my menu.

    @dslak: Takes a long, long time to finally let go. Good luck with your dissertation.

  120. 120.

    WaterGirl

    @dslak: So very sorry to hear about your situation. Seriously, what part of commitment do people not get when they get married?

    Divorce and dissertations both rank very high on the list of stressful events in a person’s life. Please tell me that you are not moving, also. :-)

    Not sure which will be harder, finishing the damn dissertation or having it done and then looking to the future. Do you have a post-doc or some kind of position lined up?

  121. 121.

    Comrade Dread

    @Samara Morgan: Huntsman was immediately disqualified because he worked for the black, Muslim, black, appeasing, black soshalist, black, Kenyan, black, usurper, and did we mention black President.

  123. 123.

    dslak

    @WaterGirl: I moved in with some friends, which was supposed to give us time apart. But she didn’t want time apart to work on the marriage . . .

    I’ve had one interview so far, but nothing for sure lined up yet. I’m teaching part-time at the moment, and I enjoy it, even if the pay isn’t great.

  124. 124.

    Nom de Plume

    I don’t know what I am going to have to do to get out of this holiday funk.

    Oh, I dunno, you could stop imposing an arbitrary set of expectations on yourself, as if you’re required to feel a certain way at a particular time of year because everyone says so.

    I will never in a million years understand “holiday funks”, or “I’m so depressed because of the calendar day”. Just do what you want, for fuck’s sake.

  125. 125.

    Judas Escargot

    Not just Weigel, Sullivan’s all excited for Paul in Iowa, also, too– especially about the younger demographics for his voters.

    Ominous, actually.

    Must be nice to be a professional political writer: No matter who wins, you’ll still get to keep your six-figure job, health care, and time in the public eye. So might as well vote for the most “interesting” character.

    I have visions of Tumbrel Rides in my head…

  126. 126.

    Joshua Norton

    I felt the exact same way after this year’s “Glee” Christmas special. I ended up experimenting with some vanilla vodka someone gave me, which helped immensely.

    Plus I know Santa is going to bring me a combo microwave/convection oven so I won’t have to pull all the hidden pots and pans out of the regular oven everytime I want to bake something. Yay!

  128. 128.

    South of I-10

    @Mnemosyne: That was amazing. The grandmother just came by the office and picked up our gifts. She has stage IV cancer. The children in the family don’t know they have been adopted, so they are going to get a huge surprise. We got a gift card to a specialty meat shop for a turducken, and she cried when she saw it, so I cried right along with her.

  130. 130.

    ksmiami

    Plan on spending Xmas eve at a rocking Irish bar with live music…listen to the Kinks Father Christmas, donate time and or money to a foodbank…

    I am sooo not into Christmas too, but I am forcing myself to bear it so to speak

  131. 131.

    NCSteve

    Look, just download “A Christmas Carol” onto your favorite e-reader and read the fucking thing. No plays, no movies, no parodies. Read. It. Read the goddamn story, feel the goddamn Christmas spirit, and get on with the goddamn Christmas-keeping, already!

    Seriously, I have to read the thing every year. Because it does teach, as nothing else can, that keeping Christmas and keeping it as well (or at least as well as I can) is a critical battle in my personal war against the ever-present menace of creeping misanthropy.

  132. 132.

    Liz

    I listen to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas (is You)” and that helps.

    That’s all I got right now.

  135. 135.

    AnnaN

    Nothing a face plant into Lily’s tummy wouldn’t solve.

    But if you have already tried that and failed, I would recommend face planting into Tunch. That would knock the funk out of anyone.

  137. 137.

    Bmaccnm

    @dslak: Sorry to hear it, dslak. I still have those dreams, from time to time. You bond with someone, and it hurts a lot. Sorry.

  138. 138.

    Bmaccnm

    @dslak: Sorry to hear it, dslak. I still have those dreams, from time to time. You bond with someone, and it hurts a lot. Sorry.

  140. 140.

    tesslibrarian

    My Christmas spirit pick-me-up/reward for getting gifts shipped (not necessarily on time, but out of the house before the day) is Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather.

    Some days, I’ll just read the parts where Death is pretending to be the Hogfather at the mall, and it always cheers me up. Give it a try.

  141. 141.

    Ruckus

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    My 14 yr old 40lb cocker does that without anyone egging him on. If fact he does that all the fucking time. It would be cute once in a while but 5-10 times a day is a bit much. But he is a rescue and has “issues”. Besides, he tolerates my crap so the least I can do is the same for him. Cute little bastard.

  143. 143.

    The Grinch

    Cole, maybe this will help:

    On Christmas Eve, dress up as Santa Claus, put antlers on Lily, ride about town, sneak into your neighbors’ houses, go to their Christmas trees and scoop up all of their presents.

    Works for me!

  144. 144.

    Cassidy

    @dslak: I hear ya. I won’t lie to you, it took me years to stop thinking about it all the time, every day. It sounds like my circumstance was a little different from yours in that I blamed myself for what happenned; I was a shit for a husband the first half of our marriage. That isn’t to say I didn’t feel all the hurt and betrayl that I had every right to feel, but I recognized the affair as a reaction to a poor marriage and not an act of maliciousness. And, if you are interested, this kind of thing doesn’t have to be the end. We worked through it. Either way, good luck to you. It sucks. But it doesn’t have to suck forever.

  146. 146.

    Chuck Butcher

    Let’s see, I’m broke and the business is done. Nobody seems to want to buy north of $30K in vehicles and tools at fire sale prices. The “daughter-in-law” and grandkids went across state for a month so gone for Xmas.

    Then there are the GOPers and what passes for Dems to just add insult to injury. Maybe I don’t feel real Xmas-ie.

  147. 147.

    different-church-lady

    I don’t know what I am going to have to do to get out of this holiday funk.

    You’re going to have to wait for the holidays to end. There’s no other cure.

  148. 148.

    dslak

    @Cassidy: I did blame myself for what happened, at first: she convinced me it was my fault. I went into therapy in the hopes that it would move to marriage counseling, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that, regardless of what she might say, she’s responsible for her own actions in the end.

  149. 149.

    Cassidy

    @dslak: I figured as much. I think that what made our marriage fixable is that the blame could be shared amongst us. Some people just do shitty things to others, though. Unfortunately, too many people look at a seperation period as a chance to be self-absorbed. That tends to shaft the other person who genuinely looks at it as a cooling off period. I think it’s interesting that my wife never tried to convince me it was my fault. I had a “come to Jesus” moment when it all came out and I realized just how unhappy she’d been with me.

  150. 150.

    gaz

    John, if there’s anything Christmas could use,

    It’s more funk.

    Funky, funktastic funk. =P

    Like Santa smokin a doob with James Brown funk.

    Or something.

  151. 151.

    dslak

    @Cassidy: I’m not sure if she was really unhappy with me, or just battering me with that to avoid admitting the real reason for wanting to leave. There were certainly no signs of her being unhappy with me until the day she told me that she wanted to end our relationship.

    I may never know the actual cause, which has been one of the hardest parts of dealing with this. Part of me keeps worrying that there’s something deeply wrong with me that I’m just not seeing which led to all this.

  152. 152.

    Mnemosyne

    @dslak:

    Ugh ugh ugh. The only thing I can say is try to be tolerant of her family, because they’re probably being dragged into taking her side even if they don’t want to. When my brother had his affair (subsequently divorcing his wife), I was pretty much forced to cut off contact with my ex-sister-in-law because it became way too much of a hassle to have to listen to him complain about me still being friendly with her. So, as best you can, try to forgive her family if they withdraw.

  153. 153.

    dslak

    @Mnemosyne: I’ve talked to her family, only so they would at least know my side of the story. I haven’t talked to them since, so I don’t know if they’ve taken sides.

  154. 154.

    Svensker

    @dslak:

    Oh good Lord. Have some stress with your dissertation sauce. Maybe the keeping busy part will help a bit.

    The rejection is so very painful and you are naturally feeling that it somehow must be your fault. But it probably isn’t. It’s probably that the two of you just didn’t really work right enough, at least for her. And that’s a couple problem, not an individual problem. Just take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and try to get through it. It will get better, you just have to get there.

    Hugs.

  155. 155.

    Cassidy

    @dslak: More often than not, I think you can attribute the offending partner’s actions to selfishness, in that he/she may not have been living every day in a honeymoon, but it certainly doesn’t warrant straying from a committed relationship. I think my particular case is rare in that I don’t believe most people are like me, or at least how I used to be. I really was an unpleasant person. Did I deserve it? I wouldn’t go that far, but I do understand what drove my wife away. Point is, most likely it wasn’t something you’ve done. At least nothing any more serious than what any average couple experiences.

  156. 156.

    dslak

    @Cassidy: I wasn’t as emotionally available as I could have been, but that’s because I’ve been trying to finish my dissertation. That kind of thing warrants a discussion, marriage counseling, or even a considerate divorce process.

    It doesn’t justify cheating.

  158. 158.

    Cassidy

    @dslak: Exactly. Remember that in every conversation you have with her from here on out. It simply can’t be justified. It gets better, eventually. And when you’re walking around and find yourself all kinds of agitated “for no reason”, get a hobby that lets it out. Personally, I like to shoot guns. I’m not a hunter and I don’t do the conceal carry thing. I’m simply a hobbyist who likes to shoot.

  159. 159.

    WaterGirl

    @SiubhanDuinne: Very cute, but my puppy Tucker does not approve. His ears went up and he instantly stopped what he was doing.

    My cocker spaniel used to howl, consistently, whenever one of two things would happen. Sirens – they didn’t go off that often so it was cute when she did it. And my mom’s singing – we all thought it was funny, but my mom, not so much.

  160. 160.

    gelfling545

    Sometimes Christmas just comes at a bad time. For several years I have been proposing “leap Christmas” – you know, only in leap years. I think we’d appreciate it more. The idea hasn’t caught on too wall though.

  162. 162.

    tworivers

    @dslak:

    I’m sorry to hear about the way your wife handled this. Sounds like you got ambushed.

    I went through a divorce a couple of years’ back, and it sucked , no question. We both were to blame for the dissolution of our marriage, but ultimately it was her idea to move out (whereas I wanted to work at it)

    Three years down the road, I’m at the point where I’m mostly glad we split. Yeah, sometimes I’m lonely (internet dating is kinda tough for a guy in his forties with 50-50 custody of kids), but all in all, I like my life better now than I did when I was with her. As cheezy as it may sound, I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a person since we split. Learned how to be self-sufficient, etc., etc. Figured out my own ways of doing things, gotten better at cooking, and now have the time to play loud RAWK music with friends after work, etc.

    Some bits of advice:

    1) Don’t try to hide from the pain you’re going through now. If you try to stuff it away in some corner of your psyche, it’ll just come bubbling back up in some twisted form later. better that you allow yourself the time to grieve and “feel your feelings”. Sounds super cheezy I know, but it’s true.

    2) keep a journal and write down your feelings. Externalize the feelings that are inside by spewing them out onto paper. I found that once I once I had externalized my feelings that way, there were a lot more manageable.

    3) Listen to husker Du or other music you find cathartic. Sing along with it.

    4) Hang out with friends. Don’t become a hermit.

    5) Get exercise.

    6) Keep in mind that it will get better with time.

  163. 163.

    WaterGirl

    @tworivers: @dslak: I took a “when your relationship ends” course once. They said that – an amazingly high percentage of the time – the other person has already known for about a year that they were going to leave. So when you’re there saying “I love you, let’s do counseling, I want to make this work” the other person is already long-gone emotionally.

    Also, IIRC, about 80% of the time the person has started another relationship, or at least found the person they want to have a relationship with, before they tell you they aren’t happy.

    Fucking cowards.

  166. 166.

    JGabriel

    @Kathy: In NY or elsewhere in the country?

    No need to get too specific, I’m just curious if it’s a local or national push.

    .

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